The Adoption Arena Resurfaces

Since we disrupted, we have put all things adoption on hold. We are not trying, waiting, holding our breath. We have been moving forward, grieving, healing, and creating a new life. This week the adoption arena resurfaced. I was not expecting this, but it has been a joyful blessing, albeit, a little bittersweet.

The executive director of our domestic adoption agency got in touch with us. She told me our SW never told her we disrupted. This was news to her this week. Our SW buried our files off-site in storage, and only just now are the head honchos finding out what really happened. They called to find out from us, in our words, what happened. They want us to foster and/or adopt again. But more interesting, they want us to be a source on disruption for their staff and PAP's. Again, interesting. She apologized for what we went thru, what the state put us thru, and how inept our SW was. She said what happened to us just should not happen to people. Putting a completely disturbed dangerous child in our care, and the state denying her medical/mental resources was just ghastly. I emailed her documents we had on our case and the girls, and emails I'd sent our SW during our case. She sent us the following email:

"Thank you for taking the time to put the documents together for me. I know that it is hard to have to rehash and some what relive this sad time of your life. I am praying that the Lord will use you to bring light to any other situations like yours. I pray that the Lord will give you strength and guidance. Also I pray for healing, I am so sorry how you have been hurt for opening your home and heart for these girls and also the rest of your family.
I am so glad that you called and shared with me so honestly what happened to your family. I would like to continue to have other conversations with you so that XYZ Adoptions* can learn and be taught through you very sad experience.
My prayers for you, (signed by exec dir)"

signed. received. We are blessed to hear this news and know our adoption agency wants this. We are more than happy to help in any way possible, help their staff, help families, whatnot. I told her we are not ready to foster and/or adopt at this moment, but we have not closed the door on it. We just need more time to heal, more time to spend on our marriage, more time in general.

As a bonus, the girls bio family has gotten our address and phone number (I have no idea how, but guessing DSHS gave it out). They are using our address & phone number for their bills. Nice. I should not be surprised any more. And of course these people do not pay their bills, so bill collectors are calling. Good times. Thru my investigation of all this, without giving out alot of details, it looks like the girls have been thru yet another disruption. I was told they are back with the foster family.

*not real name

The Working Mama Debate

Yesterday on Laura's blog, I found a link to Jeanette's blog (post now removed, but still on Laura's blog in entirety). Click on either name to get to their blog. The posts were quite something, not to mention the comments. WOW! What a debate! It's as old as dirt. I frankly have so much to say on the topic, I did not post a comment on Jeanette's blog. **And while we are at it, my respect and admiration goes to single working moms. You wear all the hats in the family.**

1. Let's take religion out of the equation for a moment. Yes, alot of what guides and directs us is thru our belief system. However, how can one say that being a Christian (or not, as Jeanette was accused of) clearly dictates if a woman works outside the home? Does the bible state if we should breastfeed? Eat organically? Those are rhetorical of course, but other topics people really get hot over.
2. Can we not be kind to others when stating our opinions? I think the crisis here is women who cannot support other women. We don't have to agree with them, but can we not be compassionate & graceful thru adversity? Truly in our day in age, high cost of living, stress, lack of extended family support, you'd think women could at least support women.
3. It's not a crime/sin to have a child, adopted or bio, in daycare. I'm a SAHM and I can see that one pretty clearly.
4. What's up with all the anonymous commenters on this topic? Personally I'm glad people came out of hibernation to comment, but can't people use their blog ID and feel bold enough to post their true feelings?
5. Honestly, I do not know many women who can afford to work AND put their child in daycare. I know countless women thru church, biblestudy, MOPS, etc., who are like "I choose to be a SAHM." Really? I know these women don't have marketable skills and/or a college degree. They truly cannot afford to pay for daycare after one child (if even for one). This is not a put down to those women. I'm just saying, I see these women patting them self needlessly on the back, alluding to what they allegedly gave up (all this free flowing cash) to be a SAHM, when that's just not the true picture. In real life*, I only know one professional woman in addition to myself who chose to put their career aside to be a SAHM. ONE. I am an accountant, and my friend is a lawyer. Now that is giving up a great career to be a SAHM! I'm not patting myself on the back. Just stating the situation. *Thru yahoo groups & blogs, I've met countless professional women who put their career aside to be with their children.
6. That being said, there ARE many things we SAHM's give up. I don't have to rant about it though. Conversely, there are many things working moms give up too. Life is hard, and no one said it would be fair!
7. Where are the women who choose to work and have the balls to just come out and say "Yea, I work outside the home. I want to. It's a choice I make. I feel like it." I know you are out there. I know personally there are many women who want a career, the professional environment, the socializing, strong work ethic, 401K, and sense of accomplishment that a career provides. It's not wrong to have those desires. They are positive dynamics and I commend that.
8. Jeanette's original blog post is about ex-orphan kids being left in daycare. Somewhere the argument went sideways and all the SAHM's and working moms came out with gloves on. Our original international adoption agency had a policy to only approve adoptions to families with a stay at home parent (they did approve single parents). I personally feel that it is highly beneficial to do this for kids with any special need. I think most people would agree with that. Again though, it's not a crime to put a child in daycare. A child who is here in the US, with a loving family, is far better off than in an institution!! Praise God these children have been adopted and have a forever family!
9. I think there are exceptions to any situation. When we had the girls with us, the older girl had so many behavioral, sexual, and safety problems, I literally could not do anything other than watch her like a hawk 24/7. In the evening when my DH came home, he watched her like a hawk so I could get the home front taken care of. This truly impacted the other children in the home. They had nearly zilch quality time with me. During the day they were at school; in the evening I was running errands, cleaning the house, cooking, getting to doctor appts, etc. At this point, it became necessity to put the adopted child in daycare 4hrs a week so I could have some uninterrupted time caring for my family. She is a highly traumatized and disturbed child. Be that as it may, I could not sacrifice the other children in the home & the care for them and our family, to watch one child 24/7. So, daycare came into the equation 4 hours a week. I have no regrets about that.
10. Final point. I do not want this to come down as harsh. The truth is, we all make our own choices. Working moms and SAHM moms all have bills to pay. Mainly I hear from working moms that "we have bills to pay." Well, that's true, but it's true for all of us. And yes, I live in a Seattle suburb, one of the most expensive areas in the country. Yes, gas prices have gone thru the roof. yes. yes. yes. I know there are countless families who have financial hardships, out of their control, and they are stuck with the bill: medical costs, a legal fiasco, a natural disaster, whatnot. Honestly though, when people say "we have bills to pay", well, who created those bills? Usually the person who the bill comes to. Usually it's an intentional purchase, and not a natural disaster or crisis generating the bills. I'm NOT saying it's wrong to have bills, to make purchases, to make choices. But that is what this all comes down to: MONEY!

My husband and I are both financial professionals with great financial expertise. So, we know enough to know that we all have options. Alot of people, if they are truly interested, could go to one income by doing the following:

Pay by cash only. No cash? No purchase.
Go to one car. Take a bus. Ride a bike.
Bring a sack lunch to work, and no lattes, soft drinks, cigarettes, beer.
Shop at Value Village. Most of my families material possessions are from VV. Artwork, kitchen gadgets, mine & DH clothing, household decor, tools, the kids church clothes, shower curtains. You name it, and thrift stores carry it. I have never bought underwear there. I do draw the line at that.
This would be hard, but if you want to cut back, sell the house & buy a smaller one. Yes the economy sucks, as it does for EVERYONE! It just is. As a couple, we seriously know if my husband lost a job, was disabled, we'd sell the house & buy a tiny one. It just is.
Check out Dave Ramsey, Suze Orman, Dr. Phil, Oprah, Google, and look up Money, Debt, Finances, Debt-free, etc. Too many good nuggets there (free!) to help. I'm totally serious.
No expensive vacations. No eating out. Cut the kids back to one sport/extra circular activity per year (or none). It will not kill them. They can ride a bike, play outside, and find something to do for free.
Buy what's on sale each week at the grocery store & live off of that. Buy meat in bulk or thru a grower/supplier and utilize that freezer. We have half a pig coming in October. YUMMY!
Give up expensive hobbies.
Give up professional services & take care of things yourself (ie..hair color, manicures, mowing the lawn, cleaning the house.)
Take an evening and/or weekend job. Both of you.
Give up the subscriptions & annual fees: magazines, athletic tickets, the golf club.
Buy drugstore toiletries & essentials, use some generic here and there, and skip the mall.

There are countless ideas and options, which I do not have the time to get into here. We've implemented many in our personal life.
When times are tough, we realize there is truly little we HAVE to have. There is little we need. We have to have shelter, food, water, and clothes on our back. None of these have to be fancy or designer. It's not about what we deserve, it's about getting our needs met. True needs. Not wants.

The bottom line is, there are also MANY families doing all these financial tips & then some, who are still in dire financial straights. I applaud you. I respect you. I know you are working your fingers to the bone, you are dogass tired, and you are frayed. You are in pain, and to add insult to injury, some SAHM's are attacking you. I think this is the crisis. This is the tragedy. You are doing all you can, and your efforts will eventually pay off. You will get out of debt. You only answer to yourself and God. You will be blessed for your efforts.

As women, please support each other. Notice I have not attacked anyone here, or any side. These are observations, with a little financial education thrown in there, because yes, I am a financial professional. Not tooting my horn. I have two college degrees in business & accounting, as does my spouse.

If anyone has any questions about finance, please write. I welcome any and all comments here, and encourage it. I truly want to see women supporting women. We all need it. Desperately. Laura & Jeanette, I believe you are both Christians! As women we need to take a stand and not be on a high horse. Last time I checked, none of us is a moral/religious professional; we have not cornered the market on that and no one is entitled to get on a high horse over it all. I'm sure Dobson or Beth Moore could post on all this with far more tact than I've recently seen in Bloggerland. We all have our opinions, and we can all have a blog. That is obvious. Personally, I would prefer to discuss topics, not wage an emotional war against others. I hope I have been atleast a tad helpful here sharing my feelings.

The most noble calling is to be a mother. And there are lots of ways to be a mother.

I'm a Roadie

I feel like there are so many things going on in my life, each deserving their own blog entry. Ever have so much happen in a day, week, month like that? Sheesh. I'll try to briefly hit the topics, and discuss further later:

1. I have still not heard back about the job. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.............I called the agency today. The client did not like the other two candidates, and I am their front runner. So why the holdup?
2. Both sons improving a bit on meds. Thank God. People with perfectly healthy children have no idea what it is like to live in the chaos of a home with 2 bipolar children. By last night I was so drained I told everyone I was on Sick Leave for the evening. Seriously too tired & beat up emotionally do anything other than get off my butt.
3. I've signed up to volunteer at a Women's Shelter & Halfway House. The director wants me to tutor, mentor, live there to supervise, and lead bible studies. She wants more than I can give at the moment. So we are working something out. I will not be living there.
4. I started attending a bible study & program thru church on Mentoring. It will normally be Tues pm. It's offered Thurs am as well. First meeting yesterday. Great group. Essentially it's about being a Titus Woman. I will feel more comfortable volunteering at the Women's home after the mentoring class is over. I feel I need the training and education on resources.
5. Monday & Tuesday I dealt with an abandoned vehicle in my yard. Who parks their car, head in, in someone else's driveway? We assumed they were drunk or high. After waiting 14hrs for the owner to appear, Monday I had it towed. The tabs were expired since February, so I didn't feel comfortable letting it sit like that in my yard. Tuesday I had to deal with the asinine neighbor who it turns out, left their car in my yard! What a moron. Said it was their teen. Um, OK. Everyone has to pass my house after they enter the development. How could neither parent notice their son's car in my yard for 14hrs? Maybe they are high as well. So they turn up Tuesday all belligerent about us towing the vehicle. I wrote them a pretty stern letter. They came by to apologize yesterday. I was quite surprised. I think that takes alot to apologize.
6. Yesterday learned a dear sweet beautiful friend of mine has breast, lung, and liver cancer. I found this out at bible study, and cried when I heard. I'm 38. She's my age. How on earth do these things happen? I rarely ask "why Lord" because I figure after all the suffering on earth, we will die and see that heaven is just that much more glorious. In the mean time, good grief. Her son is a year older than my oldest, and we've spent much time at their sporting events together. Not to mention church & bible study. I called her yesterday & left a message asking if I could bring them meals each week. I have not heard back. Hopefully she'll be well enough to return a call soon. Then I think, what else could I do to help? Clean her bathrooms? Teach her 9th grade son to cook? Help with errands? I want her to know how much she is loved, and how much God's people care for her.
7. My husband told me two nights ago that he wants to adopt again. My first reaction was to burst into tears. Apparently I need to work thru grief a bit more! To rewind, our agency did say they would be more than happy to place a child with us after we had time to go to grief counseling & wait at least six months. It's been 7 months. We'll see.................
8. I went to my second post-op appt for my eyes. Doing pretty well. The left eye is still a black eye, so he said no makeup for one more week. ARGH!
9. Hit a great sale at a local nursery. Adding two more rows of berries (gooseberries & more blueberries).
10. I'm now a roadie. Or a biker chick. Not sure. You decide. One of my best friends missed our 20yr reunion. Only 55+ folks came out of our class of almost 300 graduates. Many people communicated to me that it was too expensive ($90-95) for the formal affair. And many told me they were not interested in a formal affair. So, my friend "C" and I decided, hey, why don't we organize something cheap, casual, and local. I heard one of our classmates owns a bar. We went to visit him there and eat some lunch. It's a roadhouse. I'm rarely even in a bar (maybe once every 20 yrs!), let alone a roadhouse! It was surprisingly decent, large, and the food is excellent. He is offering a no cover charge night for our classmates, and providing a dinner for $10/head. So I organized the whole thing thru Evite, sent that out plus 15 snail mails. We are off and running. I put in the Evite that friends don't let friends drive drunk. We have three options on that: I will be a designated driver for the first 6 people to sign up, there is a hotel across the street from the roadhouse, and we have a friend who offered up their limo service for $15/head to drive folks home. Can't beat that. I'm a roadie............If this goes well, C & the roadhouse owner, along with myself, would like to make this an annual event.

I have so many feelings, especially on adoption, that I will have to post more about that later.

A Medical Day

The DH and I went in this am for our LASIK eye surgery consult. All was well, and I'm scheduled for surgery 9/11. My husband will have surgery 2 weeks later. Can't tell you how much we are looking forward to this. Let's get it done already!

Yesterday our oldest son was in trouble. Again. This time in addition to the natural consequences, I told him he has to reimburse me at minimum wage for my time spent on this, and pay me gas money for having to pick him up. On our long drive home, I also let him in on a little adult perspective. I reminded him that his grandfather has some undiagnosed neurosis (a few probably). My father has never sought help. He doesn't get it that lacking social & life skills is a requirement in life. With that, he lost his marriage, children, and now his only grandchildren. There is only so much that people will put up with, and able bodied people have to have the life skills to survive in life, work, relationships, down the road. Later in the evening my son told me "I'm ready for medication." Oh, why? "The consequences are getting too hard." Whatever works. Hopefully he will see it as a gift later that he took it upon himself to get help at a young age, before seeing tougher and tougher consequences handed down.

Then late this am, I took my oldest son to the doc about some meds. We were given a prescription for a drug to calm his moods (bipolar), and will recheck at 30 days & 90 days. At those two appts we will then discuss adding (or not) some ADHD meds.

Please God, let this help....................

The wheels are in motion for our youngest son to get an IEP. The school principal called today and we had a long talk. The Aspergers teacher fell & broke her leg yesterday, so that class is up in the air temporarily. Sigh. Maybe they can get a sub? It would be sad to see those 15 kids moved around into other classes just for a few weeks. Anyway, I need to drop off the psychiatrist/psychologist/PCP reports that I have, which include his diagnosises of bipolar disorder & Aspergers. When we have a team meeting, we will discuss if he will remain in his mainstreamed class with help on the side (at school), or if he will be moved to the Aspergers class at another physical location. Onward...................................

My Girl Elena~~ I can't divulge more about our Russian adoption. All I can say is what I wrote. Thank you for caring ;o)

Answers to Questions (Failed Russian adoption/ADHD)

Yesterday I checked the Russia data base for our little girl. She is not currently on there. One of her brothers is though, and it states he has no siblings. The database can often be quite unreliable though, or just not updated (correctly or otherwise).

ADHD magazine is something a counselor recommended for my son. She gave me a postcard to send in for the magazine. I know nothing about it. Although, HERE (clickable) is a link to the magazine. Looks neat!

I can't say much about the Russian adoption because there are two lawsuits pending: civil (to get our money & attorney fees back) & federal (to imprison the owners & employees of the adoption agency). In a nutshell, we went to Russia a few years ago, finalized the adoption of a little girl, including court paperwork. We were never allowed to bring her home because it turns out our agency was never on the books with the Russian authorities. They were baby trafficking. Just sickening. We had no clue of course. Alot of red flags were raised during the process. However, we had no clue that our agency was operating illegally. I truly hope they rot in prison, or hell. We are in contact with the Russian authorities, and last we were notified, our little girl lives in an institution with another relative. The "relative" is required to live in an institution, but wanted parental rights of said child. So a judge gave parental rights, requiring they live in an institution together until the child is 16yrs old.

We miss our sweet baby. We will continue to see if she is ever available for adoption (she never was, which was part of the illegal activity which constitutes as baby trafficking, per the FBI). Currently there are no adoption agencies working in our little girl's region, so I don't know how we'd bring her home if she were to become adoptable. Independent adoption is rare, even more rare in her region. We do have a Russian attorney as well as American attorney, so we are covered legally & informationally.

I can still feel holding her in my arms, her tiny little body. I can still hear her laugh. I can still hear her yelling at her friends that we are her mama & papa. I can still feel the breeze on those freezing days, playing with her on a jungle gym in Siberia, Far East Russia. I can still feel that bitter breeze as the day came to a close & she begged for me to swing her longer. I can still hear her shoes running down a hall way to hug me, one last time.

I miss you sweet baby girl. Yesterday I made a birthday cake in your honor. I rode my bike in your honor, since you do not have that freedom, luxury, or opportunity. We will never forget you. I take comfort knowing we will see you again even if it has to be in Heaven. God is watching over you since we cannot. May you be safe & well. I love you.

All in a Day & Russia Baby

Yesterday I had the pleasure of being treated to lunch at the Seattle Symphony. A highschool/college friend of mine & I reconnected at the 20yr reunion. We'll have to stay in touch this time. We stayed in touch for about 5yrs, and then got busy. And busier. And got to only the Christmas card list, and then that disappeared. We're going shopping in downtown Seattle in a few weeks. I LOVE downtown shopping. So does he. This is not a date or affair. He's flaming gay. ;o)

I ordered ADHD magazine for my oldest son. After I noticed much effort to focus, with little success, I feel inclined to help him further. He couldn't deal with a voice prompted phone labyrinth the other day. But he had to be the one to deal with it, seeing as we were in the car using the cell. In our state it's now illegal for the driver to be using the cell, unless you use a BlueTooth. I don't have one. This resulted in screaming and crying from an 8th grader, arms waving around, etc. I think jumping out of the moving vehicle would have been more fun.

The Aspergers teacher called me back. But I was at the Seattle Symphony. I'll have to call her Monday.

We took the kids to the state fair last night. They are at the point where they only like rides. So in the past we've held that over their head to "inspire" acceptable/cooperative behavior until the end of the day. Then we did rides. Well, yesterday we only had a couple of hours to do the fair, so we opted to not do rides. A wrist band costs $22, so that's $66 for all the kids. We just spent $60+ on dinner at the fair, and we are going on a weeklong vacation next week to a pretty neat hot spot in our state (this means throwing down lots of money for that). We warned the kids in advance, for days, that we would not be doing rides (hoping it would sink in and they would have worked it out of their system). Boy was the joke on us! This resulted in much begging, whining, and the like, over riding the rides. Got to the point with our youngest that I told him we could go to the hot car, or I could pull down his pants and spank his naked rear end out in the middle of the fair grounds. His begging and whining and yelling improved at that point. He was still annoying. Hard to have consequences for "annoying".

Next time we will go alone, as adults, and enjoy the fair. Looking forward to it.

Today is our Russia Baby's birthday. We love her always and forever. We will miss her always and forever. I hope the owners & employees of our old adoption agency rot in hell. I know the FBI still has their prosecution in the works, and our civil case is still moving forward (at a crawl). The wheels of justice may be slow, but those wheels will eventually get us to our destination.

Guest Blogger

I have been asked to be a guest blogger on a new adoption services blog. Boy, am I looking forward to that!

I was emailed, asking to contribute something if I wanted to be considered. I wrote back, and included my blog link. They wrote back, asking to meet in person (here in my home state) so we can discuss my contributions.

After all we've been thru, if there is something I can do to help the process, inform others, and make a contribution to the adoption world, I would be honored. I'll keep you posted, and of course share the link to this new blog/adoption service when it's fully operating.

Puppy, Joanna Mei, a Haircut, and a Funny VBS Story

Thank you for the questions & comments about the puppy. She cracks us up. To answer questions, yes she is an English Springer Spaniel. I washed off the light layer of vaseline from the top bar (the only locale I put the vaseline) of the babygate before returning. Vaseline comes off plastic quite easily with soap & water. Couldn't tell vaseline had ever been rubbed there.

Please go congratulate my friends (in real life as well), Don & Be. Today they met Joanna Mei in China. She has been the daughter in their hearts for months, they've waited years, and today they are united forever. Congratulations my friends, congratulations!!

With the economy in the tubes, even Gene Juarez is trying to help the consumer. Check out these great coupons you may use all summer: LINK.
I went in yesterday for a haircut, showed them the web page I printed out, and they said to come back and use the same printout again all summer. I've always loved their customer service. My hair was getting long, long layers past my shoulders. It was making me look like a basset hound, unless I put it in an updo. I got a Hillary Swank cut & style, and love it. Highly recommend it. My nasty layers are gone now, all that damaged hair from the "highlighting gone wrong" escapade. I look like this: For the funny VBS story. I help at VBS pretty much every year the last ten years. This year our 13yr old is old enough to help, and he wanted to. So I dropped him off today, told him who to look for, and drove off. Our youngest attended VBS, so he was there as well. I picked them up three hours later to hear from our oldest (who helped with the kindergartners all morning):
1. "You would not believe how irresponsible and impulsive those kids are!" (I tried to not pee my pants. Maybe I did a little).....
2. "younger brothers class was the first and only class to do shaving cream art. They got the shaving cream out, and sprayed themselves & others instead of doing art. A kid (who we know) came up to me and sprayed me with it!" ...................ya think....................
3. "Mom, you should really help this year with VBS. It's really fun! There was this one class with two teachers & fifty kids. They could really use some help." uh-huh........................

I have helped for 10 years with VBS, Sunday school, and our local school district in the classrooms. This year I took the year off. Volunteering to be continued.........

Update on the Girls

The girls medical info continues to come to us in the mail. This feels like such a slap in the face every time a piece of mail comes for them. It drives a knife in the big gaping wound in my heart.

I called the state head of DSHS in the governor's office yesterday, to tell her. Really, the girls records are none of our business. But more importantly, they aren't getting medical/dental/counseling care or attention, not even well-child checks (according to their medical records I get in the mail). That really disturbs me. So I told her all this, and asked if the girls are in an adoptive home? Back with the old foster family? Being well taken care of? Can I know that the girls are quite a ways from us geographically, for our safety & well being??

She is going to get back to me on all this. She asked if I notified the SW. Yes, of course I did. Multiple times, and he always said he'd taken care of it. Ah but of course. Another lying snaky SW. I hate that. I realize they are over worked & under paid, but to sit there and lie to me for months is just retarded.

Above all, I know the girls aren't getting medical attention (or dental/counseling/specialized care) because you have to present the medical info at every appointment. If their medical info comes to me, it's not with the new family. Therefore, new family isn't getting them attention. So, fortunately, the state agreed that is disturbing news, and they are required to pay attention to that. They seem pleasant when I call, and very kind.

Since I had their attention, I told her we still want to adopt the younger sister. We are so very sad she is placed with her older sister who molests and abuses her. She told me what she can say is that the girls are in a home with a formal "Safety Plan" in place. That would go along with what they told me months ago, that they were looking for, for this sibling group. A home where there were always two adults present, when the 5yr old is home. One on one attention for both children, and no other children living in the home. So, that is good. I told her to please put down for the record that we want to be notified if the girls are ever separated, so that we may adopt the younger one.

Every time I get their mail, or see yet another toy/belonging left behind by them, it just breaks my heart.

I can't gather the intelligence to understand why the state placed a predator with us & our children, especially when we told them upfront that we could not take a predator. In our home, ALL children have the right to be safe.

I know God has a purpose for all this. I realize that I may never know in my lifetime why these things happen. It's a tough cross to bear though.

This last week I've been plagued with "what-ifs", regarding the girls. What if we DID go to that required weekly marital & individual counseling (I went to individual counseling....didn't help the child)? What if I had pulled her out of preschool (since it was more of a pain in the ass, and she missed her nap)? What if I had her in full time daycare a few days a week? What if we had found some respite? What if I consulted members of our church and asked for help (I didn't do it at the time because I felt Sissy was owed some privacy)? What if we had secretly taken her to an attachment therapist, and hoped she didn't tell the SW's (since the SW's cancelled her counseling & required she not attend)? What if we had waited for the FCAP findings & referrals to services (that the SW would not authorize payment)? What if what if what if..............................

When Sissy requires that much attention, and is not legally allowed to live with other children (other than her sister), well, why on earth did the state put them with us? We had five children when the girls were here, no where close to the ratio of adult-child interaction the state now admits she requires.

Why do we have to bear the burden of this grief, to get her to a home that can provide for her needs? Since she needs this much supervision, how on earth were we to ever be a suitable match? How on earth could the boys have stayed safe, at least for much longer? And me as well. How many months, years, would she continue trying to fondle me? How many months or years would it take for her to learn to not give in to her impulsive dangerous behavior?

sigh. I just feel terrible. I'm not used to not having a solution. I grew up thinking you work hard, seek out lots of options and alternatives, and you can find a way. With God, all things are possible. I was waiting for a miracle.

It tears me up that my middle son is so sad, missing Lovey. We all miss her. But those two, well, they had such a most special bond. They were together nearly every minute our son was out of school, from dawn to dusk. We miss her terribly. Her older sister? I grieve, not knowing how to have helped her. I miss her, knowing full well that it's not her fault that she is so messed up. And I grieve the loss of a dream: the dream to raise those girls as my daughters.

Tonight my husband told me to not beat myself up. Easier said than done. I told him I can't help but have feelings.

When we turned to professionals for help for her, we were treated horribly.

I still continue to run into people in public or church who don't know we disrupted the adoption. And it's like picking at a scab or open wound every time, to have to inform people of what happened. Bless their hearts, everyone, and I mean everyone, we know is 100% supportive of our disruption, considering the situation and all. Everyone we know knows we gave it our all. I guess that's what stings, knowing our best wasn't good enough. Today's Dr. Phil was on dangerous children, and he told the parents there comes a time where it's not about parents controlling the situation. There comes a time and a place where it is unsafe to have those kids habitating in the same home, and the parents have to realize the situation is beyond the capabilities of parents. These children have to be removed from the home for the safety of others, and to live with medical staff. At least for a time being, so that medical evaluations can be done. I fought for those medical evaluations, and we were denied. Who on earth denies a child medical care? What has our social services adoption units turned into? They really appaul me.

So, I continue to learn how to move on. I don't feel so sad every day. Now, the girls cross my mind daily, but I'm only sad occasionally. So that's a good thing.

Stay tuned for a more positive upbeat post next time. Truly, I do have mostly good days. Many are great.

Claiming Your Child

This (clickable) is really good. It's an article about the wrong reasons to adopt.

THIS (clickable) is really good too...............................
I really appreciate this article, and agree with it whole heartedly. However, nothing is included here about the older adopted child who is a danger to self and others (amongst a myriad of severe issues). Not to mention, say it was never disclosed to the innocent, wide-eyed, loving, eager, and prayerful adoptive parents that said child is a daily danger to self and others? How about the other siblings in the picture? What about their safety?

Our agency for our domestic adoption talked about Claiming Your Child quite a bit when we would discuss Sissy's serious issues with the SW's. It seemed like a diversion tactic to me by our agency, seeing as they had no solutions for her problems (other than ordering my spouse and I to attend weekly marital counseling and individual counseling both). Our agency did not offer up or support any options for keeping our family safe while continuing with finalizing the adoption (so said child could NOT be on our insurance yet, and Medicaid would not cover what she needed, and her SW would not authorize her to even GET the care she needed, let alone pay for it). Well, yes we've claimed this child(ren), but don't know that they can live in our home without someone being killed, molested, and/or harmed severely.

Any thoughts here? I have to say I feel a tad guilty when reading articles like this, because we claimed the children we adopted. That being said, even a bio child with those issues in our home would have to be removed from the home, exploring various medical and residential placement options. We absolutely would remove a bio child like that. Yes sirree.

An Open Door

Update at bottom-
And just when I thought our adoption info was zilch:

Anyone who has been reading my blogs for a couple years will remember me posting about a sibling set of four from about a year ago. There is a 6yr old girl, 4yr old boy, 3yr old girl, and 18month old girl (roughly). A friend of mine "L" was trying to adopt the girls, and was fostering to adopt. Then her SIL wrote the state and claimed L's husband J is a predator and has sexually abused children. Without investigation, the children were removed from L & J's home. The four children have been in six homes this last year, different combinations of them. The VGAL called me personally multiple times asking if we could adopt the 3 & 4yr old. We were currently in the process of accepting the referral for the girls we had, so it just wouldn't have worked out. However, I really like the VGAL, and told L to have her call me any time.

Long story short, L was contacted by the VGAL yesterday to say the three girls are being removed from yet another home. They currently are in an adoptive placement with a single 61yr old lady. That would be fine and dandy, but the 61yr old adopted twin boys several years ago and they are now 12yrs old. They both have FAS/FAE, and one of them has been physically abusing the girls. Left bruises in the shape of a hand print. So the VGAL is yanking them (thank god).

I told L we have an open door for the 6yr old. The 3&4 yr olds have some permanent problems that we do not feel equipped to deal with at this time, considering there are other children in the home. Perhaps if we had more medical info and therapy info on them we could consider having them in the home. L & J want at least the baby, if not all three girls.

A relative has stepped up saying she wants to adopt all four kids. Well, kudos to her, but she is single and has NEVER had any experience with children, let alone children with special needs. L said this relative plans to quit her job to give the children supervision, attention, love, etc. That's great and all, but I asked where the money will come in. Apparently a fiance is willing to move up the wedding date so they can be married shortly and not jeopardize this adoption situation.

I'm not holding my breath on any of it. I've learned you just never know. But again, I told L we have an open door for the 6yr old.

Please keep these children in your prayers. Frankly, I'm enjoying having the time to take care of myself these days, and our life seems to be settling in nicely. So, whether God brings any of these children into our lives or not, we are blessed.

Update:
One more item. The girls have lived in six homes this last twelve months (which I mentioned above), and the little boy has been in three homes. They have all had adoption disruptions. Very sad. Very sad indeed. However, since I've been down that road myself, I think adoption is very successful when people have alot of information and the truth about the children's past, care, needs, etc. Here are their adoption placement disruptions in the last twelve months (that I know of):
6yr old girl-3 disruptions
4yr old boy-2 disruptions
3yr old girl-4 disruptions
18month old girl-3 disruptions

......all in the last twelve months.

Adoption Update

First I have a small update on the girls we disrupted. I know they are not receiving medical care, seeing as their state medical insurance coverage info still comes to me. Sad. So, they are in an adoptive home (allegedly), yet these folks don't bother to take them for well child checkups (they both just had a birthday), no counseling, no testing? God help them all. I really do not think any employer covers family insurance on foster kids. So I truly think the girls are with inept people not meeting their needs.

OK, on to more positive news. My husband and I are still open to adoption. We are happy with our family the way it is, live a positive, healthy, full life. Yet at the same time, our hearts break for orphans. God also calls us to care for the orphans. We have always felt called to this ministry and these children. Our pastor preaches regularly on adoption. He has adopted three children from Kras, Russia. So, thru that we realize that there are several ways to help orphans. We want God's plan, and seek his will.

We would love additional children here, yet literally don't know how to accomplish that at the moment. I would prefer IA, and we loved our Russian adoption adventures (minus our corrupt old agency). Going to Russia to meet our little girl were some of the happiest days of our lives. Due to our agencies unethical and illegal behavior, we were not able to bring home that little girl, or any child for that matter, seeing as our agency is not accredited in Russia. We notified the Russian authorities of this, and the FBI, and there will be a trial that I am testifying at. TBA. We are currently still in litigation with our old agency, and hopefully that will end this year. But since we've been doing this for 3.5yrs now with "old" agency, I'm not holding my breath. All that to say as well, we cannot afford IA at this point, seeing as we've spent over 70K on IA (partially fees to our old agency, partially fees on our litigation).

We have absolutely no confidence or faith in the DSHS/state adoption system. I believe I've posted on that before, so I won't belabor the point.

Anyway, God knows our hearts, and knows our hearts are for adoption. If he wants us to adopt, He'll show us the way. In the meantime, we live enjoying our family full of blessings daily. We are truly grateful.

Now I'm off to recover from my gardening today. I put in a 30x35 ft garden. Ouch, I'm sore.

A trip

My husband and I realized a long time ago, that traveling with children is a trip more than a vacation. We got alot of good chuckles along the way, and thoroughly enjoyed Disney World and NASA.

During the time spent away, I thought of so many things to blog about. I feel as I am not even the same person as I was a few years ago.

With having a vacation, and a chance to read a few books, spending time with just our family, rolling with the punches, and enjoying countless laughs along the way, I realized how different our lives are now. I think getting out of the daily rut and grind gave me a chance to reflect, more so than I have in years. Maybe decades.

I have so many things to blog about:
Disney World adventures
Adoption update
Kids with Special Needs (& traveling with them)
Do's & Don't's for traveling with kids
Grief & loss
My own personal journey: my health & well being

So, I'll start next with the blog about Disney World & NASA, the trip of a lifetime. Memories made on that trip will last a lifetime.

Shame on DSHS

The xyz DSHS office is being sued for $22 million. This is the same office that placed the girls with us.....

They really are so pathetic. On the news they showed scenes from court. The prosecutor asked the SW why she didn't pick up on the kid's starvation. She said, "I didn't know I was supposed to look for starvation". Oh dear Lord............

Please email me if you would like the news link to the story. I will send after we return from Disney World. Email to sweetangelplus4@yahoo.com.

Today we are off the a kids engineering fair at my alma mater. Tomorrow, off to the happiest place on earth.

Giving Back

I'm still in the process of looking for a job. I applied yesterday to a corporation that is hiring 4 coordinators for various programs. Hopefully I'll hear something back. I highly respect this corporation, and they have a good reputation. They've been around for about 100 years, so I know they are a stable to company to work for.

On giving back: my husband had a great idea for me. Since I like to cook so much, and I'm a giver, nurturer, he told me there is a Battered Women's Shelter in a local area that I could volunteer at. I'd never heard of this one, so I'm really interested. I could cook and donate baked goods once a week (or something). I'd be happy to keep women company, help in any way, and give back to the community. I do have personal experience with this as well, being that I lived in a ridiculously abusive home growing up. We finally got out. It was extremely hard. We had to wait for a night where my dad just didn't come home. We left in the middle of the night, packing and moving all thru the night. My dad came home as we were making our final trip out the door. He had been bar hopping all night, and made this absurd scene in the front yard crying, screaming, and swinging his arms around at my mom, as we were trying to leave. Fortunately there were a couple families from church there helping us move, and they got us out of there safely. This topic really touches me to the core, and I would like to help at a place like this, helping women help themselves.

Other than that, nothing too exciting around here is going on. The weather is driving me crazy! It snowed a couple weeks ago, and was in the upper 80's last weekend. Fortunately we got a ton of yard work done in that nice weather, seeing as it's snowing buckets today. ARGH! what on earth is up with the Pacific Northwest weather? I'm ready for spring!!!

To entertain myself lately, I've been looking at sewing & cross stitch blogs. If you know of any favorite sewing, cross stitch, scrapping blogs, please forward them to me. I love crafts.

On a final note, I decided to cease contact with the girls foster parents. We have been in touch via email regularly. Until this week, they were really nice. Then this week they were dishonest with me, and I really don't need that crap in my life. Too bad for them and the girls; we would have been happy to have been a resource for all of them down the road. I had to come to the place where I saw that staying in contact was giving me more grief and anxiety than what it was worth. They are on their own now. As for us, the governors office & the state head of DSHS are in regular contact with us about the investigation against the girls SW & that DSHS office. So I may receive updates or info there. I really only want a geographic approximation of the girls home now, so we can avoid that area. And visa versa. My husband fears the older girl will grow up, turn 18, and try to locate us: to shoot us. She is really a dangerous disturbed child. Hopefully she will get the help she deserves, for her safety as well as those around her.

The only adventurous and exciting news I have to share is that we are taking the kids to Disney World next week, for 10 days. It should be heaven on earth. As an added bonus, Don & Be are going to try to get together with us while we are in town. Looking forward to meeting in real life with more of my favorite bloggers!!

The Girls Moved

The girls have moved to a new adoptive family. They are out of the area, but still in the same state. The foster parents are staying in touch with them. That's all I know. I will of course post updates as I receive them.

I asked to treat foster mom to tea or brunch. Hopefully we'll get together soon.

I wasn't sure how I would react to this sort of news, once it came. Actually I'm really happy. I'm happy the girls will be in a home with younger parents, younger than senior citizen age (like the FP's). That will be best for everyone. Also it will give the older girl, Sissy, the opportunity to have a real world experience (hopefully). The FP's love them dearly, but their solutions to problems were not what I would call solutions, so much as "baby-jail". For instance, Sissy is so highly difficult and dangerous to take in public. So the FP's just didn't leave their home with her. To me, this doesn't train up a child, but just serves as a holding cell. Additionally, the FP's kept her in daycare full-time so they didn't have to deal with her during the day. The mom-FP is a stay at home mom, yet she didn't want to be home with Sissy all day. She stayed home with Lovey though. So, not how we wanted to raise a family, but the girls were safe and loved.
And that is the most important thing. I'm grateful for every morsel of kindness they gave the girls.

Ring the Bell

OK, I'll keep blogging.

What are we up to? Sports, yard work, trips to the orthodontist, getting ready for the Disney trip, and job hunting. I'll have time to post more in a few weeks.

I did some quilting applique for the first time today. Scary to try new things!! It looks rather scrappy, which is probably OK on a country looking quilt ;o)

Our middle son loved seeing the Dahli Lama. Although, I don't think he learned anything about the seeds of compassion, as the Dahli Lama spoke on this. Our son came home and was an equal opportunity TURD with a capital T for the day. Oh well.

On a bell:
Without spelling out details, someone in my life rang a bell you can't un-ring. I'm deciding how to deal with this. What do you do when someone rings a bell that you just can't un-ring? I always forgive people. With that though, there are times when situations are really pathetic, and I just have to decide how I will approach things differently, give myself some time & distance, whatnot. I need to figure out my new boundaries and way of thinking, etc. Very hard.

News on the girls. The hospital keeps sending us the girls medical bills. Sigh. We have told everyone repeatedly to straighten this out. Sigh. Hopefully this will get sorted out soon. A friend of mine thinks she saw the older girl, Sissy, with a new family today. I wrote the foster parents to see if this is true, or if perhaps it's the girls older sister. There are actually three girls from those parents, but I believe the oldest daughter was adopted out before the next two girls (the girls we had) came along. To be continued...................

I Got the Job

Today I interviewed for the Saturday only job, and it turned into something else entirely!!

The original position was for a receptionist/management at an upscale Salon & Spa, Saturday only (9-5pm). The owner (female) offered me the job last week, and told me to drop by a resume. So I did that. She called last night and asked if I could come in and talk. Her husband was there (he's the other owner). We talked for over an hour, and the whole thing is set in stone now. I start next Friday (training), and my first day on the job is Saturday April 5.

This job has now turned into me being their accountant, also, one additional day per week. Probably in six months or so. They want to phase out their old accountant because he/she costs an arm and a leg. The salon is closed on Mondays, so I can come in to do the accounting every Monday with no one bothering me, during the day.

I wanted to pursue this Saturday only job as opposed to working in the day or evening. If I applied for the Tues-Fri afternoon/evening position, I'd miss four days of my kids sports and activities. Working Saturday will allow me to be at almost all their events. Actually, all three kids are in sports right now (swimming, track, baseball). Only baseball falls on Saturday too. Most of their sports are during the week.

I've avoided looking for accounting/bookkeeping employment because it's mainly 40-60 hours per week, M-F. That leaves me running errands several evenings a week, and thus missing our children's' sports and activities (youth group, etc.). Additionally, getting the kids to doctor/dentist/ortho appts is difficult when working M-F during the day.

I'm really excited. And to boot, I get all salon services complimentary. This includes massage, nails, facials, hair care & color, waxing (ouch), cosmetology, hair/skin products, etc. I do have to pay cost for any product, but that's a steal!! They want me to use as many services as possible so I can promote them. They do not have to ask me twice to get a free massage! Additionally, they want me to go to the styling and skin care classes with the staff. The owners want me informed about everything on the planet so I can help recommend and answer questions for clients, without having them wait for a stylist or owner to come up to the front desk. I love this!! Hair and makeup have been a fascination of mine for decades!

And yes, I will post soon about our thoughts on adopting again. Thanks for your patience there. I know several of you have emailed me about that. The bottom line is we are pro-adoption, desire giving disadvantaged kids a home, and would still like to adopt an older child should God orchestrate it all. Our only requirement is that the child NOT be a predator and/or danger to our family. Safety and keeping our family in tact is of paramount importance. Cheers!!

Easter and the Alcoholic Friend

I hope everyone had a great Easter. We had a great weekend, and did things differently. It was nice, for the most part. Saturday we went to a bible study dinner potluck and egg hunt. Nice company, good food, but I felt rather out of it. I mean, this bible study group was put together for people with young children. Well, our youngest child is 9-1/2 now. With the girls gone, I felt like my kids were old enough to be the babysitters. We will continue with the group for the year, and finish that out. I know the intention of the group is to keep going for several years and we've made some really great friends. Maybe my husband and I will be the mentoring couple, or something along those lines. I mean seriously, in the egg hunt, it was 2-4yr olds. We let our 9yr old in on the hunt. What did the older boys do? They hid the eggs prior to the hunt with the adults.

Easter morning went off with a bang: All three boys and my husband yelling, swearing, and fighting over lost clothes, unironed clothes, and missing shoes. I mean seriously. Do they think yelling, fighting, and swearing will solve the problem? What about a little advance preparation (like every Saturday night)? What about just fixing the problem, not the blame. I really hate that, the old "fix the blame, not the problem" sort of scenario. I turned up my radio really loud in the bathroom, finished getting ready for church, and promptly left on time, without my family. They really should have been ashamed of themselves. I've never seen any of them behave so poorly, especially on a religious holiday. So I sat in church alone (which was fine by me). I noticed my husband and boys slink in about 5 minutes late for church. I'm so short, you can't find me in a crowd of hundreds. After church my husband asked if I want to go to WalMart with him and the boys to get summer clothes for our upcoming Disney trip. Um, ya. Right. I told all four of them I'm ashamed of them & their behavior, and that they were appalling. I drove around for a couple hours alone to clear my head. Upon my return home, the boys & husband were eating chicken nuggets & fries. Since no one was particularly hungry after that, I got to skip the whole huge Easter dinner extravaganza. Worked for me. The boys and husband all apologized to me. We then watched "Karate Kid" and had a great rest of the evening. Yesterday I made our Easter dinner, and it was delicious. The evening ended with my husband asking me to adopt again. I think I have to dedicate a whole separate post about this.

OK. So onto the story about the Alcoholic Friend. Ya know, this relationship has gone full circle so many times over the years. She and I are like sisters to each other, that we do not have biologically. We've known each other over 25 years, and have always been in consistent contact. She is a tad weird, but I've never held that against her. We've always thought, "well, that's just her." And I love her as she is. The tough part is she has mental problems and she is a recovering alcoholic. Our relationship has gone thru phases of limping, more than relating, at times. She will end up in circumstances that are deplorable, by her own poor choices. And I've had to shake off my co-dependant wardrobe, put on the healthy layer, and decline her begging, asking, and guilt-tripping me for help. Since I won't solve her problems for her or rescue her, she often went into begging for me to watch her young children endlessly, while she could go off and "solve" her own problems (solving, to her, is doing things like borrowing tons of money from relatives, or putting on a bikini & hopping in someone's boat for the day). I watched her kids for her in an emergency, and another emergency, and yet another. I lost track after a point, but was getting resentful. She has parents & grandparents who can watch the kids. I don't even have that, yet she wanted to dump her kids on me all the time. Finally push came to a shove when I declined to watch her kids once. She told a mutual friend that "Esther owes her." oh, no no no no. That about ended the friendship. Since I keep a calendar, I had record of all the times I watched her kids. I sent her a note, with all the dates I'd watched her kids (in the last year or two), and told her I don't owe her. And that I wouldn't be watching her kids anymore. We could be friends, but I'm not the free nanny. She pretty much quit asking, and my family eventually moved to another city. Completely out of her way now to make it worth her time to drop her kids off.

To get up to speed, a year or two later, without telling anyone, she went to "visit her brother out of state." While there, she actually checked herself into in-patient rehab. Good for her, but alot of us really resented her abandoning her family with no notice. She really hurt her children. She didn't even try counseling or out-patient treatment first. Personally I feel like she wanted a 5 month vacation. She was gone that long, missing one child's birthday, and all the fall/winter holidays. Thank God I didn't live close enough for her husband to ask me to take the kids. Their marriage survived, and she went back to college to earn a professional degree. She now has a 4yr degree & professional job. She confided in me that she is only with her husband because she needed someone to support her during her college days, and she will leave him when her career is making enough money. Gee, not uncomfortable or anything. I've kept her confidence, but avoid her husband. He is a louse, and she should have left him years ago. I don't say those things lightly, but he has even given her sexually transmitted diseases because he's cheated on her. He's actually done so many unthinkable things to her and in/out of their relationship, that she legally separated from him at one point. I got called by their lawyers, asking for personal affidavits about them (character witness), as they were fighting for custody of the kids. Even with my girlfriends problems, the letter I wrote about her husband makes my friend look like a saint by default. I think her husband realized with that letter/affidavit, that he had zero chance of custody of his kids. I don't know that he wants custody per se, but more than that wants to avoid paying child support. Personally, I'd like to hit them both over the head with a rolling pin.

I finally felt like she was too clingy and needed to stand on her own two feet (about a year ago). With me always there for her to complain to, I feel that's all she did. And her husband is too cheap to pay for her to go to counseling. She even now won't pay for personal or marital counseling now that she is gainfully employed.

The final straw was seeing her at the wrestling tournament last week. She seemed higher than a kite, talking about things my husband and I felt totally bizarre. She also fell off the bleacher into the aisle. For no apparent reason. She and I were talking, and next thing I knew she fell straight over to her left, sort of on her back, with legs up in the air. I strongly suspect she had been drinking. I also saw her husband, whose eyes were red & totally glazed over.

I don't want to get together with her. I feel like it's perpetuating something negative. I would like our friendship to go somewhere positive, but with an addict, it's a whole nother ball game.

Any suggestions? She wanted to get together tomorrow for lunch. At the tournament I said sure. Today I cancelled on her, with the excuse that I'm too busy this week. I'm really just buying time until I can figure out what to tell her. How do you confront something like this? There are her personal problems and addiction, which is one thing (not my business), but I truly don't have desire to be in friendship with someone like this. Even though she says I'm her best friend. I truly love her, but don't want to be around her. And I have my children to think about. I need to keep them around safe people, and set a good example for them.

Please leave me your suggestions.

The Governor's Office Called

A lady who works for the governor called yesterday. She is handling our case from inside the governor's office. She was really kind, educated, and helpful. She wanted to hear, again, about our experience from the top, before the next phase of the investigation. Also she wanted to know what we feel was the number one problem here, what we want, and what we would like.

I told her I feel the number one problem here were two items:
1. Full disclosure never happened. We were told the girls are "healthy, cute, happy, normal, smart"
2. Medical resources were denied, resources which can save the road this little girl is on, her health, her well being, and the safety & well being of those around her. At a minimum, we wanted the child to have counseling, and access to the UW fetal alcohol center. UW has the best resources in THE WORLD for fetal alcohol, and they have been on the cutting edge of science for this since 1983. UW coined the term "fetal alchohol syndrome." It's appauling that the state would not let her have an appointment there.
The govornor's office agrees with our feelings here.

I told her what we want is the option to adopt the 2yr old (doubtful) and above all we don't want this whole debacle happening to other families. We want the 4yr old (now 5yr old) placed somewhere that she is kept safe from others, children and adults alike.

To back up, I thought it interesting in our most recent email from the foster parents, this item:
They wrote that they went to a meeting at DSHS and the 3rd foster child in the home is moving out. Only the bio sisters will be left. Well, the governor's employee told me yesterday that the 4yr old (now 5yr old) is now classified as a predator, with predatory behavior. At least THAT will help future children around her and her future placements. I imagine this change led to the 3rd child moving out of the foster home. I am thankful.

Back to the story, I also told the lady it was really the final insult to hear from the SW's that we were required to go to personal counseling and marital counseling because "we only needed to parent her better." Sigh. Ya know, I asked, begged, the SW's to tell us the entire six months, how to parent her better.

The state employee was shocked that someone would say that to us. Completely out of line. Not to mention, we ALREADY had several children, some with special needs. We didn't just fall off the turnip truck. We know how to parent a variety of different ways, and parent healthy and not-so-healthy children. To tell someone they "just need to parent better" is putting on the proverbial band aid. Not a real solution.

Anyway, the state is going to try to keep the girls together. They will keep the girls in foster care WITH NO OTHER CHILDREN or put them in an adoptive home WITH NO OTHER CHILDREN (thank you God), a home that is trained to keep the 2yr old safe. I think even the "safe" part is a dangerous walk though. How can anyone guarantee 100% safety when a sibling is a sexual predator? But what do I know..................

So that's the latest update. 99% chance the girls will stay together. And I'm OK with that. It's out of my hands and control. Mainly we don't want another family lied to, blind sighted, and put in danger as we were. I'm sure it will happen again, somewhere, somehow, but at least this sibling group is being handled differently. For now.

FYI-I asked the governor's office what they feel is the biggest problem here. I asked them how we could have handled this differently, improved, dealt with issues, whatnot. They feel the biggest problems here are:
1. The girls "Safety and Information" stats & sheets were lies and not updated to inform, reflect, educate, and ensure safety for others around the older child. (no kidding)
2. She feels we went above and beyond the call of duty here, advocating hard, protecting our other children, etc. She feels the state made a bad placement, putting a predator into our home. She says there is no good way to handle what we went thru, other than to end the situation for the safety of everyone involved.
3. There is a legislative problem in that there is no funding available for these kids to get resources, that they urgently need.

I think that's it. I'm feeling slightly better, so I'm able to go to our church ladies retreat today. I'm off to the Canadian boarder. Over and out.