Where have I been? Dealing with family member after family member with the flu. Now I'm feeling ill as well. Oh well. It's that time of year.
To answer a few questions:
Q-is the 2yr old safe?
A-Doubtful. She is living with her sister in a foster home, with another child to boot. I don't think any child is safe near the 4yr old.
Q-Is 4yr old still in special needs preschool?
A-No. The foster family has her in daycare all day, every day.
Q-Do you have an update on the girls?
A-Yes, I get several updates weekly. Even with 4yr old on her best honeymoon behavior, the foster parents have stated she is a pain, and they are exhausted mentally & physically. They have stated they are only doing this because they know it will be temporary. Not to mention, this "highly difficult" time for them in parenting the 4yr old? The 4yr old is keeping her pants dry. They haven't even had to deal with the control/weapon of her peeing all over the house, car, other people's belongings, school, deal with diapers, bathroom battles, whatnot. Let's all hope she doesn't pull any of that crap on the foster parents. That will put them over the edge. I have to imagine that the 4yr old will pull out her bag of tricks for the next adoptive family. Kids do what they know.
The foster parents are in grief as they know the next adoptive parents may or may not want to stay in touch. In our state, foster parents have no legal right, claim, or custody after the children are in a permanent home. Unless the foster parents are bio grandparents. In that case, they can go to court for visitation rights, if not custody rights.
A little discussion, which I would like to expand on later. A poster commented on staying away from a domestic adoption, after what has happened to us. PLEASE DO NOT LET OUR EXPERIENCE SWAY YOU OR ANYONE FROM DOMESTIC ADOPTION. Our experience is/was rare, and most adoptions are really great experiences for all involved. The national statistics on disruption for older child adoption are 10%. So, I'm not alone, but it's not a club I want to be in.
Q-Will you adopt again?
A-I'm open to it; my husband is not. So I imagine "no" unless God throws us a curve ball. I've been an advocate for adoption, international and domestic, my entire adult life.
I asked my couselor yesterday, what is up with a 4yr old vomiting at will when she doesn't get her way? That was such a red flag for me, that she can do that without even sticking her finger down her throat. And she had no flu, illness, whatnot. The counselor said it's another control and weapon item she has power over. So sad. To me this is a child who is pre-bulemic, if at age 4 they feel they are so out of control that they choose that to try to "control" their environment. So saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.
A new happening around here: Some of our closest friends asked us last week to be the legal guardians of their two children, should they, the parents, die young. Now, I normally wouldn't think this would ever come into play, dying young. But weird tragedies happen all the time. Our friends however are in a sad boat. The wife, one of my closest dear friends, has a terminal illness. She could live another year, she could live 20. Who knows. Her husband is in his late 50's, but his father died in his 40's. So, needs are higher for them both, that they need to make plans for their children's safekeeping & welfare compared to the next random family. We are honored and more than happy to be their children's legal guardians, should anything happen to their family. The children are in middle school (one boy, one girl).
A note on gardening. Yesterday I bought several packets of seeds at WalMart. I bought from the brand that sells seeds for ten-thirty cents a packet. My husband said, "oh, the seeds that won't grow?"
What do you think? Just because I bought WalMart cheap seeds, they should grow, shouldn't they?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
It sounds like you are doing better.
I have to respectfully disagree about your experience being unusual. Not all domestic older child adoptions end badly, but from where I sit any dealing with the state is pure hell and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.
Those seeds should be just fine..I'm no expert, just had my very first veggie garden last summer.
praying for those girls as well
I have had a child in school that used to do that to get out of doing things he didn't like or to go home early. It is just like pretending to be sick. Kids can do anything they want to if they put their minds to it. I used to make him clean it up though and then tell him to take a seat. So eventually he stopped it.
They should grow just fine.
I agree about the 4 year old vomiting. I can't imagine my 4 year old even thinking something like that up.
Hope you all feel better soon! We were sick too, but the kids were sick for 3 days and I was sick for about 10! And they brought the little germies home in the first place. Hmpfff.
Still hoping and praying the state realizes they need to separate those two girls and place the little one back with your family.
You have a tender heart despite all you have endured. It is truly sad and I pray you will find some peace and joy again.
Please don't blame yourself over my situation. It was several factors (including your situation) that dissuaded me from domestic adoption. Overall, I just think IA works best for me.
Again, please don't blame yourself!!!
Post a Comment