So Where Have I Been?

Well, happy New Year and all. Been on sabbatical. I ran out of things to write. Been tired and thru a few wars with my 13yr old. Called the police on him three times in the last couple months. Too tired to write about it. Use your imagination. The final time I told my husband that alot of these problems could be alleviated if my husband actually parented. We went to counseling, and lo and behold, the counselor told my husband his head is up his ass. Husband is starting to parent, require the boys respect me and follow rules. Also, 13 yr old boy is a couple days shy of being 14, when in our state you can be formally arrested and have criminal charges brought. Honestly, I'd leave him in jail as long as they'd let me. Show up at the arraignment. That's what professional advice has supported also. So, Boy knows his bluff has been called, I'm not afraid to use a phone to call 911.

In other news, I thoroughly love my job. As an odd strange set of events unfolded, I was offered a long term sub spot in a highly capable class at our local high school. This is probably the only teacher assistant job in a highly capable class. I was floored. It's a business class that is too large for one teacher. Did I say business, as in accounting? yes. This is so up my alley, and I thoroughly enjoy every day of class. And the kids. And the head teacher. It's a dream job, and I'm enjoying it as long as it lasts. This is at the local high school my kids will attend. Which leads me to work with my children's athletic coaches. I spoke with two of them recently because they coach at my sons middle school. Told them how crappy it's been going, getting the police involved and all. Told them I didn't want to sign up my son for wrestling. They asked how he does when he's in sports. Honestly I think his behavior is better because he's too tired to cause as much trouble after a two hour athletic practice, five days a week. The coach said "put him in wrestling. Call me every week. If he's disrespectful, he doesn't get to wrestle at that weeks match." Music to my ears. So, within 24 hr of the last police episode, I had this run-in with the coach, and I shared (while trying to contain my glee) with my son and husband. I explained there are real life consequences to actions. We're a little past time-out and such at this point. My son started wrestling two weeks ago, and his coach said up front that he is not wrestling in the first match of the year since he hit his mother. I am in love.

I will add too, that some additional real life consequences did not work for this son recently, as he was hitting me in public and a school bus of his peers drove by. He then ran away. Long story. He is back and living here. But suffice it to say, he came home crying from school the next day and was crying. I asked why. "Half the school is calling me a douche bag because that school bus of kids saw me hitting my mom." Ah yes, that will happen. More music to my ears.

Now truly I am broken hearted that it has to get to this point. But seriously, I cannot express how thankful that these real world consequences are setting in. Takes the heat off me (cause he just thinks I'm a crazy bitch for wanting say, oh, to get thru a week without calling the police on him).

As a final note, I read a great comment over on the Hoover mom's blog (she's in my sidebar). A mom, Lisa, commented on her concerns about her kids turning out 95% like their bio parents. All the worries and troubles that this envisions. I understand the concern is great. I wrote this comment in response:
"I wanted to respond to a great comment you left over there. Actually you have several great comments, very smart & well thought out. You were discussing how kids are gonna turn out 95% like their bio parents and such. I came from a nightmare home. Can't believe I wasn't taken from my parents. My dad is an addict, and my mom is developmentally delayed and physically disabled (although, that could be a ruse, just to trick the rest into not expecting anything of her). I turned out to be delightful, smart, responsible, and college educated. This was difficult to say the least, with the lack of intelligence and support in my family of origin. I had to grow up parenting the parents. Got a clue when I was 20, moved out, never looked back. I got a bachelors degree in business and accounting from the University of WA, worked as a corporate accountant for many years, have raised three boys (two of which are special needs), been thru international adoption, and our local DSHS domestic adoption processes. I thoroughly benefit from ongoing counseling. I'm lucky that's all I need, considering my biological family. I do not allow my dad any contact with me or my family. My mom, well, I keep her on the outskirts. I refuse to take care of her since I did it my whole childhood. So she lives in Government subsidized Senior Disability Housing. Works for all of us. Anyway, feel free to connect with me. I'm an adult who survived an unthinkable upbringing. I could be the minority, but it does happen. I'm not a criminal, psychopath, sociopath, or trouble maker. I may have a big mouth, but I'm pretty harmless."

Really for me, I have to draw the line at safety, sexual abuse, crime. Those are the reasons I've gotten the state and police involved with our kids whether it's for bio kids or adopted kids. And sometimes it's not best for kids to continue to live in the same home if others are in danger. Sometimes it can be worked out. But as far as the health and educational needs of kids, I know the heartache all too well also. I'll post more soon about our youngest. I've gotten him into Children's Hospital lately for some permanent health issues. To add to his alphabet soup of diagnoses, we have now added Tourette's syndrome.

Truth is stranger than fiction I've come to believe.
Hope you are all well and prospering. I keep up on the blogs I read, just comment rarely. Blessings to you, Esther

Weekend Hangover

Ever feel like you have a hangover on Monday morning just from doing so much all weekend? I think I have one of those. Too much weekend!

I actually had one of the most fun weekends ever, just packed full of activity.

Let's back up to Wednesday. Dyed my hair with a home color (box from drugstore). It was supposed to be light brown. Turned out almost black. Got really emotional & all across the board with it. Then realized: it's only hair! I think I look like a Hispanic with blue eyes. I'm sticking with it for a while. However, I'm making a coloring appt with a stylist in a few weeks to see what I'm doing wrong. Washed my couch slipcovers (remember this for future reference).

Thursday. Shopped and cooked for my 10yr old's bday party. Took the puppy in to get spayed.

Friday. Went to work at one of the local high schools. Got a call from my 11yr old saying the dog threw up on the couch. Poor kid (& puppy). So the 11yr old had to clean up the couch & wash the couch cover. When I work at the high school, the 11 & 10yr old are home for less than an hour, and then they get on the school bus. Anyway, I worked at the high school. Showed up to find Mardi Gras, ie.., HOMECOMING! Wish I knew this ahead of time so I could have dressed accordingly. This was actually really really fun, and brought back so many great memories. I was in the Self-Contained room for the day. So I walked with a mentally retarded girl & a downs syndrome boy thru the city parade. Yes, our local high school goes ape with homecoming, including a mid-day city parade. 2400 students plus many locals are in the parade. CRAZY! Went to work and ended up in a parade. Quite a day. After the parade we went to the pep assembly. Best day of work I've ever been to!
Friday evening we had our 10yr old's bday party/sleepover. Three boys came, thank GOD! Apparently he is able to retain friends! Whew! Then I went in the wee hours of the night to retrieve my 13yr old from the local homecoming game. He went with his football coach & friends from the middle school.

Saturday. Got thru breakfast & exiting the 10yr olds. Sleepovers always seem to end in such lack of sleep that children are psychotic. We noticed this all morning. I proceeded to tell the boys to take a nap. They asked how long? I said until dinner.
I went for a job interview (part-time) at Home Depot. On top of our eye surgery bills & putting two kids in braces, I now reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally need hearing aids. I've needed them for about five years, but put it off. They cost about $7K for the type I need, and our insurance covers 30%. Apparently I work to pay the medical bills. The thing that gets me is we have really good insurance. Yet how can there be so many services not covered? ARGH. Anyway.
Early evening I went to my make-shift high school reunion at a local roadhouse. My husband said I must be off to go whoring at the roadhouse. Nice. Actually the whole thing was so much fun, dozens of old classmates came, and was a huge success. People have requested doing this more often than annually. So we will make it semi-annual. My friend C & I ran the whole thing with the roadhouse owner (went to school with him). I rolled into my bed at about 2:30am. I was the designated driver, so stayed until the end. Fortunately no one needed a ride home.

Sunday. Got up at 6:30am to go to church. Don't remember much after that seeing as I was so tired! I recall taking a nap, doing some ironing, and taking the kids out to lunch. Maybe it was a dream. Tried to figure out how the DirecTV box is not working in the family room. Figure it got broken during the sleepover. Won't bother me for the kids to be out of a TV! This is my dream come true!!! Told the kids and my husband there's really no incentive for me to get the box fixed. I would have to take a day off work without pay to wait around for the repair man, pay $75/hr for a repairman, and pay for supplies/product. Works for me to go without the kids tv. (Silently rolling on floor laughing a maniacal laugh).

Today. I thought I would be going to work to recover from all the weekend activities, ya know, go to work to relax! Then I remembered it's a teacher in service day. I will relax tomorrow.

And So It Goes.....

Remember when I wrote that the 13yr old was a prick over me taking him to school when he was late? That night he came home and apologized. I was ready and waiting for him to come home, seeing as I've come up with "options" for him. In love & logic, they are big into sharing options/choices with your kid. So I told him "no problem. Next time you are late, you could have one of two things: a) walk to school (6-7 miles?), or b) yes I could jump out of bed and drive you to school as is. And this means I'm in my tanker summer nightgown, greasy face, no teeth brushed, hair pulled back in a clip, and to boot, no underwear on. I'd be more than happy to hop out of the van, go into the office, and sign you in."

He looked like he was going to die or vomit, and was speechless as he shook his head "no". Yea, that's what I thought.

Lauri's blog post (clickable) has me traveling down memory lane. I'm big into getting kids to solve, or at least think thru, their own problems. At school as well. Most if not many complaints and/or problems kids have are able to be addressed by the one who owns the problem. I've avoided being a helicopter parent. I think the kids have learned alot of social skills in dealing with their own stuff. However, on a rare occasion, I've made inquiries with the teacher and/or principal. Only once have I ever had to go above the Principal's head. When do you feel it's appropriate or necessary to go above the teacher's head or the Principal's head? I'll share with you when I've done this.

Going above the teacher's head, cause it was just not being resolved:
stealing in the classroom
violence and/or bullying

Going above the Principal's head:
Stalking

We dealt with the stalker for two years. It all started when J was best friends with my 11yr old. J was a bit possessive, and had no other friends. 11yr old is basically a pretty nice kid, and had lots of friends. So he was like "whatever." Until J became an obnoxious mean spirited child who lied to other kids, telling other kids that my son didn't like anyone else. So, being the tender hearted boy he is, not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings, he told J that he likes all the other kids, and to knock it off. This did not go over well, and J turned into psycho stalker in the 2nd grade. I won't go into a million details, but he was a really ugly child in the classroom, playground, and bus. Sadly we live half a mile from the child, and yes, they rode the bus together as well. My son continued to distance himself from J, and this angered J further. Vicious cycle. Since it was all words and no violence, we kept tabs on this, listened to our son grieve over this, and kept giving him "atta boys". I checked in with the teacher about once a month about it all. After a few months of this, I called the parents, who are entirely clueless. They were like "why can't the boys be friends and just like each other?" Um, because your son is a mental case! I did not say that, and just shared the facts, stating the boys would not be friends because of their son's meanness. They are totally in denial. All I requested at the end of the school year was that the boys be in separate classes the next school year. Hopefully this would phase out stalker child.

No one listened to me, and the boys were put in the same class. I held my tongue, and waited for the problems to ensue. They went on all school year, into the spring. I worked with the teacher & principal (or so I thought). The boys sat across the room from one another. But that really didn't help. Finally got to the point where I was dealing with the principal exclusively, over the classroom, playground, and bus. This got me nowhere.

I resorted to pulling out the school district policy book, called the school Superintendent, and cited all the harassment that has been going on for two school years. By this point too, our son was so depressed and beaten down, he was not even the same child. J was now on my son's ball team (by request of J), and yelling at him & taunting him every day at practice. He also threw baseball bats at my son in the dugout, at close range. The buck stopped here. I told the whole saga to the Super, including all my conversations with the principal, and said "I'm now ready to get the police involved. I will get a restraining order against J & his family, and that will be a far bigger problem for the school district to deal with. J will be moved to another class & possibly another school to keep X amount of distance away from my child, J will be kicked off our city baseball league, and J will have to find alternative transportation to school. His parents both work full-time, so they will be highly inconvenienced finding a way to transport him around without the school bus." The buck stopped here. I never regret making this phone call. Surprisingly, the principal was most accommodating at this point. Immediately. No restraining order, but the school kept J away, the city league kicked J off the team, and he sits in another part of the school bus. The school required personal & group counseling for J, including social skills classes. ya think?

We are really proud of our son for how he dealt with this. He did his best to ignore, and never once used physical force against J (even though our son is physically much bigger & stronger, our son turned the other cheek). He talked with his parents, teacher, and principal, about all this. He also got to see that there are higher powers that be, above and beyond the almighty school principal. He also saw his parents love him thru this, we were his safe haven, cheerleaders, and we showed him that the police are there to help us when others aren't.

On the flip side, my 13yr old dealt with 2 school bullies from the 2nd thru 6th grade. No where near the extreme of J, but annoying to say the least. This all stopped in the 6th grade when the 2 bullies tried to beat my son up together, out of the blue, and my son kicked their asses. Both of them. All three kids were suspended, which I protested in person to the school. I was not listened to, but I feel that since all the witnesses agreed that the other two boys instigated & were beating up my son, my son has every right to protect himself. The school policy is to suspend everyone physically fighting. We were able to walk away from this pretty well, because the bottom line is those two assholey kids will never bother my child again. People are still talking about how my son beat up those two punks. Everyone thought they deserved it. Kids and parents alike. I still have to chuckle. And given the same scenario, I would still tell my child to fight back when a couple of kids are beating his head into concrete.

Fortunately, after it's all said and done, I feel I have good repore with the school and district. I feel I handled myself well, and consider the principal to be an acquaintance. She was even a personal reference for me during my hiring phase this last month with the district. I think we've come a long way.

So, where do you draw the line? Where do you let your kid deal with it on their own and where do you step in?

I'm a Roadie

I feel like there are so many things going on in my life, each deserving their own blog entry. Ever have so much happen in a day, week, month like that? Sheesh. I'll try to briefly hit the topics, and discuss further later:

1. I have still not heard back about the job. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.............I called the agency today. The client did not like the other two candidates, and I am their front runner. So why the holdup?
2. Both sons improving a bit on meds. Thank God. People with perfectly healthy children have no idea what it is like to live in the chaos of a home with 2 bipolar children. By last night I was so drained I told everyone I was on Sick Leave for the evening. Seriously too tired & beat up emotionally do anything other than get off my butt.
3. I've signed up to volunteer at a Women's Shelter & Halfway House. The director wants me to tutor, mentor, live there to supervise, and lead bible studies. She wants more than I can give at the moment. So we are working something out. I will not be living there.
4. I started attending a bible study & program thru church on Mentoring. It will normally be Tues pm. It's offered Thurs am as well. First meeting yesterday. Great group. Essentially it's about being a Titus Woman. I will feel more comfortable volunteering at the Women's home after the mentoring class is over. I feel I need the training and education on resources.
5. Monday & Tuesday I dealt with an abandoned vehicle in my yard. Who parks their car, head in, in someone else's driveway? We assumed they were drunk or high. After waiting 14hrs for the owner to appear, Monday I had it towed. The tabs were expired since February, so I didn't feel comfortable letting it sit like that in my yard. Tuesday I had to deal with the asinine neighbor who it turns out, left their car in my yard! What a moron. Said it was their teen. Um, OK. Everyone has to pass my house after they enter the development. How could neither parent notice their son's car in my yard for 14hrs? Maybe they are high as well. So they turn up Tuesday all belligerent about us towing the vehicle. I wrote them a pretty stern letter. They came by to apologize yesterday. I was quite surprised. I think that takes alot to apologize.
6. Yesterday learned a dear sweet beautiful friend of mine has breast, lung, and liver cancer. I found this out at bible study, and cried when I heard. I'm 38. She's my age. How on earth do these things happen? I rarely ask "why Lord" because I figure after all the suffering on earth, we will die and see that heaven is just that much more glorious. In the mean time, good grief. Her son is a year older than my oldest, and we've spent much time at their sporting events together. Not to mention church & bible study. I called her yesterday & left a message asking if I could bring them meals each week. I have not heard back. Hopefully she'll be well enough to return a call soon. Then I think, what else could I do to help? Clean her bathrooms? Teach her 9th grade son to cook? Help with errands? I want her to know how much she is loved, and how much God's people care for her.
7. My husband told me two nights ago that he wants to adopt again. My first reaction was to burst into tears. Apparently I need to work thru grief a bit more! To rewind, our agency did say they would be more than happy to place a child with us after we had time to go to grief counseling & wait at least six months. It's been 7 months. We'll see.................
8. I went to my second post-op appt for my eyes. Doing pretty well. The left eye is still a black eye, so he said no makeup for one more week. ARGH!
9. Hit a great sale at a local nursery. Adding two more rows of berries (gooseberries & more blueberries).
10. I'm now a roadie. Or a biker chick. Not sure. You decide. One of my best friends missed our 20yr reunion. Only 55+ folks came out of our class of almost 300 graduates. Many people communicated to me that it was too expensive ($90-95) for the formal affair. And many told me they were not interested in a formal affair. So, my friend "C" and I decided, hey, why don't we organize something cheap, casual, and local. I heard one of our classmates owns a bar. We went to visit him there and eat some lunch. It's a roadhouse. I'm rarely even in a bar (maybe once every 20 yrs!), let alone a roadhouse! It was surprisingly decent, large, and the food is excellent. He is offering a no cover charge night for our classmates, and providing a dinner for $10/head. So I organized the whole thing thru Evite, sent that out plus 15 snail mails. We are off and running. I put in the Evite that friends don't let friends drive drunk. We have three options on that: I will be a designated driver for the first 6 people to sign up, there is a hotel across the street from the roadhouse, and we have a friend who offered up their limo service for $15/head to drive folks home. Can't beat that. I'm a roadie............If this goes well, C & the roadhouse owner, along with myself, would like to make this an annual event.

I have so many feelings, especially on adoption, that I will have to post more about that later.

20/25

I had my checkup with the surgeon this morning. I have 20/25 vision, and everything is great. They only drawback is my left eye is now a black eye. Looks like I've been shot. Not kidding. It's my eye that's a floater, so it was difficult to laser that eye. Seriously that eye looks so bad, I scared two of my kids yesterday when they saw me the first time. The surgeon had to keep stopping & restarting the laser during surgery, waiting for my eye to hold a gaze. The surgeon is referring me to a pediatric eye surgeon. He says they are the best at fixing "lazy eye". Or whatever you want to call it. So, in 6-12 months I can get the floater fixed.

I told my husband I want to sign up for adult swim lessons. I can swim, barely, and I would love to do a mini-triathlon. I can't run anymore, but I could race walk that portion.

In the meantime, I have to wear sunglasses outdoors for a month, and safety goggles during sports, house cleaning, gardening, etc. Guess outdoors I can wear the sunglasses over the goggles? Lookin good..............................

Differently Abled

Yesterday was hard for me to listen to the school principal. She continued to discuss our youngest son's "disabilities". I really loathe that word. I hate labels. Why can't we just stick with words like diagnosis? Our oldest son had his first football practice yesterday, came home, and was pooped. We felt inspired to watch the movie "Rudy". We own it and watch it atleast twice a year. One of the most inspirational movies we've ever seen, this movie is based on the personal story of Daniel "Rudy" Rudiger (link HERE). And to boot, he shares his birthday with our little girl in Russia.

If you have not seen this movie, please run out and see it.

Anyway, while seeing this movie for the umpteenth time yesterday, I thought "hey, I'm going to print a list of successful people with ADHD, bipolar disorder, Aspergers, etc., for my sons to have." They need to know every day that they CAN! They may have disabilities, they may have to find different ways to complete tasks, and it may take them longer to get things accomplished, but success can and will be achieved.

Here are the lists I have found (all clickable):

Famous Bipolar people Here & Here & Here
Famous Aspergers people Here & Here & Here
Famous ADD/ADHD people Here & Here & Here

I imagine all these people had a mom who told them "You can do it!"

My boys have a mom like that as well. To me they are differently abled, not disabled. I feel constantly referring to kids as "disabled" gives the impression that they are unabled. There is a difference. My boys will know they are abled, differently or otherwise.

Lots of Random Updates

Big surprise. I did not get the job (ROFL). The good news is, I now have experience with the school district HR dept, and the testing. So we'll see if I get called about a part time job (that's all that I applied for).

My garden is still being eaten by local critters. We are putting up a wire fence this weekend.

Tonight we are off to buy a puppy. An English Springer Spaniel. It's a surprise for the boys.

I am halfway done with a knitted afghan, started Saturday.

My oldest son is in wrestling camp this week. He said a kid hurt his head yesterday halfway thru practice, and had to leave. Today I told him to NOT Hurt His Head Please!!
Yesterday I asked him what he learned from camp. He said "I learned that I know nothing." Guess it's really militant. They work out for six hours, with a lunch break in the middle. I pack him a lunch the size of the wrestler on The Breakfast Club.

My younger two are still in swimming and loving it. I've been sitting with a lady, and she told me today her son has Aspergers. Hey, so do I! So, we are looking around for a support group. She is also looking for a therapist for her son, so I'm bringing her the info tomorrow on the psychiatrist our son has seen, wonderful guy.

I thought of a new consequence for when the kids are being annoying, stealing, lying, etc. I tell them, "since I don't trust you, you have to sit by me for X amount of time. And watch Lifetime Movie Network with me." They would rather be stabbed in the eye with a fork. We've only had one kid in LMN timeout with me this week.

I went to the orthopedic surgeon about my hip. He thinks the problem is a Lower Back bulging disc, or a torn ligament in the ball & joint of the hip. So I'm off to have an MRI Thursday, and surgery consult Monday. If they can't find the problem thru the MRI, he said the best he can do is refer me for steroid injections for pain management. I'm rolling my eyes. Not pretty. Today I went to my Bowen Therapy appt, and she said she hopes it's a bulging disc that they find. She said there is a specialize type of Bowen therapy that can shrink the disc. Can't hurt to try?

We went camping this weekend, and had a blast. So did the mosquitoes, as they ate us alive. Us and everyone else in the park.

How come we have record high weather the years I'm pregnant, and record lows the year I planted my first garden? If I don't see some produce soon, I'm buying more berries. The shrub berries are doing well, and too high for rabbits to get to. I could add boysenberries & currants.

Today or tomorrow I'm making the first round of this years jam. Flavor of the day? Grape. Yummy.

And for some more good news, my alcoholic friend has not sought out contact with me in over a month. Last time she called, she was trying to defend her husband. I cut her off with "This is the same shit, different verse, every year. Don't want to hear it." Did the trick! She has probably found someone else to complain to, who will enable her. Better them than me!

Final good news for the day, I have now ended the dieting slump, and lost 2.5 more pounds. So that's 17.5 for the year. I was at a plateau for months! yuck! I need to update my weightloss ticker....

Happy Summer

Ah happy summer! Today is our first full day off of school. Summer vacation, here we come.

To start our vacation, we took the boys out to Red Robin yesterday. At which time our oldest son told us more horrors about the bus driver. Sigh. I immediately called the district, and insisted that something be done about this driver. Suffice it to say, her motto is "What happens on the bus, stays on the bus." ARGH! Well, our son said he didn't tell us, because he didn't want me getting involved. Well, I told him that it is normally true that I like our children to solve their own problems before getting adults involved. HOWEVER, and that's a big HOWEVER, when an adult asks children to keep secrets, and especially when that adult is an authority figure, it's probably the sign to TELL AN ADULT. Period. So, our son has learned a valuable lesson here, without suffering any damage (luckily). I hope the bus driver is fired, now that I know what's been going on all year. I can't believe kids stick together in a pack, for a BUS DRIVER!! Geez.

Moving on, We are in swimming lessons every morning, for the next six weeks. Our oldest is going to wrestling camp next week (day camp). We are camping this weekend, and really looking forward to it. Albeit, we popped up the trailer to trial run it last weekend, and it flooded. So, we will be going sans water. But hey, there will be electricity (microwave, heat, AC, lights). Then on the 23rd I will take it in for service. Additionally, we will be doing alot of bike riding this summer. We live on acreage, in a development that goes for miles of rolling hills. Everyone is on acreage. We rode for 90 minutes last night, thru only part of the development, only one loop. Tomorrow we can go a different loop. Our oldest son has informed me that we are training for a bike race that is next February. Uh, OK.

Today was my first job interview. I was surprised to realize how naive I was. I was actually shocked that they had a panel waiting to interview me, in a large conference room. Hmmm, is that how they do interviews now? I've never been interviewed by a table full of people. Guess it's a good idea when hiring the Principal's assistant. Guess I'd be working with alot of people, variables, and need to use alot of skills. Anyway, I think the interview went well. I ran many of the questions and answers by my husband. He liked my responses. Here's some of the questions:
1. It's 10:30am, and a blizzard is starting (happens every year). What do you do, and how do you notify the parents and arrange for transportation?
2. No one is around you. A crazy ranting teenage girl goes psycho on you, demanding her cell phone back (which you don't have, by the way)?
3. Someone tells you confidential info, that they should not share with you. What do you do?

I thought this was well thought out, and good interviewing material. There were dozens of questions, but I think you get the point. They interviewed "several" people yesterday, today, and will tomorrow as well. They said they'd let me know within two weeks.

And for the most fun part of my summer (I think), I've joined a Knitting Circle that meets once a week. WAY more fun than I ever imagined. I made a scarf, and now I'm onto hats, afghans, and fancier scarves. I had NO idea how many possibilities there are with yarn. Who knew?

Finally, I'll sign off with the fact that it was reported on the news that Strawberries are not growing here yet, due to the record cold spring (still snowing on April 21). So, OK, I'm not feeling so bad that my plants have only produced 2 berries. Onward................

Ring the Bell

OK, I'll keep blogging.

What are we up to? Sports, yard work, trips to the orthodontist, getting ready for the Disney trip, and job hunting. I'll have time to post more in a few weeks.

I did some quilting applique for the first time today. Scary to try new things!! It looks rather scrappy, which is probably OK on a country looking quilt ;o)

Our middle son loved seeing the Dahli Lama. Although, I don't think he learned anything about the seeds of compassion, as the Dahli Lama spoke on this. Our son came home and was an equal opportunity TURD with a capital T for the day. Oh well.

On a bell:
Without spelling out details, someone in my life rang a bell you can't un-ring. I'm deciding how to deal with this. What do you do when someone rings a bell that you just can't un-ring? I always forgive people. With that though, there are times when situations are really pathetic, and I just have to decide how I will approach things differently, give myself some time & distance, whatnot. I need to figure out my new boundaries and way of thinking, etc. Very hard.

News on the girls. The hospital keeps sending us the girls medical bills. Sigh. We have told everyone repeatedly to straighten this out. Sigh. Hopefully this will get sorted out soon. A friend of mine thinks she saw the older girl, Sissy, with a new family today. I wrote the foster parents to see if this is true, or if perhaps it's the girls older sister. There are actually three girls from those parents, but I believe the oldest daughter was adopted out before the next two girls (the girls we had) came along. To be continued...................

I Got the Job

Today I interviewed for the Saturday only job, and it turned into something else entirely!!

The original position was for a receptionist/management at an upscale Salon & Spa, Saturday only (9-5pm). The owner (female) offered me the job last week, and told me to drop by a resume. So I did that. She called last night and asked if I could come in and talk. Her husband was there (he's the other owner). We talked for over an hour, and the whole thing is set in stone now. I start next Friday (training), and my first day on the job is Saturday April 5.

This job has now turned into me being their accountant, also, one additional day per week. Probably in six months or so. They want to phase out their old accountant because he/she costs an arm and a leg. The salon is closed on Mondays, so I can come in to do the accounting every Monday with no one bothering me, during the day.

I wanted to pursue this Saturday only job as opposed to working in the day or evening. If I applied for the Tues-Fri afternoon/evening position, I'd miss four days of my kids sports and activities. Working Saturday will allow me to be at almost all their events. Actually, all three kids are in sports right now (swimming, track, baseball). Only baseball falls on Saturday too. Most of their sports are during the week.

I've avoided looking for accounting/bookkeeping employment because it's mainly 40-60 hours per week, M-F. That leaves me running errands several evenings a week, and thus missing our children's' sports and activities (youth group, etc.). Additionally, getting the kids to doctor/dentist/ortho appts is difficult when working M-F during the day.

I'm really excited. And to boot, I get all salon services complimentary. This includes massage, nails, facials, hair care & color, waxing (ouch), cosmetology, hair/skin products, etc. I do have to pay cost for any product, but that's a steal!! They want me to use as many services as possible so I can promote them. They do not have to ask me twice to get a free massage! Additionally, they want me to go to the styling and skin care classes with the staff. The owners want me informed about everything on the planet so I can help recommend and answer questions for clients, without having them wait for a stylist or owner to come up to the front desk. I love this!! Hair and makeup have been a fascination of mine for decades!

And yes, I will post soon about our thoughts on adopting again. Thanks for your patience there. I know several of you have emailed me about that. The bottom line is we are pro-adoption, desire giving disadvantaged kids a home, and would still like to adopt an older child should God orchestrate it all. Our only requirement is that the child NOT be a predator and/or danger to our family. Safety and keeping our family in tact is of paramount importance. Cheers!!

Easter and the Alcoholic Friend

I hope everyone had a great Easter. We had a great weekend, and did things differently. It was nice, for the most part. Saturday we went to a bible study dinner potluck and egg hunt. Nice company, good food, but I felt rather out of it. I mean, this bible study group was put together for people with young children. Well, our youngest child is 9-1/2 now. With the girls gone, I felt like my kids were old enough to be the babysitters. We will continue with the group for the year, and finish that out. I know the intention of the group is to keep going for several years and we've made some really great friends. Maybe my husband and I will be the mentoring couple, or something along those lines. I mean seriously, in the egg hunt, it was 2-4yr olds. We let our 9yr old in on the hunt. What did the older boys do? They hid the eggs prior to the hunt with the adults.

Easter morning went off with a bang: All three boys and my husband yelling, swearing, and fighting over lost clothes, unironed clothes, and missing shoes. I mean seriously. Do they think yelling, fighting, and swearing will solve the problem? What about a little advance preparation (like every Saturday night)? What about just fixing the problem, not the blame. I really hate that, the old "fix the blame, not the problem" sort of scenario. I turned up my radio really loud in the bathroom, finished getting ready for church, and promptly left on time, without my family. They really should have been ashamed of themselves. I've never seen any of them behave so poorly, especially on a religious holiday. So I sat in church alone (which was fine by me). I noticed my husband and boys slink in about 5 minutes late for church. I'm so short, you can't find me in a crowd of hundreds. After church my husband asked if I want to go to WalMart with him and the boys to get summer clothes for our upcoming Disney trip. Um, ya. Right. I told all four of them I'm ashamed of them & their behavior, and that they were appalling. I drove around for a couple hours alone to clear my head. Upon my return home, the boys & husband were eating chicken nuggets & fries. Since no one was particularly hungry after that, I got to skip the whole huge Easter dinner extravaganza. Worked for me. The boys and husband all apologized to me. We then watched "Karate Kid" and had a great rest of the evening. Yesterday I made our Easter dinner, and it was delicious. The evening ended with my husband asking me to adopt again. I think I have to dedicate a whole separate post about this.

OK. So onto the story about the Alcoholic Friend. Ya know, this relationship has gone full circle so many times over the years. She and I are like sisters to each other, that we do not have biologically. We've known each other over 25 years, and have always been in consistent contact. She is a tad weird, but I've never held that against her. We've always thought, "well, that's just her." And I love her as she is. The tough part is she has mental problems and she is a recovering alcoholic. Our relationship has gone thru phases of limping, more than relating, at times. She will end up in circumstances that are deplorable, by her own poor choices. And I've had to shake off my co-dependant wardrobe, put on the healthy layer, and decline her begging, asking, and guilt-tripping me for help. Since I won't solve her problems for her or rescue her, she often went into begging for me to watch her young children endlessly, while she could go off and "solve" her own problems (solving, to her, is doing things like borrowing tons of money from relatives, or putting on a bikini & hopping in someone's boat for the day). I watched her kids for her in an emergency, and another emergency, and yet another. I lost track after a point, but was getting resentful. She has parents & grandparents who can watch the kids. I don't even have that, yet she wanted to dump her kids on me all the time. Finally push came to a shove when I declined to watch her kids once. She told a mutual friend that "Esther owes her." oh, no no no no. That about ended the friendship. Since I keep a calendar, I had record of all the times I watched her kids. I sent her a note, with all the dates I'd watched her kids (in the last year or two), and told her I don't owe her. And that I wouldn't be watching her kids anymore. We could be friends, but I'm not the free nanny. She pretty much quit asking, and my family eventually moved to another city. Completely out of her way now to make it worth her time to drop her kids off.

To get up to speed, a year or two later, without telling anyone, she went to "visit her brother out of state." While there, she actually checked herself into in-patient rehab. Good for her, but alot of us really resented her abandoning her family with no notice. She really hurt her children. She didn't even try counseling or out-patient treatment first. Personally I feel like she wanted a 5 month vacation. She was gone that long, missing one child's birthday, and all the fall/winter holidays. Thank God I didn't live close enough for her husband to ask me to take the kids. Their marriage survived, and she went back to college to earn a professional degree. She now has a 4yr degree & professional job. She confided in me that she is only with her husband because she needed someone to support her during her college days, and she will leave him when her career is making enough money. Gee, not uncomfortable or anything. I've kept her confidence, but avoid her husband. He is a louse, and she should have left him years ago. I don't say those things lightly, but he has even given her sexually transmitted diseases because he's cheated on her. He's actually done so many unthinkable things to her and in/out of their relationship, that she legally separated from him at one point. I got called by their lawyers, asking for personal affidavits about them (character witness), as they were fighting for custody of the kids. Even with my girlfriends problems, the letter I wrote about her husband makes my friend look like a saint by default. I think her husband realized with that letter/affidavit, that he had zero chance of custody of his kids. I don't know that he wants custody per se, but more than that wants to avoid paying child support. Personally, I'd like to hit them both over the head with a rolling pin.

I finally felt like she was too clingy and needed to stand on her own two feet (about a year ago). With me always there for her to complain to, I feel that's all she did. And her husband is too cheap to pay for her to go to counseling. She even now won't pay for personal or marital counseling now that she is gainfully employed.

The final straw was seeing her at the wrestling tournament last week. She seemed higher than a kite, talking about things my husband and I felt totally bizarre. She also fell off the bleacher into the aisle. For no apparent reason. She and I were talking, and next thing I knew she fell straight over to her left, sort of on her back, with legs up in the air. I strongly suspect she had been drinking. I also saw her husband, whose eyes were red & totally glazed over.

I don't want to get together with her. I feel like it's perpetuating something negative. I would like our friendship to go somewhere positive, but with an addict, it's a whole nother ball game.

Any suggestions? She wanted to get together tomorrow for lunch. At the tournament I said sure. Today I cancelled on her, with the excuse that I'm too busy this week. I'm really just buying time until I can figure out what to tell her. How do you confront something like this? There are her personal problems and addiction, which is one thing (not my business), but I truly don't have desire to be in friendship with someone like this. Even though she says I'm her best friend. I truly love her, but don't want to be around her. And I have my children to think about. I need to keep them around safe people, and set a good example for them.

Please leave me your suggestions.

He's a Champion to Me

Our 13yr old wrestled for the first time this year. It's a short 6-7 week season in our area with Junior High/Middle school. He wrestled JV all season and earned a spot into the district championship. Then yesterday he was moved into Varsity for the first time, as the two boys in varsity at his school were either injured or over weight. He did really well & got 4th place in districts. Not bad for his first year, first varsity meet, and being in the young end of the crowd.

His coach thought he did really well for his first varsity day ever, and told him he'll be varsity next year.....and go undefeated ;o)

An email to a friend.......

Here is a copy of an email I sent to a friend. This pretty much sums up how we're doing:

So, how are we doing? I feel relieved the girls are gone, yet heartbroken. We didn't realize how much stress/fear/anxiety we were under until they left. The other half of me is fighting depression. I'm trying to keep busy, workout, go out on dates with hubby, read, finish quilting, deep clean my house, etc. We redid 4yr old's room; 11yr old wanted his own room again. So we took down the wallpaper for three days (I have no idea how 4yr old was able to peel part of it off....she must have steel fingernails), painted the room royal blue (2 walls) & light blue (2 walls). There are white bunk beds in there, so looks good. I'm in the process of making quilts for his bunk beds (americana look), while finishing yours too.

After those are done, I'm moving onto the master bedroom/bath. Our house is almost 10yrs old, so needs painting and fixing up in most rooms. By this summer I'd like to paint the family room & bath down there. It's never been done. Ever. Then I"ll probably paint the kitchen (also never been done & looking like it).

We had a kitchen fire last night. Scared the shit out of me. I don't know how, but a grease fire started on the stove, flames to the ceiling. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!! I started screaming for hubby & threw a wet towel over the fire (while I turned away). Fortunately that put it out. I was fighting back the tears. Again, shit. Just what we would need right about now: a house fire (lol). I need to wash the ceiling now

I got some books at the library today. One of them is on FAS/FAE. I've already read the whole thing. Every single page applies to 4yr old. So sad. I'm going to post about that.....

Everyone we know has been so supportive of disrupting. Some people took a week or two to contact us, but are entirely supportive, lovely, and wonderful.

I really think things could have been different if she had been on our insurance, or the state would have let her get medical care. But alas, they didn't. Heck, respite would have been a huge plus. And they couldn't round that up? Sheesh. Hubby says DSHS did no job of improving our previous outlook on the state welfare system. And I still can't get over 4yr old wanting to play with my boobs all the time. Just creeps me out. We shudder at the thought of embarrassment that we didn't even think about the fact that neighbor kids & kids from church, school, anywhere could have been hurt by her. I feel terrible I tried so hard to make this work, when any of us could have been injured or killed. My first big emergency red flag was when I had to jump her in a parking lot, so she would not be hit by a moving vehicle. I thought "I have to be alive to take care of the rest of the kids. How could they lose a mother?................." Good Lord.

On 2yr old, I figure we'll never hear about that. Weird, the girls info keeps coming to me in the mail: medical coupon, DSHS crap, "personal" jargon. I wrote and told the foster parents because now they don't have the March coupon. Doesn't the SW need to change that? And I'm kinda pissed off about the SW. The foster parents wanted to invite 4yr old's little friend to her bday party. "little friend" is a friend of ours; his parents I met thru MOPS. The SW said "no" to any prior friends. Yet I can be in contact? I have denied being in contact with them. I think the girls would just be confused. Anyway, the whole thing is retarded, and we don't see how it would harm anything to let 4yr olds little friend attend her party. Good Lord, is DSHS fucked up.

OK, enough of that.

We're are making a garden, we decided. There's a great spot in between our shed & pump house (well water). That is about the only part of the yard that gets mostly sun, whereas the rest gets partial shade because we are in the woods (on a few acres). So hubby is going to bring home a rototiller from work & chew up the yard over there. We'll plant lots of veggies & fruit. I'm going to look into taking a local class on gardening 101, but a friend of mine told me to just buy a book. Now this is a gal who grows her own grapes, spices, makes her own wine/beer, eats fruit & veggies out of their garden & orchard, cans everything you can think of. I think she is in a class that I will never reach!! I bow down to her. I'll measure off the yard & tell you how big the garden will be. I think we have about 16X24 feet to work with? Plenty of room.

I'm still helping host the ladies retreat thru church, for March 14-16. Ya know they asked me because I swear so much ;o)
Looking forward to it. It will be up by the Canadian boarder. Although, no one can go to Canada without a passport anymore. Oh hey, I can go to Canada ;o)

We booked a trip to Disney world & NASA for spring. Our kids are more excited than I've ever seen them. We have about half a dozen camping trips lined up for the summer, and I'm going on a scrap booking retreat to (a rural town) in May. So, I think it's good to have lots of plans.

Love, me

Additionally, we are loving going to our 13yr old's wrestling matches. This is his first year and he's really awesome. Seriously, awesome. Guess all that fighting with his brother paid off.....

If any of you have any beginner gardening tips, ideas, warnings, blogs, websites, classes, books, resources, let me know. We are doing veggies & fruits.

On exercise, I had to quit running. I was born with a birth defect in my hip (clickable). One which I wore braces for, for several years. My hip tore out of place when I gave birth to our first son, and has never been quite the same. I have done multiple rounds of PT. They have said the best exercise for me is cycling, walking, and swimming. No running, but a run-walk may work. Well, I tried the run-walk, and my hip hurts for about a week. I've also taken up Pilates, on a DVD, and it's really awesome. So I'll rotate between Pilates & walking.

Things Could Be Looking Up..........

I'm almost afraid to say it. I think things are looking up.

Our 4yr old started daycare yesterday, and loved it. A little boy ran up to her right away wanting to play legos. So cute!! She had a good time with him until he pushed and scratched her. The daycare gave her a bandaid, which completely cheered her up. And naughty boy got the time out chair.

Two days ago, our oldest son broke a tooth at wrestling practice. He got thrown into someone's knee, face first. And they think it's fun? Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Actually I really love wrestling. Brings back good memories. One of my friends and I were "wrestling managers" after school my sophomore year in highschool. We were glorified water girls. But it was alot of fun, and some really cute guys asked us out. I mean, Some REALLY cute wrestlers asked us out. The three nicest guys I ever dated were all wrestlers. Two from highschool, and my husband. Sadly after I dated the two wrestlers, I only seemed to get asked out by idiots or jerks. Finally my husband came along (thank God). Anyway.............

I took the boy up to get his tooth fixed after I dropped off the 4yr old at daycare. The daycare calls to tell me the school only transports TO school. Sigh. Wouldn't that have been important information to know ahead of time? Fortuneately I had enough time to pick her up from school (barely). So her daycare will be T/Th 8am-noon. She will still go to school M-Th, and get a bus TO school every day, from our house and from daycare. What a huge blessing! Now I can save 40 minutes on the road, and little sister gets a decent nap.

Our 4yr old loves school and daycare. Both places give her the required amount of water, and let her go to the bathroom alot. She has kept dry pants at school, home, and daycare the last two days. I'm afraid to get my hopes up. She's stayed dry 9 days in a row before, then started wetting again. So we'll see.

In other big news, our 4yr old got invited to a birthday party. She is so excited. One of her friends from preschool invited her. This is the first birthday party she's EVER gotten invited to. So, a SUPER big deal for her. I called and RSVP'd today. In her previous life I don't think her bio family is the sort that associated with people who had nice little birthday parties. Sigh. After being taken from her family, she moved so often, she didn't have time to make friends anywhere. I'm so thrilled for our kids, all five of them, that they live with a family that is stable, we can have company over, and our kids live long enough in one place to make friends & get invited to parties.

Last night I took our 12yr old to a wrestling clinic at the highschool, after he got a mouthguard. Telling us to get a mouthguard a day or two earlier would have been helpful. Anyway, the wrestling coach at this clinic was great. He is a state champ, has a son who is a state champ (& currently in the top 20 college wrestlers in our nation), and he's coached more state champs and champion teams than anyone in our state. That's pretty good considering the coach at the highschool I graduated from is still the coach there, and they have about the best stats in the state (in the 80's thru today). He told the middle schoolers he was really proud of them for going to this gig (there were about 30+ 7th/8th graders from our district in attendance), and he was really motivational. They all worked on technique for about an hour, then he gave an inspirational speech for about 30 minutes. Basically he told the kids that you can start wrestling in middle school, continue with that & other sports to keep fit, and be a state champ, or whatever your heart desires. He also made the point that kids who smoke dope are stupid, and they don't make it very far in life. Partying hard won't get you anywhere other than being labeled as a Stoner (or Drunk). He really gave the kids some great food for thought to chew on.

I started working out yesterday. My feeble attempt. I walked hard for 20 minutes. I would like to turn this into running 20+ minutes. So today I ran/walked. Tonight I'm going to offer to our 12yr old that I will run with him every day if he likes. It will be great training for him, and help me lose weight.

And I've lost 9 pounds since Christmas. I need to figure out how to update my weight tracker in the sidebar, without having to recreate the wheel every time.

In even more good news, one of the teachers for our daughter told me to call Childrens Hospital and get on their cancellation list. This will get the girls in sooner for their neurological & developmental exams. I called today. Low and behold there is a spot for both girls this upcoming Tuesday!! Hot damn! This is far better than waiting for April to roll around.