We took our daughter to her doctor appt. With no notice, our doc has decided to not take her variety of medicaid any longer. They turned us away. So why the hell did he allow the appt to be booked? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
I then called the PCP on her medical card. Their office is closed today. So I called her health insurance. They told me to go to the ER.
So off we went to the ER. A five hour trip included:
urine sample, 6 xrays, the xray crew gathering more and more people to come look at how backed up her poop looks in the xrays (Real mature....NOT!), then a several hour wait to hear that there is NO impacting, and NO obstruction. She's just holding it in. Which was confirmed additionally as they gave her an enema. I was told that this is pretty rare that a kid will hold in an enema. She didn't go until my husband put her on a commode, and said she had to sit there until she pooped. She did it kicking, screaming, crying, etc., only to produce a tiny amount of really soft slimy poop. It's not a physical impairment for her to poop. She just doesn't want to. Also, she doesn't have huge hard poop, which would be painful to pass. This is entirely all in her head (& soul). I confirmed repeatedly with the staff, and they said she feels like holding it in no matter what, but we have to move it along.
Soooooooooooooooo, we picked up her prescription 2day supply of suppositories, and went home. I'm to give her Miralax 3 times a day, a teaspoon. That is more than Childrens Hospital had her on for maintenance. I'm hoping that will help. We also have to have a PCP follow up appt Friday. Now, this is at the walkin clinic that takes all medicaid. Waiting there for five hours Friday should be about as fun as a colonoscopy. Or jabbing a fork in my eye.
So many people have told me this is her control issue. Well, that's great and all, but she's harming her health in the process. A developmentally delayed kid is really hard to communicate with about anything they don't care about. I realize she didn't control being taken from her parents. I realize she didn't control being placed with us. And life is not fair. She will have to come to terms with alot. The good news is, she does control a whole hell of alot of her day. She is given countless choices every hour. Yea, that's not good enough for her. Well, she's going to have to change her idea of "ideal". We all are. We are the parents here, not her.
I'm forcing the issue harder. I took all her toys out of her room. They are downstairs in the family room. She can only have tv/video time and play with her toys, treats and priviledge choices, if she poops at least once a day. For her health, we are being ordered to strongly force the issue
I can't spank her. I can't do much of anything really, other than to change what I'm doing here. I'm totally revolted that I have to deal with shit all day. I guess I have to tell myself, "this too shall pass." Hopefully it will pass before she naively harms her own body.
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6 comments:
I've read about encopresis. I hope things get better for her. What a tough call you have to make in order to have her maintain her health. Miralax should help.
Letting go of one of the very few things she can count on having control of (sort of?!) must be very scary for her.
But you're right... it has to happen, she has to get regulated and the meds will make it so. However, it may be a rough journey.
She will continue to test you until she adjusts to her new reality.
Hang in there!
YOu know what, girlfriend...I've already started to notice a similar pattern with my son. It's frustrating and it's scary!
The cranial/sacram therapist I went to the other day told me someting really interesting about this, though. We were talking a little about what drove us to really regress our little guy. Among other things, I mentioned that he got caught intentionally pooping on the bathroom floor right in front of the toilet. Her response was "oh, that is a very powerful statement!! Anger is stored in the colon and intestines of the body. So, for him to use that as w way to express that anger really says a lot."
I've thought quite a lot about that since. We knew he was making a statement at the time, but I'm not sure I connected it with anger. I started looking at myself and realizing that when I'm stressed or angry is when I have IBS trouble. Then I looked at other members of my family...same thing.
As we're starting to work through this whole encoprisis thing with my older son now, even though we're only a few days into it, I'm already starting to see similar patterns you're seeing with your daughter with him. Given what the therapist told me the other night, I actually picked right up on it. Last night he had a meltdown about not wanting to try to poop. "I don't like it. It doesn't feel good. It hurts!"
Now granted, there probalby is some physical component of pain associated with pooping, especially when it is mecially forced. But I've been thinking a lot about the emotional component to it as well. Anger is a defense mechanism for these kids. It's become their friend, their protector, their shield. Without it, they are vulernable...and vulnerable is scary. It opens them up to either loving and being loved or being hurt (especially by people they love and are supposed to love them)...both of which they're probably terrified of. On the flip side of that, have you ever noticed that one of the first things they do when they're mad is pee? Both my boys do this.
Reality is, these kids probably have no idea why they purposely hold their poop. They just do it because for some warped reason, it feels good to them. But at some deep level, they probably do feel like when they do poop, they're losing something precious... something they hold dear--their anger--their friend.
In my son's case, I also strongly suspect now that he has been punished for pooping in the past. He also honestly believed that people only poop when they're sick. Makes sense...he probalby has felt sick when he's pooped because there's so much of it in there and it is making him sick!
Keep going with the baby thing. We put our little guy back in diapers full time when we regressed him and a 180 switch on him. What we were once really annoyed with, we now told him he was supposed to do...poop in the diaper, not the toilet. He was sitting right by me the first time he did it. He kept asking me, totally confused, if this is what he was supposed to do. I just kept saying "Yes. That's what babies do. They poop in their diapers and then Mama cleans them up when they're done." He wasn't real sure about it for quite some time and kept telling me he needed to go. I just kept telling him the same thing. Finally he had to go so bad that he just let loose.
The look on his face at that moment let me know we'd absolutely done the right thing there. It was very evident that this wasn't just a bowel movement. It was a huge emotional release for him. I still sense that this is still the case for him, but not nearly to the same extent that it was 3 weeks ago. We're making tons of progress there. But, it is why we still have him 100% in diapers. Yah, it's annoying to change him 5 times a day, but it's all part of him being MY baby and him learning to trust that I am the mama that will always love him and take care of him, no matter what he does.
uggh.... Hugs... sorry that the both of you are dealing with this... not fun at all.
I agree that this is so harmful to her body and I hope things get better
You are truly going through so much as you care for this child and assure her of your deep love and care for her. I am so sorry to hear that she has stopped pooping again. I hope somehow she will begin to figure out again how much happier she felt and go again.
you would think after her breakthrough the other day about feeling better, she would want to poop. This is serious. Poor thing probably is so conflicted on pooping.
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