Calm

I have to say, things have been pretty calm around here this last week. I'm guarded but optomistic. My husband said last night, "this is what I envisioned us being and I'm really happy."

Still leaves me wondering what the heck was up for several months, beyond the obvious of lots of emotions running high with an older child adoption. Lots of standard stuff there. What I'm trying to figure out is if our daughter's crazy behavior was her biggest, largest, hardest attempt at trying to push us away? If so, I'm wondering if she has now used up her bag of tricks (for the time being) and thinks "well, after all that, they still haven't given me away."......and maybe it's given her a sense of security, comfort, wellbeing.

I realize that there are usually lots of feelings and emotions that run deep for adoptees, for their entire life. With adopting an older child, I would think that is all exemplified.

When our 4.5yr old intentionally vomited on me for two days, I have to say I was at an all time low. Emotionally, physically, mentally, rationally and I felt insecure in uncharted territory. In all honesty though, I will also say I knew it would probably kill me to give the girls up and disrupt. So I hung in there for the long haul.

I'm glad I did.