Showdown at Adoption Corral

I had a nice face-off with the SW (male) yesterday. Posting earlier would have been nice but my computer service has been down.

Yesterday morning, my devotional time in "Our Daily Bread" was about Grace. Good thing considering all I had to deal with a couple hours later.

The DSHS SW showed up, as well as our agency SW. In a nutshell, the DSHS SW wanted to "right-fight" about the email I sent him the day before (telling him the same things I mentioned in the last blog post). I've never seen this guy angry before yesterday. I got a good helping of it to now last me a lifetime.

To make a long story short, I didn't back down on a single point. He wanted to argue line item by line item on the email. So away we went, as the agency SW (female) just watched us volley.

Counseling Issue. He told me flat out that he never cancelled our daughter's counseling. I kept telling him that's interesting, considering all the counselor told me the day before. Finally he thru his hands in the air and barked "ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR???" I said, "I'm not calling anyone a liar. I'm just telling you what she said, which is completely different from what you are telling me. Perhaps you two should both put your thoughts and requirements in writing, via email, and send it around so that this dysfunction will stop." He really couldn't argue with that. Did I mention the counselor testified in court against him & his boss recently? Hmmmmmmmmmm. Perhaps that's why they don't like one another.

Missing Sensory Integration Referral. He said he called them a while ago, they don't have staff currently for these kids (at the only hospital within hours of us that offers this service), and that they will have staff in February or March. My husband pointed out last night "Isn't it February right now?" ya, and no referral.

UW FAS/FAE Referral- He told me he was incorrect in what he said recently. He was incorrect to tell me that UW has rejected the referral for a second time. He said they are actually looking at our daughter's file.

Respite-I asked for respite a couple weeks ago when we were dealing with the height of the Enuresis/Encopresis, when our daughter projectile vomited everything she drank/ate ON ME for two days straight. The SW denied respite at that time, via not responding to my voice mail request. Nice. He has now stated that he dropped the ball and should have called me. He needed to tell me that they are currently not offering respite to adoption placements (folks adopting legally free kids, where the adults have no foster license. Ie..our family). So, he offered up paying for part-time daycare for our daughter so I can get appointments, grocery shopping, cleaning, errands, etc. done during this time. I won't have to deal with our daughter running away, wanting to pee every 30-35 minutes, screaming, tantruming, throwing herself on the floor for 45 minutes straight in public, etc. I told him I feel guilty even considering daycare, since I am parenting her full-time, and she has several issues and problems that are not resolving. I guess I feel rather like a failure for not being able to help her better. Even though all the professionals tell me I'm doing all anyone could possibly do, I'm doing an outstanding job, whatnot. Since the SW is not offering her any other services, I took him up on the Day Care. I signed her up today for all day Tues & Thurs 8am-5pm, where daycare will transport her to ECEAP preschool and back. This is about the only point at which the agency SW interjected. She told me it's not that I'm a failure. She said I have needs, our family has needs, and this little girls needs are so great that the needs of the rest of the family aren't being met. She told me to go for the part time daycare and get alot done during that time. So we are moving forward with that.

FCAP & ECEAP- The SW told our counselor that he (the SW) was denying our daughter access to counseling because "FCAP & ECEAP would meet all her needs." I told him this is false. ECEAP has never been in the business of adoption support and/or counseling for grief, loss, Encopresis/Enuresis, adoption transition, Adjustment Disorder, emotional/behavioral/mental issues, etc. Additionally FCAP (foster child assessment plan) has NEVER contacted me. Their service is to give an independant set of eyes to the child's case, and make helpful referrals. I told the SW, "how will FCAP help us when you and your office are denying her counseling, treatment for encopresis/enuresis at the only clinic around, and services in general etc.? FCAP can make the referrals, but you won't pay for her to go to treatment, neither will Medicaid, and even where Medicaid pays, you won't allow her to receive treatment." He couldn't fight his way out of a bag to save his life at this point. Essentially, what he has said, he is sticking to. But he says we can get all these services paid for thru Adoption Subsidy (Post-Adoption Support) from the state when the adoption is finalize in April/May. Sigh.

To wrap up, he stated that he only became our girls SW in the 11th hour, the same week we accepted the referrals. He stated he really didn't know much of anything about the girls, so much was not disclosed to us due to his lack of knowledge on the girls (duh). My question is, why couldn't the girls old SW be on top of all this? Ah yes, she got off the case when one of the girls bio relatives started stalking her, DSHS, and restraining orders had to be sought.

So, what the SW & our agency don't know is that the old counselor referred us to a new counselor. I can attend with our daughter as "Family Therapy" and my personal insurance will cover 15 visits per year. I think I could use all these sessions with our daughter easily in the next couple months. And it will give us alot of help before the adoption is finalized. And I don't have to tell the state about it. And that's legal.

To add one more thing, I got the girls an appointment for Cognitive Testing & SI testing thru our public school district. So, I can atleast get that out of the way next Friday Feb 15. We still have both girls getting developmental testing & neurological appointment at Childrens Hospital in April. Again, before the adoption is finalized.

Today we signed our daughter up for part time daycare. I really like the place. It's quite large, and it comes with great references from friends of mine. We went on a tour of it, and I got the paperwork filled out. She'll start tomorrow. They had me talk to the school district transportation dept because she will need transport to/from ECEAP on daycare days. The school district said "no problem" and also said they will transport her to/from our home to school on Monday/Wednesday. WONDERFUL!!

So, I feel I did a really good job facing off with the SW. The agency SW just sat there smiling. We were probably the best entertainment of her day.

Our 4.5yr old has been in panties for a few days straight now. She has one-three accidents a day. She really wants to keep up with the panties. By the way, her accidents are not at home (other than her intentionally peeing on the family room carpet last Saturday). Thank God. I've told her if she pees her pants at home, she will be back in diapers & only allowed panties on at school. She apparently wants to keep the panties.

If you have read this entire post, God Bless You!!