My computer is having a personal problem. Running. Slower. Than. Molasses. I'll be back after we get this resolved..........................
As long as it took me 20 minutes to get this far, I'll add a couple things:
1. The accounting agency has still not ever gotten back to me about work.
2. I got on with the local school district as a sub. Long story. I have a 2hr orientation Wed, then I can start to sub on Thursday. Better to work & get some income, than wait around for no job at all. I can be employed by both.
3. My middle schooler woke up late today. I showered & got ready before driving him to school. As he was getting out of the car I told him I love him & said to have a great day. What did he say? "I could have still gotten here on time if you wouldn't have showered" and slammed the door. What a prick. Guess that's teenagers for ya.
4. Saw the movie "Fireproof" this weekend. It's a must see. I will warn you ahead of time, a majority of the movie is Christian, revolves around being a Christian, I have to admit the acting is poor (worse than LifeTime Network), and my husband felt preached at during this movie. I went knowing it was about a firefighter having marriage problems. Saw 2 clips on the Dr. Phil show. I cried thru about half the movie, seeing as we've walked the walk this guy is walking in his marriage. Tough stuff. It was quite pivotal for me to see this movie, and I imagine I'll buy it when it comes out (I rarely buy movies). But it was so chalk full of good nuggets, I really need to watch something like this a few times a year. Maybe once a month! Personally I'm really at a place in my life where marriage needs to come to the forefront and be placed as a high priority that is worked on daily, hourly, regularly, not just when we can actually get around to it. I think we've been doing our dance, neither of us doing anything stupid or immoral, but that's not enough. Marriage still gets to the breaking point when needs aren't met. Marriage gets to the breaking point when people are in pain & tired of being hurt. Marriage gets to the breaking point when tragedy strikes. Marriage gets to the breaking point when you don't know how to deal with disabled children. Etc. We naively went into marriage thinking "we'll try hard, work hard, stay moral, and it will all be good!" Stupid stupid stupid us. Boy were we stupid. Some how it wasn't enough. Sure, we worked hard, tried hard, and did the "right" things, but life throws curveballs. I think that is where our stumbling blocks have been, over the curveballs. I won't list them all. We all get curveballs thrown at us. Anyway, I signed us up for a marriage course thru our church. Seven week course starting Saturday. It includes dinner, so will be a nice free date. Well, the whole course, ciriculum, and dinners cost $45 for 7 weeks. Bargain. Hopefully some good will come from this ..........................................
Showing posts with label Christianity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christianity. Show all posts
Monday, September 29, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Where's Waldo?
So, where's Esther been? all over the place..................
A couple weeks ago I went to my 20yr high school reunion. Absolutely a hoot! Nice to reconnect with folks and catch up. Fortunately I was having a good hair day. This was a gift since earlier in the day, the dog ate one of my sandals I was going to wear that night. ARGH! Fortuneatly I found another acceptable pair at the last minute. In my closet, of all places. Who knew? Maybe time to clean the closet?
My DSL line came back up the day we left town (again). After dealing with 17 employees, Verizon figured out the problem was on their end. Sigh....
My DSL line came back up the day we left town (again). After dealing with 17 employees, Verizon figured out the problem was on their end. Sigh....
The puppy saw the vet for the umpteenth time today. She is still not well on her own. Sigh. We are going "antibiotic-free" for now, to see where that leads us. If she goes down hill, the vet wants to do a surgical procedure and send some workup to a lab. That doesn't sound fun. Or cheap.
The two older boys are getting braces this week. Not fun or cheap either. We are paying upfront so we will at least get a 5% discount. I'll be grateful and not look a gift horse in the mouth.
I took the younger two boys out of town to visit a relative for four days. I managed the trailer at an RV park, all by myself. Thank you very much. We biked, BBQ'd, swam, and hit the local beaches and river. Very fun. After four days, we started out for a one hr trip to hit our second destination, where we would meet up with the rest of the family. Turned into an 8 hr trip due to a broken ferry boat. In the future I will NOT incorporate any ferry into our travel plans, if time management is a big factor. We then camped for four days as an entire family. And there is a first time for everything. I've never personally been in trouble or reprimanded on a trip, by any local employees. I went berry picking for a few hours, leaving the trusty husband & kids at the campsite. While I was gone, they were swinging in the trees. I don't know why. A park employee scolded them, said it's not allowed, or they'd have to leave. nice.
Here's another nice camping story for you. Back at family bible camp in July, after five days, I used the toilet for #1, flushed, and it over flowed. Full tank. I told my DH to come help me (we have several children, their friend, etc., with us. Seriously, he looked at me, said "whenever", and walked away. I thought about killing him. But couldn't dwell on that long, seeing as I had pee to clean. I scooped out cup full after cup full of urine and kept tossing in the dirt. Gross. And I was pissed at my DH for more than 24 hrs. Well, on this trip this last week, I awoke one morning to a strange clanking sound in the bathroom of the trailer. I asked DH what the noise was. He said "I went #2, flushed, and it over flowed. Flooded. I'm using a cup to scoop up all the poop and toss it." I have not laughed so hard to myself in I don't know how long. What goes around comes around. Payback is a bitch. I laughed so hard to myself, I just may have peed my pants a little.
I took the younger two boys out of town to visit a relative for four days. I managed the trailer at an RV park, all by myself. Thank you very much. We biked, BBQ'd, swam, and hit the local beaches and river. Very fun. After four days, we started out for a one hr trip to hit our second destination, where we would meet up with the rest of the family. Turned into an 8 hr trip due to a broken ferry boat. In the future I will NOT incorporate any ferry into our travel plans, if time management is a big factor. We then camped for four days as an entire family. And there is a first time for everything. I've never personally been in trouble or reprimanded on a trip, by any local employees. I went berry picking for a few hours, leaving the trusty husband & kids at the campsite. While I was gone, they were swinging in the trees. I don't know why. A park employee scolded them, said it's not allowed, or they'd have to leave. nice.
Here's another nice camping story for you. Back at family bible camp in July, after five days, I used the toilet for #1, flushed, and it over flowed. Full tank. I told my DH to come help me (we have several children, their friend, etc., with us. Seriously, he looked at me, said "whenever", and walked away. I thought about killing him. But couldn't dwell on that long, seeing as I had pee to clean. I scooped out cup full after cup full of urine and kept tossing in the dirt. Gross. And I was pissed at my DH for more than 24 hrs. Well, on this trip this last week, I awoke one morning to a strange clanking sound in the bathroom of the trailer. I asked DH what the noise was. He said "I went #2, flushed, and it over flowed. Flooded. I'm using a cup to scoop up all the poop and toss it." I have not laughed so hard to myself in I don't know how long. What goes around comes around. Payback is a bitch. I laughed so hard to myself, I just may have peed my pants a little.
Final camping thoughts. I must rethink our multi week road trip next year. The day I took the trailer down, drove for 8hrs (ferry was out for the day; I had to drive the long way around), plus put the tent trailer back up again...............
This left me beyond exhausted. I'm still having hip & sciatic pain. We will do the trip, but I will only travel a long distance where there is a shared driver (DH). I will take the kids separately by myself, to a nice long trip in, oh, Oregon. One state away. And stay there for a week or two. Quite manageable.
I deleted the knitting blog. I really don't have time for a second blog at the moment. I'll post some random craft pics over here occasionally.
My garden is coming in really well. Really late, but it's coming in. I need to learn how to do a "hot water bath" in lieu of pressure canning. I will have alot of pumpkin to can this year.
Since April, I've been looking for a job with two local school districts. Other than the one interview I had, I have not been called about a thing. Nada. Zilch. I've stopped by the HR depts, called every few weeks, and nothing happens. Getting rather sick of that. So yesterday I called one of the districts to ask what was up. Do they only hire from within? Are they laying off? Am I over-qualified? Are they NOT hiring highly qualified people? etc. etc. The HR director got a good laugh, said they aren't hiring much. Mostly people from within are taking on second jobs, which doesn't leave any room for new hires. The economy sucks and all. The other school district is not hiring, and they actually just laid off several employees in positions I applied for. That's not going anywhere productive for me.
During my daily perusal of jobs on the school district site, I noticed a listing for as Aspergers Assistant in a program called "Connections". Um, my kid has Aspergers; why hasn't anyone told me about this program? So I called Special Needs supervisor in the district. She said kids on an IEP are put into the program, per a referral from the school psychologist. My son sees the school psychologist, and attends two groups weekly that they hold for kids with social/behavioral/developmental needs. I asked if an IEP is driven by the parents? staff? She said it's driven by parents. Why do I need to be the last to know this? So I put in a call to the Aspergers teacher, and our school psychologist to see if our son can attend either the part-time or full day program. I'm not sure how it all works. At least the district will provide transportation since it's not at our designated school. Will keep updating.......
Our oldest son has been to a religious bible camp. Rather a revival. He came home the day I left for a trip without him. While gone, he tried quite hard to convince my DH that we go to the wrong kind of church (community bible church) and that we need to go to the church that sponsors the camp (baptist). My DH gave him ample opportunity to discuss, and we will not be changing churches. However, we told him we are more than happy for him to attend jr high bible study & jr high youth group there. And to boot, one of the leaders lives five minutes from us and is providing transportation! woo hoo! DH looked up our church beliefs on line, along with the baptist church. They have the same beliefs and mission statements. So, he showed our son why we are not changing churches. I will say though that I'm enjoying the new religious child. The Lord is in his heart, and he truly seems like a different kid. He offers to help around the house, is not fighting with siblings, has been affectionate, and is reading his bible daily. AMEN!
Back to the job front, by the time yesterdays conversations took place, I was getting rather sick of our school district. And the thought of working for one. It's never been my ambition to work for a school district. The hours of work was the big huge plus for me. So I got to thinking and decided: I'm going back to college fall quarter, getting my accounting skills updated (Excel & some accounting software), and applying for accounting work after the first of the year.
Then I thought, aren't there any accounting temp jobs where I could still be a SAHM in the summer? Ah, yes. There are! BINGO! So I called one of these services today (Robert Haff Account Temps---an intl organization), and told them all this, and they said:
"sign with us. You can take the computer courses thru us for free. Then you can start working as a temp for us. Since you have a bachelors degree in accounting, you will see that since you've been out of work, Generally Accepted Accounting Principles (GAAP) has not changed greatly. You just have to update your computer skills. Pleasure talking with you."
It was as easy as that.
I'm unofficially hired, and bringing in my tax & employee info on 9/4. That day I will start three online courses with them. And we're off and running..................
I'm still a little shell shocked it was that easy.
I deleted the knitting blog. I really don't have time for a second blog at the moment. I'll post some random craft pics over here occasionally.
My garden is coming in really well. Really late, but it's coming in. I need to learn how to do a "hot water bath" in lieu of pressure canning. I will have alot of pumpkin to can this year.
Since April, I've been looking for a job with two local school districts. Other than the one interview I had, I have not been called about a thing. Nada. Zilch. I've stopped by the HR depts, called every few weeks, and nothing happens. Getting rather sick of that. So yesterday I called one of the districts to ask what was up. Do they only hire from within? Are they laying off? Am I over-qualified? Are they NOT hiring highly qualified people? etc. etc. The HR director got a good laugh, said they aren't hiring much. Mostly people from within are taking on second jobs, which doesn't leave any room for new hires. The economy sucks and all. The other school district is not hiring, and they actually just laid off several employees in positions I applied for. That's not going anywhere productive for me.
During my daily perusal of jobs on the school district site, I noticed a listing for as Aspergers Assistant in a program called "Connections". Um, my kid has Aspergers; why hasn't anyone told me about this program? So I called Special Needs supervisor in the district. She said kids on an IEP are put into the program, per a referral from the school psychologist. My son sees the school psychologist, and attends two groups weekly that they hold for kids with social/behavioral/developmental needs. I asked if an IEP is driven by the parents? staff? She said it's driven by parents. Why do I need to be the last to know this? So I put in a call to the Aspergers teacher, and our school psychologist to see if our son can attend either the part-time or full day program. I'm not sure how it all works. At least the district will provide transportation since it's not at our designated school. Will keep updating.......
Our oldest son has been to a religious bible camp. Rather a revival. He came home the day I left for a trip without him. While gone, he tried quite hard to convince my DH that we go to the wrong kind of church (community bible church) and that we need to go to the church that sponsors the camp (baptist). My DH gave him ample opportunity to discuss, and we will not be changing churches. However, we told him we are more than happy for him to attend jr high bible study & jr high youth group there. And to boot, one of the leaders lives five minutes from us and is providing transportation! woo hoo! DH looked up our church beliefs on line, along with the baptist church. They have the same beliefs and mission statements. So, he showed our son why we are not changing churches. I will say though that I'm enjoying the new religious child. The Lord is in his heart, and he truly seems like a different kid. He offers to help around the house, is not fighting with siblings, has been affectionate, and is reading his bible daily. AMEN!
Back to the job front, by the time yesterdays conversations took place, I was getting rather sick of our school district. And the thought of working for one. It's never been my ambition to work for a school district. The hours of work was the big huge plus for me. So I got to thinking and decided: I'm going back to college fall quarter, getting my accounting skills updated (Excel & some accounting software), and applying for accounting work after the first of the year.
Then I thought, aren't there any accounting temp jobs where I could still be a SAHM in the summer? Ah, yes. There are! BINGO! So I called one of these services today (Robert Haff Account Temps---an intl organization), and told them all this, and they said:
"sign with us. You can take the computer courses thru us for free. Then you can start working as a temp for us. Since you have a bachelors degree in accounting, you will see that since you've been out of work, Generally Accepted Accounting Principles (GAAP) has not changed greatly. You just have to update your computer skills. Pleasure talking with you."
It was as easy as that.
I'm unofficially hired, and bringing in my tax & employee info on 9/4. That day I will start three online courses with them. And we're off and running..................
I'm still a little shell shocked it was that easy.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
He Calls Us
God calls us. He is calling me here:
This has been on my heart for years. Our church makes a mission trip there every year. I will be going in January 2009 with them, and I just signed up for it this morning after services. Our church helps care for the orphans and sick, at a hospital/dental clinic in Haiti.
God calls us to help the orphans. And I answer that call.
God is good. Just this afternoon, thru Deb's blog, I was led to THIS blog. Who knew I went there to see a joke, and found out this family lives in Haiti!
God is good. All the time.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Just Tragic
http://www.stevencurtischapman.com/
God bless their family. I can't even imagine how horrible the brother feels.............
Just tragic.
God bless their family. I can't even imagine how horrible the brother feels.............
Just tragic.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
I Got the Job
Today I interviewed for the Saturday only job, and it turned into something else entirely!!
The original position was for a receptionist/management at an upscale Salon & Spa, Saturday only (9-5pm). The owner (female) offered me the job last week, and told me to drop by a resume. So I did that. She called last night and asked if I could come in and talk. Her husband was there (he's the other owner). We talked for over an hour, and the whole thing is set in stone now. I start next Friday (training), and my first day on the job is Saturday April 5.
This job has now turned into me being their accountant, also, one additional day per week. Probably in six months or so. They want to phase out their old accountant because he/she costs an arm and a leg. The salon is closed on Mondays, so I can come in to do the accounting every Monday with no one bothering me, during the day.
I wanted to pursue this Saturday only job as opposed to working in the day or evening. If I applied for the Tues-Fri afternoon/evening position, I'd miss four days of my kids sports and activities. Working Saturday will allow me to be at almost all their events. Actually, all three kids are in sports right now (swimming, track, baseball). Only baseball falls on Saturday too. Most of their sports are during the week.
I've avoided looking for accounting/bookkeeping employment because it's mainly 40-60 hours per week, M-F. That leaves me running errands several evenings a week, and thus missing our children's' sports and activities (youth group, etc.). Additionally, getting the kids to doctor/dentist/ortho appts is difficult when working M-F during the day.
I'm really excited. And to boot, I get all salon services complimentary. This includes massage, nails, facials, hair care & color, waxing (ouch), cosmetology, hair/skin products, etc. I do have to pay cost for any product, but that's a steal!! They want me to use as many services as possible so I can promote them. They do not have to ask me twice to get a free massage! Additionally, they want me to go to the styling and skin care classes with the staff. The owners want me informed about everything on the planet so I can help recommend and answer questions for clients, without having them wait for a stylist or owner to come up to the front desk. I love this!! Hair and makeup have been a fascination of mine for decades!
And yes, I will post soon about our thoughts on adopting again. Thanks for your patience there. I know several of you have emailed me about that. The bottom line is we are pro-adoption, desire giving disadvantaged kids a home, and would still like to adopt an older child should God orchestrate it all. Our only requirement is that the child NOT be a predator and/or danger to our family. Safety and keeping our family in tact is of paramount importance. Cheers!!
The original position was for a receptionist/management at an upscale Salon & Spa, Saturday only (9-5pm). The owner (female) offered me the job last week, and told me to drop by a resume. So I did that. She called last night and asked if I could come in and talk. Her husband was there (he's the other owner). We talked for over an hour, and the whole thing is set in stone now. I start next Friday (training), and my first day on the job is Saturday April 5.
This job has now turned into me being their accountant, also, one additional day per week. Probably in six months or so. They want to phase out their old accountant because he/she costs an arm and a leg. The salon is closed on Mondays, so I can come in to do the accounting every Monday with no one bothering me, during the day.
I wanted to pursue this Saturday only job as opposed to working in the day or evening. If I applied for the Tues-Fri afternoon/evening position, I'd miss four days of my kids sports and activities. Working Saturday will allow me to be at almost all their events. Actually, all three kids are in sports right now (swimming, track, baseball). Only baseball falls on Saturday too. Most of their sports are during the week.
I've avoided looking for accounting/bookkeeping employment because it's mainly 40-60 hours per week, M-F. That leaves me running errands several evenings a week, and thus missing our children's' sports and activities (youth group, etc.). Additionally, getting the kids to doctor/dentist/ortho appts is difficult when working M-F during the day.
I'm really excited. And to boot, I get all salon services complimentary. This includes massage, nails, facials, hair care & color, waxing (ouch), cosmetology, hair/skin products, etc. I do have to pay cost for any product, but that's a steal!! They want me to use as many services as possible so I can promote them. They do not have to ask me twice to get a free massage! Additionally, they want me to go to the styling and skin care classes with the staff. The owners want me informed about everything on the planet so I can help recommend and answer questions for clients, without having them wait for a stylist or owner to come up to the front desk. I love this!! Hair and makeup have been a fascination of mine for decades!
And yes, I will post soon about our thoughts on adopting again. Thanks for your patience there. I know several of you have emailed me about that. The bottom line is we are pro-adoption, desire giving disadvantaged kids a home, and would still like to adopt an older child should God orchestrate it all. Our only requirement is that the child NOT be a predator and/or danger to our family. Safety and keeping our family in tact is of paramount importance. Cheers!!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Easter and the Alcoholic Friend
I hope everyone had a great Easter. We had a great weekend, and did things differently. It was nice, for the most part. Saturday we went to a bible study dinner potluck and egg hunt. Nice company, good food, but I felt rather out of it. I mean, this bible study group was put together for people with young children. Well, our youngest child is 9-1/2 now. With the girls gone, I felt like my kids were old enough to be the babysitters. We will continue with the group for the year, and finish that out. I know the intention of the group is to keep going for several years and we've made some really great friends. Maybe my husband and I will be the mentoring couple, or something along those lines. I mean seriously, in the egg hunt, it was 2-4yr olds. We let our 9yr old in on the hunt. What did the older boys do? They hid the eggs prior to the hunt with the adults.
Easter morning went off with a bang: All three boys and my husband yelling, swearing, and fighting over lost clothes, unironed clothes, and missing shoes. I mean seriously. Do they think yelling, fighting, and swearing will solve the problem? What about a little advance preparation (like every Saturday night)? What about just fixing the problem, not the blame. I really hate that, the old "fix the blame, not the problem" sort of scenario. I turned up my radio really loud in the bathroom, finished getting ready for church, and promptly left on time, without my family. They really should have been ashamed of themselves. I've never seen any of them behave so poorly, especially on a religious holiday. So I sat in church alone (which was fine by me). I noticed my husband and boys slink in about 5 minutes late for church. I'm so short, you can't find me in a crowd of hundreds. After church my husband asked if I want to go to WalMart with him and the boys to get summer clothes for our upcoming Disney trip. Um, ya. Right. I told all four of them I'm ashamed of them & their behavior, and that they were appalling. I drove around for a couple hours alone to clear my head. Upon my return home, the boys & husband were eating chicken nuggets & fries. Since no one was particularly hungry after that, I got to skip the whole huge Easter dinner extravaganza. Worked for me. The boys and husband all apologized to me. We then watched "Karate Kid" and had a great rest of the evening. Yesterday I made our Easter dinner, and it was delicious. The evening ended with my husband asking me to adopt again. I think I have to dedicate a whole separate post about this.
OK. So onto the story about the Alcoholic Friend. Ya know, this relationship has gone full circle so many times over the years. She and I are like sisters to each other, that we do not have biologically. We've known each other over 25 years, and have always been in consistent contact. She is a tad weird, but I've never held that against her. We've always thought, "well, that's just her." And I love her as she is. The tough part is she has mental problems and she is a recovering alcoholic. Our relationship has gone thru phases of limping, more than relating, at times. She will end up in circumstances that are deplorable, by her own poor choices. And I've had to shake off my co-dependant wardrobe, put on the healthy layer, and decline her begging, asking, and guilt-tripping me for help. Since I won't solve her problems for her or rescue her, she often went into begging for me to watch her young children endlessly, while she could go off and "solve" her own problems (solving, to her, is doing things like borrowing tons of money from relatives, or putting on a bikini & hopping in someone's boat for the day). I watched her kids for her in an emergency, and another emergency, and yet another. I lost track after a point, but was getting resentful. She has parents & grandparents who can watch the kids. I don't even have that, yet she wanted to dump her kids on me all the time. Finally push came to a shove when I declined to watch her kids once. She told a mutual friend that "Esther owes her." oh, no no no no. That about ended the friendship. Since I keep a calendar, I had record of all the times I watched her kids. I sent her a note, with all the dates I'd watched her kids (in the last year or two), and told her I don't owe her. And that I wouldn't be watching her kids anymore. We could be friends, but I'm not the free nanny. She pretty much quit asking, and my family eventually moved to another city. Completely out of her way now to make it worth her time to drop her kids off.
To get up to speed, a year or two later, without telling anyone, she went to "visit her brother out of state." While there, she actually checked herself into in-patient rehab. Good for her, but alot of us really resented her abandoning her family with no notice. She really hurt her children. She didn't even try counseling or out-patient treatment first. Personally I feel like she wanted a 5 month vacation. She was gone that long, missing one child's birthday, and all the fall/winter holidays. Thank God I didn't live close enough for her husband to ask me to take the kids. Their marriage survived, and she went back to college to earn a professional degree. She now has a 4yr degree & professional job. She confided in me that she is only with her husband because she needed someone to support her during her college days, and she will leave him when her career is making enough money. Gee, not uncomfortable or anything. I've kept her confidence, but avoid her husband. He is a louse, and she should have left him years ago. I don't say those things lightly, but he has even given her sexually transmitted diseases because he's cheated on her. He's actually done so many unthinkable things to her and in/out of their relationship, that she legally separated from him at one point. I got called by their lawyers, asking for personal affidavits about them (character witness), as they were fighting for custody of the kids. Even with my girlfriends problems, the letter I wrote about her husband makes my friend look like a saint by default. I think her husband realized with that letter/affidavit, that he had zero chance of custody of his kids. I don't know that he wants custody per se, but more than that wants to avoid paying child support. Personally, I'd like to hit them both over the head with a rolling pin.
I finally felt like she was too clingy and needed to stand on her own two feet (about a year ago). With me always there for her to complain to, I feel that's all she did. And her husband is too cheap to pay for her to go to counseling. She even now won't pay for personal or marital counseling now that she is gainfully employed.
The final straw was seeing her at the wrestling tournament last week. She seemed higher than a kite, talking about things my husband and I felt totally bizarre. She also fell off the bleacher into the aisle. For no apparent reason. She and I were talking, and next thing I knew she fell straight over to her left, sort of on her back, with legs up in the air. I strongly suspect she had been drinking. I also saw her husband, whose eyes were red & totally glazed over.
I don't want to get together with her. I feel like it's perpetuating something negative. I would like our friendship to go somewhere positive, but with an addict, it's a whole nother ball game.
Any suggestions? She wanted to get together tomorrow for lunch. At the tournament I said sure. Today I cancelled on her, with the excuse that I'm too busy this week. I'm really just buying time until I can figure out what to tell her. How do you confront something like this? There are her personal problems and addiction, which is one thing (not my business), but I truly don't have desire to be in friendship with someone like this. Even though she says I'm her best friend. I truly love her, but don't want to be around her. And I have my children to think about. I need to keep them around safe people, and set a good example for them.
Please leave me your suggestions.
Easter morning went off with a bang: All three boys and my husband yelling, swearing, and fighting over lost clothes, unironed clothes, and missing shoes. I mean seriously. Do they think yelling, fighting, and swearing will solve the problem? What about a little advance preparation (like every Saturday night)? What about just fixing the problem, not the blame. I really hate that, the old "fix the blame, not the problem" sort of scenario. I turned up my radio really loud in the bathroom, finished getting ready for church, and promptly left on time, without my family. They really should have been ashamed of themselves. I've never seen any of them behave so poorly, especially on a religious holiday. So I sat in church alone (which was fine by me). I noticed my husband and boys slink in about 5 minutes late for church. I'm so short, you can't find me in a crowd of hundreds. After church my husband asked if I want to go to WalMart with him and the boys to get summer clothes for our upcoming Disney trip. Um, ya. Right. I told all four of them I'm ashamed of them & their behavior, and that they were appalling. I drove around for a couple hours alone to clear my head. Upon my return home, the boys & husband were eating chicken nuggets & fries. Since no one was particularly hungry after that, I got to skip the whole huge Easter dinner extravaganza. Worked for me. The boys and husband all apologized to me. We then watched "Karate Kid" and had a great rest of the evening. Yesterday I made our Easter dinner, and it was delicious. The evening ended with my husband asking me to adopt again. I think I have to dedicate a whole separate post about this.
OK. So onto the story about the Alcoholic Friend. Ya know, this relationship has gone full circle so many times over the years. She and I are like sisters to each other, that we do not have biologically. We've known each other over 25 years, and have always been in consistent contact. She is a tad weird, but I've never held that against her. We've always thought, "well, that's just her." And I love her as she is. The tough part is she has mental problems and she is a recovering alcoholic. Our relationship has gone thru phases of limping, more than relating, at times. She will end up in circumstances that are deplorable, by her own poor choices. And I've had to shake off my co-dependant wardrobe, put on the healthy layer, and decline her begging, asking, and guilt-tripping me for help. Since I won't solve her problems for her or rescue her, she often went into begging for me to watch her young children endlessly, while she could go off and "solve" her own problems (solving, to her, is doing things like borrowing tons of money from relatives, or putting on a bikini & hopping in someone's boat for the day). I watched her kids for her in an emergency, and another emergency, and yet another. I lost track after a point, but was getting resentful. She has parents & grandparents who can watch the kids. I don't even have that, yet she wanted to dump her kids on me all the time. Finally push came to a shove when I declined to watch her kids once. She told a mutual friend that "Esther owes her." oh, no no no no. That about ended the friendship. Since I keep a calendar, I had record of all the times I watched her kids. I sent her a note, with all the dates I'd watched her kids (in the last year or two), and told her I don't owe her. And that I wouldn't be watching her kids anymore. We could be friends, but I'm not the free nanny. She pretty much quit asking, and my family eventually moved to another city. Completely out of her way now to make it worth her time to drop her kids off.
To get up to speed, a year or two later, without telling anyone, she went to "visit her brother out of state." While there, she actually checked herself into in-patient rehab. Good for her, but alot of us really resented her abandoning her family with no notice. She really hurt her children. She didn't even try counseling or out-patient treatment first. Personally I feel like she wanted a 5 month vacation. She was gone that long, missing one child's birthday, and all the fall/winter holidays. Thank God I didn't live close enough for her husband to ask me to take the kids. Their marriage survived, and she went back to college to earn a professional degree. She now has a 4yr degree & professional job. She confided in me that she is only with her husband because she needed someone to support her during her college days, and she will leave him when her career is making enough money. Gee, not uncomfortable or anything. I've kept her confidence, but avoid her husband. He is a louse, and she should have left him years ago. I don't say those things lightly, but he has even given her sexually transmitted diseases because he's cheated on her. He's actually done so many unthinkable things to her and in/out of their relationship, that she legally separated from him at one point. I got called by their lawyers, asking for personal affidavits about them (character witness), as they were fighting for custody of the kids. Even with my girlfriends problems, the letter I wrote about her husband makes my friend look like a saint by default. I think her husband realized with that letter/affidavit, that he had zero chance of custody of his kids. I don't know that he wants custody per se, but more than that wants to avoid paying child support. Personally, I'd like to hit them both over the head with a rolling pin.
I finally felt like she was too clingy and needed to stand on her own two feet (about a year ago). With me always there for her to complain to, I feel that's all she did. And her husband is too cheap to pay for her to go to counseling. She even now won't pay for personal or marital counseling now that she is gainfully employed.
The final straw was seeing her at the wrestling tournament last week. She seemed higher than a kite, talking about things my husband and I felt totally bizarre. She also fell off the bleacher into the aisle. For no apparent reason. She and I were talking, and next thing I knew she fell straight over to her left, sort of on her back, with legs up in the air. I strongly suspect she had been drinking. I also saw her husband, whose eyes were red & totally glazed over.
I don't want to get together with her. I feel like it's perpetuating something negative. I would like our friendship to go somewhere positive, but with an addict, it's a whole nother ball game.
Any suggestions? She wanted to get together tomorrow for lunch. At the tournament I said sure. Today I cancelled on her, with the excuse that I'm too busy this week. I'm really just buying time until I can figure out what to tell her. How do you confront something like this? There are her personal problems and addiction, which is one thing (not my business), but I truly don't have desire to be in friendship with someone like this. Even though she says I'm her best friend. I truly love her, but don't want to be around her. And I have my children to think about. I need to keep them around safe people, and set a good example for them.
Please leave me your suggestions.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Home 4 Months & FCAP
Our girls have been home 4 months today. WOW!
I found out from the girls SW that FCAP is Foster Child Assessment Program/Plan. When DSHS isn't cutting it, a parent/guardian can request an FCAP, which is done thru an independent company. The state pays for this. In our case, our 4yr olds files have been sent over to Lutheran Services, where they will have a panel read the files, interview the parent and child, and advise recommendations for her treatment and care. The panel consists of professionals, counselors, educators, doctors, specialists, etc. I don't know if they are paid or volunteer, but sounds interesting either way. Our file was sent over Friday, and they are supposed to call me this week to set up some meetings with me and our daughter. The SW said not many people request an FCAP, so they get done pretty quickly, and with success from what he's seen.
Frankly I'm really tired. Just being honest.
Friday I called our class president from my high school graduating class. I graduated in 1988, so our 20yr reunion should be this summer. Is there anything planned? Of course not. The class president, a guy (former pothead), asked if I would organize and run the reunion. I told him I'm not in a place right now where I have any extra capacity for anything beyond raising my 5 kids, two of which I explained are newly adopted. I suggested a location for the reunion, and an email round-robin of sorts to organize it that way. He is going to pay some money to have a reunion company find everyone and get this going. Works for me. Also Friday our 11yr old had his birthday party. It went really well. We noticed our 4yr old seems really alive and full of zest around large groups. I think preschool will be really good for her. I'm still waiting to hear back from the school district preschool and EACAP.
Saturday I signed our 11yr old up for baseball, went clothes shopping for the girls, and went to a scrap booking event at my friends house for the evening. I met a couple of other adoptive parents, one lady who is dealing with the same issues as me. Her son is only a year older than my 4yr old, so we can really relate. It was nice to hear her experience and know I'm not alone in this.
A couple of commenters have asked if the state can take the girls away. Yes. The adoptions are not final, so yes, the state can do what they want. Seriously though, if they took the girls from us because they are a bunch of assholes who do not want to pay for medical services for my daughter, and have a bunch of diagnoses formalized in writing about her (in which case social services will look like a bunch of dumbasses for missing it all..........), well, I think every politician in our country will be hearing about this. Not to mention every news channel. The sad thing is, I don't know what the state would be solving in the long run if they take the girls away. They could try to place them again under the guise of "they are smart, cute, and perfectly healthy". Some nice family would come along like us, be totally blind sighted, and go thru the same thing as us. They could continue with the adoption, or disrupt. If they disrupt, the state can eventually place the girls in separate homes (when the younger sister is over 4yrs old) so that the younger sister has a legitimate chance of being adopted. With the issues our older daughter has, her counselor says there is a 99% chance she will never be adopted by anyone other than us. She'd just bounce around in the system or a group home until she's 16-18 and the state kicks her to the curb.
Last night we went to our small group thru our church. It's a community group, half a dozen couples dealing with raising young children. We are all at that place in our life. I enjoy the friendship and camaraderie in this group. In addition to discussing our kids/family lives, we are discussing current events, Christianity, and how it all plays out. Very interesting. Last night we started a discussion on homosexuality. Oh so interesting. The point of last nights session was to discuss how people have different points of view on homosexuality, and even from church to church, there are different opinions. We all agree that the churches out there that are parading, picketing, and going to the media with signs saying "God hates FAGS" isn't really doing anyone any good. Hate doesn't solve anything.
Let's see. What else is going on. I cancelled the 4yr olds counseling appt for today. I have way too much going on this week, and need a break today. Not to mention, the counselor's time would be better spent at this point working on referrals for us and the preschool plan.
I'm doing alot of thinking about how to take better care of myself, so I will be more relaxed, healthy, and a better wife and mother. I made a counseling appt for the 21st, and I'm looking forward to that. I have seen this counselor before regarding adoption, and she's really great. I have enjoyed listening to her suggestions and having a person to vent to. Also I started a diet on December 26. I needed to lose about 45 pounds. So far I've lost 4. So I'm feeling pretty good about that. This weight loss thing has been an odyssey. Back in 2002-2003 I lost 72 pounds. Over the last couple years, about 20 pounds has reappeared. Not to mention I wasn't at my goal weight in 2003 anyway. So, this is the year. I'm going for the goal weight. And I'll look good for my high school reunion as an added perk. One incentive I've given myself is that every ten pounds that comes off, I'm buying myself a beauty treatment. Get some pampering. So I have a spa manicure scheduled for mid-February. That's a reasonable goal.
This year I would like to catch up on my scrap booking. I'm about 5years behind. I have no clue how it got that bad. So between that and some sewing projects, I'm going to be having some creative fun.
Another really important aspect of my life is humor. I am going to keep looking at most things tongue-in-cheek, and laugh instead of cry. I'm that sort of person anyway, but I'm going to try to look for the humor even more than before. I think it will get us thru some rough times.
Gotta run. I have a son home puking with the flu. And I need to wipe a 2yr old's butt.
I found out from the girls SW that FCAP is Foster Child Assessment Program/Plan. When DSHS isn't cutting it, a parent/guardian can request an FCAP, which is done thru an independent company. The state pays for this. In our case, our 4yr olds files have been sent over to Lutheran Services, where they will have a panel read the files, interview the parent and child, and advise recommendations for her treatment and care. The panel consists of professionals, counselors, educators, doctors, specialists, etc. I don't know if they are paid or volunteer, but sounds interesting either way. Our file was sent over Friday, and they are supposed to call me this week to set up some meetings with me and our daughter. The SW said not many people request an FCAP, so they get done pretty quickly, and with success from what he's seen.
Frankly I'm really tired. Just being honest.
Friday I called our class president from my high school graduating class. I graduated in 1988, so our 20yr reunion should be this summer. Is there anything planned? Of course not. The class president, a guy (former pothead), asked if I would organize and run the reunion. I told him I'm not in a place right now where I have any extra capacity for anything beyond raising my 5 kids, two of which I explained are newly adopted. I suggested a location for the reunion, and an email round-robin of sorts to organize it that way. He is going to pay some money to have a reunion company find everyone and get this going. Works for me. Also Friday our 11yr old had his birthday party. It went really well. We noticed our 4yr old seems really alive and full of zest around large groups. I think preschool will be really good for her. I'm still waiting to hear back from the school district preschool and EACAP.
Saturday I signed our 11yr old up for baseball, went clothes shopping for the girls, and went to a scrap booking event at my friends house for the evening. I met a couple of other adoptive parents, one lady who is dealing with the same issues as me. Her son is only a year older than my 4yr old, so we can really relate. It was nice to hear her experience and know I'm not alone in this.
A couple of commenters have asked if the state can take the girls away. Yes. The adoptions are not final, so yes, the state can do what they want. Seriously though, if they took the girls from us because they are a bunch of assholes who do not want to pay for medical services for my daughter, and have a bunch of diagnoses formalized in writing about her (in which case social services will look like a bunch of dumbasses for missing it all..........), well, I think every politician in our country will be hearing about this. Not to mention every news channel. The sad thing is, I don't know what the state would be solving in the long run if they take the girls away. They could try to place them again under the guise of "they are smart, cute, and perfectly healthy". Some nice family would come along like us, be totally blind sighted, and go thru the same thing as us. They could continue with the adoption, or disrupt. If they disrupt, the state can eventually place the girls in separate homes (when the younger sister is over 4yrs old) so that the younger sister has a legitimate chance of being adopted. With the issues our older daughter has, her counselor says there is a 99% chance she will never be adopted by anyone other than us. She'd just bounce around in the system or a group home until she's 16-18 and the state kicks her to the curb.
Last night we went to our small group thru our church. It's a community group, half a dozen couples dealing with raising young children. We are all at that place in our life. I enjoy the friendship and camaraderie in this group. In addition to discussing our kids/family lives, we are discussing current events, Christianity, and how it all plays out. Very interesting. Last night we started a discussion on homosexuality. Oh so interesting. The point of last nights session was to discuss how people have different points of view on homosexuality, and even from church to church, there are different opinions. We all agree that the churches out there that are parading, picketing, and going to the media with signs saying "God hates FAGS" isn't really doing anyone any good. Hate doesn't solve anything.
Let's see. What else is going on. I cancelled the 4yr olds counseling appt for today. I have way too much going on this week, and need a break today. Not to mention, the counselor's time would be better spent at this point working on referrals for us and the preschool plan.
I'm doing alot of thinking about how to take better care of myself, so I will be more relaxed, healthy, and a better wife and mother. I made a counseling appt for the 21st, and I'm looking forward to that. I have seen this counselor before regarding adoption, and she's really great. I have enjoyed listening to her suggestions and having a person to vent to. Also I started a diet on December 26. I needed to lose about 45 pounds. So far I've lost 4. So I'm feeling pretty good about that. This weight loss thing has been an odyssey. Back in 2002-2003 I lost 72 pounds. Over the last couple years, about 20 pounds has reappeared. Not to mention I wasn't at my goal weight in 2003 anyway. So, this is the year. I'm going for the goal weight. And I'll look good for my high school reunion as an added perk. One incentive I've given myself is that every ten pounds that comes off, I'm buying myself a beauty treatment. Get some pampering. So I have a spa manicure scheduled for mid-February. That's a reasonable goal.
This year I would like to catch up on my scrap booking. I'm about 5years behind. I have no clue how it got that bad. So between that and some sewing projects, I'm going to be having some creative fun.
Another really important aspect of my life is humor. I am going to keep looking at most things tongue-in-cheek, and laugh instead of cry. I'm that sort of person anyway, but I'm going to try to look for the humor even more than before. I think it will get us thru some rough times.
Gotta run. I have a son home puking with the flu. And I need to wipe a 2yr old's butt.
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