The EACAP preschool has told me that our 4yr old qualifies to go (no kidding) and that they are trying to move a morning boy to the afternoon class so our daughter can attend in the am. Works for me. Our 4yr old gets moved to the top of the waiting list because she has issues, and because she's a ward of the state. The director told me that I fill out all the paperwork for her to attend, not the SW. So, I've called the SW twice to keep him in the loop. Haven't heard back from him.
In adoption news, our 4yr old's counselor D called yesterday. She said the state SW & our agency SW have both called her, asking her the same things. It wasn't pretty. The SW's job is to complete an adoption, regardless of anything else. They told her they feel that she, D, is giving me anxiety about adopting the girls, filling my head with ideas of disruption, and they want her off the case. She told them me and my daughter are her clients, and it's MY decision to attend counseling or not. The conversation didn't get prettier. They told her to refrain from saying my daughter's brain is like a piece of Swiss Cheese. D said, "well, all her cylinders aren't working. Would you like me to phrase it like that?" They did not end on amicable terms, and I'm dreading the fallout. I emailed our agency SW and told her that seeing D has been a 100% positive situation, our daughter trusts D, and I'm sticking with the counseling based on D's recommendations and our repore with her. D's only obligation is to the best interests of her clients, and that would be us. She doesn't answer to the state or our adoption agency. With that though, I have to tread lightly and not try to intentionally piss off the state SW. We need to all be on the same team.
The SW's asked D if she would have a meeting with all parties, and she said "no, I don't feel much is accomplished at meetings." I like her honesty. She cracks me up.
D also told me that she has done a psych eval on our daughter, and found no psychosis. That would have been nice to know earlier, since I'm her client and all. Additionally, since she's worked for decades in this field, she has worked with countless FAS/FAE kids. She says all of them who have been her clients, have turned out to be employed independent members of society. So that gives me much more confidence in raising our daughter. Additionally, D said she feels our daughter has no mental retardation. So, this was a great conversation in my opinion!
UW wrote me and said they can't see our daughter because they feel she does not have FAS. They feel her facial features fall in the realm of normal, and her growth is normal. Well, that doesn't rule out FAE (fetal alcohol effect.................liquor during pregnancy affects the fetus's brain). They said they need documentation that the mother has an alcohol problem for them see a client. Well, in adoption, often many records are missing and/or the bio parents didn't document their addictions/problems/child abuse (gee, I don't know why not). So a child getting diagnosed should be cancelled due to a bio mom who never went to rehab (to get a diagnosis)? Frankly this all seems retarded if you ask me. So, D is getting us a referral to a different hospital for a FAE eval. With that though, she said this other hospital may want her to be 6yrs old before they will test. Find by me.
Worst.Mama.Ever.
I will be posting additionally at a Mom Blog site called "Worst.Mama.Ever." You can click on that link or type in http://www.worstmamaever.blogspot.com/. It's a funny group of gals who are able to laugh at themselves while parenting. I'm liking it over there. I will post on both blogs.
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5 comments:
Oh good lord! What parent, who has already been in trouble for the way they handled their kids and who has had them taken away by the state is going to volunteer that they DRANK during the pregnancy? That is completely asinine in my opinion. If you already KNEW the BM drank excessively then why would you need the experts to tell you the child has FAS/FAE? I swear the powers that be must think it is awfully amusing to have people chasing their tails all day long. I am so sorry this is so hard for you guys. It shouldn't be, but then where would the fun be? Hah!
Good question Wendy. I"ll make a post about knowing that the birth mom drank.....
Too funny.... just came across that website & thought it was refreshingly honest & much needed.
I think I already mentioned that Iattended a seminar that said children with FAS/FAE can go on to led "normal" lives if they get early intervention as your counselor said. That's great.
Of course I don't know all of what you go through in a day with your daughter, but does the counselor find any of her behaviors related to adjustment? She's only been home 4 months and has had her little world turned upside down. Not saying that her behaviors are acceptable, but just wondering if that has more to do with it?
I've read about a lot of children who have similar behaviors when entering new homes, some over come, some develop RAD, etc. and some have other issues, like your daughter may.
Of course you are reaching out trying to do everything for your daughter, and with her being only 4hopefully you/she will have much much success!!
All I can say is that the insensitivity of some of the "people from the state" make me crazy. I wish my foster child would let us adopt him just so I could escape from them!!!
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