I feel like I'm living someone else's life. So much has come and gone the past few years. So much change. Life can turn on the change of a dime, and that happens alot around here.
We have a completely different life, so different from before we started the adoption journey. When we started our journey, I felt something was missing, another child or two, another journey, another milestone.
Strangely, enough, thru all the loss and pain of the last few years, loss of children, loss of parents (as they "check out" of life) I suddenly feel complete. I'm not sure why. I feel I've been thru a journey of the soul.
Yesterday, while watching our puppy nap in the bushes, as I sat knitting, I felt complete. I don't think I've felt that way ever. I've always been looking for approval, validation, something more. Without even knowing what "something more" looks like.
As a young adult, I spent so much time being responsible, prepared, driven, planning & saving for the future, accomplished, etc. Trying trying trying trying. I'm all of a sudden at a point where I'm OK just being. Just being me. Just letting it all be. Suddenly I feel complete.
I feel as if I've been thru a lashing this last few years, thinking "what did I do to deserve all this?", and I don't mean in a positive, thankful way. Knowing full well though, that God has His best plan for us, all along. Jeremiah 29:11. Sometimes I think we go thru turmoil, pain, loss, suffering, so that we will appreciate God's glory in heaven that much more. Not sure, but that's what I tell myself. At the same time, I do have a bounty to be thankful for, and I really enjoy my life. I love where I am at (finally), love my family, and love the life we have created and have been blessed with.
So much has happened over the last few years, that my life now looks almost nothing like it used to. I had a good life before, but now it's so different. And better. It's hard to put a finger on it, but I feel in my heart and soul that we have turned such a corner......................
We have a completely different life, so different from before we started the adoption journey. When we started our journey, I felt something was missing, another child or two, another journey, another milestone.
Strangely, enough, thru all the loss and pain of the last few years, loss of children, loss of parents (as they "check out" of life) I suddenly feel complete. I'm not sure why. I feel I've been thru a journey of the soul.
Yesterday, while watching our puppy nap in the bushes, as I sat knitting, I felt complete. I don't think I've felt that way ever. I've always been looking for approval, validation, something more. Without even knowing what "something more" looks like.
As a young adult, I spent so much time being responsible, prepared, driven, planning & saving for the future, accomplished, etc. Trying trying trying trying. I'm all of a sudden at a point where I'm OK just being. Just being me. Just letting it all be. Suddenly I feel complete.
I feel as if I've been thru a lashing this last few years, thinking "what did I do to deserve all this?", and I don't mean in a positive, thankful way. Knowing full well though, that God has His best plan for us, all along. Jeremiah 29:11. Sometimes I think we go thru turmoil, pain, loss, suffering, so that we will appreciate God's glory in heaven that much more. Not sure, but that's what I tell myself. At the same time, I do have a bounty to be thankful for, and I really enjoy my life. I love where I am at (finally), love my family, and love the life we have created and have been blessed with.
So much has happened over the last few years, that my life now looks almost nothing like it used to. I had a good life before, but now it's so different. And better. It's hard to put a finger on it, but I feel in my heart and soul that we have turned such a corner......................
**Our puppy looks like these ;o)
2 comments:
I can TOTALLY relate! Our life is nothing like we thought it would be, and we are nothing like we used to be, either. We have been stretched and pulled and shaped and chiseled more times in the last few years than I care to recount. Our life now looks nothing like it used to, even one year ago...and the life we had before that, well, it's been turned inside out, upside down, and stomped on to the point that it is now beyond recognition.
I've had that complete feeling a time or two, but it has been fleeting. I'm still waiting for it to permanently stick. I'm happy with how things are progressing, I'm so happy to finally have my kids and know who they are, I'm thankful for what they teach me, and I'm thankful that they're mine and I am theirs.
So glad you've come to a turning point.
Post a Comment