Friday, February 29, 2008

Always and Forever

I stumbled across Christine's blog (whom I highly respect and admire, by the way) in my blogging this week. I really appreciate her take on disruption. I read thru countless comments on that post though, and I felt sad. Yes, we always think that adoption is forever. Why wouldn't it be? But to say that it SHOULD always be forever, well, walk a mile in my shoes. For those who judge, what would you do if the domestic adoption child placed with you is a predator, your adoption is not finalized, the state is holding that up, and they won't pay for or even authorize medical attention that is urgent and life saving.

Now, I think it would have been entirely different for us if all these issues popped up after the adoption was finalized. Or in an international adoption as well. Why, you may ask? Because we would be fully able to put the child(ren) on our insurance, and get them all the help they need. If our adoption had been finalized, we could have sent her to a treatment center, therapeutic medical environment with 24/7 care, we could have taken her to any doctor/hospital/therapist and billed it to our insurance. Even if we couldn't put a child on our insurance (for some bizarre reason), we could have gotten her medical attention and just footed the bill ourselves.

But the sad fact is, we couldn't even take her to these places and just pay for it out of pocket, because the state is her legal guardian, and they wouldn't authorize medical care. I imagine this is why there is now an open investigation into our SW & the SW's staff. They endangered those girls, the boys, and our entire family.

I honestly feel had we been allowed to get her the medical attention she deserves, without a doubt she would still be our daughter. Perhaps she wouldn't be living in our home at times, as she would be in medical facilities for her dozens of health crisis's, but she would be our daughter, forever.

Here is the response I left on Christine's blog, and I'm thankful bloggers like Christine shed light on these issues:

I agree with alot of what you are saying, and with alot of what the posters are saying.
However, we just disrupted because one adopted child was dangerous to our family, myself, the other children in the home. She was molesting her sister, wanted to play with knives, nearly got me killed while she ran in front of a moving vehicle, etc.
Frankly, we could have dealt with her 25+ medical/emotional/behavioral/cognitive/mental (etc) problems. The thing we couldn't deal with is that since her adoption wasn't finalized, the state wouldn't pay for OR EVEN AUTHORIZE for her to get medical treatment. They wouldn't allow her to go to a group home, get counseling, get help at a treatment facility. We felt backed into a wall.
There came a point where we had to decide that the thought of losing all five children because the state would not help one, had to be done.
This was the hardest decision of our lives.
So, my question is to people who live in an "always/never" sort of world, what would you do in that case? Frankly, before she became our daughter, I was like that too. I couldn't imagine giving up my child. I always thought people who disrupted thought "well, this isn't a good fit." And that really pissed me off. These are children, not shoes! Not a good fit? Good Lord. I think it's really selfish to disrupt because it's not a good fit, you're not bonding, etc.

The sole reason we disrupted is that our entire family was in imminent danger: sexually, physically, and we have an obligation to keep our children and ourselves safe and from harm. We would never be relieved to have all five children taken from our home on a 48hr hold, while the state is investigating a CPS charge because one child is sexual/violent/injuring other children. Not to mention, we didn't even think about this until after we disrupted......since this child was sexual, how horrible would we feel if she harmed our next door neighbor? A child at church, bible study, MOPS?

We have had 100% support for choosing the choice we made, for everyone's safety.

Now, if we could have improved or changed something, it would have been:
1. The state telling us upfront that this child has issues, grave issues. The state told us nothing, even though we told them we could not have a predator in the home since we already have multiple children here.
2. The state should have allowed her medical treatment. Hands down. Even though medicaid would pay for some of her services, the state has to AUTHORIZE that treatment. Sad. They were trying to keep any record of her behavior off the books until she was adopted. Well, that backfired on them.
The one thing we did which we feel will help the girls and others who follow us, was writing our governor. Because we wrote an incredibly thoughtful and well written statement, there is now an open investigation into our SW and the SW's staff, for the mistreatment of our family and all the children, the denial of required medical service for our daughter, and endangering our family with all of this.
We had to make the hardest decision of our lives. Before we disrupted, I felt I needed the wisdom of Solomon. God gave us the intelligence and strength to let the girls go, so that our sons would not be harmed or taken from us.
God bless you and thank you for following my journey. Of course, any thoughts, suggestions, insight you have have would be appreciated.
Hugs, Esther

Tuesday, February 26, 2008


We found out why the 2yr old is having such a hard time at bedtime. She wants us to sing to her every night, her favorite song.

The foster parents wrote me today, stating that she asks for her song, and they have sung everything they know. 2yr old says it's not the right one.

I wrote and told them my husband sings "Puff the Magic Dragon" to the girls every night. He did that for our boys as well when they were little.

This morning I went back to the counselor. She told me to journal, review what I've been blogging about for the last several months, see how I feel about that, write what's been positive and accomplished for the girls while they were with us, read a book called "Nonviolent Communication", etc. I told her I want to compulsively eat all day, but I've fought off doing that. She told me to write down how I feel every time I want to eat. Then we will talk about all these feelings next time. Also she told me to take up a "mindless hobby, like knitting". Since when is knitting mindless? I think there's patterns and stuff. I'll be sticking with quilting and reading thanks. Although, I told her I may take a gardening class. We want to plant a vegetable garden.

I wish we could scoop up that little girl and sing to her. I'm going to go cry now.

Monday, February 25, 2008

The Governor's Office Called

Apparently I opened up a big 'ole can of whoop *ss.
The governor's office called me today. Shocked the hell out of me.

Their office has been circulating my letter (that we faxed), and they've been talking. The appeal process is now open to adopt the 2yr old. In all honesty, they feel she and the 4yr old will end up in a home that can handle the 4yr olds needs; that is their goal. However, if that is not possible they wanted to see if we still want the 2yr old. (of course we do).

The governor's office has additionally opened an investigation into our case and against the SW's, their staff, & local DSHS office, charging them with mistreating my entire family & the girls, mishandling our whole adoption process, and putting multiple children in danger.

They can't believe DSHS placed the 4yr old in a home with several children. They are concerned about her being in foster care with other children now (her sister & one other child). DSHS put a difficult situation and liability in our lap by placing the 4yr old with us.

I discussed CPS being called about me. They said that is quite common with older children like the 4yr old. Then the parents and whole family are put in jeopardy. duh.

The governor wants this investigation and processing to decide if DSHS made a grave mistake in our case. We of course think so.

I'm not holding my breath. I'm thankful there is an investigation, and I hope this will help best place the girls. And put some sense into our local DSHS office. Our local DSHS office has been notified that the investigation is open.

We will be OK if we never see the girls again. We want what's best for them and their future. We absolutely want to adopt the 2yr old, but that may not be in her best interest.

Thank you God for all you do. May your will be done, keep the girls safe, and guide the girls into the best home for them.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

While We Wait

So, what does a gal do while waiting for the governor to call? Geez. I'm trying to not lose my mind.

We figure the governor will not call, but someone somewhere will communicate with us at some point.

We faxed the letter to the governor yesterday. I also emailed copies to everyone who has ever been on this adoption/medical team. Additionally, I called the state executive head of DSHS, but got a phone laberinth. No one has responded to me, which I see as a sign that they are all (or some) are conferencing with one another. Hopefully they will see what is in the best interest of the child, and end this charade. Truly I will be able to have a wonderful life whether we adopt this little girl or not. At this point I feel we have done everything humanly possible to advocate for her to be in our family.

In the mean time, I've been deep cleaning my bedroom and master bath this morning. Why is there WD-40 in my bathroom? I guess we find these things during spring cleaning.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008


I'm writing to our governor to see if we can adopt the 2yr old. The governor is above DSHS, and should know there are situations where it's not in the best interest for all sibings, always, to stay together. Not to mention, we can't find the alleged law/act in writing anywhere, stating that in our state, sibling groups have to remain intact if a sibling is 4yrs old or younger.

I also made one post earlier today. See below.


The 4yr old now thinks she will "be really really good, and get to go back to (bio mom) and (bio grandma)." These two women sexually & physically abused her, and neglected her, while they behave illegally (stealing cars, running meth labs, etc.).

Lord help her.

I've read before about children having severe incoherant unhealthy devotion to their abusers. I don't get it. Maybe it's because it's all they know?

The 2yr old is inconsolable for us at bedtime. She gets tense/upset during the rest of the day as well, but they can console her during the day.

We are trying to heal.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Comfort Her

Todays update from the foster parents:
She asks for us. She asks for Mommy and Daddy. God please comfort little "2yr old"............

God please care for her heart. And her loss of a family.

My heart is breaking. The tears are flowing.

4yr old is busy painting night and day.

Perfect Timing

Here is a link to today's Daily Bread Devotional. I am floored and awed that this is the timing of today's devotion. Very poignant for me. I feel so blessed, feeling like God wrote this for me, knowing I would read this today. (link highlighted)

In other news, I have decided I will continue to blog. I believe firmly that we are all here for a greater purpose, and to help one another. Perhaps in some way I will be able to help others for that which we have endured.

We are healing, and working on that process. I have many updates on our family and all we've been up to. I'll continue to keep you posted.

An interesting twist: the girls are back with the foster family they/we know. The elderly couple who had the girls right before us. The 4yr old is on her best "honeymoon" behavior, and the 2yr old wants to come home (we are dying over that). I will say though that over the last six months we have forged a great relationship with the foster parents. All four of us have come to respect, admire, and care for each other deeply. We are in contact multiple times per day, and that is helping all of us.

We all fear that the next move will be even harder than imaginable on the girls. They will have to lose the foster parents. Again. This is already a painful reality for the foster parents, and they are in grave pain over it. And the 4yr old thinks "forever" is not forever. She has always wanted to go back to the foster parents, so we fear she thinks she has the power to create that situation. God bless the next family to take in the girls permanently.

Even though the 4yr old is on her best honeymoon behavior, that version of her is still an enormous handful. The foster dad wrote me Saturday from work stating that he had to go home so the foster mom could get out of the house. Geez, the girls had only been there not even 48 hours. I shudder to think how difficult it will be when the 4yr old gets into her normal behavior. Please keep the foster parents and girls in your prayers.

A note on support. Ya know, I feared that someone somewhere would have something stupid, cruel, harsh, judgemental, etc., to tell us over our decision to disrupt. No one until now has known what has truly transpired with the girls, as we only told people (in real life) the happy/positive parts of the story. I did confide in the professionals on the case, and a personal friend who is a doctor. That was all. We felt it of vital importance to keep the girls privacy all this time, out of respect and love. So, people have been shocked we disrupted, but when told the reasoning and story behind the girls, have been 100% supportive, encouraging, loving, and have touched our hearts every day.

Thank you and bless you for traveling this journey with us.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

No Words

We disrupted. There are many reasons. Mainly we want to keep our family in tact without the threat of losing our boys. We feel it is of paramount importance to keep our boys safe and not endangered. There are many issues coming into play here, but we have to keep the boys safe from the 4yr old, and needed to keep the 2yr old safe from the 4yr old. We knew no other way other than to disrupt.

Hopefully the 4yr old will go to a place where she can be helped. With her issues, I don't know that she'll ever function positively or successfully in life. We feel terrible that her younger sister has to be a victim in this, and we would have loved to keep her in our home where she could be safe from her sister, if her sister moved on. However, the state required that this young sibling group remain intact, at least until the youngest child is 4 or older.

Thank you for your support and prayers. Feel free to leave me your email address if you would like to communicate privately. Feel free to leave blog comments.
Thank you for all the kind words you've sent me so far thru this journey.
Bless you.

Half a Step Away

I am now officially half a step away from throwing in the towel.

Our girls SW called a few minutes ago to say that someone made an allegation against me regarding the treatment of our 4yr old. He said it's confidential of course, but I could tell from the statements made about me that one of the two therapists from Childrens Hospital called him.

Bottom line: we were there for our daughters, discussing our daughters, discussing our 4yr olds behavior, disturbing behavior. I mean Jesus Christ. The kid pees/poops and acts like a dog in our presence, pukes on me if it suits her and she doesn't get her way. And this bitch has the odacity to call the SW saying she's concerned about the way we treat our 4yr old and discuss her. I told the SW:

"I was honest. Shame on them if that is inappropriate. We are honest with everyone, including medical professionals, so that our daughter can be diagnosed and treated. And helped. She is a very disturbed and hurt child. And I'm perfectly honest about that. I seek professional advice about her so that she may heal and be helped. If I can't do that, what the hell am I supposed to do?"

I am seriously half a step away from disrupting. I literally don't know who I'm supposed to turn to if the medical community is this shameful. I can understand them being concerned about children and all, but to say I'm inappropriate for describing our child to them, well then this world has gone to hell in a handbasket.

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day. Love the one you're with!!!

My husband told me to book a spa treatment for myself. I'm drooling already.

Our 2-yr old is dressed for Valentines Day, all in red sparkles & plaid. Too cute!! She is trying to teach herself how to do the splits. I have no idea where she thought that up. It's sure fun to watch though.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

All of Us

Today I thought I'd mention what we've all been up to. We are a family of seven, and that keeps us pretty busy.

My husband- trying to figure out what to do for Valentine's Day. I told him to skip the flowers and candy. I'd really like a professional foot massage/reflexology.

Me- getting into a new routine. I started scrapbooking and quilting again. I told a friend she'd have her baby quilts last month (I'm cringing at how tardy I am). I just got back to working on them this week. I've been walking/running almost every day. I work out for 20-25 minutes. A brisk workout, and every other day I encorporate running. I'm up to running for six minutes. I found a fostering/adopting website for our local area, which lists all sorts of conferences and training. I'm going to seriously check into all of this. Today I made petit fours for Valentines Day. This was a new project, and they turned out cute. I got the idea from Parents Magazine (could have been an old issue).

12yr old son- Enjoying wrestling. Got his chipped tooth fixed (from when he broke it during wrestling practice). Dieting to lose 3-4 pounds to "make weight". I really hate the thought of a 12yr old dieting. His weight is fine, but everyone drops down a weight class in wrestling to be competative. He's got 1/2 a pound to go so he can wrestle this week. He's taking me up on my running offer, and will start running with me this weekend. Also our 12yr old got asked out ON A DATE! Can you believe it? I told the girl's parents "no, our children need to be in the 9th or 10th grade to date". Sheesh. I mean seriously, who would drive? Who would pay? How dumb....

11yr old son- Having a great time antagonizing everyone, and doting on his 2yr old sister every waking minute of the day. Last week he hid the 12yr old's church shoes. No one noticed until it was time to go to church. They were never found, until we drove past them sitting in our bark in the front yard.

9yr old son- Busy making a "Valentine's Box" for his school Valentines party tomorrow. I bought him Sponge Bob valentines (same for 11 yr old also). He's been working on this valentines box since last Friday. I guess he thinks it's pretty important.

4yr old girl- Busy planning her 5th bday party, which is in a few weeks. She is also busy making herself puke when she's not happy. I have her clean it up and say, "that's a bummer you're throwing up. You'll need to have toast and applesauce for the rest of the day. I'm sad for you that you will miss out on Valentine's Cake tonight." She cried for quite some time over this. We already had a standing playdate this morning. When we called all the kids for snack time, she said "I'm hungry!". I gave her applesauce. The other kids had cheeseburgers & fries. It's just too damn early to start Bulemia.

2yr old -Has learned to say the phrase "Bad Choice" and tells her sister that multiple times a day. It's quite funny. She is now out of her crib and in a big girl bed.

Yesterday the girls both had part of their developmental exams at Childrens Hospital. We were disappointed because of the three appts each that they need, only the PT and OT where scheduled for yesterday. We still have to wait months for the Neurological/Cognitive/Processing/BirthDefects appt, which is where our great concern lies. Oh well. In good news, both girls test in the normal range for Fine Motor Skills, Gross Motor skills, and Occupational Therapy. As a sidenote, we mentioned the girls background, behaviors, delays, etc. while we were there. So the topic of Sensory Integration came up. The OT said two of her three daughters went to SI therapy, and she thought it did not help. She said her girls just had to outgrow their issues. Um, not really encouraging. Anyway, the therapists said our 4yr old definately needs to be seen by UW-FAS/FAE center for her issues. She has countless red flags for FAE. So they are working on that referral for us, to add to the load of our SW asking for that workup as well. In good news, Childrens Hospital says they notice NO ADD behaviors. So, that means she is selectively participating in those behaviors when it works well for her. We feel better that we can help her thru this, knowing she doesn't have full blown ADD on top of everything else she's got going on. By the way, our 4yr old is still peeing her pants at school, stayed dry at home all weekend, and peed her pants at the hospital yesterday during testing (me scratching my head). The hospital did have a great idea for us, seeing as we are stumped on if we should enroll her in kindergarten. They said to enroll her to save the spot. We can always cancel in August if she's not ready. That will take some pressure off. Now, if we can just inspire her to make better choices...........................

Monday, February 11, 2008


I have to say, things have been pretty calm around here this last week. I'm guarded but optomistic. My husband said last night, "this is what I envisioned us being and I'm really happy."

Still leaves me wondering what the heck was up for several months, beyond the obvious of lots of emotions running high with an older child adoption. Lots of standard stuff there. What I'm trying to figure out is if our daughter's crazy behavior was her biggest, largest, hardest attempt at trying to push us away? If so, I'm wondering if she has now used up her bag of tricks (for the time being) and thinks "well, after all that, they still haven't given me away."......and maybe it's given her a sense of security, comfort, wellbeing.

I realize that there are usually lots of feelings and emotions that run deep for adoptees, for their entire life. With adopting an older child, I would think that is all exemplified.

When our 4.5yr old intentionally vomited on me for two days, I have to say I was at an all time low. Emotionally, physically, mentally, rationally and I felt insecure in uncharted territory. In all honesty though, I will also say I knew it would probably kill me to give the girls up and disrupt. So I hung in there for the long haul.

I'm glad I did.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Blogging With A Purpose

I am humbled. Don & Be, and Chelley, both awarded me the Blogging with a Purpose Award. Thank you to you both for thinking of me. Both of your blogs touch my heart.

Now I need to pass the torch to five be continued.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Things Could Be Looking Up..........

I'm almost afraid to say it. I think things are looking up.

Our 4yr old started daycare yesterday, and loved it. A little boy ran up to her right away wanting to play legos. So cute!! She had a good time with him until he pushed and scratched her. The daycare gave her a bandaid, which completely cheered her up. And naughty boy got the time out chair.

Two days ago, our oldest son broke a tooth at wrestling practice. He got thrown into someone's knee, face first. And they think it's fun? Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Actually I really love wrestling. Brings back good memories. One of my friends and I were "wrestling managers" after school my sophomore year in highschool. We were glorified water girls. But it was alot of fun, and some really cute guys asked us out. I mean, Some REALLY cute wrestlers asked us out. The three nicest guys I ever dated were all wrestlers. Two from highschool, and my husband. Sadly after I dated the two wrestlers, I only seemed to get asked out by idiots or jerks. Finally my husband came along (thank God). Anyway.............

I took the boy up to get his tooth fixed after I dropped off the 4yr old at daycare. The daycare calls to tell me the school only transports TO school. Sigh. Wouldn't that have been important information to know ahead of time? Fortuneately I had enough time to pick her up from school (barely). So her daycare will be T/Th 8am-noon. She will still go to school M-Th, and get a bus TO school every day, from our house and from daycare. What a huge blessing! Now I can save 40 minutes on the road, and little sister gets a decent nap.

Our 4yr old loves school and daycare. Both places give her the required amount of water, and let her go to the bathroom alot. She has kept dry pants at school, home, and daycare the last two days. I'm afraid to get my hopes up. She's stayed dry 9 days in a row before, then started wetting again. So we'll see.

In other big news, our 4yr old got invited to a birthday party. She is so excited. One of her friends from preschool invited her. This is the first birthday party she's EVER gotten invited to. So, a SUPER big deal for her. I called and RSVP'd today. In her previous life I don't think her bio family is the sort that associated with people who had nice little birthday parties. Sigh. After being taken from her family, she moved so often, she didn't have time to make friends anywhere. I'm so thrilled for our kids, all five of them, that they live with a family that is stable, we can have company over, and our kids live long enough in one place to make friends & get invited to parties.

Last night I took our 12yr old to a wrestling clinic at the highschool, after he got a mouthguard. Telling us to get a mouthguard a day or two earlier would have been helpful. Anyway, the wrestling coach at this clinic was great. He is a state champ, has a son who is a state champ (& currently in the top 20 college wrestlers in our nation), and he's coached more state champs and champion teams than anyone in our state. That's pretty good considering the coach at the highschool I graduated from is still the coach there, and they have about the best stats in the state (in the 80's thru today). He told the middle schoolers he was really proud of them for going to this gig (there were about 30+ 7th/8th graders from our district in attendance), and he was really motivational. They all worked on technique for about an hour, then he gave an inspirational speech for about 30 minutes. Basically he told the kids that you can start wrestling in middle school, continue with that & other sports to keep fit, and be a state champ, or whatever your heart desires. He also made the point that kids who smoke dope are stupid, and they don't make it very far in life. Partying hard won't get you anywhere other than being labeled as a Stoner (or Drunk). He really gave the kids some great food for thought to chew on.

I started working out yesterday. My feeble attempt. I walked hard for 20 minutes. I would like to turn this into running 20+ minutes. So today I ran/walked. Tonight I'm going to offer to our 12yr old that I will run with him every day if he likes. It will be great training for him, and help me lose weight.

And I've lost 9 pounds since Christmas. I need to figure out how to update my weight tracker in the sidebar, without having to recreate the wheel every time.

In even more good news, one of the teachers for our daughter told me to call Childrens Hospital and get on their cancellation list. This will get the girls in sooner for their neurological & developmental exams. I called today. Low and behold there is a spot for both girls this upcoming Tuesday!! Hot damn! This is far better than waiting for April to roll around.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Showdown at Adoption Corral

I had a nice face-off with the SW (male) yesterday. Posting earlier would have been nice but my computer service has been down.

Yesterday morning, my devotional time in "Our Daily Bread" was about Grace. Good thing considering all I had to deal with a couple hours later.

The DSHS SW showed up, as well as our agency SW. In a nutshell, the DSHS SW wanted to "right-fight" about the email I sent him the day before (telling him the same things I mentioned in the last blog post). I've never seen this guy angry before yesterday. I got a good helping of it to now last me a lifetime.

To make a long story short, I didn't back down on a single point. He wanted to argue line item by line item on the email. So away we went, as the agency SW (female) just watched us volley.

Counseling Issue. He told me flat out that he never cancelled our daughter's counseling. I kept telling him that's interesting, considering all the counselor told me the day before. Finally he thru his hands in the air and barked "ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR???" I said, "I'm not calling anyone a liar. I'm just telling you what she said, which is completely different from what you are telling me. Perhaps you two should both put your thoughts and requirements in writing, via email, and send it around so that this dysfunction will stop." He really couldn't argue with that. Did I mention the counselor testified in court against him & his boss recently? Hmmmmmmmmmm. Perhaps that's why they don't like one another.

Missing Sensory Integration Referral. He said he called them a while ago, they don't have staff currently for these kids (at the only hospital within hours of us that offers this service), and that they will have staff in February or March. My husband pointed out last night "Isn't it February right now?" ya, and no referral.

UW FAS/FAE Referral- He told me he was incorrect in what he said recently. He was incorrect to tell me that UW has rejected the referral for a second time. He said they are actually looking at our daughter's file.

Respite-I asked for respite a couple weeks ago when we were dealing with the height of the Enuresis/Encopresis, when our daughter projectile vomited everything she drank/ate ON ME for two days straight. The SW denied respite at that time, via not responding to my voice mail request. Nice. He has now stated that he dropped the ball and should have called me. He needed to tell me that they are currently not offering respite to adoption placements (folks adopting legally free kids, where the adults have no foster license. Ie..our family). So, he offered up paying for part-time daycare for our daughter so I can get appointments, grocery shopping, cleaning, errands, etc. done during this time. I won't have to deal with our daughter running away, wanting to pee every 30-35 minutes, screaming, tantruming, throwing herself on the floor for 45 minutes straight in public, etc. I told him I feel guilty even considering daycare, since I am parenting her full-time, and she has several issues and problems that are not resolving. I guess I feel rather like a failure for not being able to help her better. Even though all the professionals tell me I'm doing all anyone could possibly do, I'm doing an outstanding job, whatnot. Since the SW is not offering her any other services, I took him up on the Day Care. I signed her up today for all day Tues & Thurs 8am-5pm, where daycare will transport her to ECEAP preschool and back. This is about the only point at which the agency SW interjected. She told me it's not that I'm a failure. She said I have needs, our family has needs, and this little girls needs are so great that the needs of the rest of the family aren't being met. She told me to go for the part time daycare and get alot done during that time. So we are moving forward with that.

FCAP & ECEAP- The SW told our counselor that he (the SW) was denying our daughter access to counseling because "FCAP & ECEAP would meet all her needs." I told him this is false. ECEAP has never been in the business of adoption support and/or counseling for grief, loss, Encopresis/Enuresis, adoption transition, Adjustment Disorder, emotional/behavioral/mental issues, etc. Additionally FCAP (foster child assessment plan) has NEVER contacted me. Their service is to give an independant set of eyes to the child's case, and make helpful referrals. I told the SW, "how will FCAP help us when you and your office are denying her counseling, treatment for encopresis/enuresis at the only clinic around, and services in general etc.? FCAP can make the referrals, but you won't pay for her to go to treatment, neither will Medicaid, and even where Medicaid pays, you won't allow her to receive treatment." He couldn't fight his way out of a bag to save his life at this point. Essentially, what he has said, he is sticking to. But he says we can get all these services paid for thru Adoption Subsidy (Post-Adoption Support) from the state when the adoption is finalize in April/May. Sigh.

To wrap up, he stated that he only became our girls SW in the 11th hour, the same week we accepted the referrals. He stated he really didn't know much of anything about the girls, so much was not disclosed to us due to his lack of knowledge on the girls (duh). My question is, why couldn't the girls old SW be on top of all this? Ah yes, she got off the case when one of the girls bio relatives started stalking her, DSHS, and restraining orders had to be sought.

So, what the SW & our agency don't know is that the old counselor referred us to a new counselor. I can attend with our daughter as "Family Therapy" and my personal insurance will cover 15 visits per year. I think I could use all these sessions with our daughter easily in the next couple months. And it will give us alot of help before the adoption is finalized. And I don't have to tell the state about it. And that's legal.

To add one more thing, I got the girls an appointment for Cognitive Testing & SI testing thru our public school district. So, I can atleast get that out of the way next Friday Feb 15. We still have both girls getting developmental testing & neurological appointment at Childrens Hospital in April. Again, before the adoption is finalized.

Today we signed our daughter up for part time daycare. I really like the place. It's quite large, and it comes with great references from friends of mine. We went on a tour of it, and I got the paperwork filled out. She'll start tomorrow. They had me talk to the school district transportation dept because she will need transport to/from ECEAP on daycare days. The school district said "no problem" and also said they will transport her to/from our home to school on Monday/Wednesday. WONDERFUL!!

So, I feel I did a really good job facing off with the SW. The agency SW just sat there smiling. We were probably the best entertainment of her day.

Our 4.5yr old has been in panties for a few days straight now. She has one-three accidents a day. She really wants to keep up with the panties. By the way, her accidents are not at home (other than her intentionally peeing on the family room carpet last Saturday). Thank God. I've told her if she pees her pants at home, she will be back in diapers & only allowed panties on at school. She apparently wants to keep the panties.

If you have read this entire post, God Bless You!!

Monday, February 4, 2008

At the Cross Roads

Today I took our 4yr old to her standing counseling appointment. I was informed by the counselor that our 4yr old's SW has unauthorized treatment. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

"How can he do that?" I asked.

Since she is a ward of the state, the state can do anything. Sigh.

How is this helping her? What is the point?

The counselor asked the SW how our daughter's needs will be met. He said "thru FCAP & ECEAP." Well, that's bull pucky. ECEAP is school, not counseling. FCAP is Foster Child Assessment Planning. FCAP is (allegedly) looking over our daughter's files, to give an independant look at her case, and make referrals for her needs. Um, it's not up to FCAP to help and support our daughter. I wrote our SW, CC'ing our agency and my husband, asking how our daughter will get counseling help from FCAP when they refer it, since he isn't authorizing it.

We are at a cross roads.

This is the same SW that denied payment for our daughter to go to the Encopresis Clinic that she is in dire need of. Also, UW FAS/FAE clinic told our SW that if he got them records documenting the bio mother's alcoholism during pregnancy, that they would then get her an evaluation. Well, the SW got UW those records (from a rehab center), allegedly sent them to UW, and now UW allegedly told him that they will still not see her. The counselor told me today that this is unheard of. When UW asked for documentation so they may see a patient, they don't then turn around and deny access to said patient when the required documentation arrives.

This is the same SW that denied us respite. The counselor said that's illegal to deny us respite.

I told the SW (via email) to get me the contact person for UW who allegedly denied our daughter services. I also asked him for the one millioneth time, where is the Sensory Integration referral that I've been asking for, for months now!


The monthly SW appt at our home is tomorrow. Should be interesting. The SW from our adoption agency will be her as well.

A side note, our daugher kept her pants dry for two days straight. This is when my husband was around. As soon as he left with our 11yr old for baseball tryouts, our 4yr old went and peed on the family room carpet. We had a showdown with her that night. We finally got it out of her that she peed on the carpet when she's angry. She wanted to punish my husband for leaving, and punish me for keeping her here with me. Sigh. We see this as a breakthru though, since we now have confirmation that she can keep her pants dry for days, and confirmation that she's been peeing out of anger/spite. We of course discussed how we could always talk about being mad and sad. When you pee on the carpet, it doesn't solve the first problem, and just makes a second problem.

She needs help and we are desperately trying to get it for her.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Panty Update

Read my entry today over at Worst.Mama.Ever for the panty update. Link HERE.