The lovely and wonderful Anne-Marie cracks me up HERE.
So, this got me to thinking about another parenting topic: sex. That would be sex with the spouse.
Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong in that dept. However, how do you keep the sex life fresh, creative, spontaneous, when you a) have to be silent b) you are exhausted and c) your spouse is often annoying right before bedtime?
We have to regroup and figure something out. My aunt suggested we take several overnight retreats away from the children. Ya, right. Doable.........NOT! First, no one wants to watch my children. Second of all, we don't trade with other couples for babysitting or overnighters because my DH has had it up past his eyeballs with other people's kids. I mean other people's precious cherubs.
Just have to ask for your intake here. I walked away from the dining room table last night, to hear hysterical laughter when I reached the other room. My DH is yelling "honey. get in here." OK. this aughta be good. Here is the conversation:
DH: Boys, tell mom what you said.
13yr old: We can hear you guys having sex.
Me: (can't believe I said this)~~ How do you know?
13yr old: We hear the bed squeaking and making rocking noises.
9.5yr old: We hear mom saying "oh god. oh god. oh god."
I think the children are listening with their ear to the wall. I swear I'm whispering during intimacy.
I think I will be celibate for the next 14 years........................
So, this got me to thinking about another parenting topic: sex. That would be sex with the spouse.
Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong in that dept. However, how do you keep the sex life fresh, creative, spontaneous, when you a) have to be silent b) you are exhausted and c) your spouse is often annoying right before bedtime?
We have to regroup and figure something out. My aunt suggested we take several overnight retreats away from the children. Ya, right. Doable.........NOT! First, no one wants to watch my children. Second of all, we don't trade with other couples for babysitting or overnighters because my DH has had it up past his eyeballs with other people's kids. I mean other people's precious cherubs.
Just have to ask for your intake here. I walked away from the dining room table last night, to hear hysterical laughter when I reached the other room. My DH is yelling "honey. get in here." OK. this aughta be good. Here is the conversation:
DH: Boys, tell mom what you said.
13yr old: We can hear you guys having sex.
Me: (can't believe I said this)~~ How do you know?
13yr old: We hear the bed squeaking and making rocking noises.
9.5yr old: We hear mom saying "oh god. oh god. oh god."
I think the children are listening with their ear to the wall. I swear I'm whispering during intimacy.
I think I will be celibate for the next 14 years........................
ps..I think this lovely pictures of the giraffes was the only G-rated photo I found on the internet when I searched for "parental sex" and "intimacy photo"......
5 comments:
Have a "nooner" one day when they're in school.
Have them camp put in a tent in the backyard!
My husband and I don't have to worry about noise yet, our daughter sleeps pretty soundly, but when someone is staying over, we do it on the floor so the bed doesn't creak.
OH GOD indeed!
I think your kids need to learn to use their "inside" voice! haha
Have sex in the shower with the water going and the vent on, maybe no one will hear. lol
Yeah that's . . . pretty scarring for parents and kids alike, really, lol! I heard my father and stepmum a couple times, once when I was ten and then again at fourteen, so . . . yeah I really haven't entirely recovered!
As to the shower, it's not as foolproof a location as it sounds. The people in the room beside mine in my first year of university had shower sex, and each time it happened I could pretty well have given you a play-by-play of what was happening, while it was happening! Some of my housemates since then have done the same thing and each time . . . yeah, you can hear a surprising amount. Actually, I've found that the acoustics of a shower can even magnify some noises; it's half the reason why you sound so awesome when you sing in there! (the other half is that the steam opens your vocal cords, but . . . actually that would require you to be quiet, too)
In any event if you do go the shower route, be sure to buy a large non-slip mat!
Oh man! Not sure who would need more therapy...me or the kids. I really really really hope to never have this conversation with my children.
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