Yes, my son needed meds for many many years, IMHO. However, it took until late 2007 to get the bipolar & ADD/ADHD diagnosis. With that, the doctors suggested only addressing one medical issue at a time thru meds. We felt the bipolar was the more pressing, so medicated that first, starting in 2008. Gave it a good long time, watched for side affects and negative reactions thru bloodwork. It was all a go. Went to annual physical a few weeks ago, and all discussed adding ADD/ADHD meds on board. We all went for it. Sadly, in our state of WA, a child is in charge of their mental health plan as of age 14. It's appalling and I have no idea who to beat over the head for that rule! But it is what it is. We literally cannot force him to take a single pill. It has to be his choice, and his doing, with his doctor (he's 14). Another thing that did not help is that my spouse thought and believed for over a decade that my son's problems were just a sign of my failure as a parent. Our marriage is still recovering from that. It's a long road. Dealing with a child like this, and a spouse like that. But, we are moving forward.
I do not know an exhaustive list of Tourette's symptoms. My sons are facial/motor ticks and screaming outbursts. He has sworn maybe once ever. He just freaks out and screams uncontrollably, verbally. Too much for a teacher or parent to deal with, unmedicated.
Showing posts with label ADD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ADD. Show all posts
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Favorite Blogger in Town
I'm so excited. My all time favorite blogger buddy is in town. We are meeting up today, going cycling (I have two of everything, including bikes), and seeing the sites of Seattle. Any guesses as to who is visiting? One hint: I visited her in the summer of 2007 when we testified in her state in a lawsuit. Don & Be, you are my favorite Blogger couple. When ya gonna come to town?
By the way my 14yr old started ADD/ADHD meds. It's been a miracle. He says he feels so much smarter. We think that translates to, he can focus at home and school, and can make good decisions (most of the time). That is a HUGE improvement. This is the ticket. This is his "stay out of jail" card. Not kidding. It's that much of an improvement for him. We also have doubled the mood stabilizing meds for our 10yr old (Aspergers, Tourette's), seeing as his Tourette's outbursts increased substantially last week. Going much better now that the extra meds have kicked in. Always exiting around here...............
By the way my 14yr old started ADD/ADHD meds. It's been a miracle. He says he feels so much smarter. We think that translates to, he can focus at home and school, and can make good decisions (most of the time). That is a HUGE improvement. This is the ticket. This is his "stay out of jail" card. Not kidding. It's that much of an improvement for him. We also have doubled the mood stabilizing meds for our 10yr old (Aspergers, Tourette's), seeing as his Tourette's outbursts increased substantially last week. Going much better now that the extra meds have kicked in. Always exiting around here...............
Friday, September 19, 2008
I'm a Roadie
I feel like there are so many things going on in my life, each deserving their own blog entry. Ever have so much happen in a day, week, month like that? Sheesh. I'll try to briefly hit the topics, and discuss further later:
1. I have still not heard back about the job. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.............I called the agency today. The client did not like the other two candidates, and I am their front runner. So why the holdup?
2. Both sons improving a bit on meds. Thank God. People with perfectly healthy children have no idea what it is like to live in the chaos of a home with 2 bipolar children. By last night I was so drained I told everyone I was on Sick Leave for the evening. Seriously too tired & beat up emotionally do anything other than get off my butt.
3. I've signed up to volunteer at a Women's Shelter & Halfway House. The director wants me to tutor, mentor, live there to supervise, and lead bible studies. She wants more than I can give at the moment. So we are working something out. I will not be living there.
4. I started attending a bible study & program thru church on Mentoring. It will normally be Tues pm. It's offered Thurs am as well. First meeting yesterday. Great group. Essentially it's about being a Titus Woman. I will feel more comfortable volunteering at the Women's home after the mentoring class is over. I feel I need the training and education on resources.
5. Monday & Tuesday I dealt with an abandoned vehicle in my yard. Who parks their car, head in, in someone else's driveway? We assumed they were drunk or high. After waiting 14hrs for the owner to appear, Monday I had it towed. The tabs were expired since February, so I didn't feel comfortable letting it sit like that in my yard. Tuesday I had to deal with the asinine neighbor who it turns out, left their car in my yard! What a moron. Said it was their teen. Um, OK. Everyone has to pass my house after they enter the development. How could neither parent notice their son's car in my yard for 14hrs? Maybe they are high as well. So they turn up Tuesday all belligerent about us towing the vehicle. I wrote them a pretty stern letter. They came by to apologize yesterday. I was quite surprised. I think that takes alot to apologize.
6. Yesterday learned a dear sweet beautiful friend of mine has breast, lung, and liver cancer. I found this out at bible study, and cried when I heard. I'm 38. She's my age. How on earth do these things happen? I rarely ask "why Lord" because I figure after all the suffering on earth, we will die and see that heaven is just that much more glorious. In the mean time, good grief. Her son is a year older than my oldest, and we've spent much time at their sporting events together. Not to mention church & bible study. I called her yesterday & left a message asking if I could bring them meals each week. I have not heard back. Hopefully she'll be well enough to return a call soon. Then I think, what else could I do to help? Clean her bathrooms? Teach her 9th grade son to cook? Help with errands? I want her to know how much she is loved, and how much God's people care for her.
7. My husband told me two nights ago that he wants to adopt again. My first reaction was to burst into tears. Apparently I need to work thru grief a bit more! To rewind, our agency did say they would be more than happy to place a child with us after we had time to go to grief counseling & wait at least six months. It's been 7 months. We'll see.................
8. I went to my second post-op appt for my eyes. Doing pretty well. The left eye is still a black eye, so he said no makeup for one more week. ARGH!
9. Hit a great sale at a local nursery. Adding two more rows of berries (gooseberries & more blueberries).
10. I'm now a roadie. Or a biker chick. Not sure. You decide. One of my best friends missed our 20yr reunion. Only 55+ folks came out of our class of almost 300 graduates. Many people communicated to me that it was too expensive ($90-95) for the formal affair. And many told me they were not interested in a formal affair. So, my friend "C" and I decided, hey, why don't we organize something cheap, casual, and local. I heard one of our classmates owns a bar. We went to visit him there and eat some lunch. It's a roadhouse. I'm rarely even in a bar (maybe once every 20 yrs!), let alone a roadhouse! It was surprisingly decent, large, and the food is excellent. He is offering a no cover charge night for our classmates, and providing a dinner for $10/head. So I organized the whole thing thru Evite, sent that out plus 15 snail mails. We are off and running. I put in the Evite that friends don't let friends drive drunk. We have three options on that: I will be a designated driver for the first 6 people to sign up, there is a hotel across the street from the roadhouse, and we have a friend who offered up their limo service for $15/head to drive folks home. Can't beat that. I'm a roadie............If this goes well, C & the roadhouse owner, along with myself, would like to make this an annual event.
I have so many feelings, especially on adoption, that I will have to post more about that later.
1. I have still not heard back about the job. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.............I called the agency today. The client did not like the other two candidates, and I am their front runner. So why the holdup?
2. Both sons improving a bit on meds. Thank God. People with perfectly healthy children have no idea what it is like to live in the chaos of a home with 2 bipolar children. By last night I was so drained I told everyone I was on Sick Leave for the evening. Seriously too tired & beat up emotionally do anything other than get off my butt.
3. I've signed up to volunteer at a Women's Shelter & Halfway House. The director wants me to tutor, mentor, live there to supervise, and lead bible studies. She wants more than I can give at the moment. So we are working something out. I will not be living there.
4. I started attending a bible study & program thru church on Mentoring. It will normally be Tues pm. It's offered Thurs am as well. First meeting yesterday. Great group. Essentially it's about being a Titus Woman. I will feel more comfortable volunteering at the Women's home after the mentoring class is over. I feel I need the training and education on resources.
5. Monday & Tuesday I dealt with an abandoned vehicle in my yard. Who parks their car, head in, in someone else's driveway? We assumed they were drunk or high. After waiting 14hrs for the owner to appear, Monday I had it towed. The tabs were expired since February, so I didn't feel comfortable letting it sit like that in my yard. Tuesday I had to deal with the asinine neighbor who it turns out, left their car in my yard! What a moron. Said it was their teen. Um, OK. Everyone has to pass my house after they enter the development. How could neither parent notice their son's car in my yard for 14hrs? Maybe they are high as well. So they turn up Tuesday all belligerent about us towing the vehicle. I wrote them a pretty stern letter. They came by to apologize yesterday. I was quite surprised. I think that takes alot to apologize.
6. Yesterday learned a dear sweet beautiful friend of mine has breast, lung, and liver cancer. I found this out at bible study, and cried when I heard. I'm 38. She's my age. How on earth do these things happen? I rarely ask "why Lord" because I figure after all the suffering on earth, we will die and see that heaven is just that much more glorious. In the mean time, good grief. Her son is a year older than my oldest, and we've spent much time at their sporting events together. Not to mention church & bible study. I called her yesterday & left a message asking if I could bring them meals each week. I have not heard back. Hopefully she'll be well enough to return a call soon. Then I think, what else could I do to help? Clean her bathrooms? Teach her 9th grade son to cook? Help with errands? I want her to know how much she is loved, and how much God's people care for her.
7. My husband told me two nights ago that he wants to adopt again. My first reaction was to burst into tears. Apparently I need to work thru grief a bit more! To rewind, our agency did say they would be more than happy to place a child with us after we had time to go to grief counseling & wait at least six months. It's been 7 months. We'll see.................
8. I went to my second post-op appt for my eyes. Doing pretty well. The left eye is still a black eye, so he said no makeup for one more week. ARGH!
9. Hit a great sale at a local nursery. Adding two more rows of berries (gooseberries & more blueberries).
10. I'm now a roadie. Or a biker chick. Not sure. You decide. One of my best friends missed our 20yr reunion. Only 55+ folks came out of our class of almost 300 graduates. Many people communicated to me that it was too expensive ($90-95) for the formal affair. And many told me they were not interested in a formal affair. So, my friend "C" and I decided, hey, why don't we organize something cheap, casual, and local. I heard one of our classmates owns a bar. We went to visit him there and eat some lunch. It's a roadhouse. I'm rarely even in a bar (maybe once every 20 yrs!), let alone a roadhouse! It was surprisingly decent, large, and the food is excellent. He is offering a no cover charge night for our classmates, and providing a dinner for $10/head. So I organized the whole thing thru Evite, sent that out plus 15 snail mails. We are off and running. I put in the Evite that friends don't let friends drive drunk. We have three options on that: I will be a designated driver for the first 6 people to sign up, there is a hotel across the street from the roadhouse, and we have a friend who offered up their limo service for $15/head to drive folks home. Can't beat that. I'm a roadie............If this goes well, C & the roadhouse owner, along with myself, would like to make this an annual event.
I have so many feelings, especially on adoption, that I will have to post more about that later.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Differently Abled
Yesterday was hard for me to listen to the school principal. She continued to discuss our youngest son's "disabilities". I really loathe that word. I hate labels. Why can't we just stick with words like diagnosis? Our oldest son had his first football practice yesterday, came home, and was pooped. We felt inspired to watch the movie "Rudy". We own it and watch it atleast twice a year. One of the most inspirational movies we've ever seen, this movie is based on the personal story of Daniel "Rudy" Rudiger (link HERE). And to boot, he shares his birthday with our little girl in Russia.
If you have not seen this movie, please run out and see it.
Anyway, while seeing this movie for the umpteenth time yesterday, I thought "hey, I'm going to print a list of successful people with ADHD, bipolar disorder, Aspergers, etc., for my sons to have." They need to know every day that they CAN! They may have disabilities, they may have to find different ways to complete tasks, and it may take them longer to get things accomplished, but success can and will be achieved.
Here are the lists I have found (all clickable):
Famous Bipolar people Here & Here & Here
Famous Aspergers people Here & Here & Here
Famous ADD/ADHD people Here & Here & Here
I imagine all these people had a mom who told them "You can do it!"
My boys have a mom like that as well. To me they are differently abled, not disabled. I feel constantly referring to kids as "disabled" gives the impression that they are unabled. There is a difference. My boys will know they are abled, differently or otherwise.
If you have not seen this movie, please run out and see it.
Anyway, while seeing this movie for the umpteenth time yesterday, I thought "hey, I'm going to print a list of successful people with ADHD, bipolar disorder, Aspergers, etc., for my sons to have." They need to know every day that they CAN! They may have disabilities, they may have to find different ways to complete tasks, and it may take them longer to get things accomplished, but success can and will be achieved.
Here are the lists I have found (all clickable):
Famous Bipolar people Here & Here & Here
Famous Aspergers people Here & Here & Here
Famous ADD/ADHD people Here & Here & Here
I imagine all these people had a mom who told them "You can do it!"
My boys have a mom like that as well. To me they are differently abled, not disabled. I feel constantly referring to kids as "disabled" gives the impression that they are unabled. There is a difference. My boys will know they are abled, differently or otherwise.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Elle's Blog, And Apparently I "Abuse" My Child
My oldest son, bipolar & ADHD fueling him with anger, told me tonight "You are abusing me." All this because I withheld a treat from him. I told him if he really feels that way to call 911. He can go to a foster home; I'll get a vacation. Guess he didn't like that idea, seeing as he looked at the floor and slunked off.
I found Elle's blog while adopting our daughter from Russia. Please go read THIS post of hers. Be sure and read all the comments from both posts (she links to more). Funny lady, and she makes killer chocolate. You can read about my strange family over there.......
I found Elle's blog while adopting our daughter from Russia. Please go read THIS post of hers. Be sure and read all the comments from both posts (she links to more). Funny lady, and she makes killer chocolate. You can read about my strange family over there.......
Summer Time, Smummer Time
Ever have a love hate relationship with summer vacation?
Yesterday I truly hated it. The kids seemed high on crack, seemingly daring me to throw them in jail, and the two older ones were so mean beyond belief, I'm still reeling. It was such a stressful day, my body feels so sore. Like I've been in a car accident. Good thing today is my back therapy appt.
So, as for me, I did really well yesterday, until my husband came home. I hold it in all day. I deal with it all day. I am calm all day. It's as if this eggs the kids on or something. Isn't it supposed to help diffuse them? I'm calm and deal with shit, and they act like rabid dogs.
My husband gets home, and you'd think he'd be helpful. He told them to stop, shut up, had to physically stop our older son from being violent, our middle son put a baseball thru my master bath window (broke the screen). At that point my husband finally had it. He had those two run lines in the drive way. He thinks this is a great consequence because he feels they burn off excess energy and will be too tired to be shits.
I think it wears them out. They will still have enough energy to be shits. They always muster up the energy.
It did not help that my husband came home and didn't want the dinner I prepared. This happens probably four times a week. He has had food issues since we met. His sisters told me that he never wanted what his mom made for dinner, so she would then go to a fast food restaurant and pick him up something. ARGH! We married and he told me "I'm an adult. I'm not eating stuff I don't like." So I went on the endless pursuit of finding "what he likes." Cooking and baking became an obsession (way beyond hobby). The only good thing that has come of this is that I'm the most popular person at a potluck, funeral, baby shower, and bible study. People rave about my food. Too bad I don't live with these people. I have three shelves of cookbooks in my living room. Truly, I'm a good cook. Five star? no. That would be nice. All this to say, I seriously think my husband has a touch of Aspergers too. I've wondered and thought this for quite some time. I'm not a short order cook, I don't make multiple meals in one evening. At my home I offer two things "take it or leave it." It's totally insulting that he doesn't like my cooking, when the rest of the population I know, truly does.
I did some quilting yesterday (for sanity purposes). In the meantime, since we have all our photography off the bedroom wall due to painting, the dog tried to eat our 16x20 wedding portrait. Figures.
All this piled on me last night and became too much. I left and took a walk for a couple hours. As I was leaving my husband called out "are you taking the dog?" yea, bite me big guy.
As I'm going merrily along on this walk, my shoulders and back hurt more. And more. And more. My bra straps are digging into me like fire. A great reward for dragging my butt out and exercising. My overly huge boobs are a curse. Truly the back, shoulder, neck pain while exercising with huge boobs is worse than the fire & rash from my chubby thighs rubbing together.
I decided many things on this walk. I have to take care of myself, at all costs. Yesterday was entirely too stressful. So I made some decisions:
1. There will be no tv and/or electronics used M-F. The kids play video games and become star psycho fighters. They watch tv and fight over who gets to watch what.
2. There will be no sleepovers, overnight camp, or sleeping in our trailer Sun-Thurs. If they want to do these sleep depriving activities, it has to be when my husband will be around for damage control.
3. I'm telling my husband today that he needs to provide me with a weekly menu. I will shop for that, and that's what we will be eating.
4. Perhaps I need more Love and Logic books? Then again, maybe I need the kids to sit in their rooms all day being bored. Ya know, finding it a privilege again to come out and play?
5. After I lose those last few pounds, I'm getting that breast reduction. Not kidding. Will keep you posted.
I found a blog last week. I love it. Maybe we could be soul sisters? Please read her post HERE. Too funny.
Hopefully today will be better.
Yesterday I truly hated it. The kids seemed high on crack, seemingly daring me to throw them in jail, and the two older ones were so mean beyond belief, I'm still reeling. It was such a stressful day, my body feels so sore. Like I've been in a car accident. Good thing today is my back therapy appt.
So, as for me, I did really well yesterday, until my husband came home. I hold it in all day. I deal with it all day. I am calm all day. It's as if this eggs the kids on or something. Isn't it supposed to help diffuse them? I'm calm and deal with shit, and they act like rabid dogs.
My husband gets home, and you'd think he'd be helpful. He told them to stop, shut up, had to physically stop our older son from being violent, our middle son put a baseball thru my master bath window (broke the screen). At that point my husband finally had it. He had those two run lines in the drive way. He thinks this is a great consequence because he feels they burn off excess energy and will be too tired to be shits.
I think it wears them out. They will still have enough energy to be shits. They always muster up the energy.
It did not help that my husband came home and didn't want the dinner I prepared. This happens probably four times a week. He has had food issues since we met. His sisters told me that he never wanted what his mom made for dinner, so she would then go to a fast food restaurant and pick him up something. ARGH! We married and he told me "I'm an adult. I'm not eating stuff I don't like." So I went on the endless pursuit of finding "what he likes." Cooking and baking became an obsession (way beyond hobby). The only good thing that has come of this is that I'm the most popular person at a potluck, funeral, baby shower, and bible study. People rave about my food. Too bad I don't live with these people. I have three shelves of cookbooks in my living room. Truly, I'm a good cook. Five star? no. That would be nice. All this to say, I seriously think my husband has a touch of Aspergers too. I've wondered and thought this for quite some time. I'm not a short order cook, I don't make multiple meals in one evening. At my home I offer two things "take it or leave it." It's totally insulting that he doesn't like my cooking, when the rest of the population I know, truly does.
I did some quilting yesterday (for sanity purposes). In the meantime, since we have all our photography off the bedroom wall due to painting, the dog tried to eat our 16x20 wedding portrait. Figures.
All this piled on me last night and became too much. I left and took a walk for a couple hours. As I was leaving my husband called out "are you taking the dog?" yea, bite me big guy.
As I'm going merrily along on this walk, my shoulders and back hurt more. And more. And more. My bra straps are digging into me like fire. A great reward for dragging my butt out and exercising. My overly huge boobs are a curse. Truly the back, shoulder, neck pain while exercising with huge boobs is worse than the fire & rash from my chubby thighs rubbing together.
I decided many things on this walk. I have to take care of myself, at all costs. Yesterday was entirely too stressful. So I made some decisions:
1. There will be no tv and/or electronics used M-F. The kids play video games and become star psycho fighters. They watch tv and fight over who gets to watch what.
2. There will be no sleepovers, overnight camp, or sleeping in our trailer Sun-Thurs. If they want to do these sleep depriving activities, it has to be when my husband will be around for damage control.
3. I'm telling my husband today that he needs to provide me with a weekly menu. I will shop for that, and that's what we will be eating.
4. Perhaps I need more Love and Logic books? Then again, maybe I need the kids to sit in their rooms all day being bored. Ya know, finding it a privilege again to come out and play?
5. After I lose those last few pounds, I'm getting that breast reduction. Not kidding. Will keep you posted.
I found a blog last week. I love it. Maybe we could be soul sisters? Please read her post HERE. Too funny.
Hopefully today will be better.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
All of Us
Today I thought I'd mention what we've all been up to. We are a family of seven, and that keeps us pretty busy.
My husband- trying to figure out what to do for Valentine's Day. I told him to skip the flowers and candy. I'd really like a professional foot massage/reflexology.
Me- getting into a new routine. I started scrapbooking and quilting again. I told a friend she'd have her baby quilts last month (I'm cringing at how tardy I am). I just got back to working on them this week. I've been walking/running almost every day. I work out for 20-25 minutes. A brisk workout, and every other day I encorporate running. I'm up to running for six minutes. I found a fostering/adopting website for our local area, which lists all sorts of conferences and training. I'm going to seriously check into all of this. Today I made petit fours for Valentines Day. This was a new project, and they turned out cute. I got the idea from Parents Magazine (could have been an old issue).
12yr old son- Enjoying wrestling. Got his chipped tooth fixed (from when he broke it during wrestling practice). Dieting to lose 3-4 pounds to "make weight". I really hate the thought of a 12yr old dieting. His weight is fine, but everyone drops down a weight class in wrestling to be competative. He's got 1/2 a pound to go so he can wrestle this week. He's taking me up on my running offer, and will start running with me this weekend. Also our 12yr old got asked out ON A DATE! Can you believe it? I told the girl's parents "no, our children need to be in the 9th or 10th grade to date". Sheesh. I mean seriously, who would drive? Who would pay? How dumb....
11yr old son- Having a great time antagonizing everyone, and doting on his 2yr old sister every waking minute of the day. Last week he hid the 12yr old's church shoes. No one noticed until it was time to go to church. They were never found, until we drove past them sitting in our bark in the front yard.
9yr old son- Busy making a "Valentine's Box" for his school Valentines party tomorrow. I bought him Sponge Bob valentines (same for 11 yr old also). He's been working on this valentines box since last Friday. I guess he thinks it's pretty important.
4yr old girl- Busy planning her 5th bday party, which is in a few weeks. She is also busy making herself puke when she's not happy. I have her clean it up and say, "that's a bummer you're throwing up. You'll need to have toast and applesauce for the rest of the day. I'm sad for you that you will miss out on Valentine's Cake tonight." She cried for quite some time over this. We already had a standing playdate this morning. When we called all the kids for snack time, she said "I'm hungry!". I gave her applesauce. The other kids had cheeseburgers & fries. It's just too damn early to start Bulemia.
2yr old -Has learned to say the phrase "Bad Choice" and tells her sister that multiple times a day. It's quite funny. She is now out of her crib and in a big girl bed.
Yesterday the girls both had part of their developmental exams at Childrens Hospital. We were disappointed because of the three appts each that they need, only the PT and OT where scheduled for yesterday. We still have to wait months for the Neurological/Cognitive/Processing/BirthDefects appt, which is where our great concern lies. Oh well. In good news, both girls test in the normal range for Fine Motor Skills, Gross Motor skills, and Occupational Therapy. As a sidenote, we mentioned the girls background, behaviors, delays, etc. while we were there. So the topic of Sensory Integration came up. The OT said two of her three daughters went to SI therapy, and she thought it did not help. She said her girls just had to outgrow their issues. Um, not really encouraging. Anyway, the therapists said our 4yr old definately needs to be seen by UW-FAS/FAE center for her issues. She has countless red flags for FAE. So they are working on that referral for us, to add to the load of our SW asking for that workup as well. In good news, Childrens Hospital says they notice NO ADD behaviors. So, that means she is selectively participating in those behaviors when it works well for her. We feel better that we can help her thru this, knowing she doesn't have full blown ADD on top of everything else she's got going on. By the way, our 4yr old is still peeing her pants at school, stayed dry at home all weekend, and peed her pants at the hospital yesterday during testing (me scratching my head). The hospital did have a great idea for us, seeing as we are stumped on if we should enroll her in kindergarten. They said to enroll her to save the spot. We can always cancel in August if she's not ready. That will take some pressure off. Now, if we can just inspire her to make better choices...........................
My husband- trying to figure out what to do for Valentine's Day. I told him to skip the flowers and candy. I'd really like a professional foot massage/reflexology.
Me- getting into a new routine. I started scrapbooking and quilting again. I told a friend she'd have her baby quilts last month (I'm cringing at how tardy I am). I just got back to working on them this week. I've been walking/running almost every day. I work out for 20-25 minutes. A brisk workout, and every other day I encorporate running. I'm up to running for six minutes. I found a fostering/adopting website for our local area, which lists all sorts of conferences and training. I'm going to seriously check into all of this. Today I made petit fours for Valentines Day. This was a new project, and they turned out cute. I got the idea from Parents Magazine (could have been an old issue).
12yr old son- Enjoying wrestling. Got his chipped tooth fixed (from when he broke it during wrestling practice). Dieting to lose 3-4 pounds to "make weight". I really hate the thought of a 12yr old dieting. His weight is fine, but everyone drops down a weight class in wrestling to be competative. He's got 1/2 a pound to go so he can wrestle this week. He's taking me up on my running offer, and will start running with me this weekend. Also our 12yr old got asked out ON A DATE! Can you believe it? I told the girl's parents "no, our children need to be in the 9th or 10th grade to date". Sheesh. I mean seriously, who would drive? Who would pay? How dumb....
11yr old son- Having a great time antagonizing everyone, and doting on his 2yr old sister every waking minute of the day. Last week he hid the 12yr old's church shoes. No one noticed until it was time to go to church. They were never found, until we drove past them sitting in our bark in the front yard.
9yr old son- Busy making a "Valentine's Box" for his school Valentines party tomorrow. I bought him Sponge Bob valentines (same for 11 yr old also). He's been working on this valentines box since last Friday. I guess he thinks it's pretty important.
4yr old girl- Busy planning her 5th bday party, which is in a few weeks. She is also busy making herself puke when she's not happy. I have her clean it up and say, "that's a bummer you're throwing up. You'll need to have toast and applesauce for the rest of the day. I'm sad for you that you will miss out on Valentine's Cake tonight." She cried for quite some time over this. We already had a standing playdate this morning. When we called all the kids for snack time, she said "I'm hungry!". I gave her applesauce. The other kids had cheeseburgers & fries. It's just too damn early to start Bulemia.
2yr old -Has learned to say the phrase "Bad Choice" and tells her sister that multiple times a day. It's quite funny. She is now out of her crib and in a big girl bed.
Yesterday the girls both had part of their developmental exams at Childrens Hospital. We were disappointed because of the three appts each that they need, only the PT and OT where scheduled for yesterday. We still have to wait months for the Neurological/Cognitive/Processing/BirthDefects appt, which is where our great concern lies. Oh well. In good news, both girls test in the normal range for Fine Motor Skills, Gross Motor skills, and Occupational Therapy. As a sidenote, we mentioned the girls background, behaviors, delays, etc. while we were there. So the topic of Sensory Integration came up. The OT said two of her three daughters went to SI therapy, and she thought it did not help. She said her girls just had to outgrow their issues. Um, not really encouraging. Anyway, the therapists said our 4yr old definately needs to be seen by UW-FAS/FAE center for her issues. She has countless red flags for FAE. So they are working on that referral for us, to add to the load of our SW asking for that workup as well. In good news, Childrens Hospital says they notice NO ADD behaviors. So, that means she is selectively participating in those behaviors when it works well for her. We feel better that we can help her thru this, knowing she doesn't have full blown ADD on top of everything else she's got going on. By the way, our 4yr old is still peeing her pants at school, stayed dry at home all weekend, and peed her pants at the hospital yesterday during testing (me scratching my head). The hospital did have a great idea for us, seeing as we are stumped on if we should enroll her in kindergarten. They said to enroll her to save the spot. We can always cancel in August if she's not ready. That will take some pressure off. Now, if we can just inspire her to make better choices...........................
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Do Not Let Your Children Grow Into This (long post)
I'm on a Love and Logic board. A lady wrote in today, and I wanted to scream in horror at her neglectful job of parenting. I rarely participate in yahoo board/chat board chatting, and mostly lurk. But today I thought this lady needed a wakeup call. Here's what she wrote:
"Hello group,I am a newbie. I have ordered the book, but have not gotten ityet. I have a 21 year old son who is taking four classes at a localjunior college and is working 20-30 hours a week. He is amiable andeasy going...as long as we don't ask him to do anything to helparound the house. For the last six or seven years, his only job hasbeen to take out the trash once a week. He always procrastinates andwaits until the last minute to take it out. There is usually yellinginvolved to get him to do it at all. If my husband and I want to goto sleep before he takes it out, we gather up the garbage from ourbedroom, bathroom, and office and leave it outside our door for him.Otherwise, he would have to come in and wake us up to get it. Hisroom is like a pigsty. He hasn't changed his sheets in over a year.It smells horrible. He has always lacked interest in his appearanceand hygiene, in spite of private comments of encouragement from me,and teasing from siblings and friends. His schedule is ratherunusual since he takes his classes in the evenings. He mostly worksfrom home and e-mails it to his boss on his own schedule. He staysup until 3am or later, then sleeps until 3 pm. He is responsible fordoing his own laundry, but he doesn't do it until he runs out ofclean clothes. Then it takes several full days to get it all done.I am considering throwing away or giving away most of his clothes, inorder to force him to do it more often. It would also keep his roomneater if there were fewer clothes on the floor.How would a love & logic parent phrase advice to this child?Thanks in advance for your help.Charlotte"
My response:
"I'm going to say something strong here. It's due to the fact that my husband and myself discuss this sort of thing and our children's futures quite often.You could give him two options:
1-Pay rent, give him renter's rules, fees for breaking renter'srules, a contract (that you can find online). If he can't handle it,he is out that month (as stated in the contract). You can give him notice. If he tries a pissing contest with you, you will need to put all his things outside and change the locks one day when he is not home.I'm saying this from my husband's experience as well. My husband was the third child (of four), and rather the "Man of the House". He went thru this scenario when he was 17 & his older sister was 19. It did have to come to putting her things on the front lawn & changing thelocks one day when she was at work. On top of all you write about regarding your son, my SIL was verbally abusive to those who lived in the house. She thought she was entitled to act that way seeing as she was burdened with waiting around to "marry well", since college would be work and all. (ROFL). She cleaned up her act within 24hrs, found an apartment, and never moved home again. She did just fine with her salary from the pizza restaurant.
2-You could cut to the chase now, and tell your son he has 24 hours to move out. It's your house and you can live the way you want. As adults, our names are on the mortgage, and what we say goes. Your son is old enough to make good choices, and it sadly seems like he doesn't care. If he can't clean up his mess and take out the trash within 24hrs, kick his stuff out and change the locks. This is actually the route that was taken with my SIL. No warning (other than years of fighting and discussing her problems with her). One morning my MIL and husband had enough, and moved her out. Changing the locks too.I wish you luck here. I'm sure it's painful to deal with this. And you obviously love your son dearly. Best of luck to you and I wish you well."
Her response, which makes me want to punch her for allowing her son to be such an ASS!:
"Thank you for your reply. DS21 is certainly old enough torealize that there is more to life than computer games. I wonder ifhe may be addicted to playing games. Tough love may be the onlyoption, but DH does not want DS21 to move out until he finishescollege.I saw a T-shirt in a store recently that said "Genius by birth,Slacker by choice"....that describes our son to a "T" (pun intended)!He is witty and brilliant (high IQ and ACT/SAT test scores.) He wasa beautiful baby/child, but due to bad acne combined with his lackofcare, his face is now pitted. He only showers and washes his hairbecause we make him do it. When he doesn't shower, his body odornearly knocks us out.He has three good friends who have married since high school.He sees them as henpecked. He is not looking for a girlfriend yet.DH and I agree that he needs to finish college and get a better job,so we are not pushing him to find a girlfriend. (He may be like DH'snephew who is getting married next month at age 30, after college,good job, purchased a home and several vehicles.)Besides playing computer games and watching NASCAR, heparticipates in local short-track auto racing. He has a race cardonated by a local junkyard. His other vehicle is an '81 Volkswagenpick-up truck. His friends tease him that everyone knows his truckbecause it sticks-out. It has white doors on a tan truck body. Somehave even called it a "ghetto buggy". He and his dad converted itfrom burning "diesel only" to burning diesel fuel and veggie oil tosave money. WE offered to get his truck painted for him as a rewardfor earning his EAGLE SCOUT award, but he prefers to keep it "asis". He really does not care at all what anybody thinks about HIMor his truck.I am going to look on-line for those age-level chores. I ama "list-maker", so I think I need to make a list of all of thehousehold chores and discuss them with each of the five children wholive in our home (ages 15-21; 3 bio, 2 foster). My husband and Iwork full-time and are active in church activities. We still do thebulk of the chores, too.DS21 is very capable of articulating anything he chooses to,but every conversation on the topics you mentioned feels like we arenagging him. We have to ask him several times to give us his classschedules and his grades. He conveniently forgets to do thosethings that he doesn't really want to do anyway.I know I have been too vague about some of my expectations. Iam learning to ask for specific things done within a reasonableamount of time.I know that I cannot live with garbage piled up in our house,so the logical consequence of not taking out the trash is not anoption.We do not give him an allowance, just meals at home and a roofover his head. He works for fuel money, insurance, cell phone,meals out, movies, cable and internet. He helps pay for his collegetuition and books. He also pays for parts and fuel for his racecar. He scours junkyards to find cheap parts.He is our oldest child and was spoiled more than the others.His health has always been delicate. He breaks out in hives when hegets stressed out. He even had shingles in the sixth-grade. Heoften has stomach-aches, head-aches, and he has always slept for 10-12 hours every night. He went to counseling for help dealing withhis ADD (without hyperactivity) during high school. He took Ritalinbut hated it and no longer takes it. He really needs time-management skills, but that is another topic that he refuses todiscuss.He is sweet, loving, and generous, but he really needs to "growup" in certain areas.Thank you all for your suggestions. I will try to keep youposted.Charlotte"
I responded with a more stern direct post this time:
"You wrote: "I am going to look on-line for those age-level chores".You won't find age appropriate chores for a 21yr old. He is old enough to run his own home, job, life, and pay rent/mortgage. He is choosing to get by doing as little as possible, because you let him. He is motivated enough to do and get what he wants (from what you write). And he will continue to do as much for himself and as little as possible for you as long as you let him. It's called "enabling".
I am 37 yrs old. I moved out when I was 20yrs old, put myself thru a four year degree in Accounting (age18-22). I graduated from college, got married, and became a home owner all at age 22. In that same year I also dealt with the death of a loved one, and I got hit on the freeway by a semi-truck, leaving me with neck injuries and lawsuits. I muddled thru just fine. All at age 22. I have "delicate health" myself, and I've gotten on A-OK. If your son is smart enough to do all that you say he does, he is capable of doing anything.
You really have lots of options. He can be on your health insurance and you can pay for college, etc. He can also move out if he can't deal with normal expectations. I would not let an animal, let alone a human being stink up my home with BO, sheets that are not changed, dirty clothing, whatnot. For example, I tell my teenager, "when you are clean and smell nice, you may join us for dinner." He'd rather shower than starve. And my son has mental disabilities to boot. He still "gets it" though, and hits the shower. By the way, I have five kids (3bio, 2adopted). Four of my children have special needs/disabilities. I don't think that gives them a free-card to get out of age appropriate responsibility. To let our kids out of responsibility is derelict in our duty as parents, neglect on the parental part, and we are robbing our children of "getting wings", flying on their own, having self-esteem, life skills, social skills, relationship skills, etc.
If a child had disabilities/handicaps, they would still need to become independant at some point (unless they were retarded or had some severe medical condition requiring hospice). Even retarded children can function often independantly. Obviously your son is far more able and capable than that. This will probably not be the popular post, but he's not coming around because he doesn't have to. You've set up the system at yourhouse, and he goes by it. There's no incentive for him to change because the only consequence is "nagging". Well, a key Love and Logic principle is to not try to control our kids. BUT, we have to be strong enough and mature enough to pull the "here's what I'm going to do.................." and run your house accordingly by "if X happens, Y is what I do". And follow thru and be consistent. Parenting is the hardest job in the world. Like I said, I have fivekids, 4 with disabilities. So, I do have experience in all this.
Best wishes to you. You sound like a smart lady. Change will occur when you make changes yourself. Good luck on this venture. You will be giving a gift to your son by having expectations, rules, and order in your home. I truly wish you the best as it sounds like a really painful situation that you choose to live with."
That is the nicest version I could stomache to write her........
And her son doesn't want to date? What a joke. No one would want to stand near him, let alone DATE him! Good God. They are living in the land of denial.
What do you think about this sort of thing?
"Hello group,I am a newbie. I have ordered the book, but have not gotten ityet. I have a 21 year old son who is taking four classes at a localjunior college and is working 20-30 hours a week. He is amiable andeasy going...as long as we don't ask him to do anything to helparound the house. For the last six or seven years, his only job hasbeen to take out the trash once a week. He always procrastinates andwaits until the last minute to take it out. There is usually yellinginvolved to get him to do it at all. If my husband and I want to goto sleep before he takes it out, we gather up the garbage from ourbedroom, bathroom, and office and leave it outside our door for him.Otherwise, he would have to come in and wake us up to get it. Hisroom is like a pigsty. He hasn't changed his sheets in over a year.It smells horrible. He has always lacked interest in his appearanceand hygiene, in spite of private comments of encouragement from me,and teasing from siblings and friends. His schedule is ratherunusual since he takes his classes in the evenings. He mostly worksfrom home and e-mails it to his boss on his own schedule. He staysup until 3am or later, then sleeps until 3 pm. He is responsible fordoing his own laundry, but he doesn't do it until he runs out ofclean clothes. Then it takes several full days to get it all done.I am considering throwing away or giving away most of his clothes, inorder to force him to do it more often. It would also keep his roomneater if there were fewer clothes on the floor.How would a love & logic parent phrase advice to this child?Thanks in advance for your help.Charlotte"
My response:
"I'm going to say something strong here. It's due to the fact that my husband and myself discuss this sort of thing and our children's futures quite often.You could give him two options:
1-Pay rent, give him renter's rules, fees for breaking renter'srules, a contract (that you can find online). If he can't handle it,he is out that month (as stated in the contract). You can give him notice. If he tries a pissing contest with you, you will need to put all his things outside and change the locks one day when he is not home.I'm saying this from my husband's experience as well. My husband was the third child (of four), and rather the "Man of the House". He went thru this scenario when he was 17 & his older sister was 19. It did have to come to putting her things on the front lawn & changing thelocks one day when she was at work. On top of all you write about regarding your son, my SIL was verbally abusive to those who lived in the house. She thought she was entitled to act that way seeing as she was burdened with waiting around to "marry well", since college would be work and all. (ROFL). She cleaned up her act within 24hrs, found an apartment, and never moved home again. She did just fine with her salary from the pizza restaurant.
2-You could cut to the chase now, and tell your son he has 24 hours to move out. It's your house and you can live the way you want. As adults, our names are on the mortgage, and what we say goes. Your son is old enough to make good choices, and it sadly seems like he doesn't care. If he can't clean up his mess and take out the trash within 24hrs, kick his stuff out and change the locks. This is actually the route that was taken with my SIL. No warning (other than years of fighting and discussing her problems with her). One morning my MIL and husband had enough, and moved her out. Changing the locks too.I wish you luck here. I'm sure it's painful to deal with this. And you obviously love your son dearly. Best of luck to you and I wish you well."
Her response, which makes me want to punch her for allowing her son to be such an ASS!:
"Thank you for your reply. DS21 is certainly old enough torealize that there is more to life than computer games. I wonder ifhe may be addicted to playing games. Tough love may be the onlyoption, but DH does not want DS21 to move out until he finishescollege.I saw a T-shirt in a store recently that said "Genius by birth,Slacker by choice"....that describes our son to a "T" (pun intended)!He is witty and brilliant (high IQ and ACT/SAT test scores.) He wasa beautiful baby/child, but due to bad acne combined with his lackofcare, his face is now pitted. He only showers and washes his hairbecause we make him do it. When he doesn't shower, his body odornearly knocks us out.He has three good friends who have married since high school.He sees them as henpecked. He is not looking for a girlfriend yet.DH and I agree that he needs to finish college and get a better job,so we are not pushing him to find a girlfriend. (He may be like DH'snephew who is getting married next month at age 30, after college,good job, purchased a home and several vehicles.)Besides playing computer games and watching NASCAR, heparticipates in local short-track auto racing. He has a race cardonated by a local junkyard. His other vehicle is an '81 Volkswagenpick-up truck. His friends tease him that everyone knows his truckbecause it sticks-out. It has white doors on a tan truck body. Somehave even called it a "ghetto buggy". He and his dad converted itfrom burning "diesel only" to burning diesel fuel and veggie oil tosave money. WE offered to get his truck painted for him as a rewardfor earning his EAGLE SCOUT award, but he prefers to keep it "asis". He really does not care at all what anybody thinks about HIMor his truck.I am going to look on-line for those age-level chores. I ama "list-maker", so I think I need to make a list of all of thehousehold chores and discuss them with each of the five children wholive in our home (ages 15-21; 3 bio, 2 foster). My husband and Iwork full-time and are active in church activities. We still do thebulk of the chores, too.DS21 is very capable of articulating anything he chooses to,but every conversation on the topics you mentioned feels like we arenagging him. We have to ask him several times to give us his classschedules and his grades. He conveniently forgets to do thosethings that he doesn't really want to do anyway.I know I have been too vague about some of my expectations. Iam learning to ask for specific things done within a reasonableamount of time.I know that I cannot live with garbage piled up in our house,so the logical consequence of not taking out the trash is not anoption.We do not give him an allowance, just meals at home and a roofover his head. He works for fuel money, insurance, cell phone,meals out, movies, cable and internet. He helps pay for his collegetuition and books. He also pays for parts and fuel for his racecar. He scours junkyards to find cheap parts.He is our oldest child and was spoiled more than the others.His health has always been delicate. He breaks out in hives when hegets stressed out. He even had shingles in the sixth-grade. Heoften has stomach-aches, head-aches, and he has always slept for 10-12 hours every night. He went to counseling for help dealing withhis ADD (without hyperactivity) during high school. He took Ritalinbut hated it and no longer takes it. He really needs time-management skills, but that is another topic that he refuses todiscuss.He is sweet, loving, and generous, but he really needs to "growup" in certain areas.Thank you all for your suggestions. I will try to keep youposted.Charlotte"
I responded with a more stern direct post this time:
"You wrote: "I am going to look on-line for those age-level chores".You won't find age appropriate chores for a 21yr old. He is old enough to run his own home, job, life, and pay rent/mortgage. He is choosing to get by doing as little as possible, because you let him. He is motivated enough to do and get what he wants (from what you write). And he will continue to do as much for himself and as little as possible for you as long as you let him. It's called "enabling".
I am 37 yrs old. I moved out when I was 20yrs old, put myself thru a four year degree in Accounting (age18-22). I graduated from college, got married, and became a home owner all at age 22. In that same year I also dealt with the death of a loved one, and I got hit on the freeway by a semi-truck, leaving me with neck injuries and lawsuits. I muddled thru just fine. All at age 22. I have "delicate health" myself, and I've gotten on A-OK. If your son is smart enough to do all that you say he does, he is capable of doing anything.
You really have lots of options. He can be on your health insurance and you can pay for college, etc. He can also move out if he can't deal with normal expectations. I would not let an animal, let alone a human being stink up my home with BO, sheets that are not changed, dirty clothing, whatnot. For example, I tell my teenager, "when you are clean and smell nice, you may join us for dinner." He'd rather shower than starve. And my son has mental disabilities to boot. He still "gets it" though, and hits the shower. By the way, I have five kids (3bio, 2adopted). Four of my children have special needs/disabilities. I don't think that gives them a free-card to get out of age appropriate responsibility. To let our kids out of responsibility is derelict in our duty as parents, neglect on the parental part, and we are robbing our children of "getting wings", flying on their own, having self-esteem, life skills, social skills, relationship skills, etc.
If a child had disabilities/handicaps, they would still need to become independant at some point (unless they were retarded or had some severe medical condition requiring hospice). Even retarded children can function often independantly. Obviously your son is far more able and capable than that. This will probably not be the popular post, but he's not coming around because he doesn't have to. You've set up the system at yourhouse, and he goes by it. There's no incentive for him to change because the only consequence is "nagging". Well, a key Love and Logic principle is to not try to control our kids. BUT, we have to be strong enough and mature enough to pull the "here's what I'm going to do.................." and run your house accordingly by "if X happens, Y is what I do". And follow thru and be consistent. Parenting is the hardest job in the world. Like I said, I have fivekids, 4 with disabilities. So, I do have experience in all this.
Best wishes to you. You sound like a smart lady. Change will occur when you make changes yourself. Good luck on this venture. You will be giving a gift to your son by having expectations, rules, and order in your home. I truly wish you the best as it sounds like a really painful situation that you choose to live with."
That is the nicest version I could stomache to write her........
And her son doesn't want to date? What a joke. No one would want to stand near him, let alone DATE him! Good God. They are living in the land of denial.
What do you think about this sort of thing?
More on Addicts
I think alot goes on with a person before they turn to alcohol, drugs, fill-in-the-blank addiction. I feel that the addiction is a self-medication. I just wish people could get themselves help before they turn to an addiction. I don't think anyone wakes up and decides to become an addict. I think it's usually at the end of a long road of crap.
MyGirlElena brought up a good point, about my son and my parents. I feel my son has inherited his medical problems from my dad. Ever since I heard about bipolar disorder, um, about 20+ years ago, I have believed my dad is an alcoholic. He is also a hoarder, which is the secondary reason my mom, sister, and I left my dad. Well, there was the cheating, abuse, inappropriate behavior as well. Later on I realized I figured my dad also has OCD, Add/Adhd, perhaps some form of Aspergers..................the possibilities are endless. He can barely function in life.
Anyway, I firmly believe my son has inherited the cyclothymia (mild bipolar) & ADHD from my Dad. Very sad. I truly wish my relatives could get the help they need.
I think I'll go browse thru my "Co-Dependant No More" by Melody Beattie..................I read it atleast once a year. I highly recommend it as the best book for a person with a relative(s) with addiction(s). It's a must read. There are follow up books as well.
MyGirlElena brought up a good point, about my son and my parents. I feel my son has inherited his medical problems from my dad. Ever since I heard about bipolar disorder, um, about 20+ years ago, I have believed my dad is an alcoholic. He is also a hoarder, which is the secondary reason my mom, sister, and I left my dad. Well, there was the cheating, abuse, inappropriate behavior as well. Later on I realized I figured my dad also has OCD, Add/Adhd, perhaps some form of Aspergers..................the possibilities are endless. He can barely function in life.
Anyway, I firmly believe my son has inherited the cyclothymia (mild bipolar) & ADHD from my Dad. Very sad. I truly wish my relatives could get the help they need.
I think I'll go browse thru my "Co-Dependant No More" by Melody Beattie..................I read it atleast once a year. I highly recommend it as the best book for a person with a relative(s) with addiction(s). It's a must read. There are follow up books as well.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Diagnosis
Today I took our 4yr(almost 5yrs) old to our standing Monday counseling appt. We've been doing this for over three months. At the prodding of the PCIT teacher, I asked the counselor today what diagnose(s) we are looking at for our daughter. Hold onto your hat:
Brain Damage-permanent (due to trauma, neglect, and/or FAS/FAE)
Developmental Delay-permanent (due to trauma, neglect, and/or FAS/FAE)
Attachment Issues (not RAD)
ADD (meds will help)
She also feels our daughter has FAS/FAE, but she is not qualified to diagnose that. She is looking for other hospitals in our state that can evaluate that so we can have this diagnosed before the seven month wait for UW. She feels FAS/FAE answers all our questions about our daughters delays, problems, behaviors, emotions, conversations, etc. She said she would be shocked if she doesn't get a FAS/FAE diagnosis. That would be great, but shocking.
Additionally she feels our daughter has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but the DSM-IV changed and has a new requirement: daily flashbacks, which our daughter does not have. But she does have PTSD according to the old diagnosis. Also she feels she has multiple personality tendencies, but that can't be diagnosed until an older age. There's another clinical name now for multiple personalities, and I forget the name. She said to have full blown multiple personalities, you have to have one personality that is deviant, destructive, and not attached to anyone. She feels our daughter is bonded with me and her sister, so feels it's "only" multiple personality tendencies.
I'm not surprised at some of this, but I'm shocked at other aspects.
This counselor has had some recent unpleasant conversations with the state SW. He is not pushing for diagnosis(es) because if those go on her permanent record, and we disrupt, there's about a 99% chance she will never be adopted. There's not droves of people waiting in line to adopt a kid with all these medical/health/emotional/behavior permanent issues. So they want us to finalize the adoption before there are any diagnosis. Wrong pal. The counselor told this guy to get honest, and we are entitled to that. We are also entitled to the state paying for all her medical bills (and surrounding issues) once she is diagnosed, so we have to get the evals done before adoption finalization. My husband and I want our daughter provided for in as many ways as possible. Medicaid doesn't cover everything, so we need to have her evals done and the state issue permanent funding. I'm not even sure at this point if that's thru Social Security or grants, but it has to get taken care of. I shudder at the thought of dealing with SS over all this.
I'm going to put the girls down and take a nap myself. I'm a little overwhelmed. I may not have written in coherant sentances above.
Brain Damage-permanent (due to trauma, neglect, and/or FAS/FAE)
Developmental Delay-permanent (due to trauma, neglect, and/or FAS/FAE)
Attachment Issues (not RAD)
ADD (meds will help)
She also feels our daughter has FAS/FAE, but she is not qualified to diagnose that. She is looking for other hospitals in our state that can evaluate that so we can have this diagnosed before the seven month wait for UW. She feels FAS/FAE answers all our questions about our daughters delays, problems, behaviors, emotions, conversations, etc. She said she would be shocked if she doesn't get a FAS/FAE diagnosis. That would be great, but shocking.
Additionally she feels our daughter has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but the DSM-IV changed and has a new requirement: daily flashbacks, which our daughter does not have. But she does have PTSD according to the old diagnosis. Also she feels she has multiple personality tendencies, but that can't be diagnosed until an older age. There's another clinical name now for multiple personalities, and I forget the name. She said to have full blown multiple personalities, you have to have one personality that is deviant, destructive, and not attached to anyone. She feels our daughter is bonded with me and her sister, so feels it's "only" multiple personality tendencies.
I'm not surprised at some of this, but I'm shocked at other aspects.
This counselor has had some recent unpleasant conversations with the state SW. He is not pushing for diagnosis(es) because if those go on her permanent record, and we disrupt, there's about a 99% chance she will never be adopted. There's not droves of people waiting in line to adopt a kid with all these medical/health/emotional/behavior permanent issues. So they want us to finalize the adoption before there are any diagnosis. Wrong pal. The counselor told this guy to get honest, and we are entitled to that. We are also entitled to the state paying for all her medical bills (and surrounding issues) once she is diagnosed, so we have to get the evals done before adoption finalization. My husband and I want our daughter provided for in as many ways as possible. Medicaid doesn't cover everything, so we need to have her evals done and the state issue permanent funding. I'm not even sure at this point if that's thru Social Security or grants, but it has to get taken care of. I shudder at the thought of dealing with SS over all this.
I'm going to put the girls down and take a nap myself. I'm a little overwhelmed. I may not have written in coherant sentances above.
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