Kids Special Needs

My Visitor

2009-04-28T04:18:00.000-07:00

And the visitor was.....................Lisa! That is clickable. Check out her blog for great photos of her trip and the University of Washington & Seattle.

Questions Answered

2009-04-26T19:01:00.000-07:00

Yes, my son needed meds for many many years, IMHO. However, it took until late 2007 to get the bipolar & ADD/ADHD diagnosis. With that, the doctors suggested only addressing one medical issue at a time thru meds. We felt the bipolar was the more pressing, so medicated that first, starting in 2008. Gave it a good long time, watched for side affects and negative reactions thru bloodwork. It was all a go. Went to annual physical a few weeks ago, and all discussed adding ADD/ADHD meds on board. We all went for it. Sadly, in our state of WA, a child is in charge of their mental health plan as of age 14. It's appalling and I have no idea who to beat over the head for that rule! But it is what it is. We literally cannot force him to take a single pill. It has to be his choice, and his doing, with his doctor (he's 14). Another thing that did not help is that my spouse thought and believed for over a decade that my son's problems were just a sign of my failure as a parent. Our marriage is still recovering from that. It's a long road. Dealing with a child like this, and a spouse like that. But, we are moving forward.

I do not know an exhaustive list of Tourette's symptoms. My sons are facial/motor ticks and screaming outbursts. He has sworn maybe once ever. He just freaks out and screams uncontrollably, verbally. Too much for a teacher or parent to deal with, unmedicated.

Favorite Blogger in Town

2009-04-24T06:31:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited. My all time favorite blogger buddy is in town. We are meeting up today, going cycling (I have two of everything, including bikes), and seeing the sites of Seattle. Any guesses as to who is visiting? One hint: I visited her in the summer of 2007 when we testified in her state in a lawsuit. Don & Be, you are my favorite Blogger couple. When ya gonna come to town?

By the way my 14yr old started ADD/ADHD meds. It's been a miracle. He says he feels so much smarter. We think that translates to, he can focus at home and school, and can make good decisions (most of the time). That is a HUGE improvement. This is the ticket. This is his "stay out of jail" card. Not kidding. It's that much of an improvement for him. We also have doubled the mood stabilizing meds for our 10yr old (Aspergers, Tourette's), seeing as his Tourette's outbursts increased substantially last week. Going much better now that the extra meds have kicked in. Always exiting around here...............

Behavior Chart

2009-04-04T07:31:00.000-07:00

Thanks Lauri for the Behavior Chart (clickable)!!

The Invisible Mother

2009-04-04T07:07:00.000-07:00

Found this on the Hoover's blog. It's a must read:

Invisible Mother
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm aclock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30,please.'I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude-but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!?One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return ofa friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well.It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by t heir faith that the eyes of God saw everything.A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, No one will ever see it. And the workman replied, 'Because God sees..'I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I seethe sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does.'No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become. At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built,but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.Great Job, MOM!Share this with all the Invisible Moms you know...I just did. This is beautiful.

Government Conceded that Vaccines Cause Autism

2009-02-25T06:27:00.000-08:00

The News!The government has conceded that vaccines cause autism. Read the latest stories in the Huffington Post written by David Kirby and Robert F. Kennedy Jr. featuring the Banks family who recently won a landmark case against the government. Take Action and Support David Kirby and RFK Jr. Lets make this the most read article on the Huffington Post. Please read the article and offer David and Robert your words of praise and pass this information to everyone you know. Age of Autism should have the article up as well.

USA Today: To help spread the word of this tremendous victory, Generation Rescue has placed a powerfully written full-page ad in The USA Today, which hits the stands today, Wednesday, February 25th. Please purchase the paper and hang the ad proudly. Generation Rescue - Press Release Below is the press release that was issued to the media this morning. If you have any media contacts, please feel free to forward this to them with encouragement to tell this story.
Thank you for your support and efforts on this important day.---Government Again Concedes Vaccines Cause AutismMysterious Vaccine Court created in 1986 by the pharmaceutical industry, with the support of Congress, rules in favor of Bailey Banks against HHS.

Los Angeles - February 24, 2009 - Generation Rescue, Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey's Los Angeles-based non-profit autism organization, today announced that the United States Government has once again conceded that vaccines cause autism. The announcement comes on the heels of the recently unsealed court case of Bailey Banks vs. HHS. The ruling states, "The Court found that Bailey would not have suffered this delay but for the administration of the MMR vaccine...a proximate sequence of cause and effect leading inexorably from vaccination to PDD [Autism]."In a curious and hypocritical method of operation, the mysterious Vaccine Court not only protects vaccine makers from liability but supports a policy that has tripled the number of vaccines given to U.S. children - all after being made aware of the fact that these vaccines do, in fact, cause autism and repeatedly ruling in favor of families with children hurt by their vaccines."It was heartbreaking to hear about Bailey's story, but through this ruling we are gaining the proof we need to open the eyes of the world to the fact that vaccines do, in fact, cause autism," said Jenny McCarthy, Hollywood actress, autism activist, best-selling author and Generation Rescue board member. "Bailey Banks' regression into autism after vaccination is the same story I went through with my own son and the same story I have heard from thousands of mothers and fathers around the country. Our hope is that this ruling will influence decision and policy-makers to help the hundreds of thousands of children and families affected by this terrible condition."Banks vs. HHS is the second known case where the Vaccine Court could not deny the overwhelming evidence showing vaccines caused a child's autism. The first was the case of Hannah Poling in March of 2008, where the court found in her favor and awarded her family compensation. Jim Carrey, Hollywood legend and Generation Rescue board member, reacted to the news, "It seems the U.S. government is sending mixed messages by telling the world that vaccines don't cause autism, while, at the same time, they are quietly managing a separate 'vaccine court' that is ruling in favor of affected families and finding that vaccines, in fact, were the cause. For most of the autism community the question is no longer whether vaccines caused of their child's autism. The question is why is their government only promoting the rulings that are in favor of the vaccine companies."Why is a secret court, which no one knows about or understands, quietly paying these families for vaccine injuries and autism? Deirdre Imus, Generation Rescue board member and founder of the Deirdre Imus Environmental Center for Pediatric Oncology says, "Over the past 20 years, the vaccine court has dispensed close to $2 billion in compensation to families whose children were injured or killed by a vaccine. I am not against vaccines and my own child has been vaccinated. But, I share the growing concerns of many parents questioning the number of vaccines given to children today, some of the toxic ingredients in vaccines, and whether we know enough about the combination risks associated with the multiple vaccines given to children during critical developmental windows."To help spread the word of the Banks ruling, Generation Rescue also bought a full-page ad that will run in the USA Today on 02/25/2009, which has a daily circulation of 2,272,815. Generation Rescue seeks to answer these questions and many more on a daily basis as they fight for the truth and to recover children with autism around the world. To learn more please visit www.generationrescue.org, write to media@generationrescue.com About Generation Rescue. Generation Rescue is an international movement of scientists, physicians and parent-volunteers researching the causes and treatments for autism and helping thousands of children begin biomedical treatment.Contact: Peter Nilsson, President, Performance Public Relations for Generation Rescue 858.880.5466 x227 and peter@performpr.com

The Horse's Behind...............

2009-02-11T16:11:00.000-08:00

Anyone see THIS (clickable) episode of Wife Swap? This man really appalled me. I'd be ashamed to be his wife. Nice to see he has some fall out, consequences, and even if his wife is fooled, the rest of the world sees what a horse's behind this man is.

So Where Have I Been?

2009-02-08T04:12:00.000-08:00

Well, happy New Year and all. Been on sabbatical. I ran out of things to write. Been tired and thru a few wars with my 13yr old. Called the police on him three times in the last couple months. Too tired to write about it. Use your imagination. The final time I told my husband that alot of these problems could be alleviated if my husband actually parented. We went to counseling, and lo and behold, the counselor told my husband his head is up his ass. Husband is starting to parent, require the boys respect me and follow rules. Also, 13 yr old boy is a couple days shy of being 14, when in our state you can be formally arrested and have criminal charges brought. Honestly, I'd leave him in jail as long as they'd let me. Show up at the arraignment. That's what professional advice has supported also. So, Boy knows his bluff has been called, I'm not afraid to use a phone to call 911.

In other news, I thoroughly love my job. As an odd strange set of events unfolded, I was offered a long term sub spot in a highly capable class at our local high school. This is probably the only teacher assistant job in a highly capable class. I was floored. It's a business class that is too large for one teacher. Did I say business, as in accounting? yes. This is so up my alley, and I thoroughly enjoy every day of class. And the kids. And the head teacher. It's a dream job, and I'm enjoying it as long as it lasts. This is at the local high school my kids will attend. Which leads me to work with my children's athletic coaches. I spoke with two of them recently because they coach at my sons middle school. Told them how crappy it's been going, getting the police involved and all. Told them I didn't want to sign up my son for wrestling. They asked how he does when he's in sports. Honestly I think his behavior is better because he's too tired to cause as much trouble after a two hour athletic practice, five days a week. The coach said "put him in wrestling. Call me every week. If he's disrespectful, he doesn't get to wrestle at that weeks match." Music to my ears. So, within 24 hr of the last police episode, I had this run-in with the coach, and I shared (while trying to contain my glee) with my son and husband. I explained there are real life consequences to actions. We're a little past time-out and such at this point. My son started wrestling two weeks ago, and his coach said up front that he is not wrestling in the first match of the year since he hit his mother. I am in love.

I will add too, that some additional real life consequences did not work for this son recently, as he was hitting me in public and a school bus of his peers drove by. He then ran away. Long story. He is back and living here. But suffice it to say, he came home crying from school the next day and was crying. I asked why. "Half the school is calling me a douche bag because that school bus of kids saw me hitting my mom." Ah yes, that will happen. More music to my ears.

Now truly I am broken hearted that it has to get to this point. But seriously, I cannot express how thankful that these real world consequences are setting in. Takes the heat off me (cause he just thinks I'm a crazy bitch for wanting say, oh, to get thru a week without calling the police on him).

As a final note, I read a great comment over on the Hoover mom's blog (she's in my sidebar). A mom, Lisa, commented on her concerns about her kids turning out 95% like their bio parents. All the worries and troubles that this envisions. I understand the concern is great. I wrote this comment in response:
"I wanted to respond to a great comment you left over there. Actually you have several great comments, very smart & well thought out. You were discussing how kids are gonna turn out 95% like their bio parents and such. I came from a nightmare home. Can't believe I wasn't taken from my parents. My dad is an addict, and my mom is developmentally delayed and physically disabled (although, that could be a ruse, just to trick the rest into not expecting anything of her). I turned out to be delightful, smart, responsible, and college educated. This was difficult to say the least, with the lack of intelligence and support in my family of origin. I had to grow up parenting the parents. Got a clue when I was 20, moved out, never looked back. I got a bachelors degree in business and accounting from the University of WA, worked as a corporate accountant for many years, have raised three boys (two of which are special needs), been thru international adoption, and our local DSHS domestic adoption processes. I thoroughly benefit from ongoing counseling. I'm lucky that's all I need, considering my biological family. I do not allow my dad any contact with me or my family. My mom, well, I keep her on the outskirts. I refuse to take care of her since I did it my whole childhood. So she lives in Government subsidized Senior Disability Housing. Works for all of us. Anyway, feel free to connect with me. I'm an adult who survived an unthinkable upbringing. I could be the minority, but it does happen. I'm not a criminal, psychopath, sociopath, or trouble maker. I may have a big mouth, but I'm pretty harmless."

Really for me, I have to draw the line at safety, sexual abuse, crime. Those are the reasons I've gotten the state and police involved with our kids whether it's for bio kids or adopted kids. And sometimes it's not best for kids to continue to live in the same home if others are in danger. Sometimes it can be worked out. But as far as the health and educational needs of kids, I know the heartache all too well also. I'll post more soon about our youngest. I've gotten him into Children's Hospital lately for some permanent health issues. To add to his alphabet soup of diagnoses, we have now added Tourette's syndrome.

Truth is stranger than fiction I've come to believe.
Hope you are all well and prospering. I keep up on the blogs I read, just comment rarely. Blessings to you, Esther

The Adoption Arena Resurfaces

2008-11-22T07:16:00.000-08:00

Since we disrupted, we have put all things adoption on hold. We are not trying, waiting, holding our breath. We have been moving forward, grieving, healing, and creating a new life. This week the adoption arena resurfaced. I was not expecting this, but it has been a joyful blessing, albeit, a little bittersweet.

The executive director of our domestic adoption agency got in touch with us. She told me our SW never told her we disrupted. This was news to her this week. Our SW buried our files off-site in storage, and only just now are the head honchos finding out what really happened. They called to find out from us, in our words, what happened. They want us to foster and/or adopt again. But more interesting, they want us to be a source on disruption for their staff and PAP's. Again, interesting. She apologized for what we went thru, what the state put us thru, and how inept our SW was. She said what happened to us just should not happen to people. Putting a completely disturbed dangerous child in our care, and the state denying her medical/mental resources was just ghastly. I emailed her documents we had on our case and the girls, and emails I'd sent our SW during our case. She sent us the following email:

"Thank you for taking the time to put the documents together for me. I know that it is hard to have to rehash and some what relive this sad time of your life. I am praying that the Lord will use you to bring light to any other situations like yours. I pray that the Lord will give you strength and guidance. Also I pray for healing, I am so sorry how you have been hurt for opening your home and heart for these girls and also the rest of your family.
I am so glad that you called and shared with me so honestly what happened to your family. I would like to continue to have other conversations with you so that XYZ Adoptions* can learn and be taught through you very sad experience.
My prayers for you, (signed by exec dir)"

signed. received. We are blessed to hear this news and know our adoption agency wants this. We are more than happy to help in any way possible, help their staff, help families, whatnot. I told her we are not ready to foster and/or adopt at this moment, but we have not closed the door on it. We just need more time to heal, more time to spend on our marriage, more time in general.

As a bonus, the girls bio family has gotten our address and phone number (I have no idea how, but guessing DSHS gave it out). They are using our address & phone number for their bills. Nice. I should not be surprised any more. And of course these people do not pay their bills, so bill collectors are calling. Good times. Thru my investigation of all this, without giving out alot of details, it looks like the girls have been thru yet another disruption. I was told they are back with the foster family.

*not real name

The Sheriff Said to Beat Our Son's Ass

2008-11-12T06:53:00.001-08:00

Today I'm uncharacteristically tired. Maybe it's par for the course considering all that has happened this last week.

The good news is, work is wonderful. I've been subbing pretty much every day, and I love it. Did I mention how much I love it? I really have a particular fondness for the older kids, junior high and high school. I took myself off the sub list for the 19-21yr old students. A few are sweet, but alot are there because they have not passed the WASL (standardized state testing), so they cannot get their diploma, they are there trying to study to get a food handlers license. These kids along with some of the severely mentally retarded leave too big of a chance of getting violent with me. Chairs are thrown, kids run away (& the policy is to chase them down), they manhandle the staff. The staff is just supposed to deal with it. I already have a permanent spine injury and disc issues. Not going to chance worsening that. All of these "kids" are far bigger than me for the most part. I discussed it with the district and my DH. Best for me to choose to not sub there. Other than that, I LOVE WORK! And to boot, I can ride my bike to work at several of the locations. Love that.

Now for the meat of the post. I thought things were going so well with the kids meds. Until last Thursday. Just because I asked our 13yr old (who is bipolar & has ADHD) to pick up dog poo, this set off a chain of actions that were just ridiculous. This was in the morning before school, so DH not around. Much defiance, not gonna clean up dog poo off the carpet. He does not like the consequences I throw down. So he then throws about half a bottle of carpet cleaner (gallon bottle) over a five foot section of the carpet (the dog poo covered a few inches). I tell him he will have to miss out on allowance to pay for the cleaner he just wasted. The younger two kids went to school. The 13yr old starts threatening me. I call DH. He says "why do you let it get this far out of hand?" I said "fuck off" (not my finest Titus Woman moment) and hung up on him. Boy is still threatening me and refusing to get in the car for school. I called the police. I stayed on the phone with them, waiting for the cop to show up, so they could hear the boy threatening me and screaming. I wanted it on record. The boy is threatening me and wanting to call dad (like that will rescue him?). He grabs another phone, but it will not work for him since I'm on the same line with the police. He tries my cell, but this has never worked at my home because we live in the boonies. For the coup de graw, he jumps me and takes the phone away, running away from home. Calls his dad. I took my cell, locked him out of the house, and drove down the street to call the police back. Big mistake to jump me to get the phone. Not regretting calling the police one bit.

Reminder: this is all because he was told to clean up dog poo.

DH came home from work, I pulled in right after him, then the sheriff got here. Son came home once he saw dad and sat at the dining room table. The sheriff came in with bullet proof vest and hand on his gun. I now have a crush on the sheriff, but that's another story. I briefed the sheriff on the situation, including the fact that the boy is bipolar & ADHD. Not an excuse for his behavior, but disclosing the facts. Then here's how the conversation went:

Sheriff: Do you beat your son?
us: nope
Sheriff: Do you slap him across the face.
us: nope
Sheriff: WELL WHY THE HELL NOT?
me: the boy is bigger and faster than me, and I don't want CPS taking all my kids because we spank and discipline harshly the one who is really out of control.
Sheriff (looking at my husband): What's wrong with you? If my son treated my wife like that, I'd beat his ass. (Sheriff looking at boy): Boy, if you talk to me that way I'll throw you on a wall and beat you. If I see you in public treating me or your mom that way, I'm going to beat your ass and throw you in jail.

Oh, I heart the sheriff. He ripped my DH and DS up one side and down the other. Sheriff is proceeding to nail my son to a cross. He asks my son if he's peeing his pants yet. Son says "no". Sheriff says "well, then you can control yourself. You just choose to treat your mom this way. You are lazy. You have no idea what a well kept extravagant home you live in here, and you think it's all not good enough. Try running away again. Your parents can change the locks, report you as a runaway (so they are not charged with neglect and abandonment), and you'll be in a gutter peeing & pooping your pants, starving. No one will care about you. The only ones who care are your parents." This went on 30-40 minutes. It was awesome.

We told the sheriff we do not spank because in our state you can have ALL your kids taken away for that. Told him I feel castrated as a parent. He shook his head and said basically the schools misinform people, telling kids they have all these rights and that they, as kids, can call CPS for protection when kids don't like what is going on at home. Truly tragic for the parents merely setting boundaries and consequences. The schools don't tell the kids that they need to call CPS for ABUSE. They fail to inform the kids that they can't call CPS just because they got their iPod taken away. He proceeds to hand us a copy of our state laws on spanking. Here is what the law says for the state of WA:

USE OF FORCE ON CHILDREN
rcw9a.16.100 Use of force on children--policy-actions presumed unreasonable

It is the policy of this state to protect children from assault and abuse and to encourage parents, teachers and their authorized agents to use methods of correction and restraint of children that are not dangerous to the children.

HOWEVER, the physical discipline of a child is not unlawful when it is reasonable and moderate and is inflicted by a parent, teacher or guardian for the purpose of restraining or correcting the child.

Any use of force on a child by any other person is unlawful unless ti is reasonable and moderate and is authorized in advance by the child's parent or guardian for the purpose of restraining or correcting the child.

***The following actions are presumed unreasonable when used to correct or restrain a child:
1. throwing, kicking, burning, or cutting a child
2. striking a child with a closed fist
3. shaking a child under three
4. interfering with a child's breathing
5. threatening a child with a deadly weapon
6. doing any other act that is likely to cause and which does cause bodily harm
greater than a transient pain or minor temporary marks.

"The age, size, and condition of the child and the location of the injury shall be considered when determining whether the bodily harm is reasonable or moderate. This list is illustrative of unreasonable actions and is not intended to be exclusive."

SO, we asked what are appropriate means of disciplining the child that will not have CPS entering the picture. He said if it was one of his six kids, he'd have our son running lines until he passes out or pukes, spanked with a paddle, take the bedroom door off the hinges, keep calling the police to keep a record going, and defend myself. Alot of this will be handed down by my DH considering the boy is larger than me. The sheriff left us with the remark that I'm the boss of the boy. If the boy doesn't like that, than the sheriff will be the boss of the boy. The boy only gets this one warning, and it is on record at that. Next time I call the police, he'll go to juvie hall (under age 14) or jail (age 14 and older). At the jail, I can press charges, then the boy will be sent to juvie to await a hearing and sentencing.

This has really taken a toll on me. To further it all, I decided to sign up for a self-defense course. Unfortunately there are none around here. But I found some down at UW, and I will be taking the classes (January). If the boy jumps me again, he'll regret it. Hopefully he'll be able to have children when I'm done taking him down.

I'm struggling with this as well because my DH thinks I should just be able to magically put up with all this, magically keep the boy in order, denies the notion that the boy has bipolar disorder despite three shrinks and our PCP agreeing with diagnosis. This is hard on our marriage. He told me if I get the boy thrown in jail, he'll divorce me (if I get the boy thrown in jail? uh, it's the boys actions that would get him thrown in jail). I told him if he can't support me, him divorcing me would be a gift. Apparently he supports me because he's spanked the boy twice since Thursday. He is not supportive of me taking the self defense classes. sigh........

Let's hope things are looking up from here!! I'm still a #1 supporter and promoter of Love and Logic parenting. The boy got kicked off the school bus for three days a couple weeks ago (for dangerous behavior). I told the school my DH will drive him in the morning because it's dark, but the boy can walk his butt home every day. All six miles. I think he now thinks the bus is alot more fun than walking home. Just because the kids create a problem, doesn't mean I have to be punished. I told the principal I would prefer if they did not suspend kids, but instead had them wash busses at the bus barn in 40 degree weather for four days. But I'm sure the school district is not interested in Love and Logic parenting..............

Weekend Hangover

2008-10-20T06:01:00.000-07:00

Ever feel like you have a hangover on Monday morning just from doing so much all weekend? I think I have one of those. Too much weekend!

I actually had one of the most fun weekends ever, just packed full of activity.

Let's back up to Wednesday. Dyed my hair with a home color (box from drugstore). It was supposed to be light brown. Turned out almost black. Got really emotional & all across the board with it. Then realized: it's only hair! I think I look like a Hispanic with blue eyes. I'm sticking with it for a while. However, I'm making a coloring appt with a stylist in a few weeks to see what I'm doing wrong. Washed my couch slipcovers (remember this for future reference).

Thursday. Shopped and cooked for my 10yr old's bday party. Took the puppy in to get spayed.

Friday. Went to work at one of the local high schools. Got a call from my 11yr old saying the dog threw up on the couch. Poor kid (& puppy). So the 11yr old had to clean up the couch & wash the couch cover. When I work at the high school, the 11 & 10yr old are home for less than an hour, and then they get on the school bus. Anyway, I worked at the high school. Showed up to find Mardi Gras, ie.., HOMECOMING! Wish I knew this ahead of time so I could have dressed accordingly. This was actually really really fun, and brought back so many great memories. I was in the Self-Contained room for the day. So I walked with a mentally retarded girl & a downs syndrome boy thru the city parade. Yes, our local high school goes ape with homecoming, including a mid-day city parade. 2400 students plus many locals are in the parade. CRAZY! Went to work and ended up in a parade. Quite a day. After the parade we went to the pep assembly. Best day of work I've ever been to!
Friday evening we had our 10yr old's bday party/sleepover. Three boys came, thank GOD! Apparently he is able to retain friends! Whew! Then I went in the wee hours of the night to retrieve my 13yr old from the local homecoming game. He went with his football coach & friends from the middle school.

Saturday. Got thru breakfast & exiting the 10yr olds. Sleepovers always seem to end in such lack of sleep that children are psychotic. We noticed this all morning. I proceeded to tell the boys to take a nap. They asked how long? I said until dinner.
I went for a job interview (part-time) at Home Depot. On top of our eye surgery bills & putting two kids in braces, I now reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally need hearing aids. I've needed them for about five years, but put it off. They cost about $7K for the type I need, and our insurance covers 30%. Apparently I work to pay the medical bills. The thing that gets me is we have really good insurance. Yet how can there be so many services not covered? ARGH. Anyway.
Early evening I went to my make-shift high school reunion at a local roadhouse. My husband said I must be off to go whoring at the roadhouse. Nice. Actually the whole thing was so much fun, dozens of old classmates came, and was a huge success. People have requested doing this more often than annually. So we will make it semi-annual. My friend C & I ran the whole thing with the roadhouse owner (went to school with him). I rolled into my bed at about 2:30am. I was the designated driver, so stayed until the end. Fortunately no one needed a ride home.

Sunday. Got up at 6:30am to go to church. Don't remember much after that seeing as I was so tired! I recall taking a nap, doing some ironing, and taking the kids out to lunch. Maybe it was a dream. Tried to figure out how the DirecTV box is not working in the family room. Figure it got broken during the sleepover. Won't bother me for the kids to be out of a TV! This is my dream come true!!! Told the kids and my husband there's really no incentive for me to get the box fixed. I would have to take a day off work without pay to wait around for the repair man, pay $75/hr for a repairman, and pay for supplies/product. Works for me to go without the kids tv. (Silently rolling on floor laughing a maniacal laugh).

Today. I thought I would be going to work to recover from all the weekend activities, ya know, go to work to relax! Then I remembered it's a teacher in service day. I will relax tomorrow.

Relief

2008-10-14T08:58:00.000-07:00

Things are going really well right now. We are now beyond the one month mark of when we started our two bipolar sons on Depakote. The difference is night and day, & yet, no serious side effects. We don't see any side effects at all. What we notice is a normal life. Alot of peace. Almost zero chaos created by mentally ill children. It's a luxury I think most parents take for granted.

Work is going well. I have worked almost every day for the school district the past few weeks. I really enjoy working with the high school kids the best. That's my favorite so far.

My youngest son's birthday party is Friday night. Some kids have RSVP'd. Phew!

The Friendship Drama

2008-10-05T16:06:00.000-07:00

My heart hurts when the kids come home with their friendship dramas. I guess I should get a thicker skin, because this will only go on for forever. But, what do you do with the autistic child (of any form) who just doesn't understand alot of social skills, nuances, and aspects, yet he WANTS friends? And friends usually think he is weird................

He is weird, and it's heartbreaking.

All three boys, and one of our girls when she was here, go thru the "nobody wants to be my friend. I have no friends." I can honestly say that is false for all those children.

Perhaps they want something different, or situations hurt their feelings, and/or they feel disappointment. I've expressed many times this week to come home and tell me how they FEEL, not to just scream, shove a brother, and say "people treat me like dirt!"

Could they be more specific please?

So I tell them to tell me what is going on and tell me how they feel. They I ask them, "so what are you going to do about that?" I want them to first look inside them self for alternatives and solutions. Then we can talk about lots of options, including ones I throw out there.

What I really loathe is the drama queen routine. sigh. Any suggestions? This really only goes on currently with the 11yr old & almost 10yr old. Could be kids at school, could be neighborhood kids. What I really dislike about our neighborhood kids for the most part is that they are spoiled rotten little rich kids. We live in a neighborhood where the homes are $500K thru a million dollars. Pretty nice. Most of these people do things like shove tons of gifts and monetary extravagance at their kids. Hmmm, wonder how their kids will like it when they want to move out of mom & pops, and discover the world does not hand them a silver platter. We insist on the kids pitching in, rare trips, and we do not keep up with the latest gadgets and electronics. Apparently in most circles, this is extremely important. We are trying to drive home the point that kids who are nice & share something in common with you are going to make the best friends. We've noticed that the kids who are filthy stinking rich and spoiled are not really nice for the most part. We don't like their parents (typically) and we do not have the same values. We live in the Pac NW, and one of these families will take their kids to DisneyLand just because it's someones birthday. Ah, my kids have been once. ONCE! And that's probably the only trip they will get there on my dime! I'm not being stingy. I feel we have good financial grounding and we are realistic. At the same time we are saving for retirement and the future.

So, what else can I do to help with the friendship dramas that will go on until they move out? Diana, perhaps you can write a post about this? You always have such great insight....................

Work Update

2008-10-03T13:37:00.000-07:00

The accounting agency has still never sent me on a job. I interviewed with two other gals for a company. This company has still not selected any of us. This was three weeks ago I interviewed. I gave up on that and called the school district to see if I could sub (they said they would hold my file open for 12 months). So I went to a training orientation on Wednesday, and substituted yesterday at the alternative school. They loved me and asked me if I would like to work there in a permanent position. There are half a dozen programs at the alternative school: middle school, high school, blind/deaf elementary, teen parents with daycare on site, severely disabled (age 14-21), & parents attending school with child. I worked in the severely disabled classrooms (2 classes). These are kids where half of them will never speak or live independently. Either strokes or highly mentally retarded. The lowest functioning in the district.
I worked with three girls yesterday ages 19, 20, & 21. Heartbreaking work, but necessary. I think the 19yr old had a stroke or something......she is strapped to a wheelchair, in diapers (someone else changed her, thank GOD!), can't speak, and has to be hand fed & bottle fed. Poor thing. I was reading to one girl and pulled the girl in the wheel chair over to us to listen as well. She was just sitting alone in the middle of the room. I thought "If she were my kid, I would want someone with her doing just what the other kids are doing". I think she liked me; I got a smile out of her. I had to roll my eyes at this male teacher. When I was reading to the girl in the wheel chair this guy is shaking his head "no" at me & says "you know she can't interact or participate, right?". I said, "If she were my child I would want her included." I kept her with me & read to her. I was trying not to cry, thinking of this poor woman, age 19, so severely disabled, and no one cares if she sits all alone. Sheesh. Then briefly I helped six kids who are working VERY hard to get their food handling license. They want to work at Alfy's, Top Foods, etc., nearby. One of the boys (downs syndrome) put boxes together at Alfy's each day. Some of the kids work at GoodWill and Safeway a couple hrs a week. But they have to have adult supervision on the job until they pass a test. So I went thru a couple of practice tests with the kids. I think maybe half of the six will pass the test. I wrote the district today & officially am in the ring for the job. 8am-2:30pm Monday thru Friday. Perfect. And the alternative school is less than 15 minutes from my home! If I don't get that job, I'll keep subbing. There wasn't any need for subs today, so I'm at home.

Happy Harvest Everyone

2008-10-03T12:48:00.000-07:00

WARNING.....DO NOT LEAVE ALCOHOL NEAR YOUR PUMPKINS

And So It Goes.....

2008-10-01T08:10:00.001-07:00

Remember when I wrote that the 13yr old was a prick over me taking him to school when he was late? That night he came home and apologized. I was ready and waiting for him to come home, seeing as I've come up with "options" for him. In love & logic, they are big into sharing options/choices with your kid. So I told him "no problem. Next time you are late, you could have one of two things: a) walk to school (6-7 miles?), or b) yes I could jump out of bed and drive you to school as is. And this means I'm in my tanker summer nightgown, greasy face, no teeth brushed, hair pulled back in a clip, and to boot, no underwear on. I'd be more than happy to hop out of the van, go into the office, and sign you in."

He looked like he was going to die or vomit, and was speechless as he shook his head "no". Yea, that's what I thought.

Lauri's blog post (clickable) has me traveling down memory lane. I'm big into getting kids to solve, or at least think thru, their own problems. At school as well. Most if not many complaints and/or problems kids have are able to be addressed by the one who owns the problem. I've avoided being a helicopter parent. I think the kids have learned alot of social skills in dealing with their own stuff. However, on a rare occasion, I've made inquiries with the teacher and/or principal. Only once have I ever had to go above the Principal's head. When do you feel it's appropriate or necessary to go above the teacher's head or the Principal's head? I'll share with you when I've done this.

Going above the teacher's head, cause it was just not being resolved:
stealing in the classroom
violence and/or bullying

Going above the Principal's head:
Stalking

We dealt with the stalker for two years. It all started when J was best friends with my 11yr old. J was a bit possessive, and had no other friends. 11yr old is basically a pretty nice kid, and had lots of friends. So he was like "whatever." Until J became an obnoxious mean spirited child who lied to other kids, telling other kids that my son didn't like anyone else. So, being the tender hearted boy he is, not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings, he told J that he likes all the other kids, and to knock it off. This did not go over well, and J turned into psycho stalker in the 2nd grade. I won't go into a million details, but he was a really ugly child in the classroom, playground, and bus. Sadly we live half a mile from the child, and yes, they rode the bus together as well. My son continued to distance himself from J, and this angered J further. Vicious cycle. Since it was all words and no violence, we kept tabs on this, listened to our son grieve over this, and kept giving him "atta boys". I checked in with the teacher about once a month about it all. After a few months of this, I called the parents, who are entirely clueless. They were like "why can't the boys be friends and just like each other?" Um, because your son is a mental case! I did not say that, and just shared the facts, stating the boys would not be friends because of their son's meanness. They are totally in denial. All I requested at the end of the school year was that the boys be in separate classes the next school year. Hopefully this would phase out stalker child.

No one listened to me, and the boys were put in the same class. I held my tongue, and waited for the problems to ensue. They went on all school year, into the spring. I worked with the teacher & principal (or so I thought). The boys sat across the room from one another. But that really didn't help. Finally got to the point where I was dealing with the principal exclusively, over the classroom, playground, and bus. This got me nowhere.

I resorted to pulling out the school district policy book, called the school Superintendent, and cited all the harassment that has been going on for two school years. By this point too, our son was so depressed and beaten down, he was not even the same child. J was now on my son's ball team (by request of J), and yelling at him & taunting him every day at practice. He also threw baseball bats at my son in the dugout, at close range. The buck stopped here. I told the whole saga to the Super, including all my conversations with the principal, and said "I'm now ready to get the police involved. I will get a restraining order against J & his family, and that will be a far bigger problem for the school district to deal with. J will be moved to another class & possibly another school to keep X amount of distance away from my child, J will be kicked off our city baseball league, and J will have to find alternative transportation to school. His parents both work full-time, so they will be highly inconvenienced finding a way to transport him around without the school bus." The buck stopped here. I never regret making this phone call. Surprisingly, the principal was most accommodating at this point. Immediately. No restraining order, but the school kept J away, the city league kicked J off the team, and he sits in another part of the school bus. The school required personal & group counseling for J, including social skills classes. ya think?

We are really proud of our son for how he dealt with this. He did his best to ignore, and never once used physical force against J (even though our son is physically much bigger & stronger, our son turned the other cheek). He talked with his parents, teacher, and principal, about all this. He also got to see that there are higher powers that be, above and beyond the almighty school principal. He also saw his parents love him thru this, we were his safe haven, cheerleaders, and we showed him that the police are there to help us when others aren't.

On the flip side, my 13yr old dealt with 2 school bullies from the 2nd thru 6th grade. No where near the extreme of J, but annoying to say the least. This all stopped in the 6th grade when the 2 bullies tried to beat my son up together, out of the blue, and my son kicked their asses. Both of them. All three kids were suspended, which I protested in person to the school. I was not listened to, but I feel that since all the witnesses agreed that the other two boys instigated & were beating up my son, my son has every right to protect himself. The school policy is to suspend everyone physically fighting. We were able to walk away from this pretty well, because the bottom line is those two assholey kids will never bother my child again. People are still talking about how my son beat up those two punks. Everyone thought they deserved it. Kids and parents alike. I still have to chuckle. And given the same scenario, I would still tell my child to fight back when a couple of kids are beating his head into concrete.

Fortunately, after it's all said and done, I feel I have good repore with the school and district. I feel I handled myself well, and consider the principal to be an acquaintance. She was even a personal reference for me during my hiring phase this last month with the district. I think we've come a long way.

So, where do you draw the line? Where do you let your kid deal with it on their own and where do you step in?

Computer Problem

2008-09-29T14:14:00.000-07:00

My computer is having a personal problem. Running. Slower. Than. Molasses. I'll be back after we get this resolved..........................
As long as it took me 20 minutes to get this far, I'll add a couple things:
1. The accounting agency has still not ever gotten back to me about work.
2. I got on with the local school district as a sub. Long story. I have a 2hr orientation Wed, then I can start to sub on Thursday. Better to work & get some income, than wait around for no job at all. I can be employed by both.
3. My middle schooler woke up late today. I showered & got ready before driving him to school. As he was getting out of the car I told him I love him & said to have a great day. What did he say? "I could have still gotten here on time if you wouldn't have showered" and slammed the door. What a prick. Guess that's teenagers for ya.
4. Saw the movie "Fireproof" this weekend. It's a must see. I will warn you ahead of time, a majority of the movie is Christian, revolves around being a Christian, I have to admit the acting is poor (worse than LifeTime Network), and my husband felt preached at during this movie. I went knowing it was about a firefighter having marriage problems. Saw 2 clips on the Dr. Phil show. I cried thru about half the movie, seeing as we've walked the walk this guy is walking in his marriage. Tough stuff. It was quite pivotal for me to see this movie, and I imagine I'll buy it when it comes out (I rarely buy movies). But it was so chalk full of good nuggets, I really need to watch something like this a few times a year. Maybe once a month! Personally I'm really at a place in my life where marriage needs to come to the forefront and be placed as a high priority that is worked on daily, hourly, regularly, not just when we can actually get around to it. I think we've been doing our dance, neither of us doing anything stupid or immoral, but that's not enough. Marriage still gets to the breaking point when needs aren't met. Marriage gets to the breaking point when people are in pain & tired of being hurt. Marriage gets to the breaking point when tragedy strikes. Marriage gets to the breaking point when you don't know how to deal with disabled children. Etc. We naively went into marriage thinking "we'll try hard, work hard, stay moral, and it will all be good!" Stupid stupid stupid us. Boy were we stupid. Some how it wasn't enough. Sure, we worked hard, tried hard, and did the "right" things, but life throws curveballs. I think that is where our stumbling blocks have been, over the curveballs. I won't list them all. We all get curveballs thrown at us. Anyway, I signed us up for a marriage course thru our church. Seven week course starting Saturday. It includes dinner, so will be a nice free date. Well, the whole course, ciriculum, and dinners cost $45 for 7 weeks. Bargain. Hopefully some good will come from this ..........................................

Valium Turned My Husband into a Teenager

2008-09-25T12:17:00.000-07:00

This morning my DH had LASIK surgery. All went well. Other than the affect of the Valium. He has been turned into a 14yr old boy.

He took the first Valium an hour before we left for surgery. Didn't notice much affect on him. Until we got to the surgical waiting room. Where he proceeded to make roving hand & squeezing gestures at my boobs. In front of other people.

My DH is the most conservative person I know. We rarely even hold hands in public.

After surgery he grabbed at my boobs once (in the Taco Time DriveUp window), and tried to stick his hand down my shirt once (in traffic as I was driving him home).

I'm glad he's in bed taking a nap currently. Shaking my head........................

The Working Mama Debate

2008-09-22T05:40:00.001-07:00

Yesterday on Laura's blog, I found a link to Jeanette's blog (post now removed, but still on Laura's blog in entirety). Click on either name to get to their blog. The posts were quite something, not to mention the comments. WOW! What a debate! It's as old as dirt. I frankly have so much to say on the topic, I did not post a comment on Jeanette's blog. **And while we are at it, my respect and admiration goes to single working moms. You wear all the hats in the family.**

1. Let's take religion out of the equation for a moment. Yes, alot of what guides and directs us is thru our belief system. However, how can one say that being a Christian (or not, as Jeanette was accused of) clearly dictates if a woman works outside the home? Does the bible state if we should breastfeed? Eat organically? Those are rhetorical of course, but other topics people really get hot over.
2. Can we not be kind to others when stating our opinions? I think the crisis here is women who cannot support other women. We don't have to agree with them, but can we not be compassionate & graceful thru adversity? Truly in our day in age, high cost of living, stress, lack of extended family support, you'd think women could at least support women.
3. It's not a crime/sin to have a child, adopted or bio, in daycare. I'm a SAHM and I can see that one pretty clearly.
4. What's up with all the anonymous commenters on this topic? Personally I'm glad people came out of hibernation to comment, but can't people use their blog ID and feel bold enough to post their true feelings?
5. Honestly, I do not know many women who can afford to work AND put their child in daycare. I know countless women thru church, biblestudy, MOPS, etc., who are like "I choose to be a SAHM." Really? I know these women don't have marketable skills and/or a college degree. They truly cannot afford to pay for daycare after one child (if even for one). This is not a put down to those women. I'm just saying, I see these women patting them self needlessly on the back, alluding to what they allegedly gave up (all this free flowing cash) to be a SAHM, when that's just not the true picture. In real life*, I only know one professional woman in addition to myself who chose to put their career aside to be a SAHM. ONE. I am an accountant, and my friend is a lawyer. Now that is giving up a great career to be a SAHM! I'm not patting myself on the back. Just stating the situation. *Thru yahoo groups & blogs, I've met countless professional women who put their career aside to be with their children.
6. That being said, there ARE many things we SAHM's give up. I don't have to rant about it though. Conversely, there are many things working moms give up too. Life is hard, and no one said it would be fair!
7. Where are the women who choose to work and have the balls to just come out and say "Yea, I work outside the home. I want to. It's a choice I make. I feel like it." I know you are out there. I know personally there are many women who want a career, the professional environment, the socializing, strong work ethic, 401K, and sense of accomplishment that a career provides. It's not wrong to have those desires. They are positive dynamics and I commend that.
8. Jeanette's original blog post is about ex-orphan kids being left in daycare. Somewhere the argument went sideways and all the SAHM's and working moms came out with gloves on. Our original international adoption agency had a policy to only approve adoptions to families with a stay at home parent (they did approve single parents). I personally feel that it is highly beneficial to do this for kids with any special need. I think most people would agree with that. Again though, it's not a crime to put a child in daycare. A child who is here in the US, with a loving family, is far better off than in an institution!! Praise God these children have been adopted and have a forever family!
9. I think there are exceptions to any situation. When we had the girls with us, the older girl had so many behavioral, sexual, and safety problems, I literally could not do anything other than watch her like a hawk 24/7. In the evening when my DH came home, he watched her like a hawk so I could get the home front taken care of. This truly impacted the other children in the home. They had nearly zilch quality time with me. During the day they were at school; in the evening I was running errands, cleaning the house, cooking, getting to doctor appts, etc. At this point, it became necessity to put the adopted child in daycare 4hrs a week so I could have some uninterrupted time caring for my family. She is a highly traumatized and disturbed child. Be that as it may, I could not sacrifice the other children in the home & the care for them and our family, to watch one child 24/7. So, daycare came into the equation 4 hours a week. I have no regrets about that.
10. Final point. I do not want this to come down as harsh. The truth is, we all make our own choices. Working moms and SAHM moms all have bills to pay. Mainly I hear from working moms that "we have bills to pay." Well, that's true, but it's true for all of us. And yes, I live in a Seattle suburb, one of the most expensive areas in the country. Yes, gas prices have gone thru the roof. yes. yes. yes. I know there are countless families who have financial hardships, out of their control, and they are stuck with the bill: medical costs, a legal fiasco, a natural disaster, whatnot. Honestly though, when people say "we have bills to pay", well, who created those bills? Usually the person who the bill comes to. Usually it's an intentional purchase, and not a natural disaster or crisis generating the bills. I'm NOT saying it's wrong to have bills, to make purchases, to make choices. But that is what this all comes down to: MONEY!

My husband and I are both financial professionals with great financial expertise. So, we know enough to know that we all have options. Alot of people, if they are truly interested, could go to one income by doing the following:

Pay by cash only. No cash? No purchase.
Go to one car. Take a bus. Ride a bike.
Bring a sack lunch to work, and no lattes, soft drinks, cigarettes, beer.
Shop at Value Village. Most of my families material possessions are from VV. Artwork, kitchen gadgets, mine & DH clothing, household decor, tools, the kids church clothes, shower curtains. You name it, and thrift stores carry it. I have never bought underwear there. I do draw the line at that.
This would be hard, but if you want to cut back, sell the house & buy a smaller one. Yes the economy sucks, as it does for EVERYONE! It just is. As a couple, we seriously know if my husband lost a job, was disabled, we'd sell the house & buy a tiny one. It just is.
Check out Dave Ramsey, Suze Orman, Dr. Phil, Oprah, Google, and look up Money, Debt, Finances, Debt-free, etc. Too many good nuggets there (free!) to help. I'm totally serious.
No expensive vacations. No eating out. Cut the kids back to one sport/extra circular activity per year (or none). It will not kill them. They can ride a bike, play outside, and find something to do for free.
Buy what's on sale each week at the grocery store & live off of that. Buy meat in bulk or thru a grower/supplier and utilize that freezer. We have half a pig coming in October. YUMMY!
Give up expensive hobbies.
Give up professional services & take care of things yourself (ie..hair color, manicures, mowing the lawn, cleaning the house.)
Take an evening and/or weekend job. Both of you.
Give up the subscriptions & annual fees: magazines, athletic tickets, the golf club.
Buy drugstore toiletries & essentials, use some generic here and there, and skip the mall.

There are countless ideas and options, which I do not have the time to get into here. We've implemented many in our personal life.
When times are tough, we realize there is truly little we HAVE to have. There is little we need. We have to have shelter, food, water, and clothes on our back. None of these have to be fancy or designer. It's not about what we deserve, it's about getting our needs met. True needs. Not wants.

The bottom line is, there are also MANY families doing all these financial tips & then some, who are still in dire financial straights. I applaud you. I respect you. I know you are working your fingers to the bone, you are dogass tired, and you are frayed. You are in pain, and to add insult to injury, some SAHM's are attacking you. I think this is the crisis. This is the tragedy. You are doing all you can, and your efforts will eventually pay off. You will get out of debt. You only answer to yourself and God. You will be blessed for your efforts.

As women, please support each other. Notice I have not attacked anyone here, or any side. These are observations, with a little financial education thrown in there, because yes, I am a financial professional. Not tooting my horn. I have two college degrees in business & accounting, as does my spouse.

If anyone has any questions about finance, please write. I welcome any and all comments here, and encourage it. I truly want to see women supporting women. We all need it. Desperately. Laura & Jeanette, I believe you are both Christians! As women we need to take a stand and not be on a high horse. Last time I checked, none of us is a moral/religious professional; we have not cornered the market on that and no one is entitled to get on a high horse over it all. I'm sure Dobson or Beth Moore could post on all this with far more tact than I've recently seen in Bloggerland. We all have our opinions, and we can all have a blog. That is obvious. Personally, I would prefer to discuss topics, not wage an emotional war against others. I hope I have been atleast a tad helpful here sharing my feelings.

The most noble calling is to be a mother. And there are lots of ways to be a mother.

I'm a Roadie

2008-09-19T12:49:00.001-07:00

I feel like there are so many things going on in my life, each deserving their own blog entry. Ever have so much happen in a day, week, month like that? Sheesh. I'll try to briefly hit the topics, and discuss further later:

1. I have still not heard back about the job. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.............I called the agency today. The client did not like the other two candidates, and I am their front runner. So why the holdup?
2. Both sons improving a bit on meds. Thank God. People with perfectly healthy children have no idea what it is like to live in the chaos of a home with 2 bipolar children. By last night I was so drained I told everyone I was on Sick Leave for the evening. Seriously too tired & beat up emotionally do anything other than get off my butt.
3. I've signed up to volunteer at a Women's Shelter & Halfway House. The director wants me to tutor, mentor, live there to supervise, and lead bible studies. She wants more than I can give at the moment. So we are working something out. I will not be living there.
4. I started attending a bible study & program thru church on Mentoring. It will normally be Tues pm. It's offered Thurs am as well. First meeting yesterday. Great group. Essentially it's about being a Titus Woman. I will feel more comfortable volunteering at the Women's home after the mentoring class is over. I feel I need the training and education on resources.
5. Monday & Tuesday I dealt with an abandoned vehicle in my yard. Who parks their car, head in, in someone else's driveway? We assumed they were drunk or high. After waiting 14hrs for the owner to appear, Monday I had it towed. The tabs were expired since February, so I didn't feel comfortable letting it sit like that in my yard. Tuesday I had to deal with the asinine neighbor who it turns out, left their car in my yard! What a moron. Said it was their teen. Um, OK. Everyone has to pass my house after they enter the development. How could neither parent notice their son's car in my yard for 14hrs? Maybe they are high as well. So they turn up Tuesday all belligerent about us towing the vehicle. I wrote them a pretty stern letter. They came by to apologize yesterday. I was quite surprised. I think that takes alot to apologize.
6. Yesterday learned a dear sweet beautiful friend of mine has breast, lung, and liver cancer. I found this out at bible study, and cried when I heard. I'm 38. She's my age. How on earth do these things happen? I rarely ask "why Lord" because I figure after all the suffering on earth, we will die and see that heaven is just that much more glorious. In the mean time, good grief. Her son is a year older than my oldest, and we've spent much time at their sporting events together. Not to mention church & bible study. I called her yesterday & left a message asking if I could bring them meals each week. I have not heard back. Hopefully she'll be well enough to return a call soon. Then I think, what else could I do to help? Clean her bathrooms? Teach her 9th grade son to cook? Help with errands? I want her to know how much she is loved, and how much God's people care for her.
7. My husband told me two nights ago that he wants to adopt again. My first reaction was to burst into tears. Apparently I need to work thru grief a bit more! To rewind, our agency did say they would be more than happy to place a child with us after we had time to go to grief counseling & wait at least six months. It's been 7 months. We'll see.................
8. I went to my second post-op appt for my eyes. Doing pretty well. The left eye is still a black eye, so he said no makeup for one more week. ARGH!
9. Hit a great sale at a local nursery. Adding two more rows of berries (gooseberries & more blueberries).
10. I'm now a roadie. Or a biker chick. Not sure. You decide. One of my best friends missed our 20yr reunion. Only 55+ folks came out of our class of almost 300 graduates. Many people communicated to me that it was too expensive ($90-95) for the formal affair. And many told me they were not interested in a formal affair. So, my friend "C" and I decided, hey, why don't we organize something cheap, casual, and local. I heard one of our classmates owns a bar. We went to visit him there and eat some lunch. It's a roadhouse. I'm rarely even in a bar (maybe once every 20 yrs!), let alone a roadhouse! It was surprisingly decent, large, and the food is excellent. He is offering a no cover charge night for our classmates, and providing a dinner for $10/head. So I organized the whole thing thru Evite, sent that out plus 15 snail mails. We are off and running. I put in the Evite that friends don't let friends drive drunk. We have three options on that: I will be a designated driver for the first 6 people to sign up, there is a hotel across the street from the roadhouse, and we have a friend who offered up their limo service for $15/head to drive folks home. Can't beat that. I'm a roadie............If this goes well, C & the roadhouse owner, along with myself, would like to make this an annual event.

I have so many feelings, especially on adoption, that I will have to post more about that later.

IEP, volume 1

2008-09-17T13:18:00.000-07:00

Had first IEP meeting today for our youngest son (bipolar, Aspergers/Autism). Went well. He will be getting Language Therapy, Occupational Therapy for fine motor, and Social Communication Therapy. HOORAH! He can be serviced at our home school, so he does not need to switch schools into the Autism program (another location). So glad they can help!!

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

2008-09-17T10:15:00.000-07:00

Why did the chicken cross the road?
BARACK OBAMA : The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change ! The chicken wanted change !
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON : When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH : We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY : Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL : Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON : I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY : Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON : Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR.. PHIL : The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE : That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty ! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN : To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART : No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS : Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY : To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS : Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE : It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES : I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN : Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS : Did I miss one?

Job Interview

2008-09-16T16:06:00.000-07:00

The agency sent me out today to interview with a client. I really like them. Hope they like me. I'm the second interview of three people for them. I should hear yes/no tomorrow. Hoping hoping hoping...............

Cyber Stalker?

2008-09-16T07:46:00.000-07:00

There is a lady who has been reading all the blogs on my blog roll, then posting anonymous comments to my adoption blog buddies as "Esther". Um, what the heck is that? I've been telling my buddies that anonymous Esther is NOT me.

So, I have condensed my blog roll down to my daily "must-reads", as these people are folks I mainly know & communicate with in real life. Ok, I don't know Martha Beck in real life. But anyway.....The rest of the blogs deleted from the blogroll I have in my files.

If you get a comment from an Esther, make sure MY little picture ID is on the comment, and you will know it's me ;o)

Weird people. weird people out there.................

20/25

2008-09-12T09:45:00.000-07:00

I had my checkup with the surgeon this morning. I have 20/25 vision, and everything is great. They only drawback is my left eye is now a black eye. Looks like I've been shot. Not kidding. It's my eye that's a floater, so it was difficult to laser that eye. Seriously that eye looks so bad, I scared two of my kids yesterday when they saw me the first time. The surgeon had to keep stopping & restarting the laser during surgery, waiting for my eye to hold a gaze. The surgeon is referring me to a pediatric eye surgeon. He says they are the best at fixing "lazy eye". Or whatever you want to call it. So, in 6-12 months I can get the floater fixed.

I told my husband I want to sign up for adult swim lessons. I can swim, barely, and I would love to do a mini-triathlon. I can't run anymore, but I could race walk that portion.

In the meantime, I have to wear sunglasses outdoors for a month, and safety goggles during sports, house cleaning, gardening, etc. Guess outdoors I can wear the sunglasses over the goggles? Lookin good..............................

I'll Be Stoned Shortly

2008-09-11T06:44:00.001-07:00

I'm getting LASIK done this morning. I just took my Valium. I'll be stoned here in a few minutes. Looking forward to it.

I'm really enjoying taking the computer classes online. I did a couple hours class on Quick Books, a 4hr intro class on Excel. Now I'm taking a whole Microsoft Office Certification series (Access, Excel, PowerPoint, Word). Each class topic will take anywhere from 5-6 hours, to several days. Maybe in a week or two I'll get the Microsoft Certification, depending on how quickly I can see perfectly. I always liked school (I was a nerd hiding in a cheerleader uniform), so I like taking these classes.

I'll be back online in a few days. It could take up to a week to get 20/20 or 20/30 vision. Have a great week everyone.

And don't forget to take a moment to remember those lost on September 11.

For Crying Out Loud

2008-09-09T17:02:00.000-07:00

I just got a call from the local School District. They offered me a substituting job. For crying out loud. Where were these people a couple weeks ago?

I'm rolling my eyes. I told them I'm working for another temp agency since I never heard anything for 5 months from them.

The school district is keeping my file on hand for 12 months in case I change my mind.

If the accounting thing never worked out (or turned into some scam.............doubtful since this company is a national company with a high reputation..........been in business for decades), I could change my mind and go work for the school district. We'll see...............

Nice to know I'm wanted I guess.

Good News Bad News

2008-09-09T07:30:00.000-07:00

The Good News is:
The accounting agency has set me up with an interview Monday with a client who is only 30 minutes from me. Part time work. Sounds outstanding.

The Bad News is:
After my LASIK surgery Thursday, I can't wear makeup for a week. AHHHHHHHHHHH!

I told the agency I will be at the interview with nice hair, clean well groomed attire, and no makeup. My boss let out an audible gasp.

My reaction exactly. Oh well. If I get this gig then I'll know they really want my skills & personality (lol).

Job Update & UW Huskies

2008-09-08T14:32:00.000-07:00

THIS (clickable, and on the front of Yahoo news today) nearly killed my husband & his best friend this weekend. Left us speechless as we watched live. The kid who made the touchdown got the TD, tossed the ball in the air (not AT anyone, not a throw), and jumped in his teammates outstretched arms. What did the team get in return for this normal endzone behavior? A penalty of unsportlike conduct for celebration. Excuse me? This call is only applicable if a guy makes a TD, and runs the ball threw the other teams face, throws the ball at someone, etc. Frankly I don't know what to say either to such a ridiculous call. UW is appealing the decision, but I imagine just like in Little League and other sports, the call will be considered official, nothing will be changed. Still a loss for the Huskies, my alma mater.

The agency I now work for, called to tell me why I did not get the job they recommended me for last week. The client wants to hire ONLY people that work in that city. I just laughed at this news and said "obviously that's NOT me!"

Fortunately it's nothing personal, and now my resume is over to a different client who needs a part time accountant. Good news with this one? Only 30 minutes from my home. Part time is ideal too, but I'm also interested in full time. I guess I'd like to work both situations to see the pros & cons of both and how those play out for my schedule & family.

This weekend I took two seminar classes online for Quickbooks (for you accountants out there). I'm now going to take classes on Word, Office, and Excel. Onward............

Politics

2008-09-07T11:29:00.001-07:00

Ya know, I've never been interested in debating politics. Each party thinks they are right. Each party thinks the other party is wrong. My husband does enough political debating to last us both a lifetime. So, I've never passionately gotten into politics socially.

Even at church, the Republicans say "if you are a Christian, you are a republican". Again, even at church, the Democrats say "if Jesus were on earth, he'd be a democrat".

So, I stay out of these arguments. I will say however, when I was in middle school, and learning the official business of both parties, I saw incredibly good points about both parties. However, one issue I could not get around. This one issue steered me to which party I would be and away from a party I knew I never could vote for. Abortion. Please watch the clip below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIdbYjmbFzo

I'm not out to bash democrats. Frankly, if it weren't for the abortion issue, I could have chosen to vote as a democrat. I have faithfully supported my friends who have chosen abortion. I love them, not what they did. I think it's really narrow to not be there when your friends need you most, just because I don't agree with what they did.

Obama supports infanticide. I just can't go there.

Vertically Challenged

2008-09-06T07:32:00.001-07:00

There are many ways to say short, petite, but I like vertically challenged. Here is a helpful link:

Here clickable

A Job

2008-09-05T14:23:00.001-07:00

Update at bottom:

I'm officially hired as an accountant for Robert Haff. They subcontract out to clients, so I'll be the roving accountant. I'm waiting for them to call about two options they have for me:
1. Start as an accountant Monday on a six month gig while someone is on sabbatical, or
2. Take some online college courses before starting a different job.
Additionally, the above mentioned client was looking for someone who speaks Spanish. Not a requirement, but preferred. I speak a little French, so I don't think that qualifies (oh well).

Waiting for the phone to ring.......................

5:11pm update-
Didn't hear a thing. Weird since they are supposed to call either way. So, I figure the job didn't work out & I'm supposed to start classes. I called before 5pm, to verify, and the receptionist put me thru to my manager's voice mail. I told her VM I figure I'm not working Monday since I've heard nothing, and I'm starting the classes.

Maybe speaking Spanish turned out to be a requirement, not a preference?

I'm actually looking forward to doing these classes. I'm weird, always enjoyed school.

We are the Griswolds~~Only We Could End Up in a Police Chase

2008-09-03T14:37:00.001-07:00

We just returned from a 6 day camping trip at a great hot spot in our state. Central WA, here. I'll write about what I learned, what we enjoyed, and our Griswold moments.

What I learned on a 6 day camping trip:
1. I must buy an iPod before our next road trip.
2. Local hot spots are way too crowded on a holiday weekend, and/or any approximation.
3. A child who is autistic needs more social protection than we realized (ie..accepts treats from strangers, ends up getting pushed off 2-story play equipment, rides bicycle into a BMW, etc.).
4. Bring minimal treats for the kids.
5. Bring more treats for mom. And alcohol.
6. Bring more cash, because you never know when you may find great local fruit stands. And ice cream stands.
7. Even though there are limits on campsites, we may still end up next to a commune of 7 families on 2 campsites.
8. We are getting old. We do not enjoy teenagers screaming and blaring their music at 2am.
9. A campsite ranger will kick out teenagers the next day who do the above, even at the opposition, whining, and arguing of said teenagers parents.
10. Mood medication kicks in after a few days for a bipolar child.

What I enjoyed on our 6 day camping trip:
1. The mood medication kicking in for our 13yr old son who is ADHD & bipolar. I now have an appt with the doctor for Friday for our youngest son to partake as well. This will hopefully help his bipolar moods, and anxiety/depression with Aspergers.
2. Loved the water slides. We went sliding for two days.
3. Sunshine every day.
4. Campfires every night.
5. A nearly pain-free experience with my back/hip on this trip.
6. Catching up on Oprah magazines.
7. A lot of laughs
8. The park ranger kicking out the obnoxious teenagers.
9. Knowing this is our last camping trip where I have to wear contacts.
10. The lovely man at the Circle K who told us exactly how to find Costco. Best directions we ever had.

We are the Griswold's. Remember family man Clark Griswold? Well, seems like we end up with "Vacation" moments too:
1. Passing thru the same town three times looking for Costco.
2. Trying so hard to have a wonderful family vacation, yet mishap after mishap happen (ie..went to water park. went down a water slide with hubby. I flew off the double inner tube, and DH hit the wall. He took out a chunk of the back of his head, leaving an open bleeding wound. It's now a pussy open wound.).
3. Kids complaining incessantly that I didn't do anything for this trip, then they ruined the one treat I brought for myself for the weekend. So, what did I do in said situation? I thru out all their treats. Told them they are welcome to get them out of the dumpster. Surprisingly, I did not have any takers on this.
4. Went to a local park to play tennis & golf. I warned the family ahead of time that we need to kennel the dog at the campsite. Oh no, they wouldn't listen to me, and they brought the dog. So we arrive at the park, pay for parking, get on a tennis court, and then park ranger comes over to inform us no dogs beyond the park entrance. That's right. We couldn't even have the dog on a leash. I've never heard of a park not allowing dogs, but whatever. First though, park ranger had to yell at me about parking without paying (guess he was blind & couldn't see my tag on our window). Then he proceeded to lay into me about the dog. I said we'd leave. He continued to bark at me about the dog. I said "WE'RE LEAVING". He continued to bitch about the dog. I said "TAKE IT UP WITH MY HUSBAND. HE'S THE BIG GUY OVER THERE PLAYING TENNIS." The @sshole ran and hid behind the men's room (how appropriate). After we packed up the whole family, I walked over to tell the guy that we were packed up & outta here. He was squatting, literally hiding behind the mens room. Pathetic.
5. Probably the coup de graw~~We were leaving the water park one evening, driving down the highway. We notice an oncoming police car with flashing lights. He does a u-turn, and drives off in front of us. We thought that odd, but maybe dispatch changed their orders. Then even more odd, a Winnebago from about 1970 pulls up right on our ass. I noticed this in the rear view. Less than a car distance between us. The driver looked scarier than the Unibomber. He was screaming, kids were running around, then he made some phone calls.....yelling profanities into his phone. He was that close, I could make out his swear words. I kept voicing all this to my hubby, and we noticed right away the similarities to this & the buttholes in "Christmas Vacation", riding Clark's butt on the highway, as they are off to get a tree. Remember how Clark's wife says "Clark, I don't want to spend the holidays DEAD!".....as he's dealing with the truck driver. We felt just like that! This went on for miles. There was no where to turn off, until we'd gone about five miles. We of course turned off. I turned to watch the guy pass us, to notice immediately that he was being chased by the police. No wonder he was riding our ass! Apparently the first cop we saw, who turned in front of us, was out to head him off at the pass. Geez. Only we would end up in the middle of a police chase.
6. The only thing we missed on this trip was having cousin Eddie along (for you Vacation lovers out there).
7. Two of our boys got braces last week. One of them broke a bracket on his mouth. So we went home early, hoping to get him into the orthodontist before school. Got home, called the orthodontist. He's on vacation all week. How poetic.

Sex Anyone? (Warning, if you are lacking a sense of humor, don't read)

2008-08-27T07:30:00.000-07:00

The lovely and wonderful Anne-Marie cracks me up HERE.

So, this got me to thinking about another parenting topic: sex. That would be sex with the spouse.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong in that dept. However, how do you keep the sex life fresh, creative, spontaneous, when you a) have to be silent b) you are exhausted and c) your spouse is often annoying right before bedtime?

We have to regroup and figure something out. My aunt suggested we take several overnight retreats away from the children. Ya, right. Doable.........NOT! First, no one wants to watch my children. Second of all, we don't trade with other couples for babysitting or overnighters because my DH has had it up past his eyeballs with other people's kids. I mean other people's precious cherubs.

Just have to ask for your intake here. I walked away from the dining room table last night, to hear hysterical laughter when I reached the other room. My DH is yelling "honey. get in here." OK. this aughta be good. Here is the conversation:

DH: Boys, tell mom what you said.
13yr old: We can hear you guys having sex.
Me: (can't believe I said this)~~ How do you know?
13yr old: We hear the bed squeaking and making rocking noises.
9.5yr old: We hear mom saying "oh god. oh god. oh god."

I think the children are listening with their ear to the wall. I swear I'm whispering during intimacy.

I think I will be celibate for the next 14 years........................

ps..I think this lovely pictures of the giraffes was the only G-rated photo I found on the internet when I searched for "parental sex" and "intimacy photo"......

Differently Abled

2008-08-26T12:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was hard for me to listen to the school principal. She continued to discuss our youngest son's "disabilities". I really loathe that word. I hate labels. Why can't we just stick with words like diagnosis? Our oldest son had his first football practice yesterday, came home, and was pooped. We felt inspired to watch the movie "Rudy". We own it and watch it atleast twice a year. One of the most inspirational movies we've ever seen, this movie is based on the personal story of Daniel "Rudy" Rudiger (link HERE). And to boot, he shares his birthday with our little girl in Russia.

If you have not seen this movie, please run out and see it.

Anyway, while seeing this movie for the umpteenth time yesterday, I thought "hey, I'm going to print a list of successful people with ADHD, bipolar disorder, Aspergers, etc., for my sons to have." They need to know every day that they CAN! They may have disabilities, they may have to find different ways to complete tasks, and it may take them longer to get things accomplished, but success can and will be achieved.

Here are the lists I have found (all clickable):

Famous Bipolar people Here & Here & Here
Famous Aspergers people Here & Here & Here
Famous ADD/ADHD people Here & Here & Here

I imagine all these people had a mom who told them "You can do it!"

My boys have a mom like that as well. To me they are differently abled, not disabled. I feel constantly referring to kids as "disabled" gives the impression that they are unabled. There is a difference. My boys will know they are abled, differently or otherwise.

A Medical Day

2008-08-25T15:41:00.001-07:00

The DH and I went in this am for our LASIK eye surgery consult. All was well, and I'm scheduled for surgery 9/11. My husband will have surgery 2 weeks later. Can't tell you how much we are looking forward to this. Let's get it done already!

Yesterday our oldest son was in trouble. Again. This time in addition to the natural consequences, I told him he has to reimburse me at minimum wage for my time spent on this, and pay me gas money for having to pick him up. On our long drive home, I also let him in on a little adult perspective. I reminded him that his grandfather has some undiagnosed neurosis (a few probably). My father has never sought help. He doesn't get it that lacking social & life skills is a requirement in life. With that, he lost his marriage, children, and now his only grandchildren. There is only so much that people will put up with, and able bodied people have to have the life skills to survive in life, work, relationships, down the road. Later in the evening my son told me "I'm ready for medication." Oh, why? "The consequences are getting too hard." Whatever works. Hopefully he will see it as a gift later that he took it upon himself to get help at a young age, before seeing tougher and tougher consequences handed down.

Then late this am, I took my oldest son to the doc about some meds. We were given a prescription for a drug to calm his moods (bipolar), and will recheck at 30 days & 90 days. At those two appts we will then discuss adding (or not) some ADHD meds.

Please God, let this help....................

The wheels are in motion for our youngest son to get an IEP. The school principal called today and we had a long talk. The Aspergers teacher fell & broke her leg yesterday, so that class is up in the air temporarily. Sigh. Maybe they can get a sub? It would be sad to see those 15 kids moved around into other classes just for a few weeks. Anyway, I need to drop off the psychiatrist/psychologist/PCP reports that I have, which include his diagnosises of bipolar disorder & Aspergers. When we have a team meeting, we will discuss if he will remain in his mainstreamed class with help on the side (at school), or if he will be moved to the Aspergers class at another physical location. Onward...................................

My Girl Elena~~ I can't divulge more about our Russian adoption. All I can say is what I wrote. Thank you for caring ;o)

Meds

2008-08-24T19:11:00.001-07:00

After a large consequence being handed down for his irresponsible impulsive behavior, our oldest son is now consenting to meds. In our state, age 13 is the age of consent & medical privacy. He is 13.

Answers to Questions (Failed Russian adoption/ADHD)

2008-08-24T13:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I checked the Russia data base for our little girl. She is not currently on there. One of her brothers is though, and it states he has no siblings. The database can often be quite unreliable though, or just not updated (correctly or otherwise).

ADHD magazine is something a counselor recommended for my son. She gave me a postcard to send in for the magazine. I know nothing about it. Although, HERE (clickable) is a link to the magazine. Looks neat!

I can't say much about the Russian adoption because there are two lawsuits pending: civil (to get our money & attorney fees back) & federal (to imprison the owners & employees of the adoption agency). In a nutshell, we went to Russia a few years ago, finalized the adoption of a little girl, including court paperwork. We were never allowed to bring her home because it turns out our agency was never on the books with the Russian authorities. They were baby trafficking. Just sickening. We had no clue of course. Alot of red flags were raised during the process. However, we had no clue that our agency was operating illegally. I truly hope they rot in prison, or hell. We are in contact with the Russian authorities, and last we were notified, our little girl lives in an institution with another relative. The "relative" is required to live in an institution, but wanted parental rights of said child. So a judge gave parental rights, requiring they live in an institution together until the child is 16yrs old.

We miss our sweet baby. We will continue to see if she is ever available for adoption (she never was, which was part of the illegal activity which constitutes as baby trafficking, per the FBI). Currently there are no adoption agencies working in our little girl's region, so I don't know how we'd bring her home if she were to become adoptable. Independent adoption is rare, even more rare in her region. We do have a Russian attorney as well as American attorney, so we are covered legally & informationally.

I can still feel holding her in my arms, her tiny little body. I can still hear her laugh. I can still hear her yelling at her friends that we are her mama & papa. I can still feel the breeze on those freezing days, playing with her on a jungle gym in Siberia, Far East Russia. I can still feel that bitter breeze as the day came to a close & she begged for me to swing her longer. I can still hear her shoes running down a hall way to hug me, one last time.

I miss you sweet baby girl. Yesterday I made a birthday cake in your honor. I rode my bike in your honor, since you do not have that freedom, luxury, or opportunity. We will never forget you. I take comfort knowing we will see you again even if it has to be in Heaven. God is watching over you since we cannot. May you be safe & well. I love you.

All in a Day & Russia Baby

2008-08-23T09:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had the pleasure of being treated to lunch at the Seattle Symphony. A highschool/college friend of mine & I reconnected at the 20yr reunion. We'll have to stay in touch this time. We stayed in touch for about 5yrs, and then got busy. And busier. And got to only the Christmas card list, and then that disappeared. We're going shopping in downtown Seattle in a few weeks. I LOVE downtown shopping. So does he. This is not a date or affair. He's flaming gay. ;o)

I ordered ADHD magazine for my oldest son. After I noticed much effort to focus, with little success, I feel inclined to help him further. He couldn't deal with a voice prompted phone labyrinth the other day. But he had to be the one to deal with it, seeing as we were in the car using the cell. In our state it's now illegal for the driver to be using the cell, unless you use a BlueTooth. I don't have one. This resulted in screaming and crying from an 8th grader, arms waving around, etc. I think jumping out of the moving vehicle would have been more fun.

The Aspergers teacher called me back. But I was at the Seattle Symphony. I'll have to call her Monday.

We took the kids to the state fair last night. They are at the point where they only like rides. So in the past we've held that over their head to "inspire" acceptable/cooperative behavior until the end of the day. Then we did rides. Well, yesterday we only had a couple of hours to do the fair, so we opted to not do rides. A wrist band costs $22, so that's $66 for all the kids. We just spent $60+ on dinner at the fair, and we are going on a weeklong vacation next week to a pretty neat hot spot in our state (this means throwing down lots of money for that). We warned the kids in advance, for days, that we would not be doing rides (hoping it would sink in and they would have worked it out of their system). Boy was the joke on us! This resulted in much begging, whining, and the like, over riding the rides. Got to the point with our youngest that I told him we could go to the hot car, or I could pull down his pants and spank his naked rear end out in the middle of the fair grounds. His begging and whining and yelling improved at that point. He was still annoying. Hard to have consequences for "annoying".

Next time we will go alone, as adults, and enjoy the fair. Looking forward to it.

Today is our Russia Baby's birthday. We love her always and forever. We will miss her always and forever. I hope the owners & employees of our old adoption agency rot in hell. I know the FBI still has their prosecution in the works, and our civil case is still moving forward (at a crawl). The wheels of justice may be slow, but those wheels will eventually get us to our destination.

Where's Waldo?

2008-08-19T15:38:00.000-07:00

So, where's Esther been? all over the place..................

A couple weeks ago I went to my 20yr high school reunion. Absolutely a hoot! Nice to reconnect with folks and catch up. Fortunately I was having a good hair day. This was a gift since earlier in the day, the dog ate one of my sandals I was going to wear that night. ARGH! Fortuneatly I found another acceptable pair at the last minute. In my closet, of all places. Who knew? Maybe time to clean the closet?

My DSL line came back up the day we left town (again). After dealing with 17 employees, Verizon figured out the problem was on their end. Sigh....

The puppy saw the vet for the umpteenth time today. She is still not well on her own. Sigh. We are going "antibiotic-free" for now, to see where that leads us. If she goes down hill, the vet wants to do a surgical procedure and send some workup to a lab. That doesn't sound fun. Or cheap.

The two older boys are getting braces this week. Not fun or cheap either. We are paying upfront so we will at least get a 5% discount. I'll be grateful and not look a gift horse in the mouth.

I took the younger two boys out of town to visit a relative for four days. I managed the trailer at an RV park, all by myself. Thank you very much. We biked, BBQ'd, swam, and hit the local beaches and river. Very fun. After four days, we started out for a one hr trip to hit our second destination, where we would meet up with the rest of the family. Turned into an 8 hr trip due to a broken ferry boat. In the future I will NOT incorporate any ferry into our travel plans, if time management is a big factor. We then camped for four days as an entire family. And there is a first time for everything. I've never personally been in trouble or reprimanded on a trip, by any local employees. I went berry picking for a few hours, leaving the trusty husband & kids at the campsite. While I was gone, they were swinging in the trees. I don't know why. A park employee scolded them, said it's not allowed, or they'd have to leave. nice.

Here's another nice camping story for you. Back at family bible camp in July, after five days, I used the toilet for #1, flushed, and it over flowed. Full tank. I told my DH to come help me (we have several children, their friend, etc., with us. Seriously, he looked at me, said "whenever", and walked away. I thought about killing him. But couldn't dwell on that long, seeing as I had pee to clean. I scooped out cup full after cup full of urine and kept tossing in the dirt. Gross. And I was pissed at my DH for more than 24 hrs. Well, on this trip this last week, I awoke one morning to a strange clanking sound in the bathroom of the trailer. I asked DH what the noise was. He said "I went #2, flushed, and it over flowed. Flooded. I'm using a cup to scoop up all the poop and toss it." I have not laughed so hard to myself in I don't know how long. What goes around comes around. Payback is a bitch. I laughed so hard to myself, I just may have peed my pants a little.

Final camping thoughts. I must rethink our multi week road trip next year. The day I took the trailer down, drove for 8hrs (ferry was out for the day; I had to drive the long way around), plus put the tent trailer back up again...............

This left me beyond exhausted. I'm still having hip & sciatic pain. We will do the trip, but I will only travel a long distance where there is a shared driver (DH). I will take the kids separately by myself, to a nice long trip in, oh, Oregon. One state away. And stay there for a week or two. Quite manageable.

I deleted the knitting blog. I really don't have time for a second blog at the moment. I'll post some random craft pics over here occasionally.

My garden is coming in really well. Really late, but it's coming in. I need to learn how to do a "hot water bath" in lieu of pressure canning. I will have alot of pumpkin to can this year.

Since April, I've been looking for a job with two local school districts. Other than the one interview I had, I have not been called about a thing. Nada. Zilch. I've stopped by the HR depts, called every few weeks, and nothing happens. Getting rather sick of that. So yesterday I called one of the districts to ask what was up. Do they only hire from within? Are they laying off? Am I over-qualified? Are they NOT hiring highly qualified people? etc. etc. The HR director got a good laugh, said they aren't hiring much. Mostly people from within are taking on second jobs, which doesn't leave any room for new hires. The economy sucks and all. The other school district is not hiring, and they actually just laid off several employees in positions I applied for. That's not going anywhere productive for me.

During my daily perusal of jobs on the school district site, I noticed a listing for as Aspergers Assistant in a program called "Connections". Um, my kid has Aspergers; why hasn't anyone told me about this program? So I called Special Needs supervisor in the district. She said kids on an IEP are put into the program, per a referral from the school psychologist. My son sees the school psychologist, and attends two groups weekly that they hold for kids with social/behavioral/developmental needs. I asked if an IEP is driven by the parents? staff? She said it's driven by parents. Why do I need to be the last to know this? So I put in a call to the Aspergers teacher, and our school psychologist to see if our son can attend either the part-time or full day program. I'm not sure how it all works. At least the district will provide transportation since it's not at our designated school. Will keep updating.......

Our oldest son has been to a religious bible camp. Rather a revival. He came home the day I left for a trip without him. While gone, he tried quite hard to convince my DH that we go to the wrong kind of church (community bible church) and that we need to go to the church that sponsors the camp (baptist). My DH gave him ample opportunity to discuss, and we will not be changing churches. However, we told him we are more than happy for him to attend jr high bible study & jr high youth group there. And to boot, one of the leaders lives five minutes from us and is providing transportation! woo hoo! DH looked up our church beliefs on line, along with the baptist church. They have the same beliefs and mission statements. So, he showed our son why we are not changing churches. I will say though that I'm enjoying the new religious child. The Lord is in his heart, and he truly seems like a different kid. He offers to help around the house, is not fighting with siblings, has been affectionate, and is reading his bible daily. AMEN!

Back to the job front, by the time yesterdays conversations took place, I was getting rather sick of our school district. And the thought of working for one. It's never been my ambition to work for a school district. The hours of work was the big huge plus for me. So I got to thinking and decided: I'm going back to college fall quarter, getting my accounting skills updated (Excel & some accounting software), and applying for accounting work after the first of the year.

Then I thought, aren't there any accounting temp jobs where I could still be a SAHM in the summer? Ah, yes. There are! BINGO! So I called one of these services today (Robert Haff Account Temps---an intl organization), and told them all this, and they said:
"sign with us. You can take the computer courses thru us for free. Then you can start working as a temp for us. Since you have a bachelors degree in accounting, you will see that since you've been out of work, Generally Accepted Accounting Principles (GAAP) has not changed greatly. You just have to update your computer skills. Pleasure talking with you."

It was as easy as that.

I'm unofficially hired, and bringing in my tax & employee info on 9/4. That day I will start three online courses with them. And we're off and running..................
I'm still a little shell shocked it was that easy.

No DSL line

2008-08-06T13:34:00.000-07:00

Still working with Verizon on getting our DSL line back up. They decided our modem is fine, the line is out.

We're having a good few weeks. Went camping for church bible camp for five days. Now my oldest is off with a friend at another church bible camp. Middle son went to baseball camp this week. Youngest son is recovering from a neck injury. He was riding his bike at bible camp, holding a tennis racket (off to the tennis courts). My husband called out his name, he turned to see, and fell off the bike........with the tennis racket handle powering straight into his neck! Bleck. Big weeping, scabby wound is there now. However, we are lucky it was not worse. No hospital visit involved.

I've had plenty of time to catch up on things around the house (lol) now that my computer is down.

My garden is mostly, finally, coming in.

My 20yr high school reunion is Friday. Sunday I leave to go camping for over a week.

Hopefully next time I post it will be from my home, not the library!

Modem

2008-08-03T12:37:00.001-07:00

Our online service is zero at the moment. My modem broke. Will post when back online.

Ocean, Restriction, and the Grocery Bill

2008-07-27T16:32:00.001-07:00

Just back in from a four day vacation to the ocean. I'd love to post photos from a sandcastle competition, but I can't. The dog ate my USB cable. I'll have to buy one tomorrow.

Wednesday we are leaving for another great trip, five days. My husband could not get the time of work, but he'll join us Friday. My oldest son is staying home with dad Wed-Fri am. He's on restriction. Sad, but it came to that. Two of his friends were invited months ago on this trip. So I called their moms, told them my son will be missing the first two days of the trip. Do their boys still want to go with me & two little brothers, or wait until Friday for my oldest son & DH to go? The boys want to go with me Wednesday. My oldest son is furious. Guess I can't be Satan's Spawn if two teenage boys still want to go camping with me & two little brothers.

I came across THIS great article on saving money at the grocery store. However, I don't think cheese is a cheap snack (one of their suggestions), and I just can't stomach making 2-3 dinners a week where the main course if beans. Sorry.

Oh My Dear Lord. Who is This Ignorant Fool?

2008-07-23T16:10:00.000-07:00

Read HERE. I will have to punch this Michael person in the face if we ever cross paths. Guess he's never had an autistic child..............

Left To Their Own Devices

2008-07-23T15:56:00.000-07:00

What does an 11yr old boy do alone in his room while on a day of restriction?

(when I'm in the kitchen) he snagged my Camcorder, tied it to string, used some tape for good measure, and was going to put it down his air vent to see what he could record. As I walked back from the kitchen past his room, I saw his younger brother walking by with the camcorder contraption. They spilled the beans.

They said: "ah mom, why can't we do that?"
Me: "because the camcorder cost almost $800."

they are highly disappointed I foiled their plans.
Aw, shucks.

Guest Blogger

2008-07-23T08:54:00.000-07:00

I have been asked to be a guest blogger on a new adoption services blog. Boy, am I looking forward to that!

I was emailed, asking to contribute something if I wanted to be considered. I wrote back, and included my blog link. They wrote back, asking to meet in person (here in my home state) so we can discuss my contributions.

After all we've been thru, if there is something I can do to help the process, inform others, and make a contribution to the adoption world, I would be honored. I'll keep you posted, and of course share the link to this new blog/adoption service when it's fully operating.

Elle's Blog, And Apparently I "Abuse" My Child

2008-07-22T21:33:00.001-07:00

My oldest son, bipolar & ADHD fueling him with anger, told me tonight "You are abusing me." All this because I withheld a treat from him. I told him if he really feels that way to call 911. He can go to a foster home; I'll get a vacation. Guess he didn't like that idea, seeing as he looked at the floor and slunked off.

I found Elle's blog while adopting our daughter from Russia. Please go read THIS post of hers. Be sure and read all the comments from both posts (she links to more). Funny lady, and she makes killer chocolate. You can read about my strange family over there.......

Summer Time, Smummer Time

2008-07-22T08:34:00.001-07:00

Ever have a love hate relationship with summer vacation?

Yesterday I truly hated it. The kids seemed high on crack, seemingly daring me to throw them in jail, and the two older ones were so mean beyond belief, I'm still reeling. It was such a stressful day, my body feels so sore. Like I've been in a car accident. Good thing today is my back therapy appt.

So, as for me, I did really well yesterday, until my husband came home. I hold it in all day. I deal with it all day. I am calm all day. It's as if this eggs the kids on or something. Isn't it supposed to help diffuse them? I'm calm and deal with shit, and they act like rabid dogs.

My husband gets home, and you'd think he'd be helpful. He told them to stop, shut up, had to physically stop our older son from being violent, our middle son put a baseball thru my master bath window (broke the screen). At that point my husband finally had it. He had those two run lines in the drive way. He thinks this is a great consequence because he feels they burn off excess energy and will be too tired to be shits.

I think it wears them out. They will still have enough energy to be shits. They always muster up the energy.

It did not help that my husband came home and didn't want the dinner I prepared. This happens probably four times a week. He has had food issues since we met. His sisters told me that he never wanted what his mom made for dinner, so she would then go to a fast food restaurant and pick him up something. ARGH! We married and he told me "I'm an adult. I'm not eating stuff I don't like." So I went on the endless pursuit of finding "what he likes." Cooking and baking became an obsession (way beyond hobby). The only good thing that has come of this is that I'm the most popular person at a potluck, funeral, baby shower, and bible study. People rave about my food. Too bad I don't live with these people. I have three shelves of cookbooks in my living room. Truly, I'm a good cook. Five star? no. That would be nice. All this to say, I seriously think my husband has a touch of Aspergers too. I've wondered and thought this for quite some time. I'm not a short order cook, I don't make multiple meals in one evening. At my home I offer two things "take it or leave it." It's totally insulting that he doesn't like my cooking, when the rest of the population I know, truly does.

I did some quilting yesterday (for sanity purposes). In the meantime, since we have all our photography off the bedroom wall due to painting, the dog tried to eat our 16x20 wedding portrait. Figures.

All this piled on me last night and became too much. I left and took a walk for a couple hours. As I was leaving my husband called out "are you taking the dog?" yea, bite me big guy.

As I'm going merrily along on this walk, my shoulders and back hurt more. And more. And more. My bra straps are digging into me like fire. A great reward for dragging my butt out and exercising. My overly huge boobs are a curse. Truly the back, shoulder, neck pain while exercising with huge boobs is worse than the fire & rash from my chubby thighs rubbing together.

I decided many things on this walk. I have to take care of myself, at all costs. Yesterday was entirely too stressful. So I made some decisions:

1. There will be no tv and/or electronics used M-F. The kids play video games and become star psycho fighters. They watch tv and fight over who gets to watch what.
2. There will be no sleepovers, overnight camp, or sleeping in our trailer Sun-Thurs. If they want to do these sleep depriving activities, it has to be when my husband will be around for damage control.
3. I'm telling my husband today that he needs to provide me with a weekly menu. I will shop for that, and that's what we will be eating.
4. Perhaps I need more Love and Logic books? Then again, maybe I need the kids to sit in their rooms all day being bored. Ya know, finding it a privilege again to come out and play?
5. After I lose those last few pounds, I'm getting that breast reduction. Not kidding. Will keep you posted.

I found a blog last week. I love it. Maybe we could be soul sisters? Please read her post HERE. Too funny.

Hopefully today will be better.

What I Learned This Weekend

2008-07-21T08:37:00.000-07:00

What I learned this weekend:

1. Sending a child to summer camp leaves them beyond sleep deprived.

2. Doing a makeover on the master bedroom/bath is exhausting. Especially if you paint your bathroom a color called Orchid, and looks dark orchid. You will have to paint your bathroom three times.

2a. Need to remove painting tape immediately after painting a room.

3. I will never paint behind and/or around a toilet in a small space, ever again.

4. Do not leave a sick puppy home alone with children. Sick puppies require adult supervision.

5. Going to Costco without my husband leaves him barking "how on earth did you spend $400+ on groceries?"

6. Going to Costco with my husband leaves us with a $500+ bill at checkout.

7. Looking for free blog templates was harder than it used to be. Many of those sites are no longer functioning and/or are their HTML codes.

8. Upon asking the trusty husband & oldest son what I should name the knitting blog, DH said it should be named "Let me sit down". Oldest son said it should be named "The worst blog ever."

9. After reworking a section of a knitted scarf three times and one is beyond tired, better to put the project away for another day when one can keep their eyes open.

10. Discovered my DH knows all the lines to the movie "Karate Kid 2." Have no clue why.

11. When you cook stew in the crockpot with cut up steak, brown the beef first. Unless you want to cook the stew all day in the crockpot, then take out all meat & brown it at that point.Probably easier to brown it before using the crockpot.

I think I learned enough this weekend.

My knitting blog is over at http://www.noviceknitwit.blogspot.com/. Nothing is there yet, but it's a start.

Humane

2008-07-18T08:08:00.000-07:00

updates below:
To make a long story short, our puppy became violently ill yesterday. The doctor says it's a rare condition that he's never seen (but has heard of); could be a genetic disorder, could be something she ate. They had to hydrate her, give her shots in her back, sent us home with meds & medicated dog food. If this doesn't recur, then we can deduce that she ate some garbage, something in the yard/woods (rodent), etc. If it returns, it's the genetic disorder. This is a physically highly painful illness, whether genetic or not.

The quandary? If it turns out to be the genetic illness, my husband wants to return her to the breeder. The breeder mentioned several times to bring her back if she is permanently ill. Personally, I would rather put her down than let her live a highly painful life.

Pet owners, got any suggestions?

1:22pm-just got back from the vet. They want her on a prescription diet indefinitely. Um, I just spent $39 on 4 days worth of food, while they are looking into this illness further. Hopefully I'll hear more back from them today.
I do not know how one goes about genetic testing for a dog. She has highly acidic crystals in her bladder, in lieu of urine. She feels like she has to pee every five minutes, cries, and it burns her when she does urinate a tad. So, either a poison wreaked this havoc on her system, or it's a genetic disorder. The vet wanted to figure this out by process of elimination (as of yesterday), and put her back on regular food after a day. Today he changed his mind. Sigh.
Yes, she could have eaten a frog. We live on acreage in the woods. Funny thing, she is a hunting dog by breed. Why would God makes hunting dogs that are able to get ill from wildlife?

I'm preparing myself to put her down (or have the breeder do it).

2:30pm-vet just called. They want her on the medicated diet thru at least 7/28. She will have a check up then, and they will check her bladder/urine at that point. She is supposed to have her next shot series & deworming this upcoming Monday, but they said she is too ill for those. We have to wait. I guess if the crystals are still there, we will talk about putting her down. If the crystals are gone, we can try to put her back on her puppy food she is used to (Dick Van Pattens Allergy Small Bites). If the crystals don't return, we will have deduced she ate a rodent/poison.

Another point, these doctor visits are hundreds of dollars each. To me, the life of a pet doesn't come down to the cost. However, she is only three months old. If she is too sick for vaccinations, and continues to be that ill, I think we have to put her down. Just my 2cents.

I'm sad at the thought & possibility of another loss. Let's hope she ate poison in the woods. Better than the alternative.......

A Day in the Life

2008-07-16T17:04:00.000-07:00

Life has been interesting, with many ups and downs. I enjoy being with my children, but our oldest sure makes it hard! I think the hardest part is I usually feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Living with any teenager is difficult at best I'm sure, but living with one who is bipolar is at a whole nother level.

VBS is still going well. My 13yr old stated that a kid in his class ate a whole container of Playdoh this morning. Yummy. The boys each gave $5 of their own money towards VBS missions. Then yesterday I found out our 13yr old has been stealing from me. Always keeps me on my toes.

In craft news, I am having so much fun with the knitting and my knitting group, I'm thinking about starting a craft blog. Could be a "knitting blog" with other crafts touched on too. I'm a total craft junky.

Today the puppy hunted and caught a baby rabbit. Ate it half to death. One of the boys came in screaming about it, I investigated, and almost vomited and nearly fainted. The dog was quite disappointed when I took her new "toy" and threw it in the bushes. EWWWWWWWWW! She is a hunting dog, so I will need to expect this. Hopefully she'll be catching mice, seeing as that's a problem our neighborhood has out here in the country. Living in the sticks has it's perks ;o)

The best news of the day is I relocated my best friend. Sounds odd, eh? Well, in 2006 she moved to Boston with her family. A couple months ago I rather fell off the face of the earth with all the turmoil going on at home. I called her last week saying we want to visit her next summer on our road trip. What did I find? Her phone number is disconnected. ARgh! I dug up her cell number, and fortuneately it's still hers! I left a couple voice mails. Today she called, stating they moved to Pennsylvania a month ago, and just got their moving truck Monday. Anyway, I panicked there for a few days, thinking "how dumb am I to not have called/written her for a few months?! This is the best friend I've ever had! I'm such a loser for neglecting her! Maybe she's mad at me? Maybe the got divorced? Maybe they're dead?..............."
My best friend, I'll call her "P", is alive and well, and recovering from her husband getting laid off, and dealing with two moves (they lived in a hotel for a few weeks). We are SO excited to be able to see them next summer!!

Let's see. What else is new. My husband has a genius idea. His annual raise/review is coming up. He is going to ask that instead of a raise, he be given:
1. a gas card for his vehicle (he is currently using about $100/week on gas)
2. more vacation time annually (currently has 2 weeks per year)
3. a 4-5 week stretch of time off work next summer to do the whole big huge ginormous cross country road trip with the whole family. He will propose taking a laptop & working a couple hours every day or two on the road. He is the CFO of a large corporation, and the president of the company does this 1-2 days a week.

In retirement news, we have made a decision. I have a wonderfully wise aunt, who is smart on about any topic you can think of. So I've been asking her advise about retirement, and investment property. We have not been able to decide where we want to retire (does anyone know what they want to do in 20-30 years?). She said, among many things, that we should just buy something now, anywhere, and sell it in 20-30 years if that's not where we want to be. Gee, why didn't we think of that?

So we are on the hunt for a lot, or cabin on a lot. We want to be on a lake or river, within 2-3 hrs of our home so we may use this as vacation/holiday property.

Does anyone else think about retirement?? Any tips you want to share?

Puppy, Joanna Mei, a Haircut, and a Funny VBS Story

2008-07-14T15:10:00.000-07:00

Thank you for the questions & comments about the puppy. She cracks us up. To answer questions, yes she is an English Springer Spaniel. I washed off the light layer of vaseline from the top bar (the only locale I put the vaseline) of the babygate before returning. Vaseline comes off plastic quite easily with soap & water. Couldn't tell vaseline had ever been rubbed there.

Please go congratulate my friends (in real life as well), Don & Be. Today they met Joanna Mei in China. She has been the daughter in their hearts for months, they've waited years, and today they are united forever. Congratulations my friends, congratulations!!

With the economy in the tubes, even Gene Juarez is trying to help the consumer. Check out these great coupons you may use all summer: LINK.
I went in yesterday for a haircut, showed them the web page I printed out, and they said to come back and use the same printout again all summer. I've always loved their customer service. My hair was getting long, long layers past my shoulders. It was making me look like a basset hound, unless I put it in an updo. I got a Hillary Swank cut & style, and love it. Highly recommend it. My nasty layers are gone now, all that damaged hair from the "highlighting gone wrong" escapade. I look like this: For the funny VBS story. I help at VBS pretty much every year the last ten years. This year our 13yr old is old enough to help, and he wanted to. So I dropped him off today, told him who to look for, and drove off. Our youngest attended VBS, so he was there as well. I picked them up three hours later to hear from our oldest (who helped with the kindergartners all morning):
1. "You would not believe how irresponsible and impulsive those kids are!" (I tried to not pee my pants. Maybe I did a little).....
2. "younger brothers class was the first and only class to do shaving cream art. They got the shaving cream out, and sprayed themselves & others instead of doing art. A kid (who we know) came up to me and sprayed me with it!" ...................ya think....................
3. "Mom, you should really help this year with VBS. It's really fun! There was this one class with two teachers & fifty kids. They could really use some help." uh-huh........................

I have helped for 10 years with VBS, Sunday school, and our local school district in the classrooms. This year I took the year off. Volunteering to be continued.........

Puppy

2008-07-11T08:55:00.001-07:00

Here is the puppy sleeping under her favorite tree, in her favorite bushes.

I promise this will not turn into a blog about the dog. But, I just had to share a couple pictures. I bought a baby gate so I can baricade her out of the den & master bedroom when I feel like it. Here's what she has to say about that:

The baby gates will be returned today to Target. I even put Vaseline on the top. She still jumps them.

I've gotten over my son not wanting to go on the USA road trip. My husband and I discussed it last night. Hubby is now coming on the whole road trip, which means all three boys will too (he he he he). A few of our stops will be shortened or canceled, but we will still see most of what I originally planned.

Hurt

2008-07-10T12:55:00.000-07:00

The last few days I've planned a multi-week roadtrip for me and the kids for next year. Going from the Pacific NW to TX. I was even thinking of including the East Coast since I'm not working. What a fabulous time that would be, take a month or so, visit friends and relatives, quality activities, seeing the great sites of our lovely country, catching up on some US history, and lastly, keeping the kids out of trouble.

My oldest son called my husband today at work (I was out of earshot). He told my husband, he doesn't want to hurt my feelings but he doesn't want to go on the trip.

I'm very hurt. I would kill for a mother who wants to spend time with her kids. My mom always tried to get away from us and get out of anything humanly possible.

I will probably go on the trip. Any of the boys who want to join me are welcome. I planned on using a pop-up tent & van, staying in national & state parks. This was after I realized my van gets twice as good gas mileage over our SUV hauling a trailer. Two friends in Tx are set for us to visit, and another in UT. And I'm waiting on hearing from others in CA & NC.

Ya know, my dad never tried to come over to the female side of things either. He mostly sat around drunk, or went off on some anger binge, when I was growing up. He left the home each day to work & cheat on my mom.

Further more, a 13yr old doesn't always know what's best for him. He would like to sit around, pick his nose, eat junk food, watch tv, whoop up on his brothers, and play the wii all summer. But you and I know that leads to him being ultra aggressive, frustrated, angry, and hostile. He'd probably love it if I go to work full time & not be around anyone. He wants to run his own life (which is normal for a teenager). However, he has alot of issues, which I'm trying to deal with in a positive way. I'm trying to find quality family activities to do, that are relatively cheap per day. I don't think you can get much cheaper than camping.

Sigh.

From, a frustrated mom...................

Bipolar Disorder & Camping

2008-07-09T07:30:00.000-07:00

Since this blog is primarily about my life with special needs kids, I've sat down several times attempting to write a way to accurately describe living with my children. My oldest has a form of bipolar disorder, ODD, and ADHD. Our youngest son has the same form of bipolar disorder (I think I failed to mention that earlier on the blog) and Aspergers Syndrome (a form of autism). Frankly there's so much to write that I become overwhelmed at beginning that post. It could take forever to portray what it's like to live in my home. So, suffice it to say, I've opted to link to this article I read. I've done much research on bipolar disorder the last few years. I feel this article most candidly, honestly, and compassionately depicts living with a bipolar child. Here is the link:

http://www.newsweek.com/id/137517?GT1=43002

I will follow up with a post on what has been successful for us in these adventures.

In positive news, our family of six (including puppy) went camping at Pearrigin Lake outside of Winthrop, WA. We took a five day trip. Loads of fun, lots of fishing & camping, I made a scarf and started a second, beautiful scenery, and lots of laughs. It's really good for my husband to be with the kids 24/7 in this manner. With him working 10-12 hrs a day, he often misses the true grating feeling of what goes on with the parenting special needs kids challenges. It's alot of mental gymnastics, in a nutshell. Be that as it may, we had a good time. I highly recommend Pearrigin. We will go there again next year. And speaking of the puppy, I had no idea that having a puppy on hand would lead to people engaging in conversation with us about every five minutes. Truly a conversation piece! Really, I had no idea.

A Diagnosis

2008-06-30T12:54:00.000-07:00

I saw the surgeon today. He and the radiologist agree I have bulging discs between L3, L4, & L5. They are not emergent, and I'm in my 30's, so we I don't have to do surgery at this time. Whew! I had expressed to him how I"ve put off back surgery, and am not thrilled at the thought. If things become emergent, I would obviously have to have surgery at that point. He is referring me for steroid injections. Although, I don't know that I'm thrilled about steroids. He said the relief would be immediate, unless there is still isolated hip pain, which he can address at that time. He could do an exploratory surgery to look in my hip & diagnose. I asked him about any sort of therapy to help bulging discs. He feels there is none. I told him about the Bowen therapy, and he said to go for it if I want, but again, he's never heard of any fix for bulging discs. The theory is that they heal themselves, or you get surgery. He says you could poll 100 people and none of them would say anything fixed them, outside of surgery.

I asked him what I need to do/avoid. He said to avoid lifting, and keeping my weight down. He said people with lower back problems have more pain with more weight, as there is more weight then compressing on the spine. Other than that, he said people with this degenerative disc problem can lead a very active life as I do. No reason not to. My two biggest concerns are: keeping this from getting worse & getting back to active exercise (currently I'm doing walking, pilates, yoga, and a little cycling). He said if the steroids work, I should be able to run. WooHoo! I don't want to do marathons or anything, but running a few miles a few times a week would be great. There are small races that I would like to participate in with friends.

So, how do you feel about steroid injections? I don't know that I want to go thru with it, but I'm letting the referral go thru while I think about it. Will my face get automatically puffy from the steroids? How long does that last? My face has always been round (I was not blessed with chiseled cheek bones). Don't know that I want an even more round face than I already have.

Someone Else's Life

2008-06-26T08:41:00.000-07:00

I feel like I'm living someone else's life. So much has come and gone the past few years. So much change. Life can turn on the change of a dime, and that happens alot around here.

We have a completely different life, so different from before we started the adoption journey. When we started our journey, I felt something was missing, another child or two, another journey, another milestone.

Strangely, enough, thru all the loss and pain of the last few years, loss of children, loss of parents (as they "check out" of life) I suddenly feel complete. I'm not sure why. I feel I've been thru a journey of the soul.

Yesterday, while watching our puppy nap in the bushes, as I sat knitting, I felt complete. I don't think I've felt that way ever. I've always been looking for approval, validation, something more. Without even knowing what "something more" looks like.

As a young adult, I spent so much time being responsible, prepared, driven, planning & saving for the future, accomplished, etc. Trying trying trying trying. I'm all of a sudden at a point where I'm OK just being. Just being me. Just letting it all be. Suddenly I feel complete.

I feel as if I've been thru a lashing this last few years, thinking "what did I do to deserve all this?", and I don't mean in a positive, thankful way. Knowing full well though, that God has His best plan for us, all along. Jeremiah 29:11. Sometimes I think we go thru turmoil, pain, loss, suffering, so that we will appreciate God's glory in heaven that much more. Not sure, but that's what I tell myself. At the same time, I do have a bounty to be thankful for, and I really enjoy my life. I love where I am at (finally), love my family, and love the life we have created and have been blessed with.

So much has happened over the last few years, that my life now looks almost nothing like it used to. I had a good life before, but now it's so different. And better. It's hard to put a finger on it, but I feel in my heart and soul that we have turned such a corner......................

**Our puppy looks like these ;o)

Lots of Random Updates

2008-06-24T15:19:00.000-07:00

Big surprise. I did not get the job (ROFL). The good news is, I now have experience with the school district HR dept, and the testing. So we'll see if I get called about a part time job (that's all that I applied for).

My garden is still being eaten by local critters. We are putting up a wire fence this weekend.

Tonight we are off to buy a puppy. An English Springer Spaniel. It's a surprise for the boys.

I am halfway done with a knitted afghan, started Saturday.

My oldest son is in wrestling camp this week. He said a kid hurt his head yesterday halfway thru practice, and had to leave. Today I told him to NOT Hurt His Head Please!!
Yesterday I asked him what he learned from camp. He said "I learned that I know nothing." Guess it's really militant. They work out for six hours, with a lunch break in the middle. I pack him a lunch the size of the wrestler on The Breakfast Club.

My younger two are still in swimming and loving it. I've been sitting with a lady, and she told me today her son has Aspergers. Hey, so do I! So, we are looking around for a support group. She is also looking for a therapist for her son, so I'm bringing her the info tomorrow on the psychiatrist our son has seen, wonderful guy.

I thought of a new consequence for when the kids are being annoying, stealing, lying, etc. I tell them, "since I don't trust you, you have to sit by me for X amount of time. And watch Lifetime Movie Network with me." They would rather be stabbed in the eye with a fork. We've only had one kid in LMN timeout with me this week.

I went to the orthopedic surgeon about my hip. He thinks the problem is a Lower Back bulging disc, or a torn ligament in the ball & joint of the hip. So I'm off to have an MRI Thursday, and surgery consult Monday. If they can't find the problem thru the MRI, he said the best he can do is refer me for steroid injections for pain management. I'm rolling my eyes. Not pretty. Today I went to my Bowen Therapy appt, and she said she hopes it's a bulging disc that they find. She said there is a specialize type of Bowen therapy that can shrink the disc. Can't hurt to try?

We went camping this weekend, and had a blast. So did the mosquitoes, as they ate us alive. Us and everyone else in the park.

How come we have record high weather the years I'm pregnant, and record lows the year I planted my first garden? If I don't see some produce soon, I'm buying more berries. The shrub berries are doing well, and too high for rabbits to get to. I could add boysenberries & currants.

Today or tomorrow I'm making the first round of this years jam. Flavor of the day? Grape. Yummy.

And for some more good news, my alcoholic friend has not sought out contact with me in over a month. Last time she called, she was trying to defend her husband. I cut her off with "This is the same shit, different verse, every year. Don't want to hear it." Did the trick! She has probably found someone else to complain to, who will enable her. Better them than me!

Final good news for the day, I have now ended the dieting slump, and lost 2.5 more pounds. So that's 17.5 for the year. I was at a plateau for months! yuck! I need to update my weightloss ticker....

Maybe I Will Go Into Jam Production, after Today's Interview Testing

2008-06-19T19:14:00.001-07:00

Good Grief. Today I went in for the 2 hr computer skills testing that the Principal's assistant position requires. Ah, a tad more than computer skills. Geez.

It was probably just under 1/2 secretarial skills, and a little over 1/2 accounting skills. Now, this job, mind you, said it only requires a high school diploma. Well, a person with only a high school diploma would have left 10 minutes into the test.

I've never done a mail merge. I at least tried to complete it following the steps. Something didn't go right. So I didn't turn it in.
I'm not good at looking for software that's not on the computer, software which I need to make a flier.

OK then. But I am good at research, spreadsheets, accounts payable, HR, budgeting, making executive decisions, corporate stuff. So, I passed those sections well.

I told my family you had to have an accounting degree to get the accounting/corporate stuff done on that test, that they served up.

As I turned my work in, I said, "I'm smart. After someone has shown me once how to do something once, I can perform it always and forever. I have never done a mail merge or created a flier. I'm an accountant, so, I do have lots of skills. Hopefully you give me a call to interview for other positions."

We'll see. I would be highly surprised if they call me back for this position.

The good news is, I now have experience with the school district testing scenario. You have to interview and test for every position (ugh.). Not to mention turn in enough paperwork on yourself to end up with national security clearance. Good thing I learned thru adoption how to get all that turned in, ASAP.

Next time (hopefully there is a next time) I go in for testing, I will leave anything I've never seen before, for the end of my time allotted.

And since when does the principal's assistant make mail merges & fliers? There are already multiple secretaries on staff...........
Oh well. What do I know.

Happy Summer

2008-06-18T20:17:00.001-07:00

Ah happy summer! Today is our first full day off of school. Summer vacation, here we come.

To start our vacation, we took the boys out to Red Robin yesterday. At which time our oldest son told us more horrors about the bus driver. Sigh. I immediately called the district, and insisted that something be done about this driver. Suffice it to say, her motto is "What happens on the bus, stays on the bus." ARGH! Well, our son said he didn't tell us, because he didn't want me getting involved. Well, I told him that it is normally true that I like our children to solve their own problems before getting adults involved. HOWEVER, and that's a big HOWEVER, when an adult asks children to keep secrets, and especially when that adult is an authority figure, it's probably the sign to TELL AN ADULT. Period. So, our son has learned a valuable lesson here, without suffering any damage (luckily). I hope the bus driver is fired, now that I know what's been going on all year. I can't believe kids stick together in a pack, for a BUS DRIVER!! Geez.

Moving on, We are in swimming lessons every morning, for the next six weeks. Our oldest is going to wrestling camp next week (day camp). We are camping this weekend, and really looking forward to it. Albeit, we popped up the trailer to trial run it last weekend, and it flooded. So, we will be going sans water. But hey, there will be electricity (microwave, heat, AC, lights). Then on the 23rd I will take it in for service. Additionally, we will be doing alot of bike riding this summer. We live on acreage, in a development that goes for miles of rolling hills. Everyone is on acreage. We rode for 90 minutes last night, thru only part of the development, only one loop. Tomorrow we can go a different loop. Our oldest son has informed me that we are training for a bike race that is next February. Uh, OK.

Today was my first job interview. I was surprised to realize how naive I was. I was actually shocked that they had a panel waiting to interview me, in a large conference room. Hmmm, is that how they do interviews now? I've never been interviewed by a table full of people. Guess it's a good idea when hiring the Principal's assistant. Guess I'd be working with alot of people, variables, and need to use alot of skills. Anyway, I think the interview went well. I ran many of the questions and answers by my husband. He liked my responses. Here's some of the questions:
1. It's 10:30am, and a blizzard is starting (happens every year). What do you do, and how do you notify the parents and arrange for transportation?
2. No one is around you. A crazy ranting teenage girl goes psycho on you, demanding her cell phone back (which you don't have, by the way)?
3. Someone tells you confidential info, that they should not share with you. What do you do?

I thought this was well thought out, and good interviewing material. There were dozens of questions, but I think you get the point. They interviewed "several" people yesterday, today, and will tomorrow as well. They said they'd let me know within two weeks.

And for the most fun part of my summer (I think), I've joined a Knitting Circle that meets once a week. WAY more fun than I ever imagined. I made a scarf, and now I'm onto hats, afghans, and fancier scarves. I had NO idea how many possibilities there are with yarn. Who knew?

Finally, I'll sign off with the fact that it was reported on the news that Strawberries are not growing here yet, due to the record cold spring (still snowing on April 21). So, OK, I'm not feeling so bad that my plants have only produced 2 berries. Onward................

Another Transportation Update, and an Interview, & the Girls

2008-06-16T15:36:00.001-07:00

Update on the Careless School Bus Driver (post HERE -clickable):

The transportation department said that unfortunately, my son's story is true. The bus driver admitted to it.

She has had a perfect record with the district, until now. Because she has an immaculate record, they are instigating disciplinary action against her with the school district, in lieu of firing her. That works for me. I would hate to see someone out of work.

On the job front, I called the school district Thursday to see when they hire. Soon? End of Summer? They said they didn't have all my paperwork, and were waiting for that before they call me for interviews. Well, since I turned in all my paperwork in person to the school district, I know it's not lost in the mail. Sigh. So, I redid the missing paperwork and submitted Friday. Today I got called for an interview. It's for a Full-Time assistant/bookkeeper for a highschool principal. This would be great. This highschool is the one in the district closest to me. The only thing I have to figure out is summer child care. I'm calling the Boys & Girls Club to see what their summer program is. It's less than 10 minutes from the highschool. Also I told them that fulltime work would be difficult in the summer, due to finding childcare for an autistic child (our 9yr old). They said they can work with that, and discuss parttime summer employment. COOL!
Interview Wednesday. Skills testing Thursday. To be continued......

I spoke with the governors office today about the girls medical records coming to me. She said it's still not resolved, the girls live no where near us, and there is a new supervisor on their case. I asked if the old supervisor left? Nope. She was removed from the girls case management. PROGRESS!! Even though the girls do not live with us, we want the best for them. Hopefully new staff on the case will improve the outlook for the girls future. Additionally the girls new home is a foster home, not an adoptive placement. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. How fascinating. They would put the 3yr old in another foster home, yet not with us, all in the name of "keeping siblings together"? I have to trust God that He is watching over them and their care, and watching over the 3yr old while she is present with the 5yr old (the predator). Back to the medical info coming to me, the state asked me to call the medical provider & straighten this out. I told them "no", this is not my problem, I just want to make sure the girls are getting their medical care. Additionally I said, in the future I will put "return to sender" on all mail for the girls, and the sending parties can get a clue. Works for me & the governor's office!! Perhaps the girls will not get medical care, but I've done all I can, and have to let the rest go.

Gardening

2008-06-16T08:53:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I spent over $80 on the following:

Deer pellets
Rabbit spray
Slug & Snail Bait
Mole peanuts
Mouse pellets

Gardening is expensive.

I replanted Zucchini, Miniature Pumpkins, Watermelon, and Cantaloupe. The melons did not produce with our record low temps. The animals ate my pumpkins and zucchini.
These deer pellets will be the last dollars I spend on keeping the deer away. If it fails, I will pull out the rose bushes. Next year I will put in an upstairs deck rose garden. Then the deer can go find other vittles.

Hair post

2008-06-14T11:59:00.000-07:00

I've been using Loreal Color Spa for the last few months. I have med-dark brown hair, and got really bad highlights in April. Yuck. It was supposed to be blond highlights, and caramel low lights. Um, can you say "red"? Just doesn't look good with my coloring, rather coppery. I'm getting ready for permanent hair color. I'm getting a few gray hairs around my face & where I part my hair. What would you recommend, for drug store hair color (kitchen hair), that won't over dry or over process?

Transportation Update

2008-06-13T14:03:00.000-07:00

An additional update at the bottom of this post~~

Update on the school bus story posted HERE (clickable):

The head of the school district Transportation Department called me today to verify the story. I repeated the whole thing for him. He stated that a bus driver will be fired for this behavior, so had to check out the story with me before confronting the bus driver. I said I didn't want anyone fired over this, but it is reason for concern. He said, "you wouldn't be the one who got them fired. they did it to them self."

Yikes. He will be calling me back to let me know the outcome.

Just in case my boy is lying, I asked him if anyone can verify this story. He said "the whole bus. They saw me do it." I'm tending to think he's telling the truth.

In other news, we are trying to decide where to retire, and would like to purchase retirement property in the next year. Interest rates are awesome after all. The top three locations:
Eastern WA/Idaho
Arizona
Florida
The Bible Belt (southeast)--Can I hear an AMEN!

Currently my number one vote is for Florida, specifically, the greater Orlando area. Anyone have any good retirement location ideas? Anywhere good in TX to retire? We really love TX, but know little about retirement locations there.

An Award

2008-06-12T20:59:00.000-07:00

I went to my son's award ceremony at school tonight. Three kids win an award for each class. He won the 9th grade algebra award. He is a 7th grader, taking this class. We are thrilled he is excelling.

I called the school about the bus bit from yesterday. They are getting back to me. I will say, when I told them what my son said (in post below), they said that's unheard of. So, did the bus driver act illegally? or did my son lie? sigh. To be continued.......

Creative or Careless~~You Decide

2008-06-12T07:01:00.000-07:00

The strike is over. The boys cleaned the house for hours on Friday, and weeded all day Saturday & Sunday. If we paid people to do that, we'd have to pay a couple hundred dollars. Nuff Said.

A few weeks ago, I found our oldest son rummaging thru my van. When asked what he was doing he said, "nothing."

Ya, sure. I told him to get out of my van.

Two days ago I went out to the van to get a piece of gum. I always carry breath freshening items, Tylenol, and a few various and sundry products in the car. The gum was gone. There were two full packs last I checked. The oldest boy admitted to lying to me a few weeks ago & stealing the gum.

So the boy owed me for the gum. But the frustrating thing is, it's not enough to me to just get reimbursed. Isn't this stealing, when I've said my van (& what's in it) are off-limits? I feel it's stealing. And the boys have always known this. We've been thru this dog & pony show too many times before. And I'm tired of being on the poop patrol.

If you steal candy from Safeway, you have to reimburse the candy, plus pay a $100 fine. Second offense? Repay the candy, pay the $100 fine, and go to kiddie work camp in the eastern part of the state for a year. Really? yes. happened to our neighbor kid at age 14.

Our kids know this. They know this story.

So I told the boy he had to buy me new gum (his problem as to how he got his hands on some), pay me a fine (he could volunteer an amount).

Yesterday he comes home from school and plops two packs of the gum on my desk. When asked where he got it, he said "the store." How would that be? "Well, our school bus drives by a store a couple times on the route. I told the bus driver I made some poor choices, stole your gum, and asked to be dropped off at the store. She picked me up on the way back." He looked pleased as punch.

I was rather shocked that the middle school bus driver would just drop him off, willy nilly. This is a school district where you have to have written permission to alter your bus route, bus you are taking, or to even be the parent picking up your child at an undesignated time. Seriously, one time I went to school to pick up the boys for a surprise visit to the orthodontist, and the school would not release them because the boys were taking the state standardized testing at that moment. Uh, last time I checked, I'm the boys legal guardian, mother, and I'm the one in charge. But that's another story.

Back to the gum-lifter. I told him I give him an A for creativity and solving the problem. I'm more than a tad shocked that the school bus driver would drop him off, go drive around, and pick him up a while later at a store. Careless? Legal?

Update on the Girls

2008-06-10T21:21:00.000-07:00

The girls medical info continues to come to us in the mail. This feels like such a slap in the face every time a piece of mail comes for them. It drives a knife in the big gaping wound in my heart.

I called the state head of DSHS in the governor's office yesterday, to tell her. Really, the girls records are none of our business. But more importantly, they aren't getting medical/dental/counseling care or attention, not even well-child checks (according to their medical records I get in the mail). That really disturbs me. So I told her all this, and asked if the girls are in an adoptive home? Back with the old foster family? Being well taken care of? Can I know that the girls are quite a ways from us geographically, for our safety & well being??

She is going to get back to me on all this. She asked if I notified the SW. Yes, of course I did. Multiple times, and he always said he'd taken care of it. Ah but of course. Another lying snaky SW. I hate that. I realize they are over worked & under paid, but to sit there and lie to me for months is just retarded.

Above all, I know the girls aren't getting medical attention (or dental/counseling/specialized care) because you have to present the medical info at every appointment. If their medical info comes to me, it's not with the new family. Therefore, new family isn't getting them attention. So, fortunately, the state agreed that is disturbing news, and they are required to pay attention to that. They seem pleasant when I call, and very kind.

Since I had their attention, I told her we still want to adopt the younger sister. We are so very sad she is placed with her older sister who molests and abuses her. She told me what she can say is that the girls are in a home with a formal "Safety Plan" in place. That would go along with what they told me months ago, that they were looking for, for this sibling group. A home where there were always two adults present, when the 5yr old is home. One on one attention for both children, and no other children living in the home. So, that is good. I told her to please put down for the record that we want to be notified if the girls are ever separated, so that we may adopt the younger one.

Every time I get their mail, or see yet another toy/belonging left behind by them, it just breaks my heart.

I can't gather the intelligence to understand why the state placed a predator with us & our children, especially when we told them upfront that we could not take a predator. In our home, ALL children have the right to be safe.

I know God has a purpose for all this. I realize that I may never know in my lifetime why these things happen. It's a tough cross to bear though.

This last week I've been plagued with "what-ifs", regarding the girls. What if we DID go to that required weekly marital & individual counseling (I went to individual counseling....didn't help the child)? What if I had pulled her out of preschool (since it was more of a pain in the ass, and she missed her nap)? What if I had her in full time daycare a few days a week? What if we had found some respite? What if I consulted members of our church and asked for help (I didn't do it at the time because I felt Sissy was owed some privacy)? What if we had secretly taken her to an attachment therapist, and hoped she didn't tell the SW's (since the SW's cancelled her counseling & required she not attend)? What if we had waited for the FCAP findings & referrals to services (that the SW would not authorize payment)? What if what if what if..............................

When Sissy requires that much attention, and is not legally allowed to live with other children (other than her sister), well, why on earth did the state put them with us? We had five children when the girls were here, no where close to the ratio of adult-child interaction the state now admits she requires.

Why do we have to bear the burden of this grief, to get her to a home that can provide for her needs? Since she needs this much supervision, how on earth were we to ever be a suitable match? How on earth could the boys have stayed safe, at least for much longer? And me as well. How many months, years, would she continue trying to fondle me? How many months or years would it take for her to learn to not give in to her impulsive dangerous behavior?

sigh. I just feel terrible. I'm not used to not having a solution. I grew up thinking you work hard, seek out lots of options and alternatives, and you can find a way. With God, all things are possible. I was waiting for a miracle.

It tears me up that my middle son is so sad, missing Lovey. We all miss her. But those two, well, they had such a most special bond. They were together nearly every minute our son was out of school, from dawn to dusk. We miss her terribly. Her older sister? I grieve, not knowing how to have helped her. I miss her, knowing full well that it's not her fault that she is so messed up. And I grieve the loss of a dream: the dream to raise those girls as my daughters.

Tonight my husband told me to not beat myself up. Easier said than done. I told him I can't help but have feelings.

When we turned to professionals for help for her, we were treated horribly.

I still continue to run into people in public or church who don't know we disrupted the adoption. And it's like picking at a scab or open wound every time, to have to inform people of what happened. Bless their hearts, everyone, and I mean everyone, we know is 100% supportive of our disruption, considering the situation and all. Everyone we know knows we gave it our all. I guess that's what stings, knowing our best wasn't good enough. Today's Dr. Phil was on dangerous children, and he told the parents there comes a time where it's not about parents controlling the situation. There comes a time and a place where it is unsafe to have those kids habitating in the same home, and the parents have to realize the situation is beyond the capabilities of parents. These children have to be removed from the home for the safety of others, and to live with medical staff. At least for a time being, so that medical evaluations can be done. I fought for those medical evaluations, and we were denied. Who on earth denies a child medical care? What has our social services adoption units turned into? They really appaul me.

So, I continue to learn how to move on. I don't feel so sad every day. Now, the girls cross my mind daily, but I'm only sad occasionally. So that's a good thing.

Stay tuned for a more positive upbeat post next time. Truly, I do have mostly good days. Many are great.

Love and Logic in Oprah Magazine

2008-06-10T18:43:00.001-07:00

Today the mail box had the July 2008 Oprah magazine. I just HAD to find out what this cover link article was about. The caption? "Mom drives 2hrs to do son's laundry! The new superparents-are they crazy like a fox or just plain crazy?"
Page 210~~article on Helicopters. Yes that's right, Jim Fay & Foster Cline's "Helicopter" parents are on display.
The article is a good read. Enjoy!!

For those of you who have not heard of Love & Logic, HERE (clickable) is a link.

Strike & Moved to Tears

2008-06-06T12:23:00.000-07:00

Day 7. We are now on day 7.
The boys have been working hard. Yes, some grumbling along the way. To which I either ignore, or respond with an empathetic "I know it's hard." My husband has been making them dinner. Last night they had chicken strips for the 4th night in a row. Boys not thrilled, but glad to see the light at the end of the tunnel with all their hard work on a chart. Gee, I never thought the boys would tire of Tyson chicken products. Guess there's a first for everything.

I was moved to tears yesterday in this process. Our oldest son called from a school trip yesterday, saying the buses were hours behind schedule. He was calling from a cell, in a crowded space with hundreds of middle schoolers. I thanked him for letting me know. He then said (& remember he's in a crowded place with peers) :

"I love you Mom". I love him too.

He's grown into a place the last few years where public hugging, displays of affection, and God forbid saying "I love you", are really just embarrassing. I think it was huge and so sweet for him to say "I love you" in front of all those kids.

Next item on the list: In the mail yesterday, there was a letter from the school. Me? Cringing at the thought of what's in the envelope. This is the kid who was kicked out of the 6th grade multiple times, he's taken a vacuum cleaner pipe and threatened to kill me, destroyed my personal property, begged his father & I to get a divorce so that he can have two birthday parties & two sets of electronics, etc. Gee, what does the school want now? Quite hesitant, and with a sigh, I opened the envelope. It says "Our staff is pleased to announce that your child will receive an award for outstanding achievement in academics or public service", with details following. I about fell out of my chair. Now, seriously, I don't think the worst in my kid. However, this last couple years, living with his bipolar disorder, ADHD, and ODD, has really had me looking forward to the day he will go live on his own. Sometimes he is so sweet and fun and I relish the time we have together.....knowing it will only be for another few years; other times he seems possessed. I'm digressing.

I wanted to cry. The kid has hope. I've always told him that if you work hard, good things happen. If you build a good reputation for yourself, people assume the best of you and in you. His dad and I were pretty squeaky clean kids (yes I know, gag me). We give him examples of how that helps in life, staying out of trouble, that is. With that though, we tell him none of us is perfect, we've made mistakes too, shared with him the results, and said how "not fun" those situations were.

There is hope. I really think L&L has saved us. I heard about it in 2001, and have been using it since. Our oldest son was 6yr old at the time, and I wondered if it was too late. He fought L&L, kicking and screaming. He's fought it all this time, with pure venom. I never expect kids to like parenting, but he really takes things to the extreme level. He got home last night & we asked him what this award is for. He has no idea. Honor roll? Nope. He's in the 7th grade, and you have to have top grades for all of 7th grade, plus 1 quarter of 8th grade to get into National Honor Society. So, this is a genuine unique award, just for him. This has really made my decade. The important thing is not that he makes me proud, but that he is proud of himself. We've always told the kids that it's important to do well in school & life, for their own future. Their father and I will not be supporting them financially after a point (college age), so it's in their best interest to do well in school and life. It will not punish us if they do poorly. It will just be sad. We've always had them claim their accolades & consequences in their own name. It's not about pleasing us, it's about them being proud of themselves. Just thought I'd share some good news. There is hope, even for the severely challenged child. I'll let you know next week (the 12th) what the award is for.

There is hope.

Strike Day 6

2008-06-05T07:59:00.000-07:00

Day 3-
One son missed the bus today. Did I take him to school?
noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooope.
He had to get a ride to school with my husband. Husband not thrilled, but is doing everything possible to get the message across that I'm on strike. God bless him. He deserves Man of the Year for supporting this.And no one wrote a note for the boy who was late to school. He can deal with his unexcused tardy on his own. He's a big boy. I wanted to get a bunch of yard work out of the kids & outdoor jobs, but we live in the pacific NW where it rains 300 days a year. Including today. So I'm printing out the detailed FLYlady cleaning list. Every room of the home will be sparkling while we are waiting for a sunny day to earn money outdoors. ;o)I'll keep you posted this week on the progress.

Day 4-
Formal Living room, Dining room, Entry, and Hallways are all sparkling at my home.

Day 6-
Last night we had the boys weeding. It was the first semi-dry day here in a week. The boys all balked at this in one way or another. Frankly, I'm tiring of it too, but we have to let this run it's course. A little discomfort now will teach lessons that will help for years to come. So, the boys were bickering over who was doing more weeding. My husband then sent them to separate areas of the yard. Much yelling names at each other ensued, all claiming the other brothers weren't working hard enough, or name calling went on. I then charged them 25cents per rude/hurtful statement. One boy got charged 50 cents, one boy four dollars. One boy learned from his brothers that it will hurt the pocketbook to do that, and he kept his mouth shut.

The middle son said "I'm not doing this anymore. This is stupid!" I said, "no problem. I'll be on strike for you that much longer, until your debt is paid off." He said something, muttering under his breath, and got back to work.

The oldest boy came in after a while and asked "mom, will you take me to youth group?"
me- "no, I'm on strike"
boy- ";laksjfl;kjf;lahgflakdjf;lkajdfl;adjsf"
boy- "dad, will you take me to youth group? It's the end of the year carnival."
husband "no, I'm sick"
boy- stomped off muttering how this isn't fair and he's missing the best stuff of the year.

Well, yes. That's the idea. To be continued.

On Stike, Day 2

2008-06-02T15:41:00.001-07:00

The strike is going well. The kids are quickly becoming dismayed with this arrangement. Ah good, the desired affect.

I'm not sure if I will charge them for pizza. Tonight I'm making my husband and myself Clam Chowder for dinner. The kids? On their own. One son already grabbed leftover chicken from Friday. The pickings will get slim pretty shortly. I think we are down to the last gallon of milk, and last loaf of bread.

Don- I wasn't cut off in traffic. I was run off the road by a moving truck. They forced me off the highway into a residential front lawn. Tsk tsk on them!! ;o)

Thank God my husband is supporting me in the strike.

On Strike

2008-06-01T20:48:00.000-07:00

I'm on strike. I will not be performing most of my mothering duties until the boys attempt to pay off the $100 for my quilt they cut with scissors, and the upholstered chair someone slashed.

The children will not be neglected or harmed in any way thru this. Just making a point that they can make their lunch, wash their clothes, russle up dinner (hot dogs, sandwich......), etc. I will not be signing school forms, transporting to sports, whatnot. I will not be signing up anyone for sports, activities, summer camp, and the like, until a large attempt is made to repay the debt. I told the boys to feel free to work off the debt, and I will then have my energy restored from property damage & lying. A little Love & Logic there......

Yesterday we suggested weeding all day, all three of them. That would be worth $50 (we live on three acres). Didn't get any takers. Their dad told them tonight to weed the yard until it was weed-free. The boys just wandered aimlessly around the swimming pool. I went to bible study (which is where I got the pizza idea below).

Tonight I bought them pizza for dinner, seeing as I don't cook anymore. We'll see how they like pizza for about seven nights in a row (that was a suggestion from a friend; I think it's hilarious!)

This should be interesting.

Cutting

2008-05-31T19:32:00.001-07:00

Someone slashed my upholstered chair in two places. I"m pretty pissed off.......................
to be continued.

Tailbone, a Garden, and Haiti

2008-05-30T12:47:00.000-07:00

A little over a month ago, I started Bowen Therapy (clickable). Initially I went in because my face has been twitching on the left side, my neck hurts (from an old car accident) and the pain in my Congenital Hip (clickable) has radiated down thru my butt, and up into my shoulder. So I felt some medical help was in order. I've done PT for years for the hip, and not had it get worse like this before. So I thought I'd try something new.

And, ta da. I love it. In addition to the above issues, the therapist discovered I broke my tailbone at some point, seeing as it's drug way off to the left. That is actually giving me the pain below my hip (sorts of a sciatic feeling).

How could I not know when I broke my tailbone? I wondered for weeks how this happened. I had severe complications with my third childbirth, so the therapist assumed it happened then. Yesterday I remembered taking a huge spill on the wet garage floor in 2003. It hurt for months. I thought it was just bruised........
That must have been when I broke it. I'm just used to sucking it up over injuries, and never even went to the doctor. Probably would have helped to see the PCP.

Bowen Therapy feels like a cross between gentle massage & chiropractic treatment. A session can run from an hour to two hours. They work on you a little, then you rest quite a while. And you go round and round like that.

I don't want to give up in defeat in trying to run. Running is so great for my keeping my depression at bay, and I like burning a large amount of calories in a short amount of time. I do not aspire to be a long distance runner. I would however like to run 20-30 minutes. Really if I could run 20 minutes, I'd be thrilled. Currently I'm up to running 13 minutes during a 40+ minute walk/run workout.

So, I'm not sure where I go with the tail bone thing. It broke & healed incorrectly. I have no idea what you do with that other than to change positions when my rear end is sore? We're dealing with alot of issues, and some of them affect others. So hopefully in the long run, it will all be much better.

And for the Garden. This year, early in May, I put in my first garden. Fruits and veggies. A 1050 sq ft garden. 30 ft x 35 ft. WOW! I'll eventually get around to posting pictures. Here's what's in it:

Row 1: raspberries & loganberries
Row 2: blueberries & marionberries
Row 3: watermelon, cantaloupe, and rhubarb
Row 4: cucumbers, large pumpkins, & zucchini
Row 5: leaf lettuce, spinach mustard, sugar pumpkins (for baked goods)
Row 6: bon lettuce, carrots, gourds
Row 7: beans (ground growing)
Row 8: strawberries (& they already have fruit!)

The next week, I wanted to add more, but was out of space. We only rototilled the 30 x 35 ft section. So I decided to add another row between rows 1 & 2. The berries have about 10-12 feet between rows, so for 2-3 years I can plant between them, as the berries are short for now.

So in what I call Row 1a I have planted tomatoes, peppers, and green onions. On the side of our house I ripped out a climbing rose bush, and added two kiwi plants (15' ones)

Today it's been three weeks. So I'm off to fertilize and thin out some plants. I have found some really great gardening books thru the library. A couple of them I like so much that I'm going to buy them used thru Amazon.

The only thing I don't like about gardening is the fact that the deer eat my rose bushes. I have tried everything known to man at this point. Human hair, soap, chemicals. Nothing works. Apparently the deer are hungry. So I've taken down a few rose bushes, and kept just the four right next to our house. The deer are afraid to be so bold as to eat off the house. Roses are my favorite (they are even in my blog header), so I decided roses will just have to be fenced. We have a fenced patio that runs the length of our home. Next year I'm starting a deck rose garden, seeing as that's the only way I'll get to enjoy it. I've seen miniature roses. Now I'm wondering if there are tree roses/shrubs that the retailers sell around here. That will be perfect for the patio next year.

Onto the Haiti topic. My husband and I discussed this trip before I signed up. After I signed up I asked him how he felt about it. He said "just don't pick up some highly unusual tropical third world virus that will take looking up someone like Dr. House at Princeton to get you well." Always has a sense of humor, eh?

Claiming Your Child

2008-05-26T17:57:00.000-07:00

This (clickable) is really good. It's an article about the wrong reasons to adopt.

THIS (clickable) is really good too...............................
I really appreciate this article, and agree with it whole heartedly. However, nothing is included here about the older adopted child who is a danger to self and others (amongst a myriad of severe issues). Not to mention, say it was never disclosed to the innocent, wide-eyed, loving, eager, and prayerful adoptive parents that said child is a daily danger to self and others? How about the other siblings in the picture? What about their safety?

Our agency for our domestic adoption talked about Claiming Your Child quite a bit when we would discuss Sissy's serious issues with the SW's. It seemed like a diversion tactic to me by our agency, seeing as they had no solutions for her problems (other than ordering my spouse and I to attend weekly marital counseling and individual counseling both). Our agency did not offer up or support any options for keeping our family safe while continuing with finalizing the adoption (so said child could NOT be on our insurance yet, and Medicaid would not cover what she needed, and her SW would not authorize her to even GET the care she needed, let alone pay for it). Well, yes we've claimed this child(ren), but don't know that they can live in our home without someone being killed, molested, and/or harmed severely.

Any thoughts here? I have to say I feel a tad guilty when reading articles like this, because we claimed the children we adopted. That being said, even a bio child with those issues in our home would have to be removed from the home, exploring various medical and residential placement options. We absolutely would remove a bio child like that. Yes sirree.

Ice Cream

2008-05-25T17:25:00.000-07:00

Well crap. Ice cream has more calories than ever. See link below:

http://www.newsweek.com/id/138230?GT1=43002

He Calls Us

2008-05-25T12:18:00.000-07:00

God calls us. He is calling me here:

This has been on my heart for years. Our church makes a mission trip there every year. I will be going in January 2009 with them, and I just signed up for it this morning after services. Our church helps care for the orphans and sick, at a hospital/dental clinic in Haiti.

God calls us to help the orphans. And I answer that call.

God is good. Just this afternoon, thru Deb's blog, I was led to THIS blog. Who knew I went there to see a joke, and found out this family lives in Haiti!

God is good. All the time.

Just Tragic

2008-05-22T18:15:00.000-07:00

http://www.stevencurtischapman.com/

God bless their family. I can't even imagine how horrible the brother feels.............

Just tragic.

An Open Door

2008-05-14T07:00:00.000-07:00

Update at bottom-
And just when I thought our adoption info was zilch:

Anyone who has been reading my blogs for a couple years will remember me posting about a sibling set of four from about a year ago. There is a 6yr old girl, 4yr old boy, 3yr old girl, and 18month old girl (roughly). A friend of mine "L" was trying to adopt the girls, and was fostering to adopt. Then her SIL wrote the state and claimed L's husband J is a predator and has sexually abused children. Without investigation, the children were removed from L & J's home. The four children have been in six homes this last year, different combinations of them. The VGAL called me personally multiple times asking if we could adopt the 3 & 4yr old. We were currently in the process of accepting the referral for the girls we had, so it just wouldn't have worked out. However, I really like the VGAL, and told L to have her call me any time.

Long story short, L was contacted by the VGAL yesterday to say the three girls are being removed from yet another home. They currently are in an adoptive placement with a single 61yr old lady. That would be fine and dandy, but the 61yr old adopted twin boys several years ago and they are now 12yrs old. They both have FAS/FAE, and one of them has been physically abusing the girls. Left bruises in the shape of a hand print. So the VGAL is yanking them (thank god).

I told L we have an open door for the 6yr old. The 3&4 yr olds have some permanent problems that we do not feel equipped to deal with at this time, considering there are other children in the home. Perhaps if we had more medical info and therapy info on them we could consider having them in the home. L & J want at least the baby, if not all three girls.

A relative has stepped up saying she wants to adopt all four kids. Well, kudos to her, but she is single and has NEVER had any experience with children, let alone children with special needs. L said this relative plans to quit her job to give the children supervision, attention, love, etc. That's great and all, but I asked where the money will come in. Apparently a fiance is willing to move up the wedding date so they can be married shortly and not jeopardize this adoption situation.

I'm not holding my breath on any of it. I've learned you just never know. But again, I told L we have an open door for the 6yr old.

Please keep these children in your prayers. Frankly, I'm enjoying having the time to take care of myself these days, and our life seems to be settling in nicely. So, whether God brings any of these children into our lives or not, we are blessed.

Update:
One more item. The girls have lived in six homes this last twelve months (which I mentioned above), and the little boy has been in three homes. They have all had adoption disruptions. Very sad. Very sad indeed. However, since I've been down that road myself, I think adoption is very successful when people have alot of information and the truth about the children's past, care, needs, etc. Here are their adoption placement disruptions in the last twelve months (that I know of):
6yr old girl-3 disruptions
4yr old boy-2 disruptions
3yr old girl-4 disruptions
18month old girl-3 disruptions

......all in the last twelve months.

Product Review and Comment by my Kid

2008-05-12T19:20:00.001-07:00

I would like to highly recommend Crocs. I bought a pair of Crocs Mary Janes at Disney. They seriously saved my feet. At Disney World, they have these in Women's sizes, so I acquired a pale pink pair with hot pink straps. COMFY!!

Also I would like to highly recommend Revlon Color Stay Active foundation. Stays on all day, waterproof, and has sunscreen. Can't beat that! My face burns easily, yet did not on this trip. WooHoo!!

Last but not least, I got sick of my highlights in my hair. I do not want to pay $75+ to keep them up. I colored my hair with Loreal Color Spa. Thank you Lauri for the recommendation. I love this product!! My hair is silky soft, and the color is great. I tried to match my dark brown hair with one of their two dark brown colors. A DEAD match. Couldn't have been better. Since it washes out in less than a month, I'm going to go a shade lighter next time, and a shade lighter than that the time after that. Play around a little. My hair naturally gets lighter in the summer, so I thought this would be a good time to experiment. And if I don't like it? No problem, color gone in less than a month.

Onto my kid. My youngest child saw me making a latte. He asked "why are you putting WINE in your coffee?"

Ah, son, that would be sugar-free syrup flavoring.

Bleack. Wine in coffee? That will be a pretty sad day if I'm putting wine in coffee. What would that be called? Winoffee? Maybe I would fit in HERE.

Adoption Update

2008-05-09T15:41:00.000-07:00

First I have a small update on the girls we disrupted. I know they are not receiving medical care, seeing as their state medical insurance coverage info still comes to me. Sad. So, they are in an adoptive home (allegedly), yet these folks don't bother to take them for well child checkups (they both just had a birthday), no counseling, no testing? God help them all. I really do not think any employer covers family insurance on foster kids. So I truly think the girls are with inept people not meeting their needs.

OK, on to more positive news. My husband and I are still open to adoption. We are happy with our family the way it is, live a positive, healthy, full life. Yet at the same time, our hearts break for orphans. God also calls us to care for the orphans. We have always felt called to this ministry and these children. Our pastor preaches regularly on adoption. He has adopted three children from Kras, Russia. So, thru that we realize that there are several ways to help orphans. We want God's plan, and seek his will.

We would love additional children here, yet literally don't know how to accomplish that at the moment. I would prefer IA, and we loved our Russian adoption adventures (minus our corrupt old agency). Going to Russia to meet our little girl were some of the happiest days of our lives. Due to our agencies unethical and illegal behavior, we were not able to bring home that little girl, or any child for that matter, seeing as our agency is not accredited in Russia. We notified the Russian authorities of this, and the FBI, and there will be a trial that I am testifying at. TBA. We are currently still in litigation with our old agency, and hopefully that will end this year. But since we've been doing this for 3.5yrs now with "old" agency, I'm not holding my breath. All that to say as well, we cannot afford IA at this point, seeing as we've spent over 70K on IA (partially fees to our old agency, partially fees on our litigation).

We have absolutely no confidence or faith in the DSHS/state adoption system. I believe I've posted on that before, so I won't belabor the point.

Anyway, God knows our hearts, and knows our hearts are for adoption. If he wants us to adopt, He'll show us the way. In the meantime, we live enjoying our family full of blessings daily. We are truly grateful.

Now I'm off to recover from my gardening today. I put in a 30x35 ft garden. Ouch, I'm sore.

Disney World & NASA

2008-05-08T14:12:00.000-07:00

Disney World and NASA were great places to visit. There was so much fun to be had, and so many wonderful things to look at, I really don't know where to begin. I will say that generally speaking, Disney World exceeded our expectations. They are the epitome of Customer Service.

We thoroughly enjoyed Disney World, Animal Kingdom, EPCOT, and Hollywood Adventures. We went on a 10 day trip, and one of those days we rented a car & drove to NASA at Cape Canaveral.

I think my husband liked our hotel, the Polynesian, and the rides at the parks the best. I enjoyed all the sites and the flowers. We were there during the EPCOT flower festival. What a beauty of a time of year to go. The flowers did NOT impress my children. The kids liked the wild rides, smoothies, and ice cream the best. Actually my oldest son wants to work at NASA when he grows up, and enjoyed his time there the best. So really a worthwhile side trip.

Additionally we met up with Don & Be one evening at our hotel. We chatted for a few hours and watched the Disney fireworks, which can be seen from the beach at the hotel. Just lovely to meet them in person and lay on the beach to see the show. Somehow I forgot I was wearing the lampshade that evening (?). When the fireworks were over, I tripped on something in the sand and fell thru an Adirondack chair. How? I still haven't quite figured out. It took Don & my oldest son to pull me out of the chair for me to get out of the bars. Sheesh. And by the way, I had NOT been drinking. I just look as if I had been, sitting there in a sundress tangled in a lawn chair. Wow. We should have photographed that!

We really enjoyed the luxury of paying for an upscale version of the trip. You just can't beat the service. We dropped off our luggage at our state airport, and found it in our room in Orlando. Classy. No hassles. Our room was gorgeous, had a deck, and the housekeeping was immaculate. You also can't beat getting the monorail taking you from site to site, as you leisurely feel like riding. Just wonderful. Then there are the shuttle buses that take you around too, for free, from park to park to park. You can pick them up at your Disney Resort Hotel as well.

We prepaid for a food plan, and loved it. We got the plan where each person gets one sit-down meal, one quick meal, and one snack a day. We ate breakfast, a snack, and "linner" as we call it. Really taking the time to eat two meals a day was enough sit down time for us. Worked out well. And with the prepaid dining plan, you can use it all thru the parks, Disney Hotels, and you save 30% on the bill every meal. We enjoyed. You also save 30% in any of the "finer" stores thru the Disney Parks. Every purchase. WooHoo!!!

I really like my Disney Crocs. They are pale pink mary janes, with hot pink straps. Too cute, and they saved my feet from amputation.

The weather was perfect, Upper 80's - Low 90's. Just perfect.

We went swimming every day at our hotel. They have two pools there at the Polynesian, and they are just gorgeous.

I really can't get my mind off all the beautiful horticulture there at the Disney Parks. I saw a book on their gardening schemes, themes, and tips. I wish I'd bought it. If I ever see it again, I'm buying. This really is the most gorgeous time of year to go. The crowds were manageable as well. We went after spring break, and before it gets too hot to bear.

A few of us particularly enjoyed sleeping in!! Two days, my husband and one son who are early birds, went to the parks before 7am. If you are staying at a Disney Hotel, you can enter early and stay late (they have printed schedules of this all thru out the parks each day). The other three of us slept in, took our time, and met up with the others later. Soooooooooo nice.

We thoroughly enjoyed the parades and fireworks. That has to be my favorite part of the trip, in addition to the gardens around the grounds. We saw Fantasmic, the Disney Electric Light Parade (or whatever that's called), and each night we saw the evening fireworks show from our hotel or in the park. Just wonderful.

There's a reason it's called The Happiest Place on Earth. I'll follow up later with another post of pictures.

Balls the Size of Church Bells

2008-05-07T15:13:00.000-07:00

You got to love this guy... This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it. It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.
After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.

He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was an envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them. After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, 'F--- you!' Then he turned to his bride and said, 'F--- you!' Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, 'I'm outta here.' He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong. His revenge--making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300-guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members. This guy has balls the size of church bells.
Do you think we might get a MasterCard 'priceless' commercial out of this? Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends: $32,000. Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion: $3,000.Deluxe two-week honeymoon accommodations in Maui : $8,500. The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man: Priceless. There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD.

And coming soon, my post about Disney World. See post below from earlier today.

A trip

2008-05-07T09:05:00.000-07:00

My husband and I realized a long time ago, that traveling with children is a trip more than a vacation. We got alot of good chuckles along the way, and thoroughly enjoyed Disney World and NASA.

During the time spent away, I thought of so many things to blog about. I feel as I am not even the same person as I was a few years ago.

With having a vacation, and a chance to read a few books, spending time with just our family, rolling with the punches, and enjoying countless laughs along the way, I realized how different our lives are now. I think getting out of the daily rut and grind gave me a chance to reflect, more so than I have in years. Maybe decades.

I have so many things to blog about:
Disney World adventures
Adoption update
Kids with Special Needs (& traveling with them)
Do's & Don't's for traveling with kids
Grief & loss
My own personal journey: my health & well being

So, I'll start next with the blog about Disney World & NASA, the trip of a lifetime. Memories made on that trip will last a lifetime.

Shame on DSHS

2008-04-25T06:57:00.000-07:00

The xyz DSHS office is being sued for $22 million. This is the same office that placed the girls with us.....

They really are so pathetic. On the news they showed scenes from court. The prosecutor asked the SW why she didn't pick up on the kid's starvation. She said, "I didn't know I was supposed to look for starvation". Oh dear Lord............

Please email me if you would like the news link to the story. I will send after we return from Disney World. Email to sweetangelplus4@yahoo.com.

Today we are off the a kids engineering fair at my alma mater. Tomorrow, off to the happiest place on earth.

WEAR A HELMET!

2008-04-24T18:02:00.000-07:00

A friend of my middle schooler, was riding his bike, and hit by a mini-van. This boy went thru the windshield. His femur was broken in four places and he got a concussion. He WAS wearing a helmet. I really don't know how he could have come out of this positively had he not worn the helmet.

He is in a wheelchair, and recovering from surgery.

In other news, my alcoholic friend really appreciated my emailing her. Melissa pointed out to me that I should have called her or spoke in person (I think that's what you said Melissa). I totally agree that this would have been the best course of action. However, this gal has reacted to that sort of thing with being belligerent, barraging my phone with messages while screaming & swearing, and/or had an emotional crying/screaming breakdown. Sooooooooooooooo, I thought I'd avoid all that crap, and email her. But I'd just like to say that since I've known her forever, anyone like that I would normally communicate with in a medium other than email for grave issues. Anywho, she and I got together today for coffee. She is clean & sober (she says), but dealing with some serious issues. It was great to communicate.

We are off to Disney World Saturday. We couldn't be happier.

Wish Me Luck

2008-04-23T07:46:00.000-07:00

Well, I just sent my alcoholic friend (mentioned in prior posts), an email about my concern for her behavior. She has many issues, so I tried to keep it short and to the point. I included the fact that she and her husband both seem high on drugs, or drinking when it's not appropriate. I did take the time to explain how her behavior affects others, including her children and mine. Perhaps she's so high she's never noticed how she hurts others. And she embarrasses her own kids (which I mentioned).

I imagine she'll call me excessively, and email excessively, ranting and raving into my computer and answering machine. Truly I had to get to the point where my health & well being are higher on the priority list than worrying if we will still be friends.

Email was the form of communication I used, but not to chicken out of a real conversation. Seeing as I know her pretty well, if I communicated with her over this in person & phone, she'd either go psycho on me, or give me the "I'm FINE!" routine. This way, she can go back and read what I wrote as many times as need be, think, and respond if she feels like it. I really don't care if she responds (which I indicated), but I'm obligated to myself and family to be honest with those I love.

Wish me luck. I think I'll go unplug the answering machine, so she can't rant, rave, and scream into it, as she's done in the past.

Giving Back

2008-04-18T13:23:00.001-07:00

I'm still in the process of looking for a job. I applied yesterday to a corporation that is hiring 4 coordinators for various programs. Hopefully I'll hear something back. I highly respect this corporation, and they have a good reputation. They've been around for about 100 years, so I know they are a stable to company to work for.

On giving back: my husband had a great idea for me. Since I like to cook so much, and I'm a giver, nurturer, he told me there is a Battered Women's Shelter in a local area that I could volunteer at. I'd never heard of this one, so I'm really interested. I could cook and donate baked goods once a week (or something). I'd be happy to keep women company, help in any way, and give back to the community. I do have personal experience with this as well, being that I lived in a ridiculously abusive home growing up. We finally got out. It was extremely hard. We had to wait for a night where my dad just didn't come home. We left in the middle of the night, packing and moving all thru the night. My dad came home as we were making our final trip out the door. He had been bar hopping all night, and made this absurd scene in the front yard crying, screaming, and swinging his arms around at my mom, as we were trying to leave. Fortunately there were a couple families from church there helping us move, and they got us out of there safely. This topic really touches me to the core, and I would like to help at a place like this, helping women help themselves.

Other than that, nothing too exciting around here is going on. The weather is driving me crazy! It snowed a couple weeks ago, and was in the upper 80's last weekend. Fortunately we got a ton of yard work done in that nice weather, seeing as it's snowing buckets today. ARGH! what on earth is up with the Pacific Northwest weather? I'm ready for spring!!!

To entertain myself lately, I've been looking at sewing & cross stitch blogs. If you know of any favorite sewing, cross stitch, scrapping blogs, please forward them to me. I love crafts.

On a final note, I decided to cease contact with the girls foster parents. We have been in touch via email regularly. Until this week, they were really nice. Then this week they were dishonest with me, and I really don't need that crap in my life. Too bad for them and the girls; we would have been happy to have been a resource for all of them down the road. I had to come to the place where I saw that staying in contact was giving me more grief and anxiety than what it was worth. They are on their own now. As for us, the governors office & the state head of DSHS are in regular contact with us about the investigation against the girls SW & that DSHS office. So I may receive updates or info there. I really only want a geographic approximation of the girls home now, so we can avoid that area. And visa versa. My husband fears the older girl will grow up, turn 18, and try to locate us: to shoot us. She is really a dangerous disturbed child. Hopefully she will get the help she deserves, for her safety as well as those around her.

The only adventurous and exciting news I have to share is that we are taking the kids to Disney World next week, for 10 days. It should be heaven on earth. As an added bonus, Don & Be are going to try to get together with us while we are in town. Looking forward to meeting in real life with more of my favorite bloggers!!

The Girls Moved

2008-04-16T08:31:00.000-07:00

The girls have moved to a new adoptive family. They are out of the area, but still in the same state. The foster parents are staying in touch with them. That's all I know. I will of course post updates as I receive them.

I asked to treat foster mom to tea or brunch. Hopefully we'll get together soon.

I wasn't sure how I would react to this sort of news, once it came. Actually I'm really happy. I'm happy the girls will be in a home with younger parents, younger than senior citizen age (like the FP's). That will be best for everyone. Also it will give the older girl, Sissy, the opportunity to have a real world experience (hopefully). The FP's love them dearly, but their solutions to problems were not what I would call solutions, so much as "baby-jail". For instance, Sissy is so highly difficult and dangerous to take in public. So the FP's just didn't leave their home with her. To me, this doesn't train up a child, but just serves as a holding cell. Additionally, the FP's kept her in daycare full-time so they didn't have to deal with her during the day. The mom-FP is a stay at home mom, yet she didn't want to be home with Sissy all day. She stayed home with Lovey though. So, not how we wanted to raise a family, but the girls were safe and loved.
And that is the most important thing. I'm grateful for every morsel of kindness they gave the girls.

Ring the Bell

2008-04-15T23:16:00.000-07:00

OK, I'll keep blogging.

What are we up to? Sports, yard work, trips to the orthodontist, getting ready for the Disney trip, and job hunting. I'll have time to post more in a few weeks.

I did some quilting applique for the first time today. Scary to try new things!! It looks rather scrappy, which is probably OK on a country looking quilt ;o)

Our middle son loved seeing the Dahli Lama. Although, I don't think he learned anything about the seeds of compassion, as the Dahli Lama spoke on this. Our son came home and was an equal opportunity TURD with a capital T for the day. Oh well.

On a bell:
Without spelling out details, someone in my life rang a bell you can't un-ring. I'm deciding how to deal with this. What do you do when someone rings a bell that you just can't un-ring? I always forgive people. With that though, there are times when situations are really pathetic, and I just have to decide how I will approach things differently, give myself some time & distance, whatnot. I need to figure out my new boundaries and way of thinking, etc. Very hard.

News on the girls. The hospital keeps sending us the girls medical bills. Sigh. We have told everyone repeatedly to straighten this out. Sigh. Hopefully this will get sorted out soon. A friend of mine thinks she saw the older girl, Sissy, with a new family today. I wrote the foster parents to see if this is true, or if perhaps it's the girls older sister. There are actually three girls from those parents, but I believe the oldest daughter was adopted out before the next two girls (the girls we had) came along. To be continued...................

HUH?

2008-04-09T11:01:00.000-07:00

The new job lasted 1.5 days. I quit.

In the interview process, the two owners told me multiple times that free services and discounted services was part of the deal. I worked 1.5 days and found out this is just not true. I have better things to do with my Saturday every week than work for minimum wage, on the busiest spa/salon day of the week, managing the place. Give me a break. Hope things work out for them (lol)......................

So let's see. I've been feeling depressed the last couple days, and nearly couldn't bring myself to even meet with a friend last night. Then I read a blog yesterday about a couple losing their child, and I thought, I really need to get out of the house. So I drug my butt out to dinner with a friend. I told my husband I'm really glad I did that. Seeing my friend made me realize there is always someone out there who has it worse!! My girlfriend has been in multiple car accidents in the last year, had a tumor removed from her back, endured a couple back surgeries, can barely walk, and she is in too much pain to have sex for the last year. I asked how that's working for her husband. She said he drinks alot.....too much, and it's a problem.

Glad I'm not them!

I've also been trying to figure out where to go with my blog, now that the girls are gone. Any suggestions? Anything you'd like to know about? Seriously I feel like my life is so boring, it's not worth blogging about. Let's see: we cleaned out the shed & garage this weekend, I put in some laundry this am, ya know, boring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been interested in reading a bunch of new blogs on simple living, frugality, and the like. I'm really interested. I found a great homemade recipe for a deep conditioner. Now that my hair is highlighted, it's as dry as straw. yuck. So, this recipe is 2T olive oil, 2 tsp honey. Heat it, rub it thru hair, and leave on for 20+ minutes, preferably with saran wrap or hot towel around the head. This did help my hair. Although, now I have an ant problem in my bathroom from where I rinsed my hair in the sink. Guess they like the honey? I've washed the sink twice, and still have an ant or two this am. Hopefully they'll go picnic somewhere else soon.

Also I tried the detergent recipe. It works like magic! I did find the ingredients at Fred Meyer, thanks Nancy for the tip.

The Most Impressive Field Trip I've Ever Heard Of

2008-04-02T19:39:00.000-07:00

Last night my son came home and we had the following conversation:

son: Will you sign my form for my field trip?

me & husband: Where is your field trip?

son: To see the Dalai Lama.

us: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!

He proceeds to tell us that the Dalai Lama is coming to town, and his class WON a trip to see him. Hundreds, thousands, of school classes applied for the honor of seeing the Dalai Lama. And my son's class won. I'm still in shock. There will be other classes there as well. But since the location knew tickets would see out immediately, you had to apply to get in. I'm not sure if it was an essay writing contest, lottery, I'm still finding out details.

I asked if I could chaperone. Nope. No chaperones allowed. Only students and one teacher. Hmmmm, I'll have to send the camera with my son that day. It's on April 14, just one day only will the Dalai Lama see kids. I'll post a link to the blog if something shows up in the newspaper or Internet.

In more boring news, I caught two ladies shoplifting Maxi Pads at Target today. Geez, what is this world coming to?

Where?

2008-04-01T09:43:00.000-07:00

Where can I buy Fels-Naptha Soap, and Arm and Hammer Washing Soda?

I want to make some homemade laundry detergent, and most of the "recipes" call for Washing Soda. They used to sell Fels-Naptha & Washing Soda just about anywhere. I actually already use Fels-Naptha on stains, and am almost out. A bar lasts us almost a year. I have looked everywhere this last week, and have come up with zilch. Of course I could buy them online, but them you have to pay for shipping.

Where do I find these? I've looked at Safeway, Walmart, the Dollar Store, Target. Nothing. Next I'll try Albertsons and Haggens.

It's a Miracle

2008-03-30T17:39:00.000-07:00

It's a Miracle. My mostly stoned senior class actually has a reunion scheduled. A date. A location. Again, a miracle. Looking forward to it. Not really looking forward to seeing my ex. Unfortunately I noticed on our class list that he is attending. Oh well. I'll go looking really hot. He'll see what he missed out on, and can eat his heart out. Now, back to that diet!

I Wasn't Expecting to Hear THAT, and Other Happenings

2008-03-30T08:41:00.000-07:00

I spoke with the Spa & Salon owner about having complimentary treats there. She said, "I LOVE the idea. But. (long pause). I have an eating disorder. We tried having complimentary treats, the customers loved it, but it was just too hard for me to be around the food."

OK. I really didn't know what to say to that. I'm guessing we're talking bulimia, since she doesn't look anorexic. She looks to be average weight.

So I said, "Well, I could bring treats on Saturdays, the day you will not be there."
She loved the idea. She said to go for it.
I will only bring food that can be eaten without utensils or plate, like Starbucks. Getting into utensils & plates is too much money and trash/washing.

In other news, my husband told me yesterday he wants to move! WHAT?????????????? We really love the kids school district, so feel we want to lock into that geography for now, we are on several acres in the woods, in a 3000+ sq ft custom built home. There are million dollar homes in on our street. Make a long story short, we have a ton of equity in our home, so he thinks we could sell it, move into a slightly less upscale neighborhood than we are currently in, and be debt-free. That is of course hugely appealing. We looked at house plans for a new development going in about ten minutes from us. Gorgeous houses. Only drawback in my opinion is the lots are 4800 sq ft. Where will the kids party, play ball, have camp outs? I guess elsewhere, indoors, etc. This morning we woke up and I asked my husband "So what are your top three reasons for wanting to move?"
He said: "To be debt-free, as in NO MORTGAGE"
I said: "Why don't we just stay here, and I can get a job as a substitute school district Educational Assistant?"
A little background, our school district went to a policy that all the EA's have to have a college degree, about 2.5 yrs ago. There was a 2yr grace period for employees who want to keep their jobs, to get an AA. Immediately. So, they lost many EA's, and substitute EA's. I have a friend who is a sub EA, and she gets called almost every day to work. She can work all week, or a day or two. Totally her call. This appeals to me. I could work 1-2 days a week at this sub EA job, and ALWAYS have my time with my kids.

I could have the 2 part time jobs, work no more than 4 shifts a week (between both jobs), and we'd have more money to pay off debt quicker. I'm liking this idea. Alot.

Customer Service

2008-03-28T10:12:00.000-07:00

The Spa & Salon I'm going to go work at, strives for top customer services. That is their biggest goal. If they are running behind, and someone is going to run an hour late, they will give the customer a free service while they are waiting. How cool is that?

I have a customer service idea. It incorporates something I love. Baking. I got this idea yesterday. There is a postal shop I go to, like a Kinko's, and they always have fresh homemade cookies sitting out. The wheels in my mind got going.............
What if I offer to cook classy desserts/breads/cookies for the front desk and coffee area? Is that customer service? Is that tacky?

These people have sampled my homemade jams, truffles, etc. They think they were to die for. I bring treats to the stylists, our doctors office, teachers, whatnot, for the holidays each year.

I'm not a professional chef, baker, or cook. However, I love to cook and bake. When in social groups, once I bring a dish, people want the recipe, and they wrangle me into bringing more food, dessert, treats to more gatherings. The first time it was our treat night for Sunday evening bible study, they said they want me bringing treats every week!! (I declined). Some one cancelled for bringing treats one Sunday in mid-April. So the group instantly appointed me to bring treats for that evening. ;o)

What do you think about bringing complimentary treats for a classy Salon & Spa? I would of course have the owners pay me for the cooking ingredients, and an hour or two a week in pay for cooking time. That is still really cheap though, as compared to buying treats at say, oh, Starbucks.

I Got the Job

2008-03-27T15:31:00.000-07:00

Today I interviewed for the Saturday only job, and it turned into something else entirely!!

The original position was for a receptionist/management at an upscale Salon & Spa, Saturday only (9-5pm). The owner (female) offered me the job last week, and told me to drop by a resume. So I did that. She called last night and asked if I could come in and talk. Her husband was there (he's the other owner). We talked for over an hour, and the whole thing is set in stone now. I start next Friday (training), and my first day on the job is Saturday April 5.

This job has now turned into me being their accountant, also, one additional day per week. Probably in six months or so. They want to phase out their old accountant because he/she costs an arm and a leg. The salon is closed on Mondays, so I can come in to do the accounting every Monday with no one bothering me, during the day.

I wanted to pursue this Saturday only job as opposed to working in the day or evening. If I applied for the Tues-Fri afternoon/evening position, I'd miss four days of my kids sports and activities. Working Saturday will allow me to be at almost all their events. Actually, all three kids are in sports right now (swimming, track, baseball). Only baseball falls on Saturday too. Most of their sports are during the week.

I've avoided looking for accounting/bookkeeping employment because it's mainly 40-60 hours per week, M-F. That leaves me running errands several evenings a week, and thus missing our children's' sports and activities (youth group, etc.). Additionally, getting the kids to doctor/dentist/ortho appts is difficult when working M-F during the day.

I'm really excited. And to boot, I get all salon services complimentary. This includes massage, nails, facials, hair care & color, waxing (ouch), cosmetology, hair/skin products, etc. I do have to pay cost for any product, but that's a steal!! They want me to use as many services as possible so I can promote them. They do not have to ask me twice to get a free massage! Additionally, they want me to go to the styling and skin care classes with the staff. The owners want me informed about everything on the planet so I can help recommend and answer questions for clients, without having them wait for a stylist or owner to come up to the front desk. I love this!! Hair and makeup have been a fascination of mine for decades!

And yes, I will post soon about our thoughts on adopting again. Thanks for your patience there. I know several of you have emailed me about that. The bottom line is we are pro-adoption, desire giving disadvantaged kids a home, and would still like to adopt an older child should God orchestrate it all. Our only requirement is that the child NOT be a predator and/or danger to our family. Safety and keeping our family in tact is of paramount importance. Cheers!!

Easter and the Alcoholic Friend

2008-03-25T14:23:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone had a great Easter. We had a great weekend, and did things differently. It was nice, for the most part. Saturday we went to a bible study dinner potluck and egg hunt. Nice company, good food, but I felt rather out of it. I mean, this bible study group was put together for people with young children. Well, our youngest child is 9-1/2 now. With the girls gone, I felt like my kids were old enough to be the babysitters. We will continue with the group for the year, and finish that out. I know the intention of the group is to keep going for several years and we've made some really great friends. Maybe my husband and I will be the mentoring couple, or something along those lines. I mean seriously, in the egg hunt, it was 2-4yr olds. We let our 9yr old in on the hunt. What did the older boys do? They hid the eggs prior to the hunt with the adults.

Easter morning went off with a bang: All three boys and my husband yelling, swearing, and fighting over lost clothes, unironed clothes, and missing shoes. I mean seriously. Do they think yelling, fighting, and swearing will solve the problem? What about a little advance preparation (like every Saturday night)? What about just fixing the problem, not the blame. I really hate that, the old "fix the blame, not the problem" sort of scenario. I turned up my radio really loud in the bathroom, finished getting ready for church, and promptly left on time, without my family. They really should have been ashamed of themselves. I've never seen any of them behave so poorly, especially on a religious holiday. So I sat in church alone (which was fine by me). I noticed my husband and boys slink in about 5 minutes late for church. I'm so short, you can't find me in a crowd of hundreds. After church my husband asked if I want to go to WalMart with him and the boys to get summer clothes for our upcoming Disney trip. Um, ya. Right. I told all four of them I'm ashamed of them & their behavior, and that they were appalling. I drove around for a couple hours alone to clear my head. Upon my return home, the boys & husband were eating chicken nuggets & fries. Since no one was particularly hungry after that, I got to skip the whole huge Easter dinner extravaganza. Worked for me. The boys and husband all apologized to me. We then watched "Karate Kid" and had a great rest of the evening. Yesterday I made our Easter dinner, and it was delicious. The evening ended with my husband asking me to adopt again. I think I have to dedicate a whole separate post about this.

OK. So onto the story about the Alcoholic Friend. Ya know, this relationship has gone full circle so many times over the years. She and I are like sisters to each other, that we do not have biologically. We've known each other over 25 years, and have always been in consistent contact. She is a tad weird, but I've never held that against her. We've always thought, "well, that's just her." And I love her as she is. The tough part is she has mental problems and she is a recovering alcoholic. Our relationship has gone thru phases of limping, more than relating, at times. She will end up in circumstances that are deplorable, by her own poor choices. And I've had to shake off my co-dependant wardrobe, put on the healthy layer, and decline her begging, asking, and guilt-tripping me for help. Since I won't solve her problems for her or rescue her, she often went into begging for me to watch her young children endlessly, while she could go off and "solve" her own problems (solving, to her, is doing things like borrowing tons of money from relatives, or putting on a bikini & hopping in someone's boat for the day). I watched her kids for her in an emergency, and another emergency, and yet another. I lost track after a point, but was getting resentful. She has parents & grandparents who can watch the kids. I don't even have that, yet she wanted to dump her kids on me all the time. Finally push came to a shove when I declined to watch her kids once. She told a mutual friend that "Esther owes her." oh, no no no no. That about ended the friendship. Since I keep a calendar, I had record of all the times I watched her kids. I sent her a note, with all the dates I'd watched her kids (in the last year or two), and told her I don't owe her. And that I wouldn't be watching her kids anymore. We could be friends, but I'm not the free nanny. She pretty much quit asking, and my family eventually moved to another city. Completely out of her way now to make it worth her time to drop her kids off.

To get up to speed, a year or two later, without telling anyone, she went to "visit her brother out of state." While there, she actually checked herself into in-patient rehab. Good for her, but alot of us really resented her abandoning her family with no notice. She really hurt her children. She didn't even try counseling or out-patient treatment first. Personally I feel like she wanted a 5 month vacation. She was gone that long, missing one child's birthday, and all the fall/winter holidays. Thank God I didn't live close enough for her husband to ask me to take the kids. Their marriage survived, and she went back to college to earn a professional degree. She now has a 4yr degree & professional job. She confided in me that she is only with her husband because she needed someone to support her during her college days, and she will leave him when her career is making enough money. Gee, not uncomfortable or anything. I've kept her confidence, but avoid her husband. He is a louse, and she should have left him years ago. I don't say those things lightly, but he has even given her sexually transmitted diseases because he's cheated on her. He's actually done so many unthinkable things to her and in/out of their relationship, that she legally separated from him at one point. I got called by their lawyers, asking for personal affidavits about them (character witness), as they were fighting for custody of the kids. Even with my girlfriends problems, the letter I wrote about her husband makes my friend look like a saint by default. I think her husband realized with that letter/affidavit, that he had zero chance of custody of his kids. I don't know that he wants custody per se, but more than that wants to avoid paying child support. Personally, I'd like to hit them both over the head with a rolling pin.

I finally felt like she was too clingy and needed to stand on her own two feet (about a year ago). With me always there for her to complain to, I feel that's all she did. And her husband is too cheap to pay for her to go to counseling. She even now won't pay for personal or marital counseling now that she is gainfully employed.

The final straw was seeing her at the wrestling tournament last week. She seemed higher than a kite, talking about things my husband and I felt totally bizarre. She also fell off the bleacher into the aisle. For no apparent reason. She and I were talking, and next thing I knew she fell straight over to her left, sort of on her back, with legs up in the air. I strongly suspect she had been drinking. I also saw her husband, whose eyes were red & totally glazed over.

I don't want to get together with her. I feel like it's perpetuating something negative. I would like our friendship to go somewhere positive, but with an addict, it's a whole nother ball game.

Any suggestions? She wanted to get together tomorrow for lunch. At the tournament I said sure. Today I cancelled on her, with the excuse that I'm too busy this week. I'm really just buying time until I can figure out what to tell her. How do you confront something like this? There are her personal problems and addiction, which is one thing (not my business), but I truly don't have desire to be in friendship with someone like this. Even though she says I'm her best friend. I truly love her, but don't want to be around her. And I have my children to think about. I need to keep them around safe people, and set a good example for them.

Please leave me your suggestions.

He's a Champion to Me

2008-03-21T13:21:00.000-07:00

Our 13yr old wrestled for the first time this year. It's a short 6-7 week season in our area with Junior High/Middle school. He wrestled JV all season and earned a spot into the district championship. Then yesterday he was moved into Varsity for the first time, as the two boys in varsity at his school were either injured or over weight. He did really well & got 4th place in districts. Not bad for his first year, first varsity meet, and being in the young end of the crowd.

His coach thought he did really well for his first varsity day ever, and told him he'll be varsity next year.....and go undefeated ;o)

A Job Offer

2008-03-19T15:07:00.001-07:00

I decided to NOT apply for the super fantastic job, where they are hiring. It was great pay & benefits, but the hours rotate every four months. My husband feels this will not work well for us. I agree, for now. It's a job I could step into at any point in the future, and I am interested. Perhaps when our kids are older, more independent, and we can deal better with me working grave yard four months of the year, I could inquire at that point.

So, I went to get my hair done today, and was telling the hair stylist all about this. I told her I feel empty with no kids here during the day, blah blah blah. She offered me a job. She needs someone to manage the salon for her on Saturdays, the busiest day of the week. She would also like someone to do reception Tuesday thru Friday evening every week, but at a minimum she needs someone all day Saturday. And I get free hair services. I'm drooling......................

I'll be discussing this with the family tonight.