So Where Have I Been?

Well, happy New Year and all. Been on sabbatical. I ran out of things to write. Been tired and thru a few wars with my 13yr old. Called the police on him three times in the last couple months. Too tired to write about it. Use your imagination. The final time I told my husband that alot of these problems could be alleviated if my husband actually parented. We went to counseling, and lo and behold, the counselor told my husband his head is up his ass. Husband is starting to parent, require the boys respect me and follow rules. Also, 13 yr old boy is a couple days shy of being 14, when in our state you can be formally arrested and have criminal charges brought. Honestly, I'd leave him in jail as long as they'd let me. Show up at the arraignment. That's what professional advice has supported also. So, Boy knows his bluff has been called, I'm not afraid to use a phone to call 911.

In other news, I thoroughly love my job. As an odd strange set of events unfolded, I was offered a long term sub spot in a highly capable class at our local high school. This is probably the only teacher assistant job in a highly capable class. I was floored. It's a business class that is too large for one teacher. Did I say business, as in accounting? yes. This is so up my alley, and I thoroughly enjoy every day of class. And the kids. And the head teacher. It's a dream job, and I'm enjoying it as long as it lasts. This is at the local high school my kids will attend. Which leads me to work with my children's athletic coaches. I spoke with two of them recently because they coach at my sons middle school. Told them how crappy it's been going, getting the police involved and all. Told them I didn't want to sign up my son for wrestling. They asked how he does when he's in sports. Honestly I think his behavior is better because he's too tired to cause as much trouble after a two hour athletic practice, five days a week. The coach said "put him in wrestling. Call me every week. If he's disrespectful, he doesn't get to wrestle at that weeks match." Music to my ears. So, within 24 hr of the last police episode, I had this run-in with the coach, and I shared (while trying to contain my glee) with my son and husband. I explained there are real life consequences to actions. We're a little past time-out and such at this point. My son started wrestling two weeks ago, and his coach said up front that he is not wrestling in the first match of the year since he hit his mother. I am in love.

I will add too, that some additional real life consequences did not work for this son recently, as he was hitting me in public and a school bus of his peers drove by. He then ran away. Long story. He is back and living here. But suffice it to say, he came home crying from school the next day and was crying. I asked why. "Half the school is calling me a douche bag because that school bus of kids saw me hitting my mom." Ah yes, that will happen. More music to my ears.

Now truly I am broken hearted that it has to get to this point. But seriously, I cannot express how thankful that these real world consequences are setting in. Takes the heat off me (cause he just thinks I'm a crazy bitch for wanting say, oh, to get thru a week without calling the police on him).

As a final note, I read a great comment over on the Hoover mom's blog (she's in my sidebar). A mom, Lisa, commented on her concerns about her kids turning out 95% like their bio parents. All the worries and troubles that this envisions. I understand the concern is great. I wrote this comment in response:
"I wanted to respond to a great comment you left over there. Actually you have several great comments, very smart & well thought out. You were discussing how kids are gonna turn out 95% like their bio parents and such. I came from a nightmare home. Can't believe I wasn't taken from my parents. My dad is an addict, and my mom is developmentally delayed and physically disabled (although, that could be a ruse, just to trick the rest into not expecting anything of her). I turned out to be delightful, smart, responsible, and college educated. This was difficult to say the least, with the lack of intelligence and support in my family of origin. I had to grow up parenting the parents. Got a clue when I was 20, moved out, never looked back. I got a bachelors degree in business and accounting from the University of WA, worked as a corporate accountant for many years, have raised three boys (two of which are special needs), been thru international adoption, and our local DSHS domestic adoption processes. I thoroughly benefit from ongoing counseling. I'm lucky that's all I need, considering my biological family. I do not allow my dad any contact with me or my family. My mom, well, I keep her on the outskirts. I refuse to take care of her since I did it my whole childhood. So she lives in Government subsidized Senior Disability Housing. Works for all of us. Anyway, feel free to connect with me. I'm an adult who survived an unthinkable upbringing. I could be the minority, but it does happen. I'm not a criminal, psychopath, sociopath, or trouble maker. I may have a big mouth, but I'm pretty harmless."

Really for me, I have to draw the line at safety, sexual abuse, crime. Those are the reasons I've gotten the state and police involved with our kids whether it's for bio kids or adopted kids. And sometimes it's not best for kids to continue to live in the same home if others are in danger. Sometimes it can be worked out. But as far as the health and educational needs of kids, I know the heartache all too well also. I'll post more soon about our youngest. I've gotten him into Children's Hospital lately for some permanent health issues. To add to his alphabet soup of diagnoses, we have now added Tourette's syndrome.

Truth is stranger than fiction I've come to believe.
Hope you are all well and prospering. I keep up on the blogs I read, just comment rarely. Blessings to you, Esther

Happy Harvest Everyone

WARNING.....DO NOT LEAVE ALCOHOL NEAR YOUR PUMPKINS

We are the Griswolds~~Only We Could End Up in a Police Chase

We just returned from a 6 day camping trip at a great hot spot in our state. Central WA, here. I'll write about what I learned, what we enjoyed, and our Griswold moments.

What I learned on a 6 day camping trip:
1. I must buy an iPod before our next road trip.
2. Local hot spots are way too crowded on a holiday weekend, and/or any approximation.
3. A child who is autistic needs more social protection than we realized (ie..accepts treats from strangers, ends up getting pushed off 2-story play equipment, rides bicycle into a BMW, etc.).
4. Bring minimal treats for the kids.
5. Bring more treats for mom. And alcohol.
6. Bring more cash, because you never know when you may find great local fruit stands. And ice cream stands.
7. Even though there are limits on campsites, we may still end up next to a commune of 7 families on 2 campsites.
8. We are getting old. We do not enjoy teenagers screaming and blaring their music at 2am.
9. A campsite ranger will kick out teenagers the next day who do the above, even at the opposition, whining, and arguing of said teenagers parents.
10. Mood medication kicks in after a few days for a bipolar child.

What I enjoyed on our 6 day camping trip:
1. The mood medication kicking in for our 13yr old son who is ADHD & bipolar. I now have an appt with the doctor for Friday for our youngest son to partake as well. This will hopefully help his bipolar moods, and anxiety/depression with Aspergers.
2. Loved the water slides. We went sliding for two days.
3. Sunshine every day.
4. Campfires every night.
5. A nearly pain-free experience with my back/hip on this trip.
6. Catching up on Oprah magazines.
7. A lot of laughs
8. The park ranger kicking out the obnoxious teenagers.
9. Knowing this is our last camping trip where I have to wear contacts.
10. The lovely man at the Circle K who told us exactly how to find Costco. Best directions we ever had.

We are the Griswold's. Remember family man Clark Griswold? Well, seems like we end up with "Vacation" moments too:
1. Passing thru the same town three times looking for Costco.
2. Trying so hard to have a wonderful family vacation, yet mishap after mishap happen (ie..went to water park. went down a water slide with hubby. I flew off the double inner tube, and DH hit the wall. He took out a chunk of the back of his head, leaving an open bleeding wound. It's now a pussy open wound.).
3. Kids complaining incessantly that I didn't do anything for this trip, then they ruined the one treat I brought for myself for the weekend. So, what did I do in said situation? I thru out all their treats. Told them they are welcome to get them out of the dumpster. Surprisingly, I did not have any takers on this.
4. Went to a local park to play tennis & golf. I warned the family ahead of time that we need to kennel the dog at the campsite. Oh no, they wouldn't listen to me, and they brought the dog. So we arrive at the park, pay for parking, get on a tennis court, and then park ranger comes over to inform us no dogs beyond the park entrance. That's right. We couldn't even have the dog on a leash. I've never heard of a park not allowing dogs, but whatever. First though, park ranger had to yell at me about parking without paying (guess he was blind & couldn't see my tag on our window). Then he proceeded to lay into me about the dog. I said we'd leave. He continued to bark at me about the dog. I said "WE'RE LEAVING". He continued to bitch about the dog. I said "TAKE IT UP WITH MY HUSBAND. HE'S THE BIG GUY OVER THERE PLAYING TENNIS." The @sshole ran and hid behind the men's room (how appropriate). After we packed up the whole family, I walked over to tell the guy that we were packed up & outta here. He was squatting, literally hiding behind the mens room. Pathetic.
5. Probably the coup de graw~~We were leaving the water park one evening, driving down the highway. We notice an oncoming police car with flashing lights. He does a u-turn, and drives off in front of us. We thought that odd, but maybe dispatch changed their orders. Then even more odd, a Winnebago from about 1970 pulls up right on our ass. I noticed this in the rear view. Less than a car distance between us. The driver looked scarier than the Unibomber. He was screaming, kids were running around, then he made some phone calls.....yelling profanities into his phone. He was that close, I could make out his swear words. I kept voicing all this to my hubby, and we noticed right away the similarities to this & the buttholes in "Christmas Vacation", riding Clark's butt on the highway, as they are off to get a tree. Remember how Clark's wife says "Clark, I don't want to spend the holidays DEAD!".....as he's dealing with the truck driver. We felt just like that! This went on for miles. There was no where to turn off, until we'd gone about five miles. We of course turned off. I turned to watch the guy pass us, to notice immediately that he was being chased by the police. No wonder he was riding our ass! Apparently the first cop we saw, who turned in front of us, was out to head him off at the pass. Geez. Only we would end up in the middle of a police chase.
6. The only thing we missed on this trip was having cousin Eddie along (for you Vacation lovers out there).
7. Two of our boys got braces last week. One of them broke a bracket on his mouth. So we went home early, hoping to get him into the orthodontist before school. Got home, called the orthodontist. He's on vacation all week. How poetic.

Bipolar Disorder & Camping

Since this blog is primarily about my life with special needs kids, I've sat down several times attempting to write a way to accurately describe living with my children. My oldest has a form of bipolar disorder, ODD, and ADHD. Our youngest son has the same form of bipolar disorder (I think I failed to mention that earlier on the blog) and Aspergers Syndrome (a form of autism). Frankly there's so much to write that I become overwhelmed at beginning that post. It could take forever to portray what it's like to live in my home. So, suffice it to say, I've opted to link to this article I read. I've done much research on bipolar disorder the last few years. I feel this article most candidly, honestly, and compassionately depicts living with a bipolar child. Here is the link:

http://www.newsweek.com/id/137517?GT1=43002

I will follow up with a post on what has been successful for us in these adventures.

In positive news, our family of six (including puppy) went camping at Pearrigin Lake outside of Winthrop, WA. We took a five day trip. Loads of fun, lots of fishing & camping, I made a scarf and started a second, beautiful scenery, and lots of laughs. It's really good for my husband to be with the kids 24/7 in this manner. With him working 10-12 hrs a day, he often misses the true grating feeling of what goes on with the parenting special needs kids challenges. It's alot of mental gymnastics, in a nutshell. Be that as it may, we had a good time. I highly recommend Pearrigin. We will go there again next year. And speaking of the puppy, I had no idea that having a puppy on hand would lead to people engaging in conversation with us about every five minutes. Truly a conversation piece! Really, I had no idea.

Shame on DSHS

The xyz DSHS office is being sued for $22 million. This is the same office that placed the girls with us.....

They really are so pathetic. On the news they showed scenes from court. The prosecutor asked the SW why she didn't pick up on the kid's starvation. She said, "I didn't know I was supposed to look for starvation". Oh dear Lord............

Please email me if you would like the news link to the story. I will send after we return from Disney World. Email to sweetangelplus4@yahoo.com.

Today we are off the a kids engineering fair at my alma mater. Tomorrow, off to the happiest place on earth.

WEAR A HELMET!

A friend of my middle schooler, was riding his bike, and hit by a mini-van. This boy went thru the windshield. His femur was broken in four places and he got a concussion. He WAS wearing a helmet. I really don't know how he could have come out of this positively had he not worn the helmet.



He is in a wheelchair, and recovering from surgery.



In other news, my alcoholic friend really appreciated my emailing her. Melissa pointed out to me that I should have called her or spoke in person (I think that's what you said Melissa). I totally agree that this would have been the best course of action. However, this gal has reacted to that sort of thing with being belligerent, barraging my phone with messages while screaming & swearing, and/or had an emotional crying/screaming breakdown. Sooooooooooooooo, I thought I'd avoid all that crap, and email her. But I'd just like to say that since I've known her forever, anyone like that I would normally communicate with in a medium other than email for grave issues. Anywho, she and I got together today for coffee. She is clean & sober (she says), but dealing with some serious issues. It was great to communicate.



We are off to Disney World Saturday. We couldn't be happier.

Easter and the Alcoholic Friend

I hope everyone had a great Easter. We had a great weekend, and did things differently. It was nice, for the most part. Saturday we went to a bible study dinner potluck and egg hunt. Nice company, good food, but I felt rather out of it. I mean, this bible study group was put together for people with young children. Well, our youngest child is 9-1/2 now. With the girls gone, I felt like my kids were old enough to be the babysitters. We will continue with the group for the year, and finish that out. I know the intention of the group is to keep going for several years and we've made some really great friends. Maybe my husband and I will be the mentoring couple, or something along those lines. I mean seriously, in the egg hunt, it was 2-4yr olds. We let our 9yr old in on the hunt. What did the older boys do? They hid the eggs prior to the hunt with the adults.

Easter morning went off with a bang: All three boys and my husband yelling, swearing, and fighting over lost clothes, unironed clothes, and missing shoes. I mean seriously. Do they think yelling, fighting, and swearing will solve the problem? What about a little advance preparation (like every Saturday night)? What about just fixing the problem, not the blame. I really hate that, the old "fix the blame, not the problem" sort of scenario. I turned up my radio really loud in the bathroom, finished getting ready for church, and promptly left on time, without my family. They really should have been ashamed of themselves. I've never seen any of them behave so poorly, especially on a religious holiday. So I sat in church alone (which was fine by me). I noticed my husband and boys slink in about 5 minutes late for church. I'm so short, you can't find me in a crowd of hundreds. After church my husband asked if I want to go to WalMart with him and the boys to get summer clothes for our upcoming Disney trip. Um, ya. Right. I told all four of them I'm ashamed of them & their behavior, and that they were appalling. I drove around for a couple hours alone to clear my head. Upon my return home, the boys & husband were eating chicken nuggets & fries. Since no one was particularly hungry after that, I got to skip the whole huge Easter dinner extravaganza. Worked for me. The boys and husband all apologized to me. We then watched "Karate Kid" and had a great rest of the evening. Yesterday I made our Easter dinner, and it was delicious. The evening ended with my husband asking me to adopt again. I think I have to dedicate a whole separate post about this.

OK. So onto the story about the Alcoholic Friend. Ya know, this relationship has gone full circle so many times over the years. She and I are like sisters to each other, that we do not have biologically. We've known each other over 25 years, and have always been in consistent contact. She is a tad weird, but I've never held that against her. We've always thought, "well, that's just her." And I love her as she is. The tough part is she has mental problems and she is a recovering alcoholic. Our relationship has gone thru phases of limping, more than relating, at times. She will end up in circumstances that are deplorable, by her own poor choices. And I've had to shake off my co-dependant wardrobe, put on the healthy layer, and decline her begging, asking, and guilt-tripping me for help. Since I won't solve her problems for her or rescue her, she often went into begging for me to watch her young children endlessly, while she could go off and "solve" her own problems (solving, to her, is doing things like borrowing tons of money from relatives, or putting on a bikini & hopping in someone's boat for the day). I watched her kids for her in an emergency, and another emergency, and yet another. I lost track after a point, but was getting resentful. She has parents & grandparents who can watch the kids. I don't even have that, yet she wanted to dump her kids on me all the time. Finally push came to a shove when I declined to watch her kids once. She told a mutual friend that "Esther owes her." oh, no no no no. That about ended the friendship. Since I keep a calendar, I had record of all the times I watched her kids. I sent her a note, with all the dates I'd watched her kids (in the last year or two), and told her I don't owe her. And that I wouldn't be watching her kids anymore. We could be friends, but I'm not the free nanny. She pretty much quit asking, and my family eventually moved to another city. Completely out of her way now to make it worth her time to drop her kids off.

To get up to speed, a year or two later, without telling anyone, she went to "visit her brother out of state." While there, she actually checked herself into in-patient rehab. Good for her, but alot of us really resented her abandoning her family with no notice. She really hurt her children. She didn't even try counseling or out-patient treatment first. Personally I feel like she wanted a 5 month vacation. She was gone that long, missing one child's birthday, and all the fall/winter holidays. Thank God I didn't live close enough for her husband to ask me to take the kids. Their marriage survived, and she went back to college to earn a professional degree. She now has a 4yr degree & professional job. She confided in me that she is only with her husband because she needed someone to support her during her college days, and she will leave him when her career is making enough money. Gee, not uncomfortable or anything. I've kept her confidence, but avoid her husband. He is a louse, and she should have left him years ago. I don't say those things lightly, but he has even given her sexually transmitted diseases because he's cheated on her. He's actually done so many unthinkable things to her and in/out of their relationship, that she legally separated from him at one point. I got called by their lawyers, asking for personal affidavits about them (character witness), as they were fighting for custody of the kids. Even with my girlfriends problems, the letter I wrote about her husband makes my friend look like a saint by default. I think her husband realized with that letter/affidavit, that he had zero chance of custody of his kids. I don't know that he wants custody per se, but more than that wants to avoid paying child support. Personally, I'd like to hit them both over the head with a rolling pin.

I finally felt like she was too clingy and needed to stand on her own two feet (about a year ago). With me always there for her to complain to, I feel that's all she did. And her husband is too cheap to pay for her to go to counseling. She even now won't pay for personal or marital counseling now that she is gainfully employed.

The final straw was seeing her at the wrestling tournament last week. She seemed higher than a kite, talking about things my husband and I felt totally bizarre. She also fell off the bleacher into the aisle. For no apparent reason. She and I were talking, and next thing I knew she fell straight over to her left, sort of on her back, with legs up in the air. I strongly suspect she had been drinking. I also saw her husband, whose eyes were red & totally glazed over.

I don't want to get together with her. I feel like it's perpetuating something negative. I would like our friendship to go somewhere positive, but with an addict, it's a whole nother ball game.

Any suggestions? She wanted to get together tomorrow for lunch. At the tournament I said sure. Today I cancelled on her, with the excuse that I'm too busy this week. I'm really just buying time until I can figure out what to tell her. How do you confront something like this? There are her personal problems and addiction, which is one thing (not my business), but I truly don't have desire to be in friendship with someone like this. Even though she says I'm her best friend. I truly love her, but don't want to be around her. And I have my children to think about. I need to keep them around safe people, and set a good example for them.

Please leave me your suggestions.

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day. Love the one you're with!!!

My husband told me to book a spa treatment for myself. I'm drooling already.

Our 2-yr old is dressed for Valentines Day, all in red sparkles & plaid. Too cute!! She is trying to teach herself how to do the splits. I have no idea where she thought that up. It's sure fun to watch though.