Today

Let's see. In the last 24hrs I've spoken with our agency SW. She is very supportive, and really feels for us. I too, as several people have commented, wonder how on earth these issues have been overlooked. By five sets of foster parents, two state SW's, etc. I realize SW's are ridiculously overburdened and overworked, but seriously. They have to have noticed something. One thing the counselor told me is that the state is very cheap, so there is a lack of generosity in getting resources to foster kids. If they can turn a blind eye, and meet their job requirements of getting kids adopted swiftly, they feel no harm no foul. Well, I think it's outrageous. The first four sets of foster parents all dumped the kids back in the system after anywhere from a few days to a few weeks after placement. They all said the kids needs were too great. Gee, that should have been a red flag. The fifth and final foster parents noticed problems, but the state was really stingy and unethical about addressing needs. So the foster parents had her in daycare in the morning, and napping in the afternoon, then they could tag team her in the evening. That's the only way they could deal with her behavior. One additional item that really stands out to me is that when she was placed with this final set of foster parents, our daughter was almost 4yrs old. And she couldn't run. That is highly unusual. Granted, the girls have never had a doctor or dentist until they met me, but seriously. She couldn't RUN. That's really quite a delay. The foster parents stated they thought the girls were just cooped up alot, therefore not given the opportunity to learn gross motor skills. Well, even if a healthy child is carried all the time, they still learn to stand, walk, run, etc. The last foster parents took her to counseling also to see if that could help with her behaviors, overemotional side, grief,etc. The counselor stated he really didn't build a connection with her and they just played. Sigh. So when we got her, I brought her to a different counselor, the one she is still seeing once a week.

When I spoke with our agency last night, they said they doubted the state will finalize on the 2yr old's adoption, while waiting on the 4yr olds. They are bio sisters, and the state wants the girls in the same situation, in addition to the same household. The agency SW connected with the state SW today, and I haven't heard the outcome of that phone call(s). Apparently the agency SW told the state SW to "get on the UW FAS/FAE eval".......pronto. So the state SW was attacking that today. Additionally, the agency SW was going to tell the state SW that we are waiting several more months to finalize the adoption(s) until we have more evaluations, education, and wisdom regarding our daughter. We can't in good conscious adopt her before all, or at least a majority, of the evaluations are complete. Since we can't adopt the girls at separate times, we are telling the state we need at least three additional months now before finalization. Currently we are on the judges docket for April. We are requesting to push that out until July. I think this will give us alot space, time to be prudent, and time for prayer that we are making the right decisions.

Our agency SW has the same clinical/therapist licensing as our daughter's counselor. The SW just happens to be a SW currently. This agency SW is coming over to play with the girls tomorrow to get a better idea of how our daughter lives, thinks, speaks, plays, etc. In the past she's really only had time to spend a few minutes here and there with the girls. I appreciate her taking the time and interest in our girls, especially when she already has such a busy schedule. She will be able to give me her impressions and recommendations. Any professional willing to spend time with our daughter is all green lights in my book.

To answer a couple questions commenter's have left:
1. Conduct disorder is more highly intense than Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Conduct Disorder is pretty scary (if ODD isn't scary enough.......). Conduct Disorder is worse.
2. Respite is foster licensed and/or state licensed child care for foster kids and/or wards of the state. Our girls are wards of the state, and we are their legal guardians with a family adoption placement, even though we aren't bio family. Respite care can be a daycare situation for a few hours a day, an overnighter, a weekend or several days child care. This is so the foster parents/guardians can get a break, go to work/school, get activities done that are impossible with said child along, etc.
3. Our daughter will go to school next year, period. We just don't know if it's preschool or kindergarten. After my marathon day with her yesterday, I decided it just is.
4. Yes, placement is supposed to be about the best interests of the child. However, the state really runs things by bureaucracy, laws, quotas, and budgets.