Pissed Off

UPDATE at bottom.

I did not get to go to the conference. My husband drove home this am, and ended up in a ditch himself with his SUV and studded tires. He got out of the ditch (2 miles from our home) and had to stop for two more accidents before he got here. One accident had 7-8 cars blocking the road. They all had to push each other off the road. Then there was a 5 car accident a block up the street from that mess. Glad we are all home and our cars are not damaged.

Now, for the thing I'm pissed off about. My husband called me a "f*ckin ogre". This is because our 4yr old daughter peed her pants this morning before her nap, she didn't ask for a dry pullup (big health no-no to sit in pee), we discovered she had a full pullup a few minutes ago, and she burst into tears telling me she wanted a hug. I told her "pee in pants is wet and smelly. I'll be happy to hug you when you are dry and smell good. Feel free to go take a bath or shower to clean up."

I got that idea from several other bloggers who have adopted older children, going thru the "wetting" experience.

So, what does my husband do? He says "Jesus God. You are a f*ckin ogre". Swell. AND he scoops up the 4yr old (she's almost 5) and hugs and smothers her in affection.

I never said I wouldn't hug her. I gave her a natural consequence for her actions. My husband already thinks it's consequence enough to be in pullups and diapers. I think she needs a gentle reality check, in several aspects of natural consequences, if they apply to the situation. I told my husband "there are lots of consequences to say, being an alcoholic." It's just so. I'm not trying to punish her, but open her eyes to the consequences of her actions.

In the meantime, our daughter is crying profusely into my husband's chest because I won't hug her (since she hasn't bathed yet).

I told her "Well, how about if I wet my pants, and ask you to come sit on my lap and give me a hug? How would that be?" She screams "NOT GOOD!" Well, there you have it. I told her I feel the same way, but I'm more than happy to hug her when she's cleaned up.

Mainly I worry that she has the naive view that this can continue with willy nilly consequences (pullups and diapers), and she thinks the rest of the world is fine with this behavior. I feel it's my job to open her eyes. We have told her countless times that if she pees her pants in kindergarten, kids will make fun of her. We haven't told her this to be mean, but to give her a glimpse of social consequences to her actions. Already she's at the point now where people at church don't want to deal with her in the preschool class. Sigh................
Makes me feel warm and fuzzy, but that's another story entirely.

So what do you think? Think I'm a f*ckin ogre for being straight up with her, telling her I would be more than happy to hug her after a bath and clean clothes? Please weigh in.

UPDATE: We found out she peed her pants this am, just before we sat down to dinner. So, not a real opportune time. But what is with kids? Before today, she's had numerous meltdowns with discovery of her peeing her pants, and once or twice she asked for a hug. I told "no, not at this time". I didn't want her to feel rewarded for peeing her pants, and I didn't want to hug her then and have her use that as a way to manipulate getting hugs. So today I thought I'd go a step further and say I'd hug her after she cleaned up.