I am now officially half a step away from throwing in the towel.
Our girls SW called a few minutes ago to say that someone made an allegation against me regarding the treatment of our 4yr old. He said it's confidential of course, but I could tell from the statements made about me that one of the two therapists from Childrens Hospital called him.
Bottom line: we were there for our daughters, discussing our daughters, discussing our 4yr olds behavior, disturbing behavior. I mean Jesus Christ. The kid pees/poops and acts like a dog in our presence, pukes on me if it suits her and she doesn't get her way. And this bitch has the odacity to call the SW saying she's concerned about the way we treat our 4yr old and discuss her. I told the SW:
"I was honest. Shame on them if that is inappropriate. We are honest with everyone, including medical professionals, so that our daughter can be diagnosed and treated. And helped. She is a very disturbed and hurt child. And I'm perfectly honest about that. I seek professional advice about her so that she may heal and be helped. If I can't do that, what the hell am I supposed to do?"
I am seriously half a step away from disrupting. I literally don't know who I'm supposed to turn to if the medical community is this shameful. I can understand them being concerned about children and all, but to say I'm inappropriate for describing our child to them, well then this world has gone to hell in a handbasket.
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5 comments:
Food for thought here ... I believe everything you are doing for your daughter is the right thing to do. It is unfortunate that SW and medical personnel see your efforts as inappropriate. I'm sure they do not believe what you are telling them because they can not phantom the thought of a little 4yo girl doing these things. It's not your fault that they are ignorant when it comes to raising a child with emotional needs.
If possible setup a video camera in a location that isn't obvious to your daughter and make sure that camera can be controlled remotely then randomly turn the camera on for extended periods of time so that the tape will catch both the positives and negatives of her behaviors as well as how you are handling praise for good behavior and discipline for bad behavior. Have that in your defense when they come at you with allegations of inappropriate treatment of an emotionally handicapped daughter.
I do keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Raising children with 'issues' is not easy. I've spent 19 years raising an physically and emotionally handicapped daughter and to this day I still hear people make comments that she is the way she is because of my choice in discipline ... well NO she isn't. She is the way she is because I discipline just don't always work when there's a medical reason for their actions ... whether that medical reason be physical or mental. Praying for God's blessings on you and your family.
I'd say it's time to book that spa visit, girl. Kids with issues ARE tough to deal with and they can take a lot out of you...and your entire family.
I, too, have had threats of reports for alleged mistreatment of my kids. In fact, we were reported in country because our son was contantly raging and everyone assumed it was because we were beating him. NOT! He was an absolutely terrified, child though.
Once home, he still required firm limits for quite some time. Imposing those limits didn't always come in real popular ways...or at real opportune times, either. The person who threatened to report us got on a big ol' high horse that she had to do what she felt was morally right. We invited her to do just that...but taht we, too, had to do what needed to be done for our son and we were his parents and we know a whole lot more about him and his situation that she does. She's one of those who's raised 8 kids, so she knows everything there is to know about raising every child. Unfortunately, this is also a person who was "supposedly" my friend. We haven't spoken since and nor has she been allowed to do more than see my children from a distance.
What most people don't get is that parenting these hurt kids is VERY different than parenting bio kids. Their issues often CAN'T be fixed with discipline or even by showering them with love and affection. Furthermore, the popular parenting techniques that work well on our happy, well adjusted bio kids just don't work with hurt kids. In fact, they often backfire and make matters worse.
These kids just don't have the mental ability yet to process what we're trying to teach them, especially if something is going on (such as PTSD) that's keeping them stuck in "survival" mode...so they respond to it as if it's a threat, or we're threatening them. To the outside world, it seems absurd that these sweet kids could reak such havvoc. It appears that all is well and all should be well now that they're in a safe, loving, and nurturing environment. But to these kids, it is a very different story. Even if it seems absurd to us, the threats they perceive are very, very, VERY real and equally intense to them. Often they come in the form of flashbacks that put them in a zone where they're actually reliving what happened then as if it's happening all over again right this very minute. Flashbacks can also be triggered by pretty much anything, too.
So, take a break, document everything you are doing to try to help her...and how she reponds to them, and then take a step back and realize she's not a willfully naughty kid. She's a hurt and scared child who's sending out some desperate cries for help in the only twisted way she knows how.
If you haven't already done so, do some heavy duty research on PTSD, RAD, FAS, ODD and check out the books "Adopting the hurt child" and "Parenting the Hurt Child." Both are by Keck. One advcates holding therapy, which I'm not a big fan of, but there are some other really good insights there.
Don't do anything rash, but do get on your knees work things out with Him who brought these precious girls to you in the first place. I'm a firm believer that if he brings it to you, he'll bring you through it.
Oh, no. My prayers are with you. I can tell you are a great mom with the best interest of all of your children at heart. I agree with the above poster. Videotape. Hang in there!!!!!!!!
really wish that I had words of advice but I have none. But I do have prayers that things will be ok and that this stormy time that you are going though now will soon pass!!
I have no words of comfort because I'm sure nothing will help now. I literally have goosebumps and am teary-eyed. You are such a wonderful mom. I am so saddened that this happened to you. I wish I had the magic words to make your family heal instantly right now.
I will come back and visit your blog later. I am really grieving for you now and wish to God there was something I could do.
I know, I will pray that you find peace with your decision and that your 4 year old gets the help she needs.
Lots of hugs,
Maria
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