An email to a friend.......

Here is a copy of an email I sent to a friend. This pretty much sums up how we're doing:

So, how are we doing? I feel relieved the girls are gone, yet heartbroken. We didn't realize how much stress/fear/anxiety we were under until they left. The other half of me is fighting depression. I'm trying to keep busy, workout, go out on dates with hubby, read, finish quilting, deep clean my house, etc. We redid 4yr old's room; 11yr old wanted his own room again. So we took down the wallpaper for three days (I have no idea how 4yr old was able to peel part of it off....she must have steel fingernails), painted the room royal blue (2 walls) & light blue (2 walls). There are white bunk beds in there, so looks good. I'm in the process of making quilts for his bunk beds (americana look), while finishing yours too.

After those are done, I'm moving onto the master bedroom/bath. Our house is almost 10yrs old, so needs painting and fixing up in most rooms. By this summer I'd like to paint the family room & bath down there. It's never been done. Ever. Then I"ll probably paint the kitchen (also never been done & looking like it).

We had a kitchen fire last night. Scared the shit out of me. I don't know how, but a grease fire started on the stove, flames to the ceiling. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!! I started screaming for hubby & threw a wet towel over the fire (while I turned away). Fortunately that put it out. I was fighting back the tears. Again, shit. Just what we would need right about now: a house fire (lol). I need to wash the ceiling now

I got some books at the library today. One of them is on FAS/FAE. I've already read the whole thing. Every single page applies to 4yr old. So sad. I'm going to post about that.....

Everyone we know has been so supportive of disrupting. Some people took a week or two to contact us, but are entirely supportive, lovely, and wonderful.

I really think things could have been different if she had been on our insurance, or the state would have let her get medical care. But alas, they didn't. Heck, respite would have been a huge plus. And they couldn't round that up? Sheesh. Hubby says DSHS did no job of improving our previous outlook on the state welfare system. And I still can't get over 4yr old wanting to play with my boobs all the time. Just creeps me out. We shudder at the thought of embarrassment that we didn't even think about the fact that neighbor kids & kids from church, school, anywhere could have been hurt by her. I feel terrible I tried so hard to make this work, when any of us could have been injured or killed. My first big emergency red flag was when I had to jump her in a parking lot, so she would not be hit by a moving vehicle. I thought "I have to be alive to take care of the rest of the kids. How could they lose a mother?................." Good Lord.

On 2yr old, I figure we'll never hear about that. Weird, the girls info keeps coming to me in the mail: medical coupon, DSHS crap, "personal" jargon. I wrote and told the foster parents because now they don't have the March coupon. Doesn't the SW need to change that? And I'm kinda pissed off about the SW. The foster parents wanted to invite 4yr old's little friend to her bday party. "little friend" is a friend of ours; his parents I met thru MOPS. The SW said "no" to any prior friends. Yet I can be in contact? I have denied being in contact with them. I think the girls would just be confused. Anyway, the whole thing is retarded, and we don't see how it would harm anything to let 4yr olds little friend attend her party. Good Lord, is DSHS fucked up.

OK, enough of that.

We're are making a garden, we decided. There's a great spot in between our shed & pump house (well water). That is about the only part of the yard that gets mostly sun, whereas the rest gets partial shade because we are in the woods (on a few acres). So hubby is going to bring home a rototiller from work & chew up the yard over there. We'll plant lots of veggies & fruit. I'm going to look into taking a local class on gardening 101, but a friend of mine told me to just buy a book. Now this is a gal who grows her own grapes, spices, makes her own wine/beer, eats fruit & veggies out of their garden & orchard, cans everything you can think of. I think she is in a class that I will never reach!! I bow down to her. I'll measure off the yard & tell you how big the garden will be. I think we have about 16X24 feet to work with? Plenty of room.

I'm still helping host the ladies retreat thru church, for March 14-16. Ya know they asked me because I swear so much ;o)
Looking forward to it. It will be up by the Canadian boarder. Although, no one can go to Canada without a passport anymore. Oh hey, I can go to Canada ;o)

We booked a trip to Disney world & NASA for spring. Our kids are more excited than I've ever seen them. We have about half a dozen camping trips lined up for the summer, and I'm going on a scrap booking retreat to (a rural town) in May. So, I think it's good to have lots of plans.

Love, me

Additionally, we are loving going to our 13yr old's wrestling matches. This is his first year and he's really awesome. Seriously, awesome. Guess all that fighting with his brother paid off.....

If any of you have any beginner gardening tips, ideas, warnings, blogs, websites, classes, books, resources, let me know. We are doing veggies & fruits.

On exercise, I had to quit running. I was born with a birth defect in my hip (clickable). One which I wore braces for, for several years. My hip tore out of place when I gave birth to our first son, and has never been quite the same. I have done multiple rounds of PT. They have said the best exercise for me is cycling, walking, and swimming. No running, but a run-walk may work. Well, I tried the run-walk, and my hip hurts for about a week. I've also taken up Pilates, on a DVD, and it's really awesome. So I'll rotate between Pilates & walking.