I feel like there are so many things going on in my life, each deserving their own blog entry. Ever have so much happen in a day, week, month like that? Sheesh. I'll try to briefly hit the topics, and discuss further later:
1. I have still not heard back about the job. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.............I called the agency today. The client did not like the other two candidates, and I am their front runner. So why the holdup?
2. Both sons improving a bit on meds. Thank God. People with perfectly healthy children have no idea what it is like to live in the chaos of a home with 2 bipolar children. By last night I was so drained I told everyone I was on Sick Leave for the evening. Seriously too tired & beat up emotionally do anything other than get off my butt.
3. I've signed up to volunteer at a Women's Shelter & Halfway House. The director wants me to tutor, mentor, live there to supervise, and lead bible studies. She wants more than I can give at the moment. So we are working something out. I will not be living there.
4. I started attending a bible study & program thru church on Mentoring. It will normally be Tues pm. It's offered Thurs am as well. First meeting yesterday. Great group. Essentially it's about being a Titus Woman. I will feel more comfortable volunteering at the Women's home after the mentoring class is over. I feel I need the training and education on resources.
5. Monday & Tuesday I dealt with an abandoned vehicle in my yard. Who parks their car, head in, in someone else's driveway? We assumed they were drunk or high. After waiting 14hrs for the owner to appear, Monday I had it towed. The tabs were expired since February, so I didn't feel comfortable letting it sit like that in my yard. Tuesday I had to deal with the asinine neighbor who it turns out, left their car in my yard! What a moron. Said it was their teen. Um, OK. Everyone has to pass my house after they enter the development. How could neither parent notice their son's car in my yard for 14hrs? Maybe they are high as well. So they turn up Tuesday all belligerent about us towing the vehicle. I wrote them a pretty stern letter. They came by to apologize yesterday. I was quite surprised. I think that takes alot to apologize.
6. Yesterday learned a dear sweet beautiful friend of mine has breast, lung, and liver cancer. I found this out at bible study, and cried when I heard. I'm 38. She's my age. How on earth do these things happen? I rarely ask "why Lord" because I figure after all the suffering on earth, we will die and see that heaven is just that much more glorious. In the mean time, good grief. Her son is a year older than my oldest, and we've spent much time at their sporting events together. Not to mention church & bible study. I called her yesterday & left a message asking if I could bring them meals each week. I have not heard back. Hopefully she'll be well enough to return a call soon. Then I think, what else could I do to help? Clean her bathrooms? Teach her 9th grade son to cook? Help with errands? I want her to know how much she is loved, and how much God's people care for her.
7. My husband told me two nights ago that he wants to adopt again. My first reaction was to burst into tears. Apparently I need to work thru grief a bit more! To rewind, our agency did say they would be more than happy to place a child with us after we had time to go to grief counseling & wait at least six months. It's been 7 months. We'll see.................
8. I went to my second post-op appt for my eyes. Doing pretty well. The left eye is still a black eye, so he said no makeup for one more week. ARGH!
9. Hit a great sale at a local nursery. Adding two more rows of berries (gooseberries & more blueberries).
10. I'm now a roadie. Or a biker chick. Not sure. You decide. One of my best friends missed our 20yr reunion. Only 55+ folks came out of our class of almost 300 graduates. Many people communicated to me that it was too expensive ($90-95) for the formal affair. And many told me they were not interested in a formal affair. So, my friend "C" and I decided, hey, why don't we organize something cheap, casual, and local. I heard one of our classmates owns a bar. We went to visit him there and eat some lunch. It's a roadhouse. I'm rarely even in a bar (maybe once every 20 yrs!), let alone a roadhouse! It was surprisingly decent, large, and the food is excellent. He is offering a no cover charge night for our classmates, and providing a dinner for $10/head. So I organized the whole thing thru Evite, sent that out plus 15 snail mails. We are off and running. I put in the Evite that friends don't let friends drive drunk. We have three options on that: I will be a designated driver for the first 6 people to sign up, there is a hotel across the street from the roadhouse, and we have a friend who offered up their limo service for $15/head to drive folks home. Can't beat that. I'm a roadie............If this goes well, C & the roadhouse owner, along with myself, would like to make this an annual event.
I have so many feelings, especially on adoption, that I will have to post more about that later.
Showing posts with label Enuresis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Enuresis. Show all posts
Friday, September 19, 2008
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Showdown at Adoption Corral
I had a nice face-off with the SW (male) yesterday. Posting earlier would have been nice but my computer service has been down.
Yesterday morning, my devotional time in "Our Daily Bread" was about Grace. Good thing considering all I had to deal with a couple hours later.
The DSHS SW showed up, as well as our agency SW. In a nutshell, the DSHS SW wanted to "right-fight" about the email I sent him the day before (telling him the same things I mentioned in the last blog post). I've never seen this guy angry before yesterday. I got a good helping of it to now last me a lifetime.
To make a long story short, I didn't back down on a single point. He wanted to argue line item by line item on the email. So away we went, as the agency SW (female) just watched us volley.
Counseling Issue. He told me flat out that he never cancelled our daughter's counseling. I kept telling him that's interesting, considering all the counselor told me the day before. Finally he thru his hands in the air and barked "ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR???" I said, "I'm not calling anyone a liar. I'm just telling you what she said, which is completely different from what you are telling me. Perhaps you two should both put your thoughts and requirements in writing, via email, and send it around so that this dysfunction will stop." He really couldn't argue with that. Did I mention the counselor testified in court against him & his boss recently? Hmmmmmmmmmm. Perhaps that's why they don't like one another.
Missing Sensory Integration Referral. He said he called them a while ago, they don't have staff currently for these kids (at the only hospital within hours of us that offers this service), and that they will have staff in February or March. My husband pointed out last night "Isn't it February right now?" ya, and no referral.
UW FAS/FAE Referral- He told me he was incorrect in what he said recently. He was incorrect to tell me that UW has rejected the referral for a second time. He said they are actually looking at our daughter's file.
Respite-I asked for respite a couple weeks ago when we were dealing with the height of the Enuresis/Encopresis, when our daughter projectile vomited everything she drank/ate ON ME for two days straight. The SW denied respite at that time, via not responding to my voice mail request. Nice. He has now stated that he dropped the ball and should have called me. He needed to tell me that they are currently not offering respite to adoption placements (folks adopting legally free kids, where the adults have no foster license. Ie..our family). So, he offered up paying for part-time daycare for our daughter so I can get appointments, grocery shopping, cleaning, errands, etc. done during this time. I won't have to deal with our daughter running away, wanting to pee every 30-35 minutes, screaming, tantruming, throwing herself on the floor for 45 minutes straight in public, etc. I told him I feel guilty even considering daycare, since I am parenting her full-time, and she has several issues and problems that are not resolving. I guess I feel rather like a failure for not being able to help her better. Even though all the professionals tell me I'm doing all anyone could possibly do, I'm doing an outstanding job, whatnot. Since the SW is not offering her any other services, I took him up on the Day Care. I signed her up today for all day Tues & Thurs 8am-5pm, where daycare will transport her to ECEAP preschool and back. This is about the only point at which the agency SW interjected. She told me it's not that I'm a failure. She said I have needs, our family has needs, and this little girls needs are so great that the needs of the rest of the family aren't being met. She told me to go for the part time daycare and get alot done during that time. So we are moving forward with that.
FCAP & ECEAP- The SW told our counselor that he (the SW) was denying our daughter access to counseling because "FCAP & ECEAP would meet all her needs." I told him this is false. ECEAP has never been in the business of adoption support and/or counseling for grief, loss, Encopresis/Enuresis, adoption transition, Adjustment Disorder, emotional/behavioral/mental issues, etc. Additionally FCAP (foster child assessment plan) has NEVER contacted me. Their service is to give an independant set of eyes to the child's case, and make helpful referrals. I told the SW, "how will FCAP help us when you and your office are denying her counseling, treatment for encopresis/enuresis at the only clinic around, and services in general etc.? FCAP can make the referrals, but you won't pay for her to go to treatment, neither will Medicaid, and even where Medicaid pays, you won't allow her to receive treatment." He couldn't fight his way out of a bag to save his life at this point. Essentially, what he has said, he is sticking to. But he says we can get all these services paid for thru Adoption Subsidy (Post-Adoption Support) from the state when the adoption is finalize in April/May. Sigh.
To wrap up, he stated that he only became our girls SW in the 11th hour, the same week we accepted the referrals. He stated he really didn't know much of anything about the girls, so much was not disclosed to us due to his lack of knowledge on the girls (duh). My question is, why couldn't the girls old SW be on top of all this? Ah yes, she got off the case when one of the girls bio relatives started stalking her, DSHS, and restraining orders had to be sought.
So, what the SW & our agency don't know is that the old counselor referred us to a new counselor. I can attend with our daughter as "Family Therapy" and my personal insurance will cover 15 visits per year. I think I could use all these sessions with our daughter easily in the next couple months. And it will give us alot of help before the adoption is finalized. And I don't have to tell the state about it. And that's legal.
To add one more thing, I got the girls an appointment for Cognitive Testing & SI testing thru our public school district. So, I can atleast get that out of the way next Friday Feb 15. We still have both girls getting developmental testing & neurological appointment at Childrens Hospital in April. Again, before the adoption is finalized.
Today we signed our daughter up for part time daycare. I really like the place. It's quite large, and it comes with great references from friends of mine. We went on a tour of it, and I got the paperwork filled out. She'll start tomorrow. They had me talk to the school district transportation dept because she will need transport to/from ECEAP on daycare days. The school district said "no problem" and also said they will transport her to/from our home to school on Monday/Wednesday. WONDERFUL!!
So, I feel I did a really good job facing off with the SW. The agency SW just sat there smiling. We were probably the best entertainment of her day.
Our 4.5yr old has been in panties for a few days straight now. She has one-three accidents a day. She really wants to keep up with the panties. By the way, her accidents are not at home (other than her intentionally peeing on the family room carpet last Saturday). Thank God. I've told her if she pees her pants at home, she will be back in diapers & only allowed panties on at school. She apparently wants to keep the panties.
If you have read this entire post, God Bless You!!
Yesterday morning, my devotional time in "Our Daily Bread" was about Grace. Good thing considering all I had to deal with a couple hours later.
The DSHS SW showed up, as well as our agency SW. In a nutshell, the DSHS SW wanted to "right-fight" about the email I sent him the day before (telling him the same things I mentioned in the last blog post). I've never seen this guy angry before yesterday. I got a good helping of it to now last me a lifetime.
To make a long story short, I didn't back down on a single point. He wanted to argue line item by line item on the email. So away we went, as the agency SW (female) just watched us volley.
Counseling Issue. He told me flat out that he never cancelled our daughter's counseling. I kept telling him that's interesting, considering all the counselor told me the day before. Finally he thru his hands in the air and barked "ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR???" I said, "I'm not calling anyone a liar. I'm just telling you what she said, which is completely different from what you are telling me. Perhaps you two should both put your thoughts and requirements in writing, via email, and send it around so that this dysfunction will stop." He really couldn't argue with that. Did I mention the counselor testified in court against him & his boss recently? Hmmmmmmmmmm. Perhaps that's why they don't like one another.
Missing Sensory Integration Referral. He said he called them a while ago, they don't have staff currently for these kids (at the only hospital within hours of us that offers this service), and that they will have staff in February or March. My husband pointed out last night "Isn't it February right now?" ya, and no referral.
UW FAS/FAE Referral- He told me he was incorrect in what he said recently. He was incorrect to tell me that UW has rejected the referral for a second time. He said they are actually looking at our daughter's file.
Respite-I asked for respite a couple weeks ago when we were dealing with the height of the Enuresis/Encopresis, when our daughter projectile vomited everything she drank/ate ON ME for two days straight. The SW denied respite at that time, via not responding to my voice mail request. Nice. He has now stated that he dropped the ball and should have called me. He needed to tell me that they are currently not offering respite to adoption placements (folks adopting legally free kids, where the adults have no foster license. Ie..our family). So, he offered up paying for part-time daycare for our daughter so I can get appointments, grocery shopping, cleaning, errands, etc. done during this time. I won't have to deal with our daughter running away, wanting to pee every 30-35 minutes, screaming, tantruming, throwing herself on the floor for 45 minutes straight in public, etc. I told him I feel guilty even considering daycare, since I am parenting her full-time, and she has several issues and problems that are not resolving. I guess I feel rather like a failure for not being able to help her better. Even though all the professionals tell me I'm doing all anyone could possibly do, I'm doing an outstanding job, whatnot. Since the SW is not offering her any other services, I took him up on the Day Care. I signed her up today for all day Tues & Thurs 8am-5pm, where daycare will transport her to ECEAP preschool and back. This is about the only point at which the agency SW interjected. She told me it's not that I'm a failure. She said I have needs, our family has needs, and this little girls needs are so great that the needs of the rest of the family aren't being met. She told me to go for the part time daycare and get alot done during that time. So we are moving forward with that.
FCAP & ECEAP- The SW told our counselor that he (the SW) was denying our daughter access to counseling because "FCAP & ECEAP would meet all her needs." I told him this is false. ECEAP has never been in the business of adoption support and/or counseling for grief, loss, Encopresis/Enuresis, adoption transition, Adjustment Disorder, emotional/behavioral/mental issues, etc. Additionally FCAP (foster child assessment plan) has NEVER contacted me. Their service is to give an independant set of eyes to the child's case, and make helpful referrals. I told the SW, "how will FCAP help us when you and your office are denying her counseling, treatment for encopresis/enuresis at the only clinic around, and services in general etc.? FCAP can make the referrals, but you won't pay for her to go to treatment, neither will Medicaid, and even where Medicaid pays, you won't allow her to receive treatment." He couldn't fight his way out of a bag to save his life at this point. Essentially, what he has said, he is sticking to. But he says we can get all these services paid for thru Adoption Subsidy (Post-Adoption Support) from the state when the adoption is finalize in April/May. Sigh.
To wrap up, he stated that he only became our girls SW in the 11th hour, the same week we accepted the referrals. He stated he really didn't know much of anything about the girls, so much was not disclosed to us due to his lack of knowledge on the girls (duh). My question is, why couldn't the girls old SW be on top of all this? Ah yes, she got off the case when one of the girls bio relatives started stalking her, DSHS, and restraining orders had to be sought.
So, what the SW & our agency don't know is that the old counselor referred us to a new counselor. I can attend with our daughter as "Family Therapy" and my personal insurance will cover 15 visits per year. I think I could use all these sessions with our daughter easily in the next couple months. And it will give us alot of help before the adoption is finalized. And I don't have to tell the state about it. And that's legal.
To add one more thing, I got the girls an appointment for Cognitive Testing & SI testing thru our public school district. So, I can atleast get that out of the way next Friday Feb 15. We still have both girls getting developmental testing & neurological appointment at Childrens Hospital in April. Again, before the adoption is finalized.
Today we signed our daughter up for part time daycare. I really like the place. It's quite large, and it comes with great references from friends of mine. We went on a tour of it, and I got the paperwork filled out. She'll start tomorrow. They had me talk to the school district transportation dept because she will need transport to/from ECEAP on daycare days. The school district said "no problem" and also said they will transport her to/from our home to school on Monday/Wednesday. WONDERFUL!!
So, I feel I did a really good job facing off with the SW. The agency SW just sat there smiling. We were probably the best entertainment of her day.
Our 4.5yr old has been in panties for a few days straight now. She has one-three accidents a day. She really wants to keep up with the panties. By the way, her accidents are not at home (other than her intentionally peeing on the family room carpet last Saturday). Thank God. I've told her if she pees her pants at home, she will be back in diapers & only allowed panties on at school. She apparently wants to keep the panties.
If you have read this entire post, God Bless You!!
Monday, February 4, 2008
At the Cross Roads
Today I took our 4yr old to her standing counseling appointment. I was informed by the counselor that our 4yr old's SW has unauthorized treatment. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
"How can he do that?" I asked.
Since she is a ward of the state, the state can do anything. Sigh.
How is this helping her? What is the point?
The counselor asked the SW how our daughter's needs will be met. He said "thru FCAP & ECEAP." Well, that's bull pucky. ECEAP is school, not counseling. FCAP is Foster Child Assessment Planning. FCAP is (allegedly) looking over our daughter's files, to give an independant look at her case, and make referrals for her needs. Um, it's not up to FCAP to help and support our daughter. I wrote our SW, CC'ing our agency and my husband, asking how our daughter will get counseling help from FCAP when they refer it, since he isn't authorizing it.
We are at a cross roads.
This is the same SW that denied payment for our daughter to go to the Encopresis Clinic that she is in dire need of. Also, UW FAS/FAE clinic told our SW that if he got them records documenting the bio mother's alcoholism during pregnancy, that they would then get her an evaluation. Well, the SW got UW those records (from a rehab center), allegedly sent them to UW, and now UW allegedly told him that they will still not see her. The counselor told me today that this is unheard of. When UW asked for documentation so they may see a patient, they don't then turn around and deny access to said patient when the required documentation arrives.
This is the same SW that denied us respite. The counselor said that's illegal to deny us respite.
I told the SW (via email) to get me the contact person for UW who allegedly denied our daughter services. I also asked him for the one millioneth time, where is the Sensory Integration referral that I've been asking for, for months now!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr!
The monthly SW appt at our home is tomorrow. Should be interesting. The SW from our adoption agency will be her as well.
A side note, our daugher kept her pants dry for two days straight. This is when my husband was around. As soon as he left with our 11yr old for baseball tryouts, our 4yr old went and peed on the family room carpet. We had a showdown with her that night. We finally got it out of her that she peed on the carpet when she's angry. She wanted to punish my husband for leaving, and punish me for keeping her here with me. Sigh. We see this as a breakthru though, since we now have confirmation that she can keep her pants dry for days, and confirmation that she's been peeing out of anger/spite. We of course discussed how we could always talk about being mad and sad. When you pee on the carpet, it doesn't solve the first problem, and just makes a second problem.
She needs help and we are desperately trying to get it for her.
"How can he do that?" I asked.
Since she is a ward of the state, the state can do anything. Sigh.
How is this helping her? What is the point?
The counselor asked the SW how our daughter's needs will be met. He said "thru FCAP & ECEAP." Well, that's bull pucky. ECEAP is school, not counseling. FCAP is Foster Child Assessment Planning. FCAP is (allegedly) looking over our daughter's files, to give an independant look at her case, and make referrals for her needs. Um, it's not up to FCAP to help and support our daughter. I wrote our SW, CC'ing our agency and my husband, asking how our daughter will get counseling help from FCAP when they refer it, since he isn't authorizing it.
We are at a cross roads.
This is the same SW that denied payment for our daughter to go to the Encopresis Clinic that she is in dire need of. Also, UW FAS/FAE clinic told our SW that if he got them records documenting the bio mother's alcoholism during pregnancy, that they would then get her an evaluation. Well, the SW got UW those records (from a rehab center), allegedly sent them to UW, and now UW allegedly told him that they will still not see her. The counselor told me today that this is unheard of. When UW asked for documentation so they may see a patient, they don't then turn around and deny access to said patient when the required documentation arrives.
This is the same SW that denied us respite. The counselor said that's illegal to deny us respite.
I told the SW (via email) to get me the contact person for UW who allegedly denied our daughter services. I also asked him for the one millioneth time, where is the Sensory Integration referral that I've been asking for, for months now!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr!
The monthly SW appt at our home is tomorrow. Should be interesting. The SW from our adoption agency will be her as well.
A side note, our daugher kept her pants dry for two days straight. This is when my husband was around. As soon as he left with our 11yr old for baseball tryouts, our 4yr old went and peed on the family room carpet. We had a showdown with her that night. We finally got it out of her that she peed on the carpet when she's angry. She wanted to punish my husband for leaving, and punish me for keeping her here with me. Sigh. We see this as a breakthru though, since we now have confirmation that she can keep her pants dry for days, and confirmation that she's been peeing out of anger/spite. We of course discussed how we could always talk about being mad and sad. When you pee on the carpet, it doesn't solve the first problem, and just makes a second problem.
She needs help and we are desperately trying to get it for her.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
An Experiment
We are trying an experiment with our 4yr old tomorrow. We're sending her to preschool in panties. This is to see if she will keep her pants dry at school. If so, this will show us that she has control of her bladder & she is deliberately being a turd here at home with peeing her pants all the time. If she wets her pants at school, well, that will reinforce that she should be in diapers indefineately.
And to top off my day, I got an email from my mother. One that wasn't intended for my eyes. She wrote to a friend, bad-mouthing me, but hit "respond" instead of "forward". This is the second time she has made this mistake, while trying to bad-mouth me to a friend/contact on her email list. The first time I was gracious and let it go. Tonight I told her to get some professional help, and some computer education.
Good thing I didn't send her the email my husband wanted to send. He said to tell her "to f*ck off". I'm lady like, so I would never say that to my mother.
I'm curious how this will work out for her. She has many problems, is disturbed, takes entirely too much "prescription" pain meds (& drives under the influence, has memory problems, and a whole host of mental & health problems due to the meds), and is generally an unhappy person. I truly don't need this in my life currently, or ever I imagine. Good luck to her.
And to top off my day, I got an email from my mother. One that wasn't intended for my eyes. She wrote to a friend, bad-mouthing me, but hit "respond" instead of "forward". This is the second time she has made this mistake, while trying to bad-mouth me to a friend/contact on her email list. The first time I was gracious and let it go. Tonight I told her to get some professional help, and some computer education.
Good thing I didn't send her the email my husband wanted to send. He said to tell her "to f*ck off". I'm lady like, so I would never say that to my mother.
I'm curious how this will work out for her. She has many problems, is disturbed, takes entirely too much "prescription" pain meds (& drives under the influence, has memory problems, and a whole host of mental & health problems due to the meds), and is generally an unhappy person. I truly don't need this in my life currently, or ever I imagine. Good luck to her.
He Got It
Thanks for all the comments, feedback, and emails regarding the previous post. At the time I told my husband that it seemed like he was trying to put himself on a pedestal, and leave me the bad guy. So I do communicate, and he didn't care.
Yesterday afternoon I scheduled a massage for myself in the evening. I called my husband and informed him that when he got home, I would be leaving for said massage. I had a wonderful time at this massage and I think I'll get another one in a month. The gal said I have so much tension and inflammation in my shoulders that it's causing me pain in my arms. Also she said that since I sleep in the fetal position, my arms aren't getting enough circulation. So last night I slept with my arms straight out. It was weird, but felt good. She also told me to ice my shoulders.
Anyway, I returned home last night from my massage to see a bouquet of flowers. Including roses. I love roses. And my husband waiting there with open arms for a hug for me. He said while I was gone he had a "sit-down" (stern chat) with our 4yr old about her behavior. Then they went and bought me flowers. I think he now gets that he was an ass the other night, and that behavior won't be productive for our relationship or the parenting of our children. By the way, our 4yr old is back in diapers full time. I think peeing in a pullup three times a day is just too much. Plus we've informed her that she needs to tell us when she has wet panties/pullup so that she can get dry. She refuses to do this. She also refuses to go change on her own into dry panties/pullup. So we are taking that responsibility, control, conflict out of the picture for now.
Today our 4yr old started preschool (12:25pm). She spent about 2/3 of the morning crying before preschool, because she's in a diaper. Guess she had to get her feelings out.
In other news, our 12yr old who has ODD recently got some diagnosis to figure out what is behind the ODD. He has cyclothymia (mild bipolar disorder) and ADHD. Yes, this would explain his behavior and difficulties. I'm glad we are now on a path to help him with these, with lots of ideas and suggestions from the psychologist. This son started wrestling season yesterday. I'm proud of him for trying a new sport, as he's had difficulty being on a team in the past. So much so that he's been kicked off a team, and suspended from others. I think wrestling will be really good for him. It's a really difficult sport, and encourages many positive traits and disciplines. He had a great time at his first practice, and even took a guy down. I hope this will be a great positive outlet for him and all his energy and frustrations.
Yesterday afternoon I scheduled a massage for myself in the evening. I called my husband and informed him that when he got home, I would be leaving for said massage. I had a wonderful time at this massage and I think I'll get another one in a month. The gal said I have so much tension and inflammation in my shoulders that it's causing me pain in my arms. Also she said that since I sleep in the fetal position, my arms aren't getting enough circulation. So last night I slept with my arms straight out. It was weird, but felt good. She also told me to ice my shoulders.
Anyway, I returned home last night from my massage to see a bouquet of flowers. Including roses. I love roses. And my husband waiting there with open arms for a hug for me. He said while I was gone he had a "sit-down" (stern chat) with our 4yr old about her behavior. Then they went and bought me flowers. I think he now gets that he was an ass the other night, and that behavior won't be productive for our relationship or the parenting of our children. By the way, our 4yr old is back in diapers full time. I think peeing in a pullup three times a day is just too much. Plus we've informed her that she needs to tell us when she has wet panties/pullup so that she can get dry. She refuses to do this. She also refuses to go change on her own into dry panties/pullup. So we are taking that responsibility, control, conflict out of the picture for now.
Today our 4yr old started preschool (12:25pm). She spent about 2/3 of the morning crying before preschool, because she's in a diaper. Guess she had to get her feelings out.
In other news, our 12yr old who has ODD recently got some diagnosis to figure out what is behind the ODD. He has cyclothymia (mild bipolar disorder) and ADHD. Yes, this would explain his behavior and difficulties. I'm glad we are now on a path to help him with these, with lots of ideas and suggestions from the psychologist. This son started wrestling season yesterday. I'm proud of him for trying a new sport, as he's had difficulty being on a team in the past. So much so that he's been kicked off a team, and suspended from others. I think wrestling will be really good for him. It's a really difficult sport, and encourages many positive traits and disciplines. He had a great time at his first practice, and even took a guy down. I hope this will be a great positive outlet for him and all his energy and frustrations.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Pissed Off
UPDATE at bottom.
I did not get to go to the conference. My husband drove home this am, and ended up in a ditch himself with his SUV and studded tires. He got out of the ditch (2 miles from our home) and had to stop for two more accidents before he got here. One accident had 7-8 cars blocking the road. They all had to push each other off the road. Then there was a 5 car accident a block up the street from that mess. Glad we are all home and our cars are not damaged.
Now, for the thing I'm pissed off about. My husband called me a "f*ckin ogre". This is because our 4yr old daughter peed her pants this morning before her nap, she didn't ask for a dry pullup (big health no-no to sit in pee), we discovered she had a full pullup a few minutes ago, and she burst into tears telling me she wanted a hug. I told her "pee in pants is wet and smelly. I'll be happy to hug you when you are dry and smell good. Feel free to go take a bath or shower to clean up."
I got that idea from several other bloggers who have adopted older children, going thru the "wetting" experience.
So, what does my husband do? He says "Jesus God. You are a f*ckin ogre". Swell. AND he scoops up the 4yr old (she's almost 5) and hugs and smothers her in affection.
I never said I wouldn't hug her. I gave her a natural consequence for her actions. My husband already thinks it's consequence enough to be in pullups and diapers. I think she needs a gentle reality check, in several aspects of natural consequences, if they apply to the situation. I told my husband "there are lots of consequences to say, being an alcoholic." It's just so. I'm not trying to punish her, but open her eyes to the consequences of her actions.
In the meantime, our daughter is crying profusely into my husband's chest because I won't hug her (since she hasn't bathed yet).
I told her "Well, how about if I wet my pants, and ask you to come sit on my lap and give me a hug? How would that be?" She screams "NOT GOOD!" Well, there you have it. I told her I feel the same way, but I'm more than happy to hug her when she's cleaned up.
Mainly I worry that she has the naive view that this can continue with willy nilly consequences (pullups and diapers), and she thinks the rest of the world is fine with this behavior. I feel it's my job to open her eyes. We have told her countless times that if she pees her pants in kindergarten, kids will make fun of her. We haven't told her this to be mean, but to give her a glimpse of social consequences to her actions. Already she's at the point now where people at church don't want to deal with her in the preschool class. Sigh................
Makes me feel warm and fuzzy, but that's another story entirely.
So what do you think? Think I'm a f*ckin ogre for being straight up with her, telling her I would be more than happy to hug her after a bath and clean clothes? Please weigh in.
UPDATE: We found out she peed her pants this am, just before we sat down to dinner. So, not a real opportune time. But what is with kids? Before today, she's had numerous meltdowns with discovery of her peeing her pants, and once or twice she asked for a hug. I told "no, not at this time". I didn't want her to feel rewarded for peeing her pants, and I didn't want to hug her then and have her use that as a way to manipulate getting hugs. So today I thought I'd go a step further and say I'd hug her after she cleaned up.
I did not get to go to the conference. My husband drove home this am, and ended up in a ditch himself with his SUV and studded tires. He got out of the ditch (2 miles from our home) and had to stop for two more accidents before he got here. One accident had 7-8 cars blocking the road. They all had to push each other off the road. Then there was a 5 car accident a block up the street from that mess. Glad we are all home and our cars are not damaged.
Now, for the thing I'm pissed off about. My husband called me a "f*ckin ogre". This is because our 4yr old daughter peed her pants this morning before her nap, she didn't ask for a dry pullup (big health no-no to sit in pee), we discovered she had a full pullup a few minutes ago, and she burst into tears telling me she wanted a hug. I told her "pee in pants is wet and smelly. I'll be happy to hug you when you are dry and smell good. Feel free to go take a bath or shower to clean up."
I got that idea from several other bloggers who have adopted older children, going thru the "wetting" experience.
So, what does my husband do? He says "Jesus God. You are a f*ckin ogre". Swell. AND he scoops up the 4yr old (she's almost 5) and hugs and smothers her in affection.
I never said I wouldn't hug her. I gave her a natural consequence for her actions. My husband already thinks it's consequence enough to be in pullups and diapers. I think she needs a gentle reality check, in several aspects of natural consequences, if they apply to the situation. I told my husband "there are lots of consequences to say, being an alcoholic." It's just so. I'm not trying to punish her, but open her eyes to the consequences of her actions.
In the meantime, our daughter is crying profusely into my husband's chest because I won't hug her (since she hasn't bathed yet).
I told her "Well, how about if I wet my pants, and ask you to come sit on my lap and give me a hug? How would that be?" She screams "NOT GOOD!" Well, there you have it. I told her I feel the same way, but I'm more than happy to hug her when she's cleaned up.
Mainly I worry that she has the naive view that this can continue with willy nilly consequences (pullups and diapers), and she thinks the rest of the world is fine with this behavior. I feel it's my job to open her eyes. We have told her countless times that if she pees her pants in kindergarten, kids will make fun of her. We haven't told her this to be mean, but to give her a glimpse of social consequences to her actions. Already she's at the point now where people at church don't want to deal with her in the preschool class. Sigh................
Makes me feel warm and fuzzy, but that's another story entirely.
So what do you think? Think I'm a f*ckin ogre for being straight up with her, telling her I would be more than happy to hug her after a bath and clean clothes? Please weigh in.
UPDATE: We found out she peed her pants this am, just before we sat down to dinner. So, not a real opportune time. But what is with kids? Before today, she's had numerous meltdowns with discovery of her peeing her pants, and once or twice she asked for a hug. I told "no, not at this time". I didn't want her to feel rewarded for peeing her pants, and I didn't want to hug her then and have her use that as a way to manipulate getting hugs. So today I thought I'd go a step further and say I'd hug her after she cleaned up.
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